the official bad jokes thread

**Kärnfysikern** · 08-23-2005, 03:36 PM

A black guy is stranded on a desert island. He happens upon a magic lamp and rubs it. Out pops a Jewish Genie. The Jewish Genie says: ”I will grant you 3 wishes, good sir”. The black dude says, ”ok, I wanna be white, outta sight, and surrounded by pussy”. The Jewish Genie says, ”Kazaam...now you’re a tampon”.

Moral of the story:
Everything you get from a Jew has strings attached.

**MilitiaGuy** · 08-23-2005, 04:08 PM

haha now rak_ani will be for the first time in the AR lounge

***Giantz11*** · 08-23-2005, 04:12 PM

Classic Jewish joke, sorry for all it offends:

Young Jewish kid runs up to his dad and says, "Dad can I borrow $5?"

Dad says, "$4, what do you need $3 for?"

**3Vandoo** · 08-23-2005, 04:41 PM

Mouhahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!

**Red Ketchup** · 08-23-2005, 07:35 PM

How about tasteless jokes?

This guy is having sex with a girl... he's cranking her for all she's worth, and every time he thrusts in, her face contorts and she screams out...

"The Pain!!!"
"The Pain!!!"
"The Pain!!! It's excruciating!"

The dude is really surprised and stops pumping her, looks in her eyes and says:

"Excruciating!? Wow! Thats a pretty big word for a six year old!"

Red

**ant_8u** · 08-23-2005, 08:18 PM

A member of the jury in the Michael Jackson case spoke out in public yesterday

They said they still find it hard to believe he's near 50 years old

It seems like only a few weeks since he was playing with ten year olds!!

**ant_8u** · 08-23-2005, 08:26 PM

One fine sunny morning, Michael Jackson took a walk in the local forest. He was walking by a small stream when he noticed a sad looking frog sitting on a toadstool

"What's wrong with you?" said Michael

"Well," said the frog, "the reason I am so sad on this fine day is because I wasn't always a frog."

"Really?" said Michael. "Can you explain!"

"Once upon a time, when I was an 11-year-old choirboy at the local church. I too was walking through this forest when I was confronted by a wicked witch

"Let me pass!” I yelled, but to no avail. She called me a cheeky little boy and, with a flash of her wand, turned me into this frog you see before you"

"That's an incredible story," said Michael. "Is there no way of reversing this spell?"

"Yes," replied the frog, "It is said, that if a nice kind person picks me up, takes me home, gives me food, warmth and a good nights sleep then I will wake up a boy once again"

"Today's your lucky day!" said Michael, picking up the frog and taking him home. Michael gave the frog lots of food, placed him by the fire and at bedtime put the frog on the pillow beside him. When Michael awoke, he saw the 11-year-old choirboy beside him in bed

"And that my lord, concludes the case for the Defence"

**ant_8u** · 08-23-2005, 08:28 PM

What did Michael Jackson say to R-Kelly?

I'll swap you a ten for two fives!

**ant_8u** · 08-23-2005, 09:21 PM

A man dies and goes to Hell

He is greeted by the Devil, who goes through the rules with him

The Devil tells the man he will spend all of eternity in a room which he will never leave

There are three rooms which the man must choose from

The Devil opens the door to the first room, and lets the man look inside

He sees hundreds of people in the room, they're in a swimming pool filled with sharks and alligators

"I'm not too sure i like the look of that" says the man

"Can i see the next room?"

The Devil says yes and takes the man to the second room

The man opens the door to the second room and this time he sees hundreds of people in a swimming pool filled with water snakes and electric eels

"I'm not too sure i like the look of that either" says the man

"Can i look in the third room?"

Once again the Devil accepts and takes the man to see the last room

The man opens the door and again he sees hundreds of people in a swimming pool

The swimming pool is full of human shit, and all the people are drinking tea, eating biscuits, and chatting to one another

"So" says the Devil "Now that you have seen the rooms, which one have you chosen?"

"Well i'm not keen on the sharks and alligators, and i don't like the idea of the snakes or eels either" says the man

"I liked the tea and biscuits in room 3, and i suppose i'd eventually get used to the smell of the shit"

The Devil opens the door to room 3 and the man gets into the pool of shit

Just then he hears a whistle blow and a loud voice

"Ok everybody" shouts the Devil "Tea break's over, everyone back on your heads!!"

**MotoXracer** · 08-24-2005, 09:51 AM

3 old lady's are sitting on a park bench. A guy comes over in a trench coat and flashes them. 2 of the old lady's had a stroke, the third one couldn't reach.