joke of sorts

haha i just read an email that my wife received from one of her friends i thought you might like it too. > ><< Blowjob Etiquette (by a female)
> >
> >
> >1. First and foremost, we are not obligated to do it.
> >
> >2. Extension to rule #1 - So if you get one, be grateful.
> >
> >3. I don't care WHAT they did in the porn video you saw, it is not
standard
> >practice to cum on someone's face.
> >
> >4. Extension to rule #3 - No, I DON'T have to swallow.
> >
> >5. My ears are NOT handles.
> >
> >6. Extension to rule #5 - do not push on the top of my head. Last I
heard,
> >deep throat had been done. And additionally, do you really WANT puke on
> >your dick?
> >
> >7. I don't care HOW relaxed you get, it is NEVER OK to fart.
> >
> >8. Having my period does not mean that it's "hummer week" - get it
through
> >your head - I'm bloated and I feel like shit so no, I don't feel
> >particularly obligated to blow you just because YOU can't have sex right
> >now.
> >
> >9. Extension to #8 - "Blue Balls" might have worked on high school
girls -
> >if you're that desperate, go jerk off and leave me alone with my Midol.
> >
> >10. If I have to pause to remove a pubic hair from my teeth, don't tell
me
> >I've just "wrecked it" for you.
> >
> >11. Leaving me in bed while you go play video games immediately
afterwards
> >is highly inadvisable if you would like my behavior to be repeated in the
> >future.
> >
> >12. If you like how we do it, it's probably best not to speculate about
the
> >origins of our talent. Just enjoy the moment and be happy that we're good
> >at it. See also rule #2 about gratitude.
> >
> >13. No, it doesn't particularly taste good. And I don't care about
> >the protein content.
> >
> >14. No, I will NOT do it while you watch TV.
> >
> >15. When you hear your friends complain about how they don't get blow
jobs
> >often enough, keep your mouth shut. It is inappropriate to either
> >sympathize or brag.
> >
> >16. Just because "it's awake" when you get up does not mean I have to
"kiss
> >it good morning."
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >A Man's thoughts on Fellatio AKA Rebuttal Etiquette (by a male)
> >
> >
> >
> >
> >1. First of all, yes you're obligated to do it. If you don't, we will
find
> >someone (younger, prettier and dirtier) who will.
> >
> >2. Second, swallowing a teaspoon full of cream is a hell of a lot easier
> >than licking a dead fish.
> >
> >3. You want to talk about farting? Does the word "queef" mean anything to
> >you?
> >
> >4. I will use your ears as I see fit. don't worry about it and be
thankful
> >I'm not pulling your hair.
> >
> >5. When you're on your period, stuffing something in your mouth is the
only
> >way to stop you from bitching and moaning. Suck it up!
> >
> >6. Speaking of which, if you are bleeding for five straight days, you
need
> >all the fluids you can get. Trust me.
> >
> >7. You bitch about the taste, but trust me when I tell you that we get
the
> >short end of the stick in flavor country.
> >
> >8. At least there is no danger of a dick bleeding in your mouth.
> >
> >9. Play with the balls.
> >
> >10. No matter how good you think you are at it, we've had better.
> >
> >11. Caress the ass, too. We like that!
> >
> >12. Make hay when the sun shines. It's "wide awake" in the morning now,
but
> >when you get old & fat and looking for some action, I gah-ron-tee it'll
be
> >"sound asleep."
> >
> >13. If you swallow, then you don't have to worry about getting any on
your
> >face, now will you?
> i hope you all get a kick out of this and if its found to be a bit crude plz mods delete it............HITMAN....