very depressed, i think GF wants to break up!

[ward065]

Today after we went at it, in her apartment this afternoon, she got real upset. As i was getting dressed and ready to come home, she started crying, and naturally i asked her what was wrong.

She breaks down in front of me and tells me she thinks my bodybuilding is going way too far. I couldn't even understand a third of what she said because she was crying so much, but she goes on to tell me that she thinks i am too obsessed about it, and that i should not spend 12-14 hours in the gym per week. She said that i have put myself through so much mentally and physically (I've trained with her a few times, she knows how hard i push myself..).....that she wants me to take a break from this so we can spend more time together.

Said basically for now not to worry about working out so much. I asked her honestly if she thought we had good sex and she acknowledges that it's excellent. I said basically, if i stopped working out, or even trained less for a while (Like she was saying) my desire for sex would gradually diminish (as i know it would. When i don't work out consistently i do not become insanely horny anymore.....). I also told her, do you want me to get fat, she was like no, just don't do so much.....don't push yourself so much, spend more time with me so we can go out more and do stuf........*Instead* of going to the gym! Basically, she thinks what i am doing is too extreme.

Pleaaaaaaaaaase help me with this. I cannot accept this route she wants me to go in. It is impossible. I have a destiny, a path. There is no turning back. And i was quite hurt actually by her comments even though she did not intend for that.

Basically i need advice with this situation. She basically "let it all out" infront of me in a very emotional conversation. I really to be honest never thought she thought of this, at least i did not really think so. I have a feeling that she may want to break up if i continue with this, and hence, don't have as much "free time" as she wants.

Obviously relationships are about more than sex......but it seems the harder i train, the better sex i have. I know i may sound shallow but it is true; i understand her point, but i cannot let anyone interfere with my destiny and path. I just NEED to know what to do, or what to say, or i fear eventually our relationship, which we've had for a couple years, will be done with.

Please bros....give me some advice.....is there anything i can say that will help? i went home very depressed today after our conversation and i dont know want to do, or what to say.

[Pooks]

Tell her she is right, and u are wrong. Than should make her feel better
than just go ahead with how u're doing things now.
I saw that on bill cosby. could work

[IamtheChitt]

I agree with the whole being in the gym = better sex drive. I haven't been to the gym in about 6 months because of a car wreck and my sex drive is down in the dumps... Oh yeah, maybe because i have no muscle and am growing boobs. Ha.

Anyway, if it is really meant to be, I think she would support you in ur decision to work out. Not beg you to stop.

[~fuelforfire~]

last girlfriend said that, i dumped her ass, but i was just looking for a reason, and remember man, that gym will always be there, it aint goin anywhere.

[IamtheChitt]

Pooks idea is good to. I am going to have to try that one..

[ward065]

Tell her she is right, and u are wrong. Than should make her feel better
than just go ahead with how u're doing things now.
I saw that on bill cosby. could work

saying she is right, and i am wrong and then not changing will not solve the issue. If this is what she really wants, she has the wrong man.

Basically all we do is screw and maybe watch a movie once in awhile maybe, hang out, sometimes go to the mall but not too much more than that.

But i do not go to bars & drink, do not party because there isn't time for that. I have to sleep and train to do well, and i do not have time to party all night and then sleep for 5 hours. I have a strong feeling although she enjoys our SEXUAL relationship, she thinks that we need a better overall relationship, and THUS, i must make sacrificies which i cannot make.

[ward065]

I agree with the whole being in the gym = better sex drive. I haven't been to the gym in about 6 months because of a car wreck and my sex drive is down in the dumps... Oh yeah, maybe because i have no muscle and am growing boobs. Ha.

Anyway, if it is really meant to be, I think she would support you in ur decision to work out. Not beg you to stop.

that really sucks about the car accident man...i understand what you're saying. There is more to a relationship than sex, i agree fully, in a perfect world i would not need to sleep and could train less and spend more time together. But ithis world it is not perfect and sacrificies have to be made to achieve goals that one has.

i am already caught on time as it is now. School, Work part-time, Eat, eat and then eat more, sex, Gym & Sleep. There just isn't more time! 15 hours to the day (i get close to 9 hours of sleep) and those 15 hours go by fast.

[soccer#3]

ward.. i understand how many hrs u put into ur workouts and that ur pursuin ur goals. dont let anything get between u and ur goals.

but at the same time i can understand ur girl. girls need attention especially from their bf's.

if i was u, i'd sit down and have a talk wit her. tell her how much training means to u. that its a part of ur life just like she is. try cutting down on other things or maybe rearrange ur schedule in a way that would make u spend more time wit her.

gf problems seems to be a new trend here on AR..

good luck ward

[lucabratzi]

wow...ur in quite the predicament...usually i would say **** her, just cause thats is the way u are...u cant just change the way a person is...u love the gym/training/this lifestyle u cant just take that away...she doesnt understand how important it is....
this is what u say...lets make a comprimise, i will be less intense about the gym and go do things with u more, but u have to realise this is my life i chose...there is no changing that....
now in reality u dont have to go less intense, just make more time for quality time with her, and a lil less sex...take her out to some places...make it seem like u are takin it easier in the gym when in reality u arent...

[C_Bino]

Straight up you need to show her Pinnacle's sticky in the AAS Q&A forum. Bodybuilding requires dedication and discipline. You dont just stop or ease up on it if you really desire to be a bodybuilder.
Listen to me Ward, if you didnt enjoy going to the gym you wouldnt do it right? Now if she did something she enjoyed just for 1-2 hours each day would you EVER ask her to give it up or do it less. I doubt it.

I take things like this as a sign, a very serious sign. If anyone ever asked me to stop or lower my training they would regret it. This is what I do for me, and if someone wants me to give that up to spend more time with them, well guess what. I will do the opposite, I will give them up and spend even more time at the gym using it as fuel.

Whether its bodybuilding or pottery, I dont care. No one in this world should give up a dream/hobby/lifestyle that they enjoy, and they should NEVER be asked to.

Now I may be a little more blunt about it than you, and I may be a little more serious about bodybuilding than you. So please dont think I dont understand the dilemma you are in and the possbiel heartache that may come. But like I said, would you ever ask your gf to give up something she loves to do? And how would she react if you did.

No way no how should you stop for anyone.

[ward065]

i get up at 10 am......usually go to bed at 1 or 1:30 am at the latest. I work from 12-5 most days of the week. 2-3 days of the week i work out from about 6-9:00 or 6-9:30 pm, i work out a long time because i love to. After i get home, i have to eat. Then i usually have sex, and before you know it i'm ready for bed and tired. Most people don't train for 3 to 3 and a half hours, but i need to train this long

The days that i do not work, i attend class in the evening from 6-10 pm, 2 days per week. On those days i must get my workout in in the afternoon if required that day. I always have to get the workout in no matter what. Workouts for me come before sex or any hanging out with her. 8:30-9 hours of sleep, if required, would come before sex & the girlfriend too. So i understand why she thinks i am soooo obsesed with working out. But this is me. This is who i am.

In the fall when my classes are back on a full-time schedule i will have even less time.

[thegodfather]

that really sucks about the car accident man...i understand what you're saying. There is more to a relationship than sex, i agree fully, in a perfect world i would not need to sleep and could train less and spend more time together. But ithis world it is not perfect and sacrificies have to be made to achieve goals that one has.

i am already caught on time as it is now. School, Work part-time, Eat, eat and then eat more, sex, Gym & Sleep. There just isn't more time! 15 hours to the day (i get close to 9 hours of sleep) and those 15 hours go by fast.

It's simple bro. If you see yourself marrying her, then you have to make a compromise with your personal goals. I have made sacrafices with my girlfriend living with me now, and I plan to marry her some day in the future. I know I've been in the gym a lot less because life is more hectic right now, but she is worth it in my mind. Some bros will tell you that the gym comes before woman and what not. I think that a serious relationship and a woman you love should come before all of your personal wants. It sounds like your relationship is largely based on sex and not much else, and that the only reason you want to stay with her is a matter of convieniance. So, either make the sacrafice or keep on your path and run the risk of losing her, quite simple...

[Anabolios]

wow...ur in quite the predicament...usually i would say **** her, just cause thats is the way u are...u cant just change the way a person is...u love the gym/training/this lifestyle u cant just take that away...she doesnt understand how important it is....
this is what u say...lets make a comprimise, i will be less intense about the gym and go do things with u more, but u have to realise this is my life i chose...there is no changing that....
now in reality u dont have to go less intense, just make more time for quality time with her, and a lil less sex...take her out to some places...make it seem like u are takin it easier in the gym when in reality u arent...

you are the man..this is awesome advice...its awesome getting jacked and being in the gym but there is nothing like a girl to have not only for sex but good companionship that your boys just cant give you....it wont hurt spending some more time with her..im sure an hour or two out of your day shouldnt hurt...maybe switch the gym times a bit....i would only make a compromise for her if you think she would do it for you though if you see potential in the relationship i think a few small changes is worth it


dont change who you are though man..if she loves you for you she will understand that bodybuilding is a lifestyle that you choose and she has to accept it...but like i said small compromises cant hurt

[ward065]

wow...ur in quite the predicament...usually i would say **** her, just cause thats is the way u are...u cant just change the way a person is...u love the gym/training/this lifestyle u cant just take that away...she doesnt understand how important it is....
this is what u say...lets make a comprimise, i will be less intense about the gym and go do things with u more, but u have to realise this is my life i chose...there is no changing that....
now in reality u dont have to go less intense, just make more time for quality time with her, and a lil less sex...take her out to some places...make it seem like u are takin it easier in the gym when in reality u arent...

i would never have the attitude of telling her to screw off. I love her though and i wish she will fully love me for who i am. It can shellshock someone when they go and criticize you like this as it did to me. I did not respond in an angry fashion, we don't get in heated arguments. I think that is a strong reason why we love each other. Although when i was talking with her she was like all emotional, so i dont know how much she was actually listening.

i wish i could have it my way and she could have it her way. If humans did not need to sleep and were rarely or never tired, it would certainly be possible.

[Anabolios]

i have to say that i agree with bino...lucabratzi and thegodfather on certain aspects of this... only make mild compromises if you think she would do the same for you if you love her and see a future its worth it..if its just a fling or a casual relationship...take binos advice and take it as a sign....good luck in whatever you do my man

[ward065]

Straight up you need to show her Pinnacle's sticky in the AAS Q&A forum. Bodybuilding requires dedication and discipline. You dont just stop or ease up on it if you really desire to be a bodybuilder.
Listen to me Ward, if you didnt enjoy going to the gym you wouldnt do it right? Now if she did something she enjoyed just for 1-2 hours each day would you EVER ask her to give it up or do it less. I doubt it.

I take things like this as a sign, a very serious sign. If anyone ever asked me to stop or lower my training they would regret it. This is what I do for me, and if someone wants me to give that up to spend more time with them, well guess what. I will do the opposite, I will give them up and spend even more time at the gym using it as fuel.

Whether its bodybuilding or pottery, I dont care. No one in this world should give up a dream/hobby/lifestyle that they enjoy, and they should NEVER be asked to.

Now I may be a little more blunt about it than you, and I may be a little more serious about bodybuilding than you. So please dont think I dont understand the dilemma you are in and the possbiel heartache that may come. But like I said, would you ever ask your gf to give up something she loves to do? And how would she react if you did.

No way no how should you stop for anyone.

Bino, i agree- I take criticism as fuel to the fire all the time. For example, my mother. She thinks i am so ****ed up, that i am obsessed with a huge body image problem. Extremely sad to me, i hate to say it but i don't think my mother accepts who i am. And even worse is the fact that i feel many times that if she cannot accept what i am destined to become, that our mother-son relationship is diminished. Sometimes i feel she doesn't love me as her son...

In reality, i think we are probably about as serious about bodybuilding. The reality is that it's my destiny. A true destiny is a path that must be followed as it will come to fruition.

I wouldn't ask my girlfriend to give something up, unless i felt it was going to kill her, or something like that. For example if she were a drug addict, and asked me for money for addictions, i couldn't accept it. If she was a bungee-jumping maniac, and i felt she was going to kill herself in a freak accident, i would strongly encourage her to give it up because it could mean her life may be in jeopardy.

[lucabratzi]

i would never have the attitude of telling her to screw off. I love her though and i wish she will fully love me for who i am. It can shellshock someone when they go and criticize you like this as it did to me. I did not respond in an angry fashion, we don't get in heated arguments. I think that is a strong reason why we love each other. Although when i was talking with her she was like all emotional, so i dont know how much she was actually listening.

i wish i could have it my way and she could have it her way. If humans did not need to sleep and were rarely or never tired, it would certainly be possible.

yeah thats why im sayin usually i would tell her to **** off...but if ur in love and u've been with her for years, u cant just throw that away for the gym...seems like u have a full schedule....maby what u could do is, first how many days do u work out a week? lets say 5 cuase i dont know ur training schedule...then schedule the week so u can have 2 full days with her, and another day that is just basically what ur doin sex and sleep...its all about time managment...if u can make a schedule that fits her in for more time then ur fine...i know its hard with school/job/training/gf...all those things are alot of responsibility but just manage time wisely and u can have all those things running smoothly and everyones happy...good luck...

[C_Bino]

Bino, i agree- I take criticism as fuel to the fire all the time. For example, my mother. She thinks i am so ****ed up, that i am obsessed with a huge body image problem. Extremely sad to me, i hate to say it but i don't think my mother accepts who i am. And even worse is the fact that i feel many times that if she cannot accept what i am destined to become, that our mother-son relationship is diminished. Sometimes i feel she doesn't love me as her son...

In reality, i think we are probably about as serious about bodybuilding. The reality is that it's my destiny. A true destiny is a path that must be followed as it will come to fruition.

Sorry to hear that man. Bodybuilding is one sport that many dont accept.

But just do what you gotta do, do it for you and do it for life.

A lot of the other guys, luca, godfather etc gave you good advice. There are many different ways to look at it. Read everyones replies but dont just go and do what one of us says. Think about it all and just do what makes sense to you. Good luck.

[firmechicano831]

you're just going to have to wake up earlier to go to the gym them. Maybe when shes sleeping so by the time she wakes up you are barely getting home or taking a shower.

[zimmy]

I gotta give the girl props for atleast talking to you about it instead of letting it fester. Relationships are about comprimise. I seriously doubt she expects you to stop completely. cut it back some. A LITTLE... not alot. Change up your workout routine a little so it seems like you are spending more time with her. Also...part of what she probably wants is some together time with you. Not just at home or having sex. Maybe treat it just like your workout routine. Add some out time with her every week... maybe a dinner here or doing something fun with her. I don't know your situtation so i'm not implying you don't already...

I would suggest you try to organize your time a little better...time management will help you alot.

[lucabratzi]

Bino, i agree- I take criticism as fuel to the fire all the time. For example, my mother. She thinks i am so ****ed up, that i am obsessed with a huge body image problem. Extremely sad to me, i hate to say it but i don't think my mother accepts who i am. And even worse is the fact that i feel many times that if she cannot accept what i am destined to become, that our mother-son relationship is diminished. Sometimes i feel she doesn't love me as her son...

In reality, i think we are probably about as serious about bodybuilding. The reality is that it's my destiny. A true destiny is a path that must be followed as it will come to fruition.

I wouldn't ask my girlfriend to give something up, unless i felt it was going to kill her, or something like that. For example if she were a drug addict, and asked me for money for addictions, i couldn't accept it. If she was a bungee-jumping maniac, and i felt she was going to kill herself in a freak accident, i would strongly encourage her to give it up because it could mean her life may be in jeopardy.

im sorry to hear about that with ur mom...sometimes parents have a warped perception on what is the right thing to do...and it true that people dont understand bodybuilding...if someone plays basketball for 2 hours a day doest that make them wierd, or a footballl player at practice everyday...we are tryin to become the best we can...people will never understand though...

[crash187ct]

Tell her she is right, and u are wrong. Than should make her feel better
than just go ahead with how u're doing things now.
I saw that on bill cosby. could work

rofl....

[ward065]

i think the advice is good, but if she fully means what she said, it is going to be a tough sell to make my point.

I should also point out that we do not actually live together under the same roof. I live at my parents house- for a variety of reasons- and i usually sleep there, but sometimes i sleep at my girlfriend's apartment, it depends on the night.

perhaps something to do would be to just move in with her at her apartment, or we could get our own place. but her apartment is an extremely small place compared to the house i live in with my parents.


I have to say that moving out of my parents house permanently , or at least most of the time would be difficult for me.....at the risk of sounding like a baby, it is true. But maybe living together more of the time could help our relationship? Just doing that in itself

[IBdmfkr]

12-14hrs/wk is too much IMO also, I think you're overdueing it and need to take a step back. I get great results from lifting 4-6hrs/wk, usually 1.5hrs EOD. When I start cardio on my OFF days I'll add another 2-3hrs to the mix..

If your obsession is worth more than the ppl that surround you then by all means keep doing what you're doing and lose those around you, otherwise comprimise.
JMO.

[ward065]

im sorry to hear about that with ur mom...sometimes parents have a warped perception on what is the right thing to do...and it true that people dont understand bodybuilding...if someone plays basketball for 2 hours a day doest that make them wierd, or a footballl player at practice everyday...we are tryin to become the best we can...people will never understand though...

my mom has told me countless times to "Do it naturally." She doesn't understand that is is not that simple. I must say that she has two concerns that are about equal to one another. First is the issue of steroids, second is the general "body image disorder" theme.

Thankfully, my father is much more accepting of me (his son) than my mother. My dad has tried to talk to my mom about it but she just cannot understand like my dad does- thank God though that my father supports me.

[lucabratzi]

my mom has told me countless times to "Do it naturally." She doesn't understand that is is not that simple. I must say that she has two concerns that are about equal to one another. First is the issue of steroids, second is the general "body image disorder" theme.

Thankfully, my father is much more accepting of me (his son) than my mother. My dad has tried to talk to my mom about it but she just cannot understand like my dad does- thank God though that my father supports me.

dam, she knows u juice...

[ward065]

dam, she knows u juice...

yeah, i figured might as well tell my parents instead of having them find out as they would eventually and my mom having a heart attack. I figure it is best to be honest and frank with parents than keep secrets/ lie- it just isn't my style at all. My dad accepts it much more than my mom.

[zimmy]

i think the advice is good, but if she fully means what she said, it is going to be a tough sell to make my point.

I should also point out that we do not actually live together under the same roof. I live at my parents house- for a variety of reasons- and i usually sleep there, but sometimes i sleep at my girlfriend's apartment, it depends on the night.

perhaps something to do would be to just move in with her at her apartment, or we could get our own place. but her apartment is an extremely small place compared to the house i live in with my parents.


I have to say that moving out of my parents house permanently , or at least most of the time would be difficult for me.....at the risk of sounding like a baby, it is true. But maybe living together more of the time could help our relationship? Just doing that in itself

oh yah...1 more thing... some girls are REALLY needy and need to be the most important thing to you , like they want you to live for them. Sounds sweet and all , but usually they are just really needy people. If that's the case...i'd keep working out and just let her walk.

[Bigmax]

Well bro...you 're getting alot of from the heart advise from theese guys and I mean that from My heart.But WELCOME to the real world.You are just one of hundeds who go through thi man.take it from me if your girl is not supprtive to what you do you're phucked!!!!!I am now in my 15th yrs of BB and guess what it was only 4 yrs ago that I met my wife who has been nothing but supportive to me and what I want to do.Before that I had othewr girlfriends and they were gorgeous and I would do anything for them.But they eventually woul develop a disdain for my training....my eating ....me paying so much attention to myself.Remember BB is a or can be a very narcisistic sport....I mean it would to the point where there would be afight right before i left for the gym or before i ate."why do you have to eat do much?""whats more important me or the gym?"Well guess what guy you need to make a decision and pretty quicky...if you're as dedicated and focused as you say then you move foward bro.dont look back.this type of situation will only hinder your progress.It will get better I promise.Otherwise you'll resent it later.it took me years and heartbreak(4) but guess what my dream is on its way and I'm in training as I write this to you because your story hit home.Stay stong....and good luck

[slob]

Most people don't train for 3 to 3 and a half hours, but i need to train this long

she is right. 3 - 3.5 hours is WAY too long dude.
Cut down the training for sure.
Less hours in the gym- more intensity bro.

[BARLOW]

ask her to give up shopping see how she reacts.

[Timm1704]

saying she is right, and i am wrong and then not changing will not solve the issue. If this is what she really wants, she has the wrong man.

Basically all we do is screw and maybe watch a movie once in awhile maybe, hang out, sometimes go to the mall but not too much more than that.

But i do not go to bars & drink, do not party because there isn't time for that. I have to sleep and train to do well, and i do not have time to party all night and then sleep for 5 hours. I have a strong feeling although she enjoys our SEXUAL relationship, she thinks that we need a better overall relationship, and THUS, i must make sacrificies which i cannot make.

dude, you answered your own question right there

[Timm1704]

and yes, 3-3.5 hours in the gym IS unnecessary, no arguments

[Mizfit]

Tell her she is right, and u are wrong. Than should make her feel better
than just go ahead with how u're doing things now.
I saw that on bill cosby. could work

I disagree with you.. TOTALLY.

This might solve things for about a minute.. then when reality sets in.. shit hit's the fan.

Back to the topic..
Do you spend enough time with her, or are you constantly putting training before her and actually sacrifice time with her for the gym?

women need to feel like a prioirty and if your putting the gym before her all the time.. this might be an issue ina relationship... If she doesnt have the same love and passion for the gym that you do. this could also be an issue if you are not willing to make some sacrifices.

[n4529359]

yeah girlfreinds and stuff always seem to hate the whole gym thing , well thats waht i've found

maybe cut ur workouts to an hour , ur gf will be happy and ull prolly get bigger

[Katelette81]

I think you should evaluate how important this person is to you. Personally, if the guy i was dating asked me to cut back on teh gym I'd probably cut back on him.. a lot. Working out and having that discipline in my life is extremely important to me, as it seems to be for you. I don't think you should have to sacrifice that. Of course,I don't know your relationsip etc. but I don't agree with her asking you to sacrifice something that you care so much about. Maybe you guys could come to a compromise, set out specific times to spend just with her... look at your schedule and try to work it out... good luck dude... tough call on this one.

[GQ-Bouncer]

If you were in love with her, you wouldnt have to ask this question.

My honest advice to you brutha, is to start winding down the relationship and preparing her to move on. She obviously doesnt support your passion for working out, you obviously dont want anything more than sex from her (as all you do is watch movies... occaisionally go to the mall and have sex - your words)

besides, summer time is the best time to be single

[SwoleCat]

If all you both ever do is f*ck and watch movies, then what's the loss?

You can do that w/many women who won't change who you are.

Accept all of me, or get none of me.

~SC~

[Pooks]

I still think u should tell her she is right... and than push it till u get a second, third, fourth etc warnings LOL Bill Cosby is da man! lol

[Timm1704]

I still think u should tell her she is right... and than push it till u get a second, third, fourth etc warnings LOL Bill Cosby is da man! lol

dude there are afew ppl on here that are taking this advice alittle seriously lol. i however, am taking it in jest