Results 1 to 23 of 23
  1. 04-05-2006, 09:58 AM #1
    Mizfit's Avatar
    Mizfit
    Mizfit is offline Banned
    Join Date
    Oct 2004
    Location
    Toronto Canada
    Posts
    8,867

    Smile Things People actually said in court

    ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?
    WITNESS: No, I just lie there.
    _____________________________________
    ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
    WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
    ______________________________________
    ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
    WITNESS: Yes.
    ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
    WITNESS: I forget.
    ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you
    forgot?
    _____________________________________
    ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?
    WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
    ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?
    WITNESS: Forty-five years.
    ________________________________________________
    ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that
    morning?
    WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
    ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?
    WITNESS: My name is Susan.
    ______________________________________
    ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in
    voodoo?
    WITNESS: We both do.
    ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
    WITNESS: We do.
    ATTORNEY: You do?
    WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.
    ______________________________________

    ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
    sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
    WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
    ___________________________________
    ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
    WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one..
    _______________________________________
    ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?
    WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?
    ______________________________________
    ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
    WITNESS: Yes.
    ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?
    WITNESS: Uh....
    ______________________________________

    ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?
    WITNESS: Yes.
    ATTORNEY: How many were boys?
    WITNESS: None.
    ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?
    ______________________________________

    ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?
    WITNESS: By death.
    ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?
    ______________________________________

    ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?
    WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.
    ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?
    ______________________________________

    ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a
    deposition
    notice which I sent to your attorney?
    WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
    __________________________________________________ _______________

    ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
    WITNESS: Oral.
    ______________________________________


    ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
    WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
    ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
    WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
    ______________________________________
    ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
    WITNESS: Huh?
    ______________________________________
    ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check
    for a pulse?
    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY Did you check for breathing?
    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when
    you began the autopsy?
    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
    WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
    ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive,
    nevertheless?
    WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and
    practicing law

    These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  2. 04-05-2006, 10:01 AM #2
    RA's Avatar
    RA
    RA is offline Grade A Beef
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Location
    Getting madcow treatments
    Posts
    16,450
    ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
    WITNESS: Oral.


    My favorite...LMAO!
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  3. 04-05-2006, 10:03 AM #3
    DamnYouMSN's Avatar
    DamnYouMSN
    DamnYouMSN is offline Anabolic Member
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Location
    Miami, Florida
    Posts
    2,442
    lol thats awesome...gave me a good laugh. dumb lawyers
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  4. 04-05-2006, 10:07 AM #4
    LAGMuXle's Avatar
    LAGMuXle
    LAGMuXle is offline Member
    Join Date
    Nov 2002
    Location
    New York
    Posts
    750
    Good laugh, thanks Mizfit.
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  5. 04-05-2006, 10:07 AM #5
    GQ-Bouncer's Avatar
    GQ-Bouncer
    GQ-Bouncer is offline Anabolic Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2004
    Location
    look beyond what you see
    Posts
    1,258
    hahahahha -

    ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
    sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
    WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  6. 04-05-2006, 10:13 AM #6
    oldman's Avatar
    oldman
    oldman is offline Anabolic Member
    Join Date
    Sep 2005
    Posts
    2,224
    I read those the other day they are freaking funny!!


    ~Old
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  7. 04-05-2006, 10:13 AM #7
    chest6's Avatar
    chest6
    chest6 is offline Banned
    Join Date
    May 2005
    Posts
    23,317
    ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
    WITNESS: Oral.

    hahahahaha I love it.
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  8. 04-05-2006, 10:20 AM #8
    Teabagger's Avatar
    Teabagger
    Teabagger is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    west of the rockies
    Posts
    454
    the one about the brain is the best....facking attorneys.....does anyone know the difference between a dead skunk, and a dead attorney lying in the middle of busy road?...................................There are tire skid marks before the dead skunk!!!
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  9. 04-05-2006, 10:43 AM #9
    crash187ct's Avatar
    crash187ct
    crash187ct is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    St. Paul, MN
    Posts
    1,475
    heh, pretty good....i liked the last one, about the brain...
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  10. 04-05-2006, 12:00 PM #10
    cfiler's Avatar
    cfiler
    cfiler is offline Anabolic Member
    Join Date
    Jul 2003
    Location
    Training my ninja Degu
    Posts
    7,185
    Great post Mizfit. Cheered up my day! I love the oral question, and "Did you actually pass the bar exam?"

    That made me almost fall out of my desk.
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  11. 04-05-2006, 12:25 PM #11
    D7M's Avatar
    D7M
    D7M is offline AR-Elite Hall of Famer (RETIRED)
    Join Date
    Jun 2005
    Location
    Scylla and Charybdis
    Posts
    15,474
    Blog Entries
    1
    lmao.

    bigbouncingballs, where are you to defend the attorny's?
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  12. 04-05-2006, 12:31 PM #12
    Big Broker 1's Avatar
    Big Broker 1
    Big Broker 1 is offline Associate Member
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    Sunshine State
    Posts
    386
    Lmfao..

    ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
    WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
    ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
    WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  13. 04-05-2006, 12:55 PM #13
    Prol's Avatar
    Prol
    Prol is offline Associate Member
    Join Date
    Oct 2005
    Location
    in debt
    Posts
    455
    ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in
    voodoo?
    WITNESS: We both do.
    ATTORNEY: Voodoo?
    WITNESS: We do.
    ATTORNEY: You do?
    WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.


    funny as hell
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  14. 04-05-2006, 01:19 PM #14
    BlitzSeth's Avatar
    BlitzSeth
    BlitzSeth is offline New Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    10
    ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
    WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
    ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?
    WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!


    HAHAHHAHA, that one is hilarious!
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  15. 04-05-2006, 01:19 PM #15
    BajanBastard
    BajanBastard is offline VET Retired
    Join Date
    Dec 2001
    Location
    barbados
    Posts
    6,251
    ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
    WITNESS: Oral.


    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  16. 04-05-2006, 01:33 PM #16
    G-1000's Avatar
    G-1000
    G-1000 is offline Cycle King/AR-Hall of Famer/RETIRED
    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    Posts
    14,421
    Blog Entries
    1
    Some people are so dumb.
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  17. 04-05-2006, 01:39 PM #17
    G-1000's Avatar
    G-1000
    G-1000 is offline Cycle King/AR-Hall of Famer/RETIRED
    Join Date
    Nov 2004
    Posts
    14,421
    Blog Entries
    1
    ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check
    for a pulse?
    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?
    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY Did you check for breathing?
    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when
    you began the autopsy?
    WITNESS: No.
    ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
    WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
    ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive,
    nevertheless?
    WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and
    practicing law
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  18. 04-05-2006, 02:02 PM #18
    RuhlFreak55's Avatar
    RuhlFreak55
    RuhlFreak55 is offline Purveyor of Thor's Hammer
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Location
    in dreamy land
    Posts
    33,788
    ahahhahaa......awesome, i like them all
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  19. 04-05-2006, 03:34 PM #19
    Liftnainez's Avatar
    Liftnainez
    Liftnainez is offline Banned
    Join Date
    Jul 2005
    Location
    Down South
    Posts
    3,371
    haha.. funnt shit right there
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  20. 04-05-2006, 04:09 PM #20
    BlueAndromeda73's Avatar
    BlueAndromeda73
    BlueAndromeda73 is offline Senior Member
    Join Date
    Apr 2005
    Location
    ID
    Posts
    1,139
    ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
    sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
    WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?

    Thats great the last one is pretty good as well
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  21. 04-05-2006, 04:20 PM #21
    taiboxa's Avatar
    taiboxa
    taiboxa is offline "Vanity Redefined" ~VET~
    Join Date
    Feb 2005
    Location
    lol im not telling :D
    Posts
    29,198
    Quote Originally Posted by GQ-Bouncer
    hahahahha -

    ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his
    sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?
    WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
    BEST ONE!!
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  22. 04-06-2006, 01:56 PM #22
    ect0m0rph
    ect0m0rph is offline Member
    Join Date
    Mar 2006
    Posts
    508
    I liked when the doctor asked if the the attorney actually passed the bar exam.
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
  23. 04-06-2006, 03:14 PM #23
    novicenovicen's Avatar
    novicenovicen
    novicenovicen is offline Banned
    Join Date
    Jan 2006
    Posts
    1,629
    Mizfit You rock! And I am definately w/ tai on this one. I almost fell out of the chair. and the second to last one, a riot!
    Reply With Quote Reply With Quote
« Previous Thread | Next Thread »

Thread Information

Users Browsing this Thread

There are currently 1 users browsing this thread. (0 members and 1 guests)

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
  •  

Forum Rules