A little religous Humor!

**Theatrix** · 09-09-2005, 09:23 AM

1. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord -- Lev. 1:9. The problem is my neighbors. They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?

2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?

3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of menstrual uncleanliness -- Lev. 15:19-24. The problem is, how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take offence.

4. Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself?

6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an
abomination -- Lev. 11:10-- it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this?

7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle room here?

8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?

9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?

10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev. 19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend). He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? -- Lev.24:10-16.
Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)

I know you have studied these things extensively, so I am confident you can help. Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.

Your devoted disciple and adoring fan.

**Bigen12** · 09-09-2005, 09:40 AM

Originally Posted by Theatrix

4. Lev. 25:44 states that I may indeed possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are purchased from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians. Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?

That's a damn good question......

I've always wanted to own me a couple of Canadians, although I've heard they're lazy, and ain't that bright.....

How much for Needs, I bet I can get him cheap.....

**Bigen12** · 09-12-2005, 08:30 AM

Bump

**skinnyhb** · 09-12-2005, 03:37 PM

good shit. too bad im too lazy to grab a bible and see it in context.

**mark956101957** · 09-12-2005, 03:48 PM

Thats funny, makes you glad that the New Testament has come into place doesn't it?

**skinnyhb** · 09-12-2005, 10:59 PM

makes me wonder how the catholic cult can quote the bible all day in every day life, quoting passages as rules to follow and yet ignore such other obvious atrocities.