Originally Posted by
WEBB
1. If you are over thirty and you have a washboard stomach, you are gay. It means you haven't sucked back enough beer with the boys and have spent the rest of your free time doing sit-ups, aerobics, and doing the Oprah diet.
Nope. I'm bulking.
Originally Posted by
WEBB
2. If you have a cat, you are a Flaaaaming homo. A cat is like a dog, but gay - it grooms itself constantly but never scratches itself, has a delicate touch except when it uses its nails, and whines to be fed. And just think about how you call a dog ... "Killer, come here! I said get your ass over here, Killer!" Now think about how you call a cat..."Bun-bun, come to daddy, snookums!" Jeeezus, you're fit to be framed, you're so gay.
Hate cats. Killed 2 of them when I was a kid.
Originally Posted by
WEBB
3. If you suck on lollipops, Ring-Pops, baby pacifiers, or any such nonsense, rest assured, you are a Gaylord. A straight man only sucks on bar-b-que ribs, crab claws, raw oysters, crawfish guts, pickled pigs feet, or tits. Anything else and you are in training to suck El Dicko and undeniably a fag.
No to lolipops.
Originally Posted by
WEBB
4. If you refuse to take a dump in a public bathroom or piss in a parking lot, you crave a deep homosexual relationship. A man's world is his bathroom; he defecates and urinates where he pleases.
I piss in the streets. When I gotta go, I gotta go.
Originally Posted by
WEBB
5. If you drink decaf coffee with skim milk, you like a high hard one in the poop chute. Coffee is to be strong, black, and full aroma. A straight man will never be heard ordering a "Decaf Cafe Latte with Skim" and he will never, ever know what artificial sweetener tastes like. If you've had Nutra-Sweet in your mouth, you've had a man there, too.
I don't drink coffee. It's disgusting. Tastes like shit.
Originally Posted by
WEBB
6. If you know more than six names of colors or four different types of dessert, you might as well be handing out free passes to your ass. A real man doesn't have memory space in his brain to remember all of that crap as well as all the names of all the players in the Major leagues, NFL, NHL, college ball,PGA and NASCAR. If you can pick out chartreuse or you know what a "fressier" is you're gay. And if you can name ANY type of textile other than denim, you are faggadocious.
Don't know colors besides my favorite. Navy blue. Don't know desserts either.
Originally Posted by
WEBB
7. If you drive with both hands on the wheel, Forget it, you're dying to tune a meat whistle. A man only puts both hands on the wheel to honk at a slow-ass driver or to cut the punk off. The rest of the time he needs that hand to change the radio station, eat a hamburger, hold his beer, or play with his honey in the passenger seat.
When I had a car I had an SUV. Drove one hand top of the wheel.
Originally Posted by
WEBB
8. If you enjoy romantic comedies or French films, mon-frere, vous le Gay, oui? The only time it is acceptable to watch one of those is with a woman who knows how to reward her man. Watching any of the above films by yourself or with another man is likely to result in SHC (spontaneous homosexual combustion), which is what happens to fags when they flame out too.
Nope. Romantic movies are for women. Can't stand em and I hate reading subtitles. Too much work.
According to this, I'm not gay and some of you are gayer than me.
Last edited by Carlos_E; 05-03-2006 at 09:56 AM.
Muscle Asylum Project Athlete
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