jokes-a must read

**swizole** · 03-07-2006, 10:31 AM

this shit cracked me up...

Little Eddie

A teacher asks her class, "If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left? She calls on little EDDIE.

He replies, "None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot."

The teacher replies, "The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking."

Then little EDDIE says, "I have a question for YOU.

There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream:

One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream.
The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone.
The third is biting off the top of the ice cream.
Which one is married?"

The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, "Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone."

To which Little EDDIE replied, "The correct answer is "the one with the wedding ring on," but I like your thinking."

LITTLE EDDIE ON MATH (Part 2)

Little EDDIE returns from school and says he got an F in arithmetic.

"Why?" asks the father?

"The teacher asked 'How much is 2 x 3,'" I said "6", replies EDDIE.

"But that's right!" says his dad.

"Yeah, but then she asked me "How much is 3 x 2?'"

"What's the ****ing difference?" asks the father.

"That's what I said!"

LITTLE EDDIE ON ENGLISH

Little EDDIE goes to school, and the teacher says, "Today we are going to learn multi-syllable words, class. Does anybody have an example of a multi-syllable word?"

EDDIE says "Mas-tur-bate."

Miss Rogers smiles and says, "Wow, little EDDIE, that's a mouthful."

Little EDDIE
says, "No, Miss Rogers, you're thinking of a blow job."

LITTLE EDDIE ON GRAMMAR

Little EDDIE was sitting in class one day.
All of a sudden, he needed to go to the bathroom.

He yelled out, "Miss Jones, I need to take a piss!!"

The teacher replied, 'Now, EDDIE, that is NOT the proper word to use in this situation.
The correct word you want to use is 'urinate.'
Please use the word 'ur-i-nate' in a sentence correctly, and I will allow you to go."

Little EDDIE, thinks for a bit, and then says, "You're an eight, but if you had bigger tits, you'd be a TEN!"

LITTLE EDDIE ON GRAMMAR (Part 2)

One day, during lessons on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands from those who could use the word "beautiful" in the same sentence twice.

First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."

"Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael.

"My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully."

She said, "Excellent, Michael!" Then the teacher reluctantly called on little EDDIE.

"Last night at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said 'Beautiful, just ****ing beautiful!'"

LITTLE EDDIE ON GETTING
OLDER

Little EDDIE was sitting on a park bench munching on one candy bar after another.

After the 6th one a man on the bench across from him said, "Son, you know eating all that candy isn't good for you. It will give you acne, rot your teeth, and make you fat."

Little EDDIE replied, "My grandfather lived to be 107 years old."

The man asked, "Did your grandfather eat 6 candy bars at a time?"

Little EDDIE answered, "No, he minded his own ****ing business.

I Love Little Eddie !!!!!!!!!!!!!

RA · 03-07-2006, 10:41 AM

LMAO..those are pretty good.

**spywizard** · 03-07-2006, 10:44 AM

good one.. the one wearing the ring..

**Hard Head** · 03-07-2006, 10:53 AM

All good stuff here

**Myka** · 03-07-2006, 11:26 AM

The first one

and the last one

**WHOADY4SHOADY** · 03-07-2006, 11:35 AM

Lovin it.

**RuhlFreak55** · 03-07-2006, 11:42 AM

funny funny funny....lmao

**speedtraining** · 03-07-2006, 12:20 PM

good shit.

**Chookster** · 03-07-2006, 12:22 PM

good stuff..thanks for those

**C_Bino** · 03-07-2006, 12:26 PM

Those are good man.
Someone sent me this one last night and thought it was pretty good.

Fresh from my shower, I stand in front of the mirror, complaining to my husband that my breasts are too small.

Instead of characteristically telling me they are not, he uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion: "If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between

your breasts for a few seconds."

Willing to try anything, I fetched a piece of toilet paper and stood in front of the mirror, rubbing it between my breasts. "How long will this take?" I ask.

"They will grow larger over a period of years," he replies.

I stop. "Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my breasts every day will make them larger over the years?"

Without missing a beat he says, "Worked for your ass, didn't it?"

-Bino

**TENNISADD2005** · 03-07-2006, 03:47 PM

Hahahahah..... ****in Hilarious!!!

**wanna_c_gains** · 03-07-2006, 04:09 PM

One day Little Johnny's mom was cleaning his room. In the closet, she found a bondage S&M magazine. This was *highly* upsetting to her. She hid the magazine until his father got home. When Little Johnny's father walked in the door, she irately handed the magazine to him, and said, "THIS is what I found in "your" son's closet."
He looked at it and handed it back to her without a word.
Several minutes passed, then she finally asked him,
"Well what should we do about this?"
Little Johnny's dad looked at her and said, "Well I don't think you should spank him."

Little Johnny was starting his first day at a new school and his father called the teacher to tell her that little Johnny was a big gambler. She said that it was no problem and she has seen worse than that.
After Little Johnny's first day at his new school his father called the teacher to see how it went.
She said, "I think I broke his gambling".
The father asked how and she said, "He bet me $5.00 that I had a mole on my butt, so I pulled down my pants and won his money."
"DAMN!" said the father.
"What's wrong?", the teacher asked.
Little Johnny's father said, "This morning he bet me $100.00 he would see his teacher's butt before the day was over!"

**panasonicbike** · 03-07-2006, 06:16 PM

haaahahaha

**stunner5000pt** · 03-07-2006, 06:49 PM

i know its long but worth the read

three guys are at the gates of heaven. The gatekeeper says that in order for them to be let into heaven they need to tell their story to the gatekeeper and if its unfortunate enough theyll be let in.
First guy's story
i had suspected my wife of cheating on me. So one day i went home from work early and found my wife naked in bed. So i looked around the house for the other guy. I looked everywhere, eventually i saw a pair of hands hanging off the balcony. So i took a hmmer and hammered the fingers under the guy couldnt hang on any longer and he left go. But he fell onto a tree and survived. So i threw the refrigertor on him and killed him. From all of this madness i had a heart attack and so here I am.
The gatekeeper says ,' thats a pretty unfortunate death, you can go ahead'

second guy's story
i was doing my exercises on my balcony one day and i fell off. Luckily i managed to grab onto the balcony below mine. But then this guy comes and hits my fingers and i coulnt hold on, so i fell. Luckily i fell onto a tree and survived. The next minute i look up and see a refrigertor coming toward me and i died. So Here i am
Gatekeepr says, ' thats also an unfrotuante storym go ahead.

thurd guy's story
Picture this, im the guy in the refrigerator