Met an Amazing woman, need advice

**F4iGuy** · 07-01-2006, 01:48 AM

The last few months of my life have been an emotional roller coaster. My fiancée left me at the beginning of the summer. I am over her for the most part. Since then I have met a girl who I can’t stop thinking about. Please read my story, sorry if it’s long, I appreciate any advice.

First time we met
The first time I met Jennifer was in college (a few months ago) at the start of my spring semester. I noticed her right away. She looked incredible, always smiling, friendly, etc. The first day of class the teacher had every student give a brief introduction. Turns out we had a lot in common. We are both education majors, into fitness, fast cars, motorcycles, and several other things. I couldn’t take my eyes off her. To my surprise she approached me during class and asked if I was working in a group (we had to do a service project) and said that I should join her group if not. I told her I was working by myself. At the end of class she asked me out. I’ll never forget it. I was sitting at my desk packing up my stuff and she kneeled down next to me, looked me in the eyes and asked if I was seeing anybody. I hesitated and said “no, but I am engaged.” She said, “Oh well you should have said something.” I figured that was the ultimate test of my marriage and I had passed. I just turned down the hottest girl I have ever seen. It ate me up for weeks. I kept telling myself that she was probably a shallow person because during my introduction I mentioned that I had just bought a house.

End of semester/start of summer
The entire semester went by and we never spoke. It felt awkward because I wanted to get to know her but I was engaged and loved my girl. I wasn’t about to play with fire. By the end of the semester (3 months after meeting Jen) my fiancée and me split up. (Long story short she has control issues. Jennifer did not affect this outcome). I planned to approach Jen on the last day of class but it just didn’t feel right. I figured I would never see her again after that day.

A couple months ago
School was out and summer was beginning. I had a long hard semester so I slept in for a week then got in touch with friends I haven’t seen in a while. I told them about all the crap I had gone through with my ex. I started going out again and having fun, something I hadn’t done in a while because my ex never wanted to go outside of the house. Every once in a while I thought about Jen and wondered what she was like, her personality, etc. I mentioned her to my closest friend and he suggested looking her up on myspace. I did and it worked. I saw her page and couldn’t believe it. So I sent her an email. We started texting each other on the phone. I really felt some connection with her. Eventually we decided to go out for a drink. She looked even better than last time I saw her but I noticed she was unusually quiet. We had a few drinks and then went our separate ways. I just figured she wasn’t interested. She sent me a text saying that she was in a relationship and her boyfriend didn’t want her talking to me. I figured, oh well, at least I tried. It was strange though because we seemed to get along so well.

Our next encounter
So a couple weeks go by and I figure I’ll never hear from her again. To my surprise she sends me a text “are you mad at me” which I didn’t respond to. Then I get an email from her. Here it is:
I owe you a big apology for putting you onto this roller coaster ride. I am really sorry that I was not able to be friends with you, because of the person whom I was dating. That sound so cheesy that I am even saying that.He made me delete your number and was trying to control me. Sometime people do stupid things, so that they can please other people. I came to a realization that he was not the right person for me. If he is pushing away people from my life, then he is a nut case. I was thinking about that time we went to grab drinks... well that was not how I usually act. I am usually a much more pleasant person. I had felt a little unconfortable because I had some attraction to you, but knew that I was seeing someone else. Since I dumped that guy, I was woundering if we can start over as friends and go out for another drink or maybe dinner? Call me if you want to, if not I understand...

So I respond by telling her that I’m familiar with the control thing and told her I’d like to go out to dinner. This was her response:

That sounds great! Which ever one would be perfect...I love the Italian food. I cant wait to hear from you this week. I am really sorry that I put you through that roller coaster ride. But, I got out of that relationship as soon as I seen that he was controling. I am not very good with that stuff (be controled). Everyone should be able to have some say in the relationship and not get put into a situation that makes them feel like that. Relationships take two people not one person controling your every move. I will tell you all about it if you would like to hear when we go to dinner.

You should send me a text or a call tonight? I do not have your number...

We talked on the phone a lot after that, for hours. We had a lot in common. She was in a 6 year relationship, I was in a 7 year relationship. We shared a lot of personal information. At one point she even said that she felt really comfortable around me, and it was a good feeling. She “couldn’t wait to see me again”. She said, “I Feel like we have been friends forever and it’s a good feeling”.

A couple weeks ago
We met up for dinner and it went really well. We talked for a long time even though neither one of us had a single drink. She has more going of than I realized. (She works full time and goes to school full time as well. She’s looking to buy a house soon. She’s into fitness. She runs five miles twice a week, trains with weights, and eats healthy. She’s into sports and likes snowboarding and going to the shore) After the date we went back to her place and she invited me up to her apartment. I sat on the couch. Shortly after she began scratching my back. We layed on the couch together and I rubbed her back. She told me I was amazing. She looked in my eyes for a while and kissed me. We kissed for a long time, it was great. Then she looked at me again and I said “I guess this makes us more than friends”, she was quiet and said what do you want to do? I told her I really liked her. I either wanted to see her or be in a relationship. I told her that I didn’t want to see other people. She said “neither do I” Then I mentioned that I had a lot going on with my house(in the process of selling it). She’s like, oh so you’re not ready. I’m like “no, I’m ready. I want to be in a relationship with you.” I told her I couldn’t wait for her to meet my friends. Shes like(half seriously), oh if I was only your friend you wouldn’t introduce me? I’m like, no I would but now its more exciting because I can introduce the hot girl as my girlfriend. Everything seemed cool. I kissed her again and went home with a big smile on my face.

The break up
A couple days go by and I meet her at her place again to watch a movie. I could tell something was different. She just layed there the whole time and looked at me a couple times, we didn’t kiss or make out. She just layed on my shoulder. After the movie she broke up with me by saying, “I think we’re moving a little fast. We both have a lot going on right now. I barely know you. I think we should take it slow. You’re just coming out of a relationship and I don’t want to be your rebound girl. I’m in the process of buying a house and you’re trying to deal with your situation. It’s not that I want to see other people. I just think we should slow down. Can we just be friends.” I just looked at her stunned and said, yeah, I can be your friend. I respect you if that’s what you want cool. She kept asking if I was mad at her, like she’d done something wrong. I said no

Next Day
We met up at her friend’s house then went to the Dave Mathews concert and had a good time. Her friend just bought a house with her boyfriend. It was hard to read her signals at the concert. At one point we were dancing real close together and she pulled my hands around her. After the concert we went back to her friends house. She slept on the couch and I slept on the floor. It sucked cause she seemed distant the whole time. I left and we haven’t spoken on the phone since.

However she sent me a text the next morning asking how my day was going. I sent her one back and got no reply. Today she sent me a text saying good morning, hope you have a great day, I said U2 and that was it. I don’t know if shell keep texting me or not.

My Questions
Please offer advice even if it doesn’t pertain to my questions.
1) What’s with the sudden change of heart? I thought we were getting along great. Do you think she’s still interested? I figure she would stop contacting me if she wanted nothing to do with me right?

2)What should I do? Do I call/text/email her? Should I wait a certain amount of time (days, week)? Do I make plans with her? A friend of mine is having a surprise party in 3 weeks that I thought about inviting her to.

3) Should I leave her alone and wait for her to contact me?

4) Should I respond to her texts? There isn’t much to say anyway. I mean, all she asks is how is my day.

5) What would you guys/girls do in my situation. It sucks cause I’m so into her but at the same time I don’t want to scare her off. I don’t mind being her friend but I’d like it to be more. It seemed like there was an emotional/physical attraction.

**Kale** · 07-01-2006, 03:50 AM

OMG how old are you, eleven ? Obviously she likes you and she is keen on you. She is playing hard to get because she wants you to make a real move. Call her, forget this text crap, thats a cop out. Tell her you want to take her out to dinner and lay it on the line, tell her what you want and dont bullshit about it. If its not for her then tell her to say so. BE HONEST !!!!!!!

**STYLE74** · 07-01-2006, 06:01 AM

What ever you do make sure you are confident...most women don't like men that aren't confident and what they do is test you in many different ways to see if you are confident and secure, just be real and if you feel like calling her then call her don't worry about what she thinks, if she plays games with you and stuff like that then you don't want ther anyway. Just be yourself and be real!! Oh and also be HONEST like kale sais!! Good Luck!!!

**USfighterFC** · 07-01-2006, 06:36 AM

She's screwing her ex. I'll put money on it.

**taiboxa** · 07-01-2006, 06:39 AM

HOLY FVCKIN SHIT DOOD.. i didnt read one bit of it.. kuz i have ADD and u just wrote a ****ing LotR trilliogy there ><

**stayinstacked** · 07-01-2006, 06:45 AM

Originally Posted by USfighterFC

She's screwing her ex. I'll put money on it.

My thoughts exactly!! Bro, a chick like this changes her mind day to day. It sounds to me like she wants a piece of ass and although she had told you more it sounds like she's just trying to keep a contact. I'd throw it to her and then see what happens from there.

**USfighterFC** · 07-01-2006, 06:46 AM

Originally Posted by taiboxa

HOLY FVCKIN SHIT DOOD.. i didnt read one bit of it.. kuz i have ADD and u just wrote a ****ing LotR trilliogy there ><

Trilliogy huh. LOL. Actually its a pretty decent story, pretty well constructed and easy to follow.

**taiboxa** · 07-01-2006, 06:51 AM

Originally Posted by USfighterFC

Trilliogy huh. LOL. Actually its a pretty decent story, pretty well constructed and easy to follow.

tai kant handle stuff w/ more than 1 paragrapH ><

**USfighterFC** · 07-01-2006, 06:51 AM

Originally Posted by taiboxa

tai kant handle stuff w/ more than 1 paragrapH ><

LMAO.

**mwolffey** · 07-01-2006, 11:28 AM

Originally Posted by F4iDom

The last few months of my life have been an emotional roller coaster. My fiancée left me at the beginning of the summer. I am over her for the most part. Since then I have met a girl who I can’t stop thinking about. Please read my story, sorry if it’s long, I appreciate any advice.

First time we met
The first time I met Jennifer was in college (a few months ago) at the start of my spring semester. I noticed her right away. She looked incredible, always smiling, friendly, etc. The first day of class the teacher had every student give a brief introduction. Turns out we had a lot in common. We are both education majors, into fitness, fast cars, motorcycles, and several other things. I couldn’t take my eyes off her. To my surprise she approached me during class and asked if I was working in a group (we had to do a service project) and said that I should join her group if not. I told her I was working by myself. At the end of class she asked me out. I’ll never forget it. I was sitting at my desk packing up my stuff and she kneeled down next to me, looked me in the eyes and asked if I was seeing anybody. I hesitated and said “no, but I am engaged.” She said, “Oh well you should have said something.” I figured that was the ultimate test of my marriage and I had passed. I just turned down the hottest girl I have ever seen. It ate me up for weeks. I kept telling myself that she was probably a shallow person because during my introduction I mentioned that I had just bought a house.

End of semester/start of summer
The entire semester went by and we never spoke. It felt awkward because I wanted to get to know her but I was engaged and loved my girl. I wasn’t about to play with fire. By the end of the semester (3 months after meeting Jen) my fiancée and me split up. (Long story short she has control issues. Jennifer did not affect this outcome). I planned to approach Jen on the last day of class but it just didn’t feel right. I figured I would never see her again after that day.

A couple months ago
School was out and summer was beginning. I had a long hard semester so I slept in for a week then got in touch with friends I haven’t seen in a while. I told them about all the crap I had gone through with my ex. I started going out again and having fun, something I hadn’t done in a while because my ex never wanted to go outside of the house. Every once in a while I thought about Jen and wondered what she was like, her personality, etc. I mentioned her to my closest friend and he suggested looking her up on myspace. I did and it worked. I saw her page and couldn’t believe it. So I sent her an email. We started texting each other on the phone. I really felt some connection with her. Eventually we decided to go out for a drink. She looked even better than last time I saw her but I noticed she was unusually quiet. We had a few drinks and then went our separate ways. I just figured she wasn’t interested. She sent me a text saying that she was in a relationship and her boyfriend didn’t want her talking to me. I figured, oh well, at least I tried. It was strange though because we seemed to get along so well.

Our next encounter
So a couple weeks go by and I figure I’ll never hear from her again. To my surprise she sends me a text “are you mad at me” which I didn’t respond to. Then I get an email from her. Here it is:
I owe you a big apology for putting you onto this roller coaster ride. I am really sorry that I was not able to be friends with you, because of the person whom I was dating. That sound so cheesy that I am even saying that.He made me delete your number and was trying to control me. Sometime people do stupid things, so that they can please other people. I came to a realization that he was not the right person for me. If he is pushing away people from my life, then he is a nut case. I was thinking about that time we went to grab drinks... well that was not how I usually act. I am usually a much more pleasant person. I had felt a little unconfortable because I had some attraction to you, but knew that I was seeing someone else. Since I dumped that guy, I was woundering if we can start over as friends and go out for another drink or maybe dinner? Call me if you want to, if not I understand...

So I respond by telling her that I’m familiar with the control thing and told her I’d like to go out to dinner. This was her response:

That sounds great! Which ever one would be perfect...I love the Italian food. I cant wait to hear from you this week. I am really sorry that I put you through that roller coaster ride. But, I got out of that relationship as soon as I seen that he was controling. I am not very good with that stuff (be controled). Everyone should be able to have some say in the relationship and not get put into a situation that makes them feel like that. Relationships take two people not one person controling your every move. I will tell you all about it if you would like to hear when we go to dinner.

You should send me a text or a call tonight? I do not have your number...

We talked on the phone a lot after that, for hours. We had a lot in common. She was in a 6 year relationship, I was in a 7 year relationship. We shared a lot of personal information. At one point she even said that she felt really comfortable around me, and it was a good feeling. She “couldn’t wait to see me again”. She said, “I Feel like we have been friends forever and it’s a good feeling”.

A couple weeks ago
We met up for dinner and it went really well. We talked for a long time even though neither one of us had a single drink. She has more going of than I realized. (She works full time and goes to school full time as well. She’s looking to buy a house soon. She’s into fitness. She runs five miles twice a week, trains with weights, and eats healthy. She’s into sports and likes snowboarding and going to the shore) After the date we went back to her place and she invited me up to her apartment. I sat on the couch. Shortly after she began scratching my back. We layed on the couch together and I rubbed her back. She told me I was amazing. She looked in my eyes for a while and kissed me. We kissed for a long time, it was great. Then she looked at me again and I said “I guess this makes us more than friends”, she was quiet and said what do you want to do? I told her I really liked her. I either wanted to see her or be in a relationship. I told her that I didn’t want to see other people. She said “neither do I” Then I mentioned that I had a lot going on with my house(in the process of selling it). She’s like, oh so you’re not ready. I’m like “no, I’m ready. I want to be in a relationship with you.” I told her I couldn’t wait for her to meet my friends. Shes like(half seriously), oh if I was only your friend you wouldn’t introduce me? I’m like, no I would but now its more exciting because I can introduce the hot girl as my girlfriend. Everything seemed cool. I kissed her again and went home with a big smile on my face.

The break up
A couple days go by and I meet her at her place again to watch a movie. I could tell something was different. She just layed there the whole time and looked at me a couple times, we didn’t kiss or make out. She just layed on my shoulder. After the movie she broke up with me by saying, “I think we’re moving a little fast. We both have a lot going on right now. I barely know you. I think we should take it slow. You’re just coming out of a relationship and I don’t want to be your rebound girl. I’m in the process of buying a house and you’re trying to deal with your situation. It’s not that I want to see other people. I just think we should slow down. Can we just be friends.” I just looked at her stunned and said, yeah, I can be your friend. I respect you if that’s what you want cool. She kept asking if I was mad at her, like she’d done something wrong. I said no

Next Day
We met up at her friend’s house then went to the Dave Mathews concert and had a good time. Her friend just bought a house with her boyfriend. It was hard to read her signals at the concert. At one point we were dancing real close together and she pulled my hands around her. After the concert we went back to her friends house. She slept on the couch and I slept on the floor. It sucked cause she seemed distant the whole time. I left and we haven’t spoken on the phone since.

However she sent me a text the next morning asking how my day was going. I sent her one back and got no reply. Today she sent me a text saying good morning, hope you have a great day, I said U2 and that was it. I don’t know if shell keep texting me or not.

My Questions
Please offer advice even if it doesn’t pertain to my questions.
1) What’s with the sudden change of heart? I thought we were getting along great. Do you think she’s still interested? I figure she would stop contacting me if she wanted nothing to do with me right?

2)What should I do? Do I call/text/email her? Should I wait a certain amount of time (days, week)? Do I make plans with her? A friend of mine is having a surprise party in 3 weeks that I thought about inviting her to.

3) Should I leave her alone and wait for her to contact me?

4) Should I respond to her texts? There isn’t much to say anyway. I mean, all she asks is how is my day.

5) What would you guys/girls do in my situation. It sucks cause I’m so into her but at the same time I don’t want to scare her off. I don’t mind being her friend but I’d like it to be more. It seemed like there was an emotional/physical attraction.

My thoughts-
1.) Shes confused, ches on the rebound as well, and is using your current state as an excuse
2.)Respond to her texts, dont be a dick, but dont let her lead you on again
3.) Do not text or call her, let her make a move, shes the one that distanced her self....make her work for you
4.) Yes, but let her make the questions
5.) Stay single, there are lots of girls, and dont settle for one thats gonna play mind games with you

**USfighterFC** · 07-01-2006, 11:35 AM

Word of advice from myself.....i dated a girl I thought was extremely good looking and many people agreed. She had a body, was great in bed, had a gorgeous face and the first date was UNREAL. We hit it off so well it was probably the best first date I have ever had and will have. She was the worst g/f I ever had. i wish her nothing but death in her life. She was the scum of the earth. WHY? Do you ask? Because she was a mind fvck. She did nothing but mess with my head. So I messed with her head. WITH MY FIST. J/k. It was awful and I hated every minute with her and she was one of the biggest mistakes I have ever had.

Point being, dont think cuz you hit it off with her she is the best person on earth. If she's pulling this kinda shit now it can be the same hand you're dealt with in the future as well.

**cfiler** · 07-01-2006, 11:57 AM

Ask her out for dinner. Stop with the texting. Phone her up, ask her out for dinner and a movie. With texting, she can play her games. If you talk to her on the phone, you will know if she is interested.

**Polska** · 07-01-2006, 12:55 PM

Buddy... you need to grow some fackin BALLS!! Here's what you did wrong:

Originally Posted by F4iDom

1) What’s with the sudden change of heart? I thought we were getting along great. Do you think she’s still interested? I figure she would stop contacting me if she wanted nothing to do with me right?

You scared her off by moving too fast. By admitting that you don't like seeing other people and jumping right into a relationship you confirmed how NEEDY and GUTLESS you are. which is a true turn-off to women. women like a challenge, and what you did is the definition of anti-challenge.

Originally Posted by F4iDom

2)What should I do? Do I call/text/email her? Should I wait a certain amount of time (days, week)? Do I make plans with her? A friend of mine is having a surprise party in 3 weeks that I thought about inviting her to.

DO NOT ATTEMPT TO MAKE ANY CONTACT AT ALL. DISAPPEAR. Leave her alone and make her wonder what you're doing. Who you're seeing, ****ing, etc. Mystery is a turn on for women. Do not contact her and wait for her to contact you. When she does (and she should, if you didnt **** things over too much) act non-chalant and casual. If she doesn't contact you then I would assume the cause is lost because her interest is now gone.

Originally Posted by F4iDom

3) Should I leave her alone and wait for her to contact me?

See above.

Originally Posted by F4iDom

4) Should I respond to her texts? There isn’t much to say anyway. I mean, all she asks is how is my day.

Respond intermittently. Not to every one. Make casual conversation. if she continues conversation incorporate flirting but make it sporadic. DO NOT come off as a try hard.

Originally Posted by F4iDom

5) What would you guys/girls do in my situation. It sucks cause I’m so into her but at the same time I don’t want to scare her off. I don’t mind being her friend but I’d like it to be more. It seemed like there was an emotional/physical attraction.

By moving too fast you are being a try hard and doing exactly what you don't want to be doing: scaring her off. There is the possiblity that she is either a head case or on the rebound, or both. Take it slow. Let HER chase YOU. Flirt with her sporadically so you dont come off as a nice guy 'friend'. Blow her off sometimes for the same reason. Other times be affectionate and make moves. Let her do the chase, make her EARN you. Human nature makes us appreciate stuff we have to work for. don't let her take you for granted. BE A MAN!

**F4iGuy** · 07-01-2006, 05:55 PM

First off, you guys are incredible. Your advice is always on point. Thanks.

A few things:
1) Style47 mentioned confidence, obviously this is something I want to project. This is why I'm cautious about the phone call/text thing. Do I display more confidence by calling her every so often? Or am I better off not contacting her at all to show that I'm not needy?
2) USFighter. I'm pretty positive I have no serious competition at this point. She definetly broke it off with the ex. I could tell by listening to her friends talk about him at the concert. She also deleted his posts on her myspace. And I'm not sure that shes mindfing me. It seemed like she was still into me but wanted to slow things down. We only hung out a couple times and then I asked her out after we hooked up.
3) Mwolfey, very helpfult stuff. Is it cool to send her a text or phone call on sunday, 2 days after her text, asking how her weekend went? Or am I better off not contacting her? Tuff call becuase she did say she wants to be friends and take it slow. So does the occasional phone call hurt my chances?
4)Cfiler. I know it seems like I should just ask her out again but I get the feeling that she thinks I'm needy and I should prove that I'm not first, what do you think?
5) Polska, thats exactly how I feel. I got lost in the moment and in my state of weakness appeared needy. I need to reverse that but I'm worried that if I don't talk to her I won't get the chance. I know i f'ed up by telling her I wanted a relationship. So whats my best plan of attack, if she was just a hot chick I'd move on but shes more than that. We talked on the phone for hours and in a few days it seemed like I knew everything about her and her family, interests, past relationships, etc. I know I'm repeating myself alot so bare with me, I'm just trying to figure out what to do next. T

Thanks for taking the time to respond guys.

**mick-g** · 07-01-2006, 07:12 PM

Bro, Im 47yrs old, so i been thru everything, lol! There are only 2 things that can be going on. 1. She is in another relationship and can't make her mind up., or 2. She is in another relationship and cant make her mind up. Lmao!! Really Bro...Ask yourself, "Why would a girl so forward and outgoing, asking you out and being so open, now say that your both moving too fast"? Sounds to me like a copout, or a move to give her time to figure something out she doesn't want you to know about. You need to call her (none of this childish text message crap) and tell her you want to meet and talk with her. I would tell her exactly how you feel and be upfront and ask if she was so into this relationship, why now is she doing an about face?? Ask her point blank if she is seeing someone else or her ex. You will know by her facial expressions, or maybe she will actually tell you the truth. I tend to agree with USFighter, a really good first date and a girl being good looking means nothing, if the girl can't back it up with honesty. If shes playing you, do you deserve that kind of treatment? Ive known guys that will play this going back and fourth thing for months cause they don't have the balls to end it cleanly. If she is indeed going out on you, the best thing is to break it off cleanly and break all forms of contact with her. Women like that will do and say anything to keep the other guy thinking there is a chance, and they don't care what it does to their mindset.

**BARLOW** · 07-01-2006, 07:31 PM

shes lookin for dick...thats it....

**bor** · 07-02-2006, 01:32 AM

Originally Posted by USfighterFC

She's screwing her ex. I'll put money on it.

agreed, and she feels guilty thats why she didn't blow you off completely.

I had the EXACT same scenario with my last gf.

Women suck.

**bor** · 07-02-2006, 01:39 AM

Originally Posted by Polska

Buddy... you need to grow some fackin BALLS!! Here's what you did wrong:
You scared her off by moving too fast. By admitting that you don't like seeing other people and jumping right into a relationship you confirmed how NEEDY and GUTLESS you are. which is a true turn-off to women. women like a challenge, and what you did is the definition of anti-challenge.
DO NOT ATTEMPT TO MAKE ANY CONTACT AT ALL. DISAPPEAR. Leave her alone and make her wonder what you're doing. Who you're seeing, ****ing, etc. Mystery is a turn on for women. Do not contact her and wait for her to contact you. When she does (and she should, if you didnt **** things over too much) act non-chalant and casual. If she doesn't contact you then I would assume the cause is lost because her interest is now gone.
See above.Respond intermittently. Not to every one. Make casual conversation. if she continues conversation incorporate flirting but make it sporadic. DO NOT come off as a try hard.By moving too fast you are being a try hard and doing exactly what you don't want to be doing: scaring her off. There is the possiblity that she is either a head case or on the rebound, or both. Take it slow. Let HER chase YOU. Flirt with her sporadically so you dont come off as a nice guy 'friend'. Blow her off sometimes for the same reason. Other times be affectionate and make moves. Let her do the chase, make her EARN you. Human nature makes us appreciate stuff we have to work for. don't let her take you for granted. BE A MAN!

Some very goood advice here.

The take home message is : just act uninterested, don't try to get her back coz' it won't work, if she wants to come back, she will, if not, there's nothing you can do to change it now...

**Polska** · 07-02-2006, 11:17 AM

Originally Posted by F4iDom

5) Polska, thats exactly how I feel. I got lost in the moment and in my state of weakness appeared needy. I need to reverse that but I'm worried that if I don't talk to her I won't get the chance. I know i f'ed up by telling her I wanted a relationship. So whats my best plan of attack, if she was just a hot chick I'd move on but shes more than that. We talked on the phone for hours and in a few days it seemed like I knew everything about her and her family, interests, past relationships, etc. I know I'm repeating myself alot so bare with me, I'm just trying to figure out what to do next.

The only way to reverse that is to not talk to her. I know it's tough, because you feel that if you don't initiate contact then you may lose her forever. But if YOU do the chasing you're hurting your own cause, which might throw her interest level even further south and then you may lose her forever. Catch my drift? You stand a better chance doing the former. People tend to appreciate something they have to work for. If you're pursuing her then you're doing all the work. This stuff is very counter-intuitive but it works because the human psyche is the same in all (sane) people. If she's a wack job then you're out of luck; she will act sparodically no matter what you do.

I'll tell you what you should do: Go out, meet new people (guys and girls), expand your social network. Start seeing MULTIPLE women at the same time. Do not go out on DINNER dates that cost money. Go out for coffee or a drink. Start to get to know multiple women and keep yourself busy. That alone will create a good vibe, raise your confidence, lower your neediness, etc. If you are all alone thinking about this girl and how perfect she is then you're more than likely going to lose your mind. If you keep yourself busy with hobbies, friends, work, other women, etc. it will be a lot easier on you.
She may come around and you guys might make the perfect couple till death do you part; whatever. If she doesn't then there are millions of other women out there just as good or better than her. In the meantime, keep your distance and stay busy! it's your only play now.

**F4iGuy** · 07-02-2006, 11:14 PM

This is getting strange.

The last time I saw this girl was wednesday. Every day since she has sent me the same vague text message on my phone. Thursday-"How is your day?", Friday-"Goodmorning have a great day", Sunday-"I hope your day is great?" I'm like, wtf. She doesn't call, just sends text messages. I thought about calling her tommorow and just talking to her about the weekend but after reading your responses I think I'll just start ignoring her. She did say she wanted to slow down and become friends and see if it turns into anything, but that could just be her way of playing head games. One things for damn sure I won't take her out to dinner again!

**firmechicano831** · 07-03-2006, 12:09 AM

dude you wrote a book that shit is long, just bone her. lol

**biglouie250** · 07-03-2006, 10:25 AM

she just got out of a 6 year relationship and now because of your anonymous email she finds out her bf is controlling?? that sounds a lil fishy. my guess is that things with her ex are heating up again or she needed a break from him and you were the break. also dont forget that if im wrong on this account you still are the rebound guy and the odds say a new relationship starting so soon after her breakup wont work. there is a lot of baggage when it comes to ending a long term relationship. they def still talk.

**F4iGuy** · 07-04-2006, 10:44 PM

Little update. The girl calls me up and invites me to her 4th july party. I go with a friend and guess what, she's cold as ice. Doesn't say a word! She was messing around with some other kid. I hung out with my friend, and some of her freinds which were cool, and drank some beers. Played a couple rounds of beer pong and left. Seeya beeotch! WTF.....

**spywizard** · 07-04-2006, 11:09 PM

Originally Posted by mick-g

Bro, Im 47yrs old, so i been thru everything, lol! There are only 2 things that can be going on. 1. She is in another relationship and can't make her mind up., or 2. She is in another relationship and cant make her mind up. Lmao!! Really Bro...Ask yourself, "Why would a girl so forward and outgoing, asking you out and being so open, now say that your both moving too fast"? Sounds to me like a copout, or a move to give her time to figure something out she doesn't want you to know about. You need to call her (none of this childish text message crap) and tell her you want to meet and talk with her. I would tell her exactly how you feel and be upfront and ask if she was so into this relationship, why now is she doing an about face?? Ask her point blank if she is seeing someone else or her ex. You will know by her facial expressions, or maybe she will actually tell you the truth. I tend to agree with USFighter, a really good first date and a girl being good looking means nothing, if the girl can't back it up with honesty. If shes playing you, do you deserve that kind of treatment? Ive known guys that will play this going back and fourth thing for months cause they don't have the balls to end it cleanly. If she is indeed going out on you, the best thing is to break it off cleanly and break all forms of contact with her. Women like that will do and say anything to keep the other guy thinking there is a chance, and they don't care what it does to their mindset.

damn, there ya go, we have a winner...

the best advice is play hard to get... women love a challenge

**bor** · 07-05-2006, 02:49 AM

1. I hope you didn't reply to the sms's

2. you shouldn't have gone to the party

**USfighterFC** · 07-05-2006, 11:30 AM

#3...she's keeping you on the backburner.

**Superhuman** · 07-05-2006, 11:36 AM

Originally Posted by taiboxa

HOLY FVCKIN SHIT DOOD.. i didnt read one bit of it.. kuz i have ADD and u just wrote a ****ing LotR trilliogy there ><

haha I was about to say that! when I first read the thread title I thought it said AMAZON WOMAN and I was genuinely interested... then I read the story.

BE HONEST, BRO!!! If it doesn't work out, then there are BILLIONS of women on this planet! I learned that a few weeks ago through my relationship problems (which I posted on here, too)

**Superhuman** · 07-05-2006, 11:38 AM

Originally Posted by F4iDom

Little update. The girl calls me up and invites me to her 4th july party. I go with a friend and guess what, she's cold as ice. Doesn't say a word! She was messing around with some other kid. I hung out with my friend, and some of her freinds which were cool, and drank some beers. Played a couple rounds of beer pong and left. Seeya beeotch! WTF.....

after reading this DO NOT TALK TO HER. go about your life and if she calls you later to say she wants you- great, if not then fvck her she's a b*tch!

**Hard Head** · 07-05-2006, 11:43 AM

Originally Posted by BARLOW

shes lookin for dick...thats it....

I'd say that she's looking for the BBD. Bigger and Better Deal, and prolly some stick too. She's looking for the man who will take care of her and give her a good and easy life. It's the same shit all females want. Security, peace of mind (yeah, like that's gonna happen, they are all looney), a nice place to live, etc. She was into you partly because she thought you had some resources, you just bought a house.

Throw her the bone. If she doesn't want what you have to offer, move on.

**Timm1704** · 07-05-2006, 12:20 PM

wow guys there is some great advice here. leave her to it dude, if she wants you, she will come back. but she doesnt im afraid

**StoneGRMI** · 07-05-2006, 12:32 PM

Originally Posted by Superhuman

haha I was about to say that! when I first read the thread title I thought it said AMAZON WOMAN and I was genuinely interested... then I read the story.

Dude I thought the same thing and I kept reading and the amazon woman never showed up.

**unclemoney** · 07-05-2006, 12:57 PM

Originally Posted by Superhuman

haha I was about to say that! when I first read the thread title I thought it said AMAZON WOMAN and I was genuinely interested... then I read the story.

BE HONEST, BRO!!! If it doesn't work out, then there are BILLIONS of women on this planet! I learned that a few weeks ago through my relationship problems (which I posted on here, too)

Met an amazon woman, now that would be an interesting story

But anyways bro, whatever happens, good luck... I wouldn't even give that girl another chance.. Plenty of other girls out there, sometimes I wish I was single, but I'm liking were I'm at right now...

**freakinhuge** · 07-05-2006, 01:10 PM

That was a long story, good, but long. Lots of good advice I hope everything works out for you.

**Bojangles69** · 07-05-2006, 03:47 PM

Originally Posted by F4iDom

The last few months of my life have been an emotional roller coaster. My fiancée left me at the beginning of the summer. I am over her for the most part. Since then I have met a girl who I can’t stop thinking about. Please read my story, sorry if it’s long, I appreciate any advice.

First time we met
The first time I met Jennifer was in college (a few months ago) at the start of my spring semester. I noticed her right away. She looked incredible, always smiling, friendly, etc. The first day of class the teacher had every student give a brief introduction. Turns out we had a lot in common. We are both education majors, into fitness, fast cars, motorcycles, and several other things. I couldn’t take my eyes off her. To my surprise she approached me during class and asked if I was working in a group (we had to do a service project) and said that I should join her group if not. I told her I was working by myself. At the end of class she asked me out. I’ll never forget it. I was sitting at my desk packing up my stuff and she kneeled down next to me, looked me in the eyes and asked if I was seeing anybody. I hesitated and said “no, but I am engaged.” She said, “Oh well you should have said something.” I figured that was the ultimate test of my marriage and I had passed. I just turned down the hottest girl I have ever seen. It ate me up for weeks. I kept telling myself that she was probably a shallow person because during my introduction I mentioned that I had just bought a house.

End of semester/start of summer
The entire semester went by and we never spoke. It felt awkward because I wanted to get to know her but I was engaged and loved my girl. I wasn’t about to play with fire. By the end of the semester (3 months after meeting Jen) my fiancée and me split up. (Long story short she has control issues. Jennifer did not affect this outcome). I planned to approach Jen on the last day of class but it just didn’t feel right. I figured I would never see her again after that day.

A couple months ago
School was out and summer was beginning. I had a long hard semester so I slept in for a week then got in touch with friends I haven’t seen in a while. I told them about all the crap I had gone through with my ex. I started going out again and having fun, something I hadn’t done in a while because my ex never wanted to go outside of the house. Every once in a while I thought about Jen and wondered what she was like, her personality, etc. I mentioned her to my closest friend and he suggested looking her up on myspace. I did and it worked. I saw her page and couldn’t believe it. So I sent her an email. We started texting each other on the phone. I really felt some connection with her. Eventually we decided to go out for a drink. She looked even better than last time I saw her but I noticed she was unusually quiet. We had a few drinks and then went our separate ways. I just figured she wasn’t interested. She sent me a text saying that she was in a relationship and her boyfriend didn’t want her talking to me. I figured, oh well, at least I tried. It was strange though because we seemed to get along so well.

Our next encounter
So a couple weeks go by and I figure I’ll never hear from her again. To my surprise she sends me a text “are you mad at me” which I didn’t respond to. Then I get an email from her. Here it is:
I owe you a big apology for putting you onto this roller coaster ride. I am really sorry that I was not able to be friends with you, because of the person whom I was dating. That sound so cheesy that I am even saying that.He made me delete your number and was trying to control me. Sometime people do stupid things, so that they can please other people. I came to a realization that he was not the right person for me. If he is pushing away people from my life, then he is a nut case. I was thinking about that time we went to grab drinks... well that was not how I usually act. I am usually a much more pleasant person. I had felt a little unconfortable because I had some attraction to you, but knew that I was seeing someone else. Since I dumped that guy, I was woundering if we can start over as friends and go out for another drink or maybe dinner? Call me if you want to, if not I understand...

So I respond by telling her that I’m familiar with the control thing and told her I’d like to go out to dinner. This was her response:

That sounds great! Which ever one would be perfect...I love the Italian food. I cant wait to hear from you this week. I am really sorry that I put you through that roller coaster ride. But, I got out of that relationship as soon as I seen that he was controling. I am not very good with that stuff (be controled). Everyone should be able to have some say in the relationship and not get put into a situation that makes them feel like that. Relationships take two people not one person controling your every move. I will tell you all about it if you would like to hear when we go to dinner.

You should send me a text or a call tonight? I do not have your number...

We talked on the phone a lot after that, for hours. We had a lot in common. She was in a 6 year relationship, I was in a 7 year relationship. We shared a lot of personal information. At one point she even said that she felt really comfortable around me, and it was a good feeling. She “couldn’t wait to see me again”. She said, “I Feel like we have been friends forever and it’s a good feeling”.

A couple weeks ago
We met up for dinner and it went really well. We talked for a long time even though neither one of us had a single drink. She has more going of than I realized. (She works full time and goes to school full time as well. She’s looking to buy a house soon. She’s into fitness. She runs five miles twice a week, trains with weights, and eats healthy. She’s into sports and likes snowboarding and going to the shore) After the date we went back to her place and she invited me up to her apartment. I sat on the couch. Shortly after she began scratching my back. We layed on the couch together and I rubbed her back. She told me I was amazing. She looked in my eyes for a while and kissed me. We kissed for a long time, it was great. Then she looked at me again and I said “I guess this makes us more than friends”, she was quiet and said what do you want to do? I told her I really liked her. I either wanted to see her or be in a relationship. I told her that I didn’t want to see other people. She said “neither do I” Then I mentioned that I had a lot going on with my house(in the process of selling it). She’s like, oh so you’re not ready. I’m like “no, I’m ready. I want to be in a relationship with you.” I told her I couldn’t wait for her to meet my friends. Shes like(half seriously), oh if I was only your friend you wouldn’t introduce me? I’m like, no I would but now its more exciting because I can introduce the hot girl as my girlfriend. Everything seemed cool. I kissed her again and went home with a big smile on my face.

The break up
A couple days go by and I meet her at her place again to watch a movie. I could tell something was different. She just layed there the whole time and looked at me a couple times, we didn’t kiss or make out. She just layed on my shoulder. After the movie she broke up with me by saying, “I think we’re moving a little fast. We both have a lot going on right now. I barely know you. I think we should take it slow. You’re just coming out of a relationship and I don’t want to be your rebound girl. I’m in the process of buying a house and you’re trying to deal with your situation. It’s not that I want to see other people. I just think we should slow down. Can we just be friends.” I just looked at her stunned and said, yeah, I can be your friend. I respect you if that’s what you want cool. She kept asking if I was mad at her, like she’d done something wrong. I said no

Next Day
We met up at her friend’s house then went to the Dave Mathews concert and had a good time. Her friend just bought a house with her boyfriend. It was hard to read her signals at the concert. At one point we were dancing real close together and she pulled my hands around her. After the concert we went back to her friends house. She slept on the couch and I slept on the floor. It sucked cause she seemed distant the whole time. I left and we haven’t spoken on the phone since.

However she sent me a text the next morning asking how my day was going. I sent her one back and got no reply. Today she sent me a text saying good morning, hope you have a great day, I said U2 and that was it. I don’t know if shell keep texting me or not.

My Questions
Please offer advice even if it doesn’t pertain to my questions.
1) What’s with the sudden change of heart? I thought we were getting along great. Do you think she’s still interested? I figure she would stop contacting me if she wanted nothing to do with me right?

2)What should I do? Do I call/text/email her? Should I wait a certain amount of time (days, week)? Do I make plans with her? A friend of mine is having a surprise party in 3 weeks that I thought about inviting her to.

3) Should I leave her alone and wait for her to contact me?

4) Should I respond to her texts? There isn’t much to say anyway. I mean, all she asks is how is my day.

5) What would you guys/girls do in my situation. It sucks cause I’m so into her but at the same time I don’t want to scare her off. I don’t mind being her friend but I’d like it to be more. It seemed like there was an emotional/physical attraction.

leave her alone, find someone else, because if she ever reads this thread its over anyway lol.

**F4iGuy** · 07-05-2006, 08:45 PM

Yeah, i'm done with this shit. The day after the party she called me and I didn't answer. Then she sends me a few texts, basically asking if i'm mad at her. I can't believe how much of a front this girl put up. I should've hit it when i had the chance but i've been out of the game for a long time. What a waste of time