The last few months of my life have been an emotional roller coaster. My fiancée left me at the beginning of the summer. I am over her for the most part. Since then I have met a girl who I can’t stop thinking about. Please read my story, sorry if it’s long, I appreciate any advice.
First time we met
The first time I met Jennifer was in college (a few months ago) at the start of my spring semester. I noticed her right away. She looked incredible, always smiling, friendly, etc. The first day of class the teacher had every student give a brief introduction. Turns out we had a lot in common. We are both education majors, into fitness, fast cars, motorcycles, and several other things. I couldn’t take my eyes off her. To my surprise she approached me during class and asked if I was working in a group (we had to do a service project) and said that I should join her group if not. I told her I was working by myself. At the end of class she asked me out. I’ll never forget it. I was sitting at my desk packing up my stuff and she kneeled down next to me, looked me in the eyes and asked if I was seeing anybody. I hesitated and said “no, but I am engaged.” She said, “Oh well you should have said something.” I figured that was the ultimate test of my marriage and I had passed. I just turned down the hottest girl I have ever seen. It ate me up for weeks. I kept telling myself that she was probably a shallow person because during my introduction I mentioned that I had just bought a house.
End of semester/start of summer
The entire semester went by and we never spoke. It felt awkward because I wanted to get to know her but I was engaged and loved my girl. I wasn’t about to play with fire. By the end of the semester (3 months after meeting Jen) my fiancée and me split up. (Long story short she has control issues. Jennifer did not affect this outcome). I planned to approach Jen on the last day of class but it just didn’t feel right. I figured I would never see her again after that day.
A couple months ago
School was out and summer was beginning. I had a long hard semester so I slept in for a week then got in touch with friends I haven’t seen in a while. I told them about all the crap I had gone through with my ex. I started going out again and having fun, something I hadn’t done in a while because my ex never wanted to go outside of the house. Every once in a while I thought about Jen and wondered what she was like, her personality, etc. I mentioned her to my closest friend and he suggested looking her up on myspace. I did and it worked. I saw her page and couldn’t believe it. So I sent her an email. We started texting each other on the phone. I really felt some connection with her. Eventually we decided to go out for a drink. She looked even better than last time I saw her but I noticed she was unusually quiet. We had a few drinks and then went our separate ways. I just figured she wasn’t interested. She sent me a text saying that she was in a relationship and her boyfriend didn’t want her talking to me. I figured, oh well, at least I tried. It was strange though because we seemed to get along so well.
Our next encounter
So a couple weeks go by and I figure I’ll never hear from her again. To my surprise she sends me a text “are you mad at me” which I didn’t respond to. Then I get an email from her. Here it is:
I owe you a big apology for putting you onto this roller coaster ride. I am really sorry that I was not able to be friends with you, because of the person whom I was dating. That sound so cheesy that I am even saying that.He made me delete your number and was trying to control me. Sometime people do stupid things, so that they can please other people. I came to a realization that he was not the right person for me. If he is pushing away people from my life, then he is a nut case. I was thinking about that time we went to grab drinks... well that was not how I usually act. I am usually a much more pleasant person. I had felt a little unconfortable because I had some attraction to you, but knew that I was seeing someone else. Since I dumped that guy, I was woundering if we can start over as friends and go out for another drink or maybe dinner? Call me if you want to, if not I understand...
So I respond by telling her that I’m familiar with the control thing and told her I’d like to go out to dinner. This was her response:
That sounds great! Which ever one would be perfect...I love the Italian food. I cant wait to hear from you this week. I am really sorry that I put you through that roller coaster ride. But, I got out of that relationship as soon as I seen that he was controling. I am not very good with that stuff (be controled). Everyone should be able to have some say in the relationship and not get put into a situation that makes them feel like that. Relationships take two people not one person controling your every move. I will tell you all about it if you would like to hear when we go to dinner.
You should send me a text or a call tonight? I do not have your number...
We talked on the phone a lot after that, for hours. We had a lot in common. She was in a 6 year relationship, I was in a 7 year relationship. We shared a lot of personal information. At one point she even said that she felt really comfortable around me, and it was a good feeling. She “couldn’t wait to see me again”. She said, “I Feel like we have been friends forever and it’s a good feeling”.
A couple weeks ago
We met up for dinner and it went really well. We talked for a long time even though neither one of us had a single drink. She has more going of than I realized. (She works full time and goes to school full time as well. She’s looking to buy a house soon. She’s into fitness. She runs five miles twice a week, trains with weights, and eats healthy. She’s into sports and likes snowboarding and going to the shore) After the date we went back to her place and she invited me up to her apartment. I sat on the couch. Shortly after she began scratching my back. We layed on the couch together and I rubbed her back. She told me I was amazing. She looked in my eyes for a while and kissed me. We kissed for a long time, it was great. Then she looked at me again and I said “I guess this makes us more than friends”, she was quiet and said what do you want to do? I told her I really liked her. I either wanted to see her or be in a relationship. I told her that I didn’t want to see other people. She said “neither do I” Then I mentioned that I had a lot going on with my house(in the process of selling it). She’s like, oh so you’re not ready. I’m like “no, I’m ready. I want to be in a relationship with you.” I told her I couldn’t wait for her to meet my friends. Shes like(half seriously), oh if I was only your friend you wouldn’t introduce me? I’m like, no I would but now its more exciting because I can introduce the hot girl as my girlfriend. Everything seemed cool. I kissed her again and went home with a big smile on my face.
The break up
A couple days go by and I meet her at her place again to watch a movie. I could tell something was different. She just layed there the whole time and looked at me a couple times, we didn’t kiss or make out. She just layed on my shoulder. After the movie she broke up with me by saying, “I think we’re moving a little fast. We both have a lot going on right now. I barely know you. I think we should take it slow. You’re just coming out of a relationship and I don’t want to be your rebound girl. I’m in the process of buying a house and you’re trying to deal with your situation. It’s not that I want to see other people. I just think we should slow down. Can we just be friends.” I just looked at her stunned and said, yeah, I can be your friend. I respect you if that’s what you want cool. She kept asking if I was mad at her, like she’d done something wrong. I said no
Next Day
We met up at her friend’s house then went to the Dave Mathews concert and had a good time. Her friend just bought a house with her boyfriend. It was hard to read her signals at the concert. At one point we were dancing real close together and she pulled my hands around her. After the concert we went back to her friends house. She slept on the couch and I slept on the floor. It sucked cause she seemed distant the whole time. I left and we haven’t spoken on the phone since.
However she sent me a text the next morning asking how my day was going. I sent her one back and got no reply. Today she sent me a text saying good morning, hope you have a great day, I said U2 and that was it. I don’t know if shell keep texting me or not.
My Questions
Please offer advice even if it doesn’t pertain to my questions.
1) What’s with the sudden change of heart? I thought we were getting along great. Do you think she’s still interested? I figure she would stop contacting me if she wanted nothing to do with me right?
2)What should I do? Do I call/text/email her? Should I wait a certain amount of time (days, week)? Do I make plans with her? A friend of mine is having a surprise party in 3 weeks that I thought about inviting her to.
3) Should I leave her alone and wait for her to contact me?
4) Should I respond to her texts? There isn’t much to say anyway. I mean, all she asks is how is my day.
5) What would you guys/girls do in my situation. It sucks cause I’m so into her but at the same time I don’t want to scare her off. I don’t mind being her friend but I’d like it to be more. It seemed like there was an emotional/physical attraction.
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Originally Posted by USfighterFC
The last time I saw this girl was wednesday. Every day since she has sent me the same vague text message on my phone. Thursday-"How is your day?", Friday-"Goodmorning have a great day", Sunday-"I hope your day is great?" I'm like, wtf. She doesn't call, just sends text messages. I thought about calling her tommorow and just talking to her about the weekend but after reading your responses I think I'll just start ignoring her. She did say she wanted to slow down and become friends and see if it turns into anything, but that could just be her way of playing head games. One things for damn sure I won't take her out to dinner again!
