Being as honest as possible, need honest advice

**J-Dogg** · 06-22-2006, 09:11 PM

Some times I feel the advice here is a little “too from the hip” shooting for me, but I really am a little confused her.

I’ll be honest, I like to be in control. I’ve always been that way, I’m scared things will go wrong if I’m not in control. While I do realize this, I’m open about it and do try to work on it.

I’m not going to try to paint a bad picture of my girl friend, just going to be honest, and will do the same with my traits.

Speaking freely, she is on medication for depression and is an alchohalic. She had been sober for about 14 months until June. She just recently had relapsed, drank some wine with her friend and came home drunk as hell. She could barley make it up the stairs, needless to say I was very upset. Her drinking put her though a lot of pain, she tried to kill herself over it and hurt a lot of people that really care about her. She did go though counseling for it. Her friend of a long time recently developed a problem that will kill him if he starts to drink again, her friend honestly is lucky to be alive now. Because of her medication, she is under doctors orders not to drink as well.

I don’t mind her hanging out with her friend who is an alcoholic, but had the option to drink and die. She tries to support him, and I am supportive of that, it’s being a great friend.

However, 3 times this month she has stayed out past midnight now. Some times until after 2 A.M. Keep in mind I am a “control freak” but we both work mornings, I work at 5 am and she works at 7 am. She is normally sleeping by 10 pm and myself by 11 or midnight. She is spending a lot of time with her friends she use to drink with, and staying out this late.

Last night I really had a nice heart to heart with her. I explained how I felt, she expressed she loves me more than anything and understands. I asked her if she could just be home before 10 or 11 at night because I like to see her before I go to bed. I don’t like falling asleep with her not home because I worry about her. If it was an occasional thing, and an arranged thing I would not care but I don’t like it on random nights.

I asked her earlier today if she could be home at 10PM because I work a lot, she is with her friends a lot and I feel we are drifting apart. I don’t get to see her that often and I honestly feel I am the one trying to take the initiative to save our relationship. I just got off the phone arguing with her because she wants to stay out until midnight at her friends house (the one that does drink) because a bunch of people are over and they want to watch a movie.

One of her girlfriends, boyfriends wants to talk to me and I tell her I don’t want to talk to anyone’s ****ing boyfriend. He ends up on the phone anyhow and I flip out on the guy. He was just saying that she is not doing anything wrong, he’s with his girl friend (he really is) and they were just going to watch a movie. Needless to say though, it is not appropriate for you to even try to intervene when a guy is arguing with his girl friend and you are next to her not him.

So needless to say I had some words for him before he handed the phone back. I’m really livid right now because I’ve sat down and talked to her, expressed the problems we have had this month. I just had this talk with her last night, I woke up and gave her a hug, kissed her and just tried to make her feel comfortable, told her I loved her and went to work. Now this though.

Am I being over controlling? Maybe over concerned? I’m not scared to be wrong, but I just don’t know if I’m the one out of order here.

**Pooks** · 06-22-2006, 09:17 PM

U're so def not out of order bro, u love and care for her.

**abstrack** · 06-22-2006, 09:17 PM

tough decision. You're stuck between a rock and a hard place. In one aspect if you act like a ragin lunatic then you are going to push her away and drive her back to her old ways.

I think what you have already done is by far the best option. If she keeps on acting up, tell her you cant live with her like that and find out what is more important to her. You or the booze?

You are going to have to find a happy medium. She is her own person and should be able to go out when she wants. You have to trust her and allow her to make mistakes on her own. You cant control that. If you see that she is slipping with getting drunk by hanging out with old drinking friends, then address it to her again.

**J-Dogg** · 06-22-2006, 09:27 PM

I’ve explained why I worry if she hangs out with drunks.

You really become who you surround yourself with. She has one great friend who is in recovery and has been drug and alcohol free for 2 years. She had just gotten her 2 year token. Her boyfriend has been drug free for 3 years. They are really nice people.

It’s not that I don’t want her hanging around them. I just have trouble understanding why it has to be so late. Can’t they go out to dinner? Watch a movie at 8 pm instead of 11pm? I guess a lot of it is out of her control and she can’t expect her friends to setup their lives around her’s though too.

**Pooks** · 06-22-2006, 09:36 PM

This really does sound like a Nightmare bro.
Ugh i'd personally be miserable with a girlfriend like that.

**USfighterFC** · 06-22-2006, 09:59 PM

how come you dont hang out with your g/f's friends. i never did once and it always bugged me i never knew who her friends were.

**J-Dogg** · 06-22-2006, 10:03 PM

I have before, I don't have similar intrest so we don't really have anything in common.

She just started hanging around them again this month, it's been a bussy month for me as well, playing catch up and picking up a lot of jobs to pay the bills.

**IBdmfkr** · 06-22-2006, 10:16 PM

I'd say she is being disrespectful and you are the one persuing the relationship, seems as if other things/people are more important to her, I'd put her in check or make a decision. Then again, this is your relationship not mine so it's easier said than done. But if it were my wife, this kind of shit wouldn't fly.

**STYLE74** · 06-25-2006, 02:58 PM

I would rather be alone than put up with nonsense!! She should respect you. I agree with IBdmfkr!!

**beuleux** · 06-25-2006, 05:43 PM

well i know where ur coming from, i put up with a lot of shit for a lot of yrs before i decided enough is enough so i know how hard it is to be in ur shoes u got to get the end of ur tether ur own way and take it from there

incidently how does she feel about u doing gear and her not being able to drink