"The local ninja union has demanded shorter working hours and free dry cleaning."
-News Broadcast (The Tick #2)

"Ninjas aren't dangerous. They're more afraid of you than you are of them..."
-The Tick (The Tick #3)

"Oh dear! I think I ran over a ninja back there!" "Well, keep driving, we're late as it is! I mean it's not like we hit a collie or anything" "I guess you're right."
-Overheard conversation in a car (The Tick #3)

"I thought ninjas just hung around airports and got sucked up into jet engines."
-The Tick (The Tick #3)

"Little did Chairface know that the alligator is the cow's natural-born enemy"
-Angus MacGuire (The Tick #7)

"Hey, don't knock crazy. The Romans were crazy, and they got all the girls."
-The Tick (The Tick #8)

"Wicked Men! Cease your antics, or I may be forced to assault you with the U.S. Postal System!"
-The Tick (The Tick #8)

"The two strange men who just now wanted to shoot us to death were eaten by a cow and that almost makes sense to me"
-Arthur (The Tick #8)

"A freak with money ain't hardly a freak at all"
-Rhett (The Tick #10)


"I didn't know there were ninjas in Japan. Did you?"-The Tick (Paul the Samurai #9)

"I'll die before I let you kill me"
-Paul the Samurai (Paul the Samurai #9)

"If life gives ya lemons...kill a few guys"
-Hollowpoint (Paul the Samurai #9)

"I may be an evil genius, but I can't predict every giant lizard that might wander by"
-Sagin the Wolf (Paul the Samurai #9)

"Guns don't hurt people, choke holds hurt people"
-The Tick (Paul the Samurai #9)

"I always said that I'd give up being a ninja the day I can't beat a cow"
-A ninja (Man Eating Cow #9)

"When my home town is transformed into medieval Japan and I see a samurai attacking my partner...well, I just gotta wonder"
-Crime Cannibal (Paul the Samurai #10)

"Oh, if there were gravity I would hang my big head in shame"
-The Tick (Karma Tornado #3)

"...the diaper came in handy about the time I hit 18 'G's'"
-Ham the Astrochimp (Karma Tornado #3)

"Ohhh... I got scammed by a monkey"
-The Tick (Karma Tornado #3)

"I am here to fight evil and exchange good-natured barbs"
-The Tick (Karma Tornado #5)

"A giant guy plus a harbor equals fluid dynamics at its best"
-The Tick (Karma Tornado #5)

"Your opponent killed a nun in a brawl! And you still only won by 300 votes"
-Spin Doctor (Karma Tornado #6)

"Say what you will about me! I comprehend very little of it anyway!"
-The Tick (Karma Tornado #6)

"Hmm. Single syllables! A formidable opponent"
-The Tick (Karma Tornado #6)

"Those aren't squeak toys --- they're giant mutant hell rats!!"
-The Tick (Karma Tornado #7)

"No need to be mean just because he's deranged"
-The Tick (Karma Tornado #7)

"You make a pretty good argument for a guy in a rabbit suit"
-Mr. Stake (Karma Tornado #7)

"I'm not comfortable calling somebody a scumbag... I've kissed babies with this mouth"
-The Tick (Karma Tornado #8)

Tick: And that's just it, Doc - my mind has always been my Achilles' heel!

Tick: Arthur, you have no historical perspective. Science in those days worked in broad strokes. They got right to the point. Nowadays, it's all just molecule, molecule, molecule. Nothing ever happens big.

Tick: Can't lose my name, it's on all my stationery!

Tick: Don't make us bite you in hard-to-reach places!

Tick: Everybody was a baby once, Arthur. Oh, sure, maybe not today, or even yesterday. But once. Babies, chum: tiny, dimpled, fleshy mirrors of our us-ness, that we parents hurl into the future, like leathery footballs of hope. And you've got to get a good spiral on that baby, or evil will make an interception

Tick: [after jumping off a tall building and landing on the ground] Gravity is a harsh mistress.

Tick: I hate broccoli, and yet, in a certain sense, I am broccoli.
Tick: I'm betting that I'm just abnormal enough to survive.

Tick: Let your journey into hugeness teach us all a lesson. Absolute power is a sticky wicket. And, Arthur, chum, you were the stickiest. Don't you get it, good friend? Some of the best things come in small packages. But large things can't. Unless they're inflatable, or require some assembly, or unless they're hearts. Yes, giant, juicy, loving hearts. As big as the moon, but much, much warmer.

Tick: Villains always have antidotes. They're funny that way

Tick: What was with the lobsters? I thought there were alligators in the sewers. I was ready for alligators!

Tick: Yeah, I agree, falling in love with a supervillain is trouble with a capital troub.

Tick: You know, evil comes in many forms, be it a man-eating cow or Joseph Stalin. But you can't let the package hide the pudding. Evil is just plain bad. You don't cotton to it. You gotta smack it on the nose with the rolled up newspaper of goodness. Bad dog! Bad dog!

Tick's Brain: Tick, this is your mind speaking.
Tick: Oh. Hello.
Tick's Brain: Sorry I haven't been around much lately but I'm easily distracted by shiny objects.