Internet personal ads disected and then some

**Mizfit** · 12-14-2005, 07:09 AM

DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS:
40-ish..............................49
Adventurous......................Slept with everyone
Athletic............................No tits
Average looking.................Ugly
Beautiful..........................Pathological liar
Contagious Smile...............Does a lot of pills
Emotionally Secure.............On medication
Feminist...........................Fat
Free spirit.........................Junkie
Friendship first...................Former slut
Fun.................................Annoying
New-Age..........................Body hair in the wrong places
Old-fashioned....................No BJs
Open-minded.....................Desperate BJ's an option
Outgoing...........................Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate........................Sloppy drunk
Professional.......................Bitch
Voluptuous........................Very Fat
Large frame.......................Hugely Fat
Wants Soul mate................Stalker

WOMEN'S ENGLISH:
1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want
5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry
6. We need to talk = You're in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead = You better not
8. Do what you want = You will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = Of course I am upset, you moron!
10. You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?

MEN'S ENGLISH:!
1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = Let's have sex now
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you
8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you
10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you
11. I don't think those shoes go with that outfit = I'm gay

**G-Force** · 12-14-2005, 07:13 AM

ha ha

its funny cos its true

**Mizfit** · 12-14-2005, 07:14 AM

Originally Posted by G-Force

ha ha

its funny cos its true

so lets here your ad:P

**G-Force** · 12-14-2005, 07:27 AM

Originally Posted by Mizfit

so lets here your ad:P

hung like a donkey and sickenly romantic
nuff said

**Mizfit** · 12-14-2005, 07:29 AM

Originally Posted by G-Force

hung like a donkey and sickenly romantic
nuff said

so u like elton john and are into beastialtiy..

HMMM interesting

**oldman** · 12-14-2005, 07:35 AM

Originally Posted by Mizfit

DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS:
40-ish..............................49
Adventurous......................Slept with everyone
Athletic............................No tits
Average looking.................Ugly
Beautiful..........................Pathological liar
Contagious Smile...............Does a lot of pills
Emotionally Secure.............On medication
Feminist...........................Fat
Free spirit.........................Junkie
Friendship first...................Former slut
Fun.................................Annoying
New-Age..........................Body hair in the wrong places
Old-fashioned....................No BJs
Open-minded.....................Desperate BJ's an option
Outgoing...........................Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate........................Sloppy drunk
Professional.......................Bitch
Voluptuous........................Very Fat
Large frame.......................Hugely Fat
Wants Soul mate................Stalker

WOMEN'S ENGLISH:
1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want
5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry
6. We need to talk = You're in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead = You better not
8. Do what you want = You will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = Of course I am upset, you moron!
10. You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?

MEN'S ENGLISH:!
1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = Let's have sex now
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you
8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you
10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you
11. I don't think those shoes go with that outfit = I'm gay

30ish attractive, well built, unattached professional male seeking Adventurous, Open-Minded lady for romantic dinners and slow dances.

>> What this means is:

About to turn 40 year old fat man with a face only his mother could love just got thrown out by his wife and needs a place to live hoping to find a slutty, nympho for sex and then more sex.

Oldman

**G-Force** · 12-14-2005, 07:38 AM

Originally Posted by Mizfit

so u like elton john and are into beastialtiy..

HMMM interesting

ok i'll try again..

kind, caring, loving, sensitive blah blah blah
with a big penis

**oldman** · 12-14-2005, 07:40 AM

Originally Posted by G-Force

ok i'll try again..

kind, caring, loving, sensitive blah blah blah
with a big penis

Meaning:

Lives at home with mommy, sleeps with teddy bears, never been laid, gay... orders from Adam and Eve website for large toys..

Oldman

**G-Force** · 12-14-2005, 07:44 AM

you just cant win with these things

**oldman** · 12-14-2005, 07:52 AM

Originally Posted by G-Force

you just cant win with these things

At least not on this site.

Heck I personally would never run a personal ad because I would hate to see the girls dissapointed face when she saw me. her >>

and then running away screaming..

Oldman

**G-Force** · 12-14-2005, 07:54 AM

Originally Posted by oldman

At least not on this site.

Heck I personally would never run a personal ad because I would hate to see the girls dissapointed face when she saw me. her >>

and then running away screaming..

Oldman

most dating sites have pics available - of course this doesnt mean it was a recent photo - they couldve gained 20lbs in the mean time

**Schwarz** · 12-14-2005, 08:34 AM

Originally Posted by Mizfit

DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS:
40-ish..............................49
Adventurous......................Slept with everyone
Athletic............................No tits
Average looking.................Ugly
Beautiful..........................Pathological liar
Contagious Smile...............Does a lot of pills
Emotionally Secure.............On medication
Feminist...........................Fat
Free spirit.........................Junkie
Friendship first...................Former slut
Fun.................................Annoying
New-Age..........................Body hair in the wrong places
Old-fashioned....................No BJs
Open-minded.....................Desperate BJ's an option
Outgoing...........................Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate........................Sloppy drunk
Professional.......................Bitch
Voluptuous........................Very Fat
Large frame.......................Hugely Fat
Wants Soul mate................Stalker

So how would u describe urself then??

**Mizfit** · 12-14-2005, 09:15 AM

Originally Posted by Schwarz

So how would u describe urself then??

I say im cute, muscular, 5'6, 122lbs, with a wicked smile. educated.

**G-Force** · 12-14-2005, 09:48 AM

Originally Posted by Mizfit

I say im cute (girly looking/spotty and with braces), muscular (skin and bones), 5'6, 122lbs, with a wicked smile (i am an evil b!tch). educated. (only passed one exam)

sorry had to get you back

**Smak** · 12-14-2005, 09:55 AM

Originally Posted by Mizfit

so lets here your ad:P

haha damn mizfit. does this pertain to you? Cute is not on the list.

**Mizfit** · 12-14-2005, 10:02 AM

Originally Posted by Smak

haha damn mizfit. does this pertain to you? Cute is not on the list.

I don't think i am describable..i am what i am

"I'm either a breath of fresh air or a storm".. u decide

**Smak** · 12-14-2005, 10:06 AM

Originally Posted by Mizfit

I don't think i am describable..i am what i am

"I'm either a breath of fresh air or a storm".. u decide

you're a a little petunia buried in the snow.

**63190** · 12-14-2005, 10:53 AM

Originally Posted by Mizfit

I don't think i am describable..i am what i am

So, you're Pop-eye?

**G-Force** · 12-14-2005, 10:55 AM

Originally Posted by 63190

So, you're Pop-eye?

i am what i am pop eye the sailor man

it took me a while to get that

**63190** · 12-14-2005, 11:03 AM

Guess I'm the only otaku, that's Japanese for "animé-nut".

**Mizfit** · 12-14-2005, 12:19 PM

Originally Posted by 63190

So, you're Pop-eye?

Ya want me to poke your eye out:P

RA · 12-14-2005, 01:10 PM

Originally Posted by Mizfit

DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS:
40-ish..............................49
Adventurous......................Slept with everyone
Athletic............................No tits
Average looking.................Ugly
Beautiful..........................Pathological liar
Contagious Smile...............Does a lot of pills
Emotionally Secure.............On medication
Feminist...........................Fat
Free spirit.........................Junkie
Friendship first...................Former slut
Fun.................................Annoying
New-Age..........................Body hair in the wrong places
Old-fashioned....................No BJs
Open-minded.....................Desperate BJ's an option
Outgoing...........................Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate........................Sloppy drunk
Professional.......................Bitch
Voluptuous........................Very Fat
Large frame.......................Hugely Fat
Wants Soul mate................Stalker

WOMEN'S ENGLISH:
1. Yes = No
2. No = Yes
3. Maybe = No
4. We need = I want
5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry
6. We need to talk = You're in trouble
7. Sure, go ahead = You better not
8. Do what you want = You will pay for this later
9. I am not upset = Of course I am upset, you moron!
10. You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?

MEN'S ENGLISH:!
1. I am hungry = I am hungry
2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy
3. I am tired = I am tired
4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!
5. I love you = Let's have sex now
6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?
7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you
8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you
9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you
10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you
11. I don't think those shoes go with that outfit = I'm gay

100% accurate.

**63190** · 12-14-2005, 02:10 PM

Originally Posted by Mizfit

Ya want me to poke your eye out:P

Don't be mad.

Your the one who said "I am what I am"

**Mizfit** · 12-14-2005, 02:15 PM

Originally Posted by 63190

Don't be mad.

Your the one who said "I am what I am"

I don't get mad that easily

**63190** · 12-14-2005, 03:14 PM

Just even, right? LOL Oh boy, I'm going to die a slow and painful death.

**Mizfit** · 12-14-2005, 03:16 PM

Originally Posted by 63190

Just even, right? LOL Oh boy, I'm going to die a slow and painful death.

Nah...

your alright

**63190** · 12-14-2005, 03:18 PM

Yay. He who scampers and runs a way, lives to scoff another day.

**decadbal** · 12-14-2005, 08:59 PM

hahahaha

**G-Force** · 12-15-2005, 03:01 AM

Originally Posted by Mizfit

I don't get mad that easily

i beg to differ

**Myka** · 12-15-2005, 04:37 AM

Just dont date humans...go with animals...just think about it...

**Mizfit** · 12-15-2005, 07:09 AM

Originally Posted by G-Force

i beg to differ

**G-Force** · 12-15-2005, 07:32 AM

Originally Posted by Mizfit

oi
thats the second time youve pissed on me
stop it or i might start enjoying it

**Mizfit** · 12-15-2005, 07:41 AM

Originally Posted by G-Force

oi
thats the second time youve pissed on me
stop it or i might start enjoying it

kinky?

**G-Force** · 12-15-2005, 07:57 AM

Originally Posted by Mizfit

kinky?

actually a girl i was seeing asked me to partake in a golden shower - i said no at first but thought about it and thought what the hell - i'll try anything once
(i might start a thread about that actually)

we broke up before we got chance to do it though