Dad's and Mom's out there... Need some advise w/ a 8 yr old boy...

[Jdawg50]

First off let me say that my 8 yr old is a total stud... unfortunatly that is part of the problem. He went back to school this week on Tuesday (he missed the first day because we were on vacation.. the wife was pissed at me for letting him miss the first day.) Anyways, So on Thursday we get a call from the principal. Apparently he was part of a "biting incident" with another little girl.
The story goes that he was being chased by about 3 little girls, they were all trying to kiss him. He told them to leave him alone several times, but eventually the 3 girls tackled him and started hugging and kissing him in front of all his buddies. So he bit the little girl. The little girl then proceeded to cry and tell the teacher. This is the story the principal told us... so we are sure there are no lies or mistruths here. When the principal called, my wife could here him in the background crying.... "my dad's gonna pull me out of football" (He just started his first year of tackle, and he loves it.)
So, when he got home I told him he was grounded from TV, and games etc for the next week. I also told him that if he screws up again he will be pulled from football practice next week......weeeelllll, guess what....

The next day, he comes home with a note from his teacher, that he had been talking during a test, and had been disruptive during class. The note did however say that he "was not in trouble". I was livid! I could not beleive that he would do something so stupid the next day, and I said to him when he got home that he would be pulled from his first day of full pads on monday. I said you will sit on the sidelines, and you will watch your team practice. OMG... so my wife goes nuts on me. She says that is way too much punishment, and that the note said he "was not in trouble".... But wait a second here, he was sent to the principals office on thursday, and a not went home on Friday??!?!?!? WTF? Honestly this kid really is a great kid, he's just very social... like his dad... but this is unacceptable in my book. But mom veto'd me.

Here's what the compromise looks like:
No TV etc for a week, no playing outside with his friends, and he is going to sign a contract that says what the consiquenses of his actions will be the next time around. These include: 1st offense: no practice football, 2nd offense: miss a game football, 3rd offense: pulled from football until this is resolved.

Well guys any suggestions would be great.... Please no, beat his ass, and so on. I'm really looking for parents that have dealt with this stuff before.

Thanks

[BG]

Your right on track, sucs you lost out to your old lady, but I guess you have to give to get.

[JDawg1536]

Im not a parent but I was a nanny (no jokes homos) and have also dealt with many children. Fact of the matter is, you told him if he stepped out of line he would be pulled form practice, right? Then he stepped out of line. You HAVE to pull him out of practice. Its not a matter of whether or not the punishment is too severe, the fact is that you must stick to your guns and follow through with the punishment. If you dont start following through now, he will never take you seriously. And if your wife thinks the punishment is too severe, make sure she never says so in front of your son. In front of him you both must be supportive of the others decisions, otherwise he will work one parent against the other. The contract is a good idea though, just start that from now on, after you follow through with pulling him from practice...

[Red Ketchup]

Hmm I think you did OK bro, but your wife vetoing you, thats NOT COOL... groundings work, but only to a point... kids easily entertain themselves... no TV, no friends, no Playstation becomes nothing more than an inconvenience after a few days. You need the "big threat" like football to keep them in line.

I am not too sure about missing the *practices* though bro... my boy is in hockey in winter and soccer in the summer and thats where he blows off a lot of steam... I would never take him out of a practice, and maybe I'd even make the coach work him harder.

Games on the other hand are fair game (no pun intended). If my boy messes up *really bad*, I'll take him out half a game or a full game. He still has to go, still has to suit up AND he has to explain to the other kids in the lockers why he won't be contributing to the team effort and will just warm the bench for this game. The he sits on the bench. I've only had to do this 3 times in the last few years when things really got out of hand.

No need to tell you he doesn't like that...

What I don't like is most punishment I give him is for things that happen at his moms... (mom and I share 50-50% 2 weeks on 2 off). He's an angel with me, and in the last few years has started to give mom more and more trouble.

The only problem I have with him is occasional lying, and I come down HARD on that... as I told him, he can mess up all he wants and as badly as he wants... god knows I sure did... but if he's honest about it with me, he'll get minimal (if any) punishment.

My boy just turned 12... entering jr.high this week... man they grow up TOO fast.

Good luck with your kid bro, sounds like you're on the right track.

Red

[BG]

I agree with Fran (Dressher) the nanny

[RA]

First off let me say that my 8 yr old is a total stud... unfortunatly that is part of the problem. He went back to school this week on Tuesday (he missed the first day because we were on vacation.. the wife was pissed at me for letting him miss the first day.) Anyways, So on Thursday we get a call from the principal. Apparently he was part of a "biting incident" with another little girl.
The story goes that he was being chased by about 3 little girls, they were all trying to kiss him. He told them to leave him alone several times, but eventually the 3 girls tackled him and started hugging and kissing him in front of all his buddies. So he bit the little girl. The little girl then proceeded to cry and tell the teacher. This is the story the principal told us... so we are sure there are no lies or mistruths here. When the principal called, my wife could here him in the background crying.... "my dad's gonna pull me out of football" (He just started his first year of tackle, and he loves it.)
So, when he got home I told him he was grounded from TV, and games etc for the next week. I also told him that if he screws up again he will be pulled from football practice next week......weeeelllll, guess what....

The next day, he comes home with a note from his teacher, that he had been talking during a test, and had been disruptive during class. The note did however say that he "was not in trouble". I was livid! I could not beleive that he would do something so stupid the next day, and I said to him when he got home that he would be pulled from his first day of full pads on monday. I said you will sit on the sidelines, and you will watch your team practice. OMG... so my wife goes nuts on me. She says that is way too much punishment, and that the note said he "was not in trouble".... But wait a second here, he was sent to the principals office on thursday, and a not went home on Friday??!?!?!? WTF? Honestly this kid really is a great kid, he's just very social... like his dad... but this is unacceptable in my book. But mom veto'd me.

Here's what the compromise looks like:
No TV etc for a week, no playing outside with his friends, and he is going to sign a contract that says what the consiquenses of his actions will be the next time around. These include: 1st offense: no practice football, 2nd offense: miss a game football, 3rd offense: pulled from football until this is resolved.

Well guys any suggestions would be great.... Please no, beat his ass, and so on. I'm really looking for parents that have dealt with this stuff before.

Thanks

I think overall your being too harsh. The first incident did not sound like his fault. That is what any normal kid would do. Hes not going to mind 3 girls on him when he hits puberty.LOL

The second one he was talking during a test but you have to remember, he is an 8 year old kid. They screw up no matter how smart you think they are. My 8 year old daughter got a really high i.q. score and she screws up all the time.

I wouldnt yank him from the team or even make him miss practice. I would take away t.v., video games, etc for a week and extend it if he got in more trouble. I think football teaches a lot of good things and taking that away is not a good idea.

This is all just my opinion. It would be nice if they slid out with an instruction manual but they dont. Good luck.

[Jdawg50]

Well, that is a bunch of different prospectives... that if for sure... I guess I forgot to mention the caviot... My wife is a widow, and his dad is completely out of the picture. I have been dad since he was 2, but there is still this thing hanging over us. I feel like I have about 45% control... ya know what I mean?
I really appreciate the advise. I will let you guys know how it goes this next week. Hopefully we wont have to do anything to severe, but somehow I think that may be what it takes..... I wish they did give us an instruction manual...

Thanks guys!

[Commando_Barbi]

I think that you are doing well with establishing consequences for actions ... but I do think that I would find another punishment. I agree.....don't pull him out of football. One...he needs the outlet for the extra energy that 8 yo's have....and second...he's part of a TEAM and the team suffers as a result. I would say talk to the coach and maybe give him some EXTRA duties... make HIM clean up gear or some extra laps, etc.

Taking away the things he enjoys....TV, Games, playing with his buddies, etc. All great tactics!!!

You are doing well.

You def need to consult with your wife and discuss options, etc so that you provide a united front....never ever ever let him see that you don't support one another 100% or you loose your authority.

Peace C.B.

[TheMudMan]

I have a step-son that was getting in trouble in first grade last year. He was doing all of the things your son is doing. Nothing too bad but stuff that shouldn't be tolerated by us or his teacher.

What we did was send him to a therapist becaue he had a lot going on in his life at the time. We were getting married, his father is married and had a babby, we moved into a new house, and he started in a new school. This is a lot for a seven year old to take on.

What the therapist taught us that EVERYONE needs to be on the same page on how to deal punishments and also the punishment can't be too severe. So what we did was set up a point system where he would get a small reward on Friday depending on how well he did durring the week. We had to take into account that he's a lttle kid and he will not be perfect so he had some leeway but not much.

Good luck

[sngleguyinmo31]

I have a 9 year old son myself. I know he also plays all the sports too. I monitor his grades very close and his attitude in and out of the house...including school. He is not a perfect child by any means but what child is? I think pulling him from sports was abit too harsh. Sports are intended for discipline! Sports will be good for your son because it teaches discipline and much much more. Pulling him only tells him that he can quit if he wants too or just not show when he doesnt want to. Also you gotta think i had my son in Baseball last month and they only had so many kids on his team. Well the amount of kids on his team were just enough to play a game. If he were to miss they would have to forfuit the game. You might also check into that. I would not be fair for the other kids to loose a game like that. Definately stick to the groundings at home and so on.
Shit guys maybe i spoil my kid too much....LOL

[solid-d]

[QUOTE=JDawg1536]Im not a parent but I was a nanny (no jokes homos)


Too Fcking funnny

[Commando_Barbi]

Jdawg.....will you come be my nanny?

[JDawg1536]

Jdawg.....will you come be my nanny?

Ill come babysit you anytime, but I must warn you, if you act up you will receive a stiff punishment......

[WildCh1ld]

JDawg50 I think your on the right track, I honestly think everything you've set down as far as punishment and consequences goes is fair. Let us know how it goes.

[Evil Predator]

Im not a parent, but i wouldnt pull him from sports...

My dads favourite was "Shovel the gate/mow the lawn/etc etc"

Once, he even knocked over two chords of firewood and made me pile it all over. (i was like 9, got caught swearing at school)

Making me work (hard, not just chores) was better than taking anything away..

[oldandgrim]

Don’t worry too much bro; he is just a normal eight year old. My son was just the same when he was that age. He is now 15 and is a great child.

We solved our little problems by giving him a daily report card to take to school. Each teacher from each lesson signed it to say he had attended and made a small note to his behaviour. The card comes home with him every night and you both sit and read it. If he has been bad discuss it with him and ask him what he will do about it. Set small punishments which if you say you are going to do you must do them. Keep him on it for about a month. Works a treat.

[Theatrix]

Its kind of diificult to address the why's and if's of a situation as they relate to an eight year old (Been there and done that 3 1/2 times, working on the forth).
BUT, one thing that I read somewhere prior to my post said something that sticks out and I was agreeing with it as I read it.
Be Consistent, Bro! Don't say you are going to do something and dpon't do it. If you said you would pull football practice this week, then pull it! Your message to your son is far more important than missing a football practice and if he loves it, all the better that he get the message!

[Jdawg50]

Coach had a really nice talk with him. He was very good in class today, so we are feeling a lot better about the situation now!

[Jdawg50]

This was sweet!

[Commando_Barbi]

AHhh show sweet. You are making me sad now...I miss my son!

[Red Ketchup]

Coach had a really nice talk with him. He was very good in class today, so we are feeling a lot better about the situation now!

Hmmm I should have thought of that... sometimes a little talk by a "third party" a kid respects can make all the difference in the world. Coach, scout leader, favorite uncle, cousin...

I had a few words at times with problem kids at the request of their parents and in some cases it did help. (I've been a Boy Scout leader forever... seen a LOT of kids grow up)

Great pics bro! enjoy while he's still young, cute and innocent

Just remember... don't sweat the small things...

Red

[spywizard]

Holy over kill..

First off.... why were the little girls allowed to continue in school?? why were they not suspended for bullying your child.. unwanted sexual advances is just that.. if he and 2 of his buddies knocked a girl to the ground and ";hugged and kissed" her.. the boy would be sent to juvi..

football is the thing the two of you have in common.. a way for him to become a man and to bond with you..

find something else for him to be punished with..

lighten up..

[spywizard]

oh.. and i raised 2 kids to adult hood..

just my .02..

[Jdawg50]

Thanks spy.... and no I will not lighten up sorry.... u must not have read the entire thread. We did not take away football, but we did have the coach talk to him today. It seemed to work like a charm... Thanks for the .02, but I think your wrong. I cannot an will not let a day in the principals office, and the next getting busted for talking during a test and being told to stop lightly. Thats my .02
Thanks for the input, but I tooootally disagree.

[Bigen12]

My oldest is girl is 18, with two boys one 16 and one 14, a 14 year old girl, and one on the way.

From my experience,

If you tell your child that they will be punished for bad behavior, make sure you follow through, exactly as you had promised.

It is very important that they learn that you are a man of your words.
If you constantly threaten, and never do, they will think that you are not serious. This is a very important lesson for your child, not just for discipline, but also for life. There are consequences for every action.

The worst whipping I got when I was a child was for lying.

My father had a very true saying, “A person who will lie to you, will also steel from you”.

I will absolutely not tolerate lying!

The last thing is that you and your wife must discuss the punishment without your child being present, work out exactly what the punishment will be and enforce it.

When you and your wife explain the punishment to your child it needs to be from both of you, so neither one of you ends up being the bad guy.

Something that I like to add in is that every time your child asks either you or your wife to shorten or lessen the punishment that the punishment will increase, and give examples. This way you are not constantly bombarded with your child’s pleas for you to break your word.