Losing a Parent

**SMAN12b** · 07-13-2006, 06:25 PM

Without turning this into a pity party, My mind is just way out there right now, so forgive please. I just found out that my 78 year old ailing mother, will probably not be here much longer!! I am the youngest (41) of 7 and both parents are still married after over 55 years. Mom has had heart problems for over 15 years now and last October had a mini stroke and has deteriorated ever since. Now it looks like her heart is just not strong enough to do everything it needs to do. Kidneys are starting to go.........
I knew it was coming, but I guess it is just starting to hit home that it is really close. I dont' want her to suffer, but I really don't want to lose her!!!

This has just been one shitty year for me

Guess i just dont' know how I will be able to deal with it all, we lost our oldest brother 2 years ago,(today was his birthday) so it is just too much.

Anyway, thanks for a place to get this out of my head!!!! I love this place~

**STYLE74** · 07-13-2006, 06:35 PM

Hey sorry to hear that bro, my prayer's are with your mother and your whole family. Be strong!

BG · 07-13-2006, 06:39 PM

Stay strong, thoughts are with you.

**tonytone** · 07-13-2006, 06:42 PM

just think of all the time that you DID have with her...i lost my mother to cancer when i was 8 yrs old, so my memories are pretty limited (not to mention she spent the last 2 yrs of her life in the hospital)

**stuball** · 07-13-2006, 06:43 PM

Sorry bro, im going through the same thing had to admit my father in the hospital sat. night and found out 2 days ago he has cancer running through his whole body, they dont give him much time, he's 80, im 43, and i also lost my brother 10 years ago from cancer, so i feel your pain...The worst part was going over his house today to get his mail, and walking through the house, had this empty feeling, knowing he will never be back there... I told myself i would never sell that house, now i can barley walk through it...My prayers are with you and your family...

**Anabolios** · 07-13-2006, 06:44 PM

i feel your pain man..i lost my father to melanoma when i was 17

**SMAN12b** · 07-13-2006, 06:47 PM

Originally Posted by tonytone

just think of all the time that you DID have with her...i lost my mother to cancer when i was 8 yrs old, so my memories are pretty limited (not to mention she spent the last 2 yrs of her life in the hospital)

Yeah, she has been either in hospitals or in a hospital bed at home now for the last 9 months. She has done sooooo much for all of her kids, she IS the opitomy of old fashioned mothers!!! I just hate seeing her go this way. Just seems so wrong to have to need others just to use the bathroom or bedpan. She doesn't deserve that!!! dammit!!! Someday mabye we will get to know WHY things go the way they go but for now it just SUCKS !!!!

**SMAN12b** · 07-13-2006, 06:48 PM

Originally Posted by stuball

Sorry bro, im going through the same thing had to admit my father in the hospital sat. night and found out 2 days ago he has cancer running through his whole body, they dont give him much time, he's 80, im 43, and i also lost my brother 10 years ago from cancer, so i feel your pain...The worst part was going over his house today to get his mail, and walking through the house, had this empty feeling, knowing he will never be back there... I told myself i would never sell that house, now i can barley walk through it...My prayers are with you and your family...

Thanks Stu, I definetly understand what your feeling!! and my prayers are with you as well!!

**Timm1704** · 07-13-2006, 06:49 PM

be strong buddy, there is nothing you can do to help really. i lost my dad when i was 11, and as callous and cold as this may seem, the thought is worse than the actual reality. i always dreaded as a child, the thought of a parent dying. when it actually happened, you just deal with it and keep going. its never as bad as it seems. saying that, if it happened now (im 21) im not sure how it would affect me

**zodiac666** · 07-13-2006, 07:24 PM

yea i feel you man, my mom died in a car crash 6 days ago, she was 53. the worst part was telling my little sister, im 25 shes 21. you just got to keep living your life and never forget the good times you had with them. i still miss her alot but i know she would want me to keep going and get whatever happiness i can out of life.

**SMAN12b** · 07-13-2006, 07:29 PM

Originally Posted by zodiac666

yea i feel you man, my mom died in a car crash 6 days ago, she was 53. the worst part was telling my little sister, im 25 shes 21. you just got to keep living your life and never forget the good times you had with them. i still miss her alot but i know she would want me to keep going and get whatever happiness i can out of life.

6 days ago???? Damnn bro I am very sorry to year that!! My prayers go out to you and your family !!
I hate to say it, and I think this is part of my mental stress, but, I almost wish it would happen quickly, so she doesn't have to suffer anymore! I feel bad for thinking that way though

**Katelette81** · 07-13-2006, 07:31 PM

THoughts and prayers are with you Sman.. and your family of course. My Mom is the glue of my family, I can't imagine what you're going through... but you know where to find support!

**SMAN12b** · 07-13-2006, 07:34 PM

Originally Posted by Katelette81

THoughts and prayers are with you Sman.. and your family of course. My Mom is the glue of my family, I can't imagine what you're going through... but you know where to find support!

Thanks katelette, My mom is the glue as well, she was always the buffer between the kids adn my dad who is an old world, old fashioned very stern father. So she was the go between!!!

I am grateful to be able to vent and gain support from my extended family here at AR!!! thank you all

**stuball** · 07-13-2006, 07:36 PM

Originally Posted by SMAN12B

6 days ago???? Damnn bro I am very sorry to year that!! My prayers go out to you and your family !!
I hate to say it, and I think this is part of my mental stress, but, I almost wish it would happen quickly, so she doesn't have to suffer anymore! I feel bad for thinking that way though

Dont feel bad, i feel the same about my dad, i wish he would just slowly drift off in his sleep.. Painless..

**Mighty Joe** · 07-13-2006, 07:36 PM

I understand bro! I lost my DAd to cancer a fews years back. I miss him very much!

My prayers are with you and your family bro!

MJ

**Liftnainez** · 07-13-2006, 08:40 PM

SMAN my prayers are with you and your mother... Stay strong... And do not give up hope friend.. if you need to talk hit me up brotha..

**SMAN12b** · 07-13-2006, 08:41 PM

Originally Posted by Liftnainez

SMAN my prayers are with you and your mother... Stay strong... And do not give up hope friend.. if you need to talk hit me up brotha..

Thanks Man!! It is definetly tough, but you guys do make it a little easier!!!

**one8nine** · 07-14-2006, 12:50 AM

my father was fine, 100%, and got a "flu" right around christmas time and checked into a hospital and died of cancer in april. i love him to death hes my dad but seeing him suffer in that hospital i couldnt wait for him to die so he didnt have to hurt anymore

youll miss your mom but when shes gone she wont have to deal with this pain shes going through

if you believe in the other side then youll be with her there but if you dont then just know that if she dies all pain is over and this disease is gone

**juiceboxxx** · 07-14-2006, 01:47 AM

i will pray for you my good friend

**Kale** · 07-14-2006, 01:50 AM

Mate I feel your pain believe me, I lost my daughter when she was just three and a half years old so I can honestly say I knowhat you are going through. Hang in there dude, all the brothers here are there for you, especially me !!!!

**Carlos_E** · 07-14-2006, 02:43 AM

My Dad passed away a couple of years ago after suffering for many years. It was a blessing because his suffering ended but to be honest it was not easy to deal with. As a child, you always expect your parents to be there. When one is not, it's very hard to deal with. It just takes time. Even though he is not here anymore I still feel very close to him. I know he is always with me.

**beuleux** · 07-14-2006, 03:09 AM

Sorry to hear that Sman, its not easy losinig family

**nirish_mark20** · 07-14-2006, 05:09 AM

im sorry to hear about this man, but stay strong. as hard as it will be, remember the good times and be there for your family. we all have to go at some point, its just so cruel that we cant all pass peacefully.

wer all here for u man, stick about and b strong

**USfighterFC** · 07-14-2006, 05:31 AM

That def sucks sman. The only thing I can tell you unfortunately that this is a part of life and EVERYONE must experience it. There is no dulling the pain of how hard it can be and it's terrible it must be that way, but this is how life has been since the beginning of time. But at the same time your mothers suffering has to subside at some time. It's hard to let go but I think her passing would be somewhat a relief to her pain.

**SMAN12b** · 07-14-2006, 05:58 AM

Originally Posted by USfighterFC

That def sucks sman. The only thing I can tell you unfortunately that this is a part of life and EVERYONE must experience it. There is no dulling the pain of how hard it can be and it's terrible it must be that way, but this is how life has been since the beginning of time. But at the same time your mothers suffering has to subside at some time. It's hard to let go but I think her passing would be somewhat a relief to her pain.

You are right USfighterFC, That is why i dont' want this to become a "pity" thread !! We all know that it has to happen at some point in our life, but I think we put it in the back of our heads and try to never really think about it.
I will hate that she is gone but be happy that her pain and suffering are DONE as well. There should just be a more dignified why for our parents to go then to dwindle away in front of our eyes. They go from being our strength and able to do anything , to now having no control over their own bodies....that is the sad part!!

Thanks again everyone for your thoughts and kind words

**USfighterFC** · 07-14-2006, 06:19 AM

Yeah i agree with that.....it's the hardest thing in the world to go through.

**USfighterFC** · 07-14-2006, 06:22 AM

BTW i didnt come out the wrong way i wasnt trying to say "Everyone has to go through it so quit your bitch" type of deal. I meant that it's a shitty thing that is unavoidable to everyone. I know if all of us had the option we would never have to do something like that in our lives but it sucks that we do. You can prepare your whole life or put it in the back of your head...i think it will still hurt just as bad.

BG · 07-14-2006, 06:33 AM

Originally Posted by Carlos_E

My Dad passed away a couple of years ago after suffering for many years. It was a blessing because his suffering ended but to be honest it was not easy to deal with. As a child, you always expect your parents to be there. When one is not, it's very hard to deal with. It just takes time. Even though he is not here anymore I still feel very close to him. I know he is always with me.

I agree, my mother held on for 9 months of hospital bed riddin cancer, she died before I was 16, it was sort of a relieve , she suffered so much up to that day. I lost my brother also 4 days before my 18th birthday. Sman keep your head up and stay strong.

**bor** · 07-14-2006, 08:17 AM

I am very sorry to hear that

Keep your head up, and you know we're all here for ya when you need to get things off your chest!

**magic32** · 07-14-2006, 09:50 AM

Terribly sorry to hear that Sman.

But congrats to her for such a long and full life (7 children and 55yrs of marriage).

I lost mine freshman year of college, and the last time I saw her was in the hospital room with expectancy of a full recovery. Alas, I almost never wanted to use the phone again, as it bore my sister’s uneasy voice and harshly uncoated words.

But those who die in Him shall never die.

M.

**SMAN12b** · 07-14-2006, 06:41 PM

Originally Posted by magic32

Terribly sorry to hear that Sman.

But congrats to her for such a long and full life (7 children and 55yrs of marriage).

I lost mine freshman year of college, and the last time I saw her was in the hospital room with expectancy of a full recovery. Alas, I almost never wanted to use the phone again, as it bore my sister’s uneasy voice and harshly uncoated words.

But those who die in Him shall never die.

M.

YES, thank you, she did an excellant job raising all of us!!
Got to see her today, she is in a hosptial over two hours away, so I don't get there everyday. Looked very tired, but spirits were up and they got some fluid off of her. Long way to go , but don't think she will be coming home!!

**PROTEINSHAKE** · 07-14-2006, 08:54 PM

My prayers & thoughts are with you SMAN....I lost my dad at 15 mom 2 yrs ago to cancer & emphysema. Stay strong..Be the best son you can be EVERY day.Its not going to get easier right now so family is HUGELY important now. good luck brutha...we are ALL here for you...even though you dont really know most of us personally..god bless & my prayers are with you & your family. after my mom passed i got a tribute TAT for her on my shoulder...keeps her close every day.

**SMAN12b** · 07-14-2006, 09:14 PM

Originally Posted by getnjakked

My prayers & thoughts are with you SMAN....I lost my dad at 15 mom 2 yrs ago to cancer & emphysema. Stay strong..Be the best son you can be EVERY day.Its not going to get easier right now so family is HUGELY important now. good luck brutha...we are ALL here for you...even though you dont really know most of us personally..god bless & my prayers are with you & your family. after my mom passed i got a tribute TAT for her on my shoulder...keeps her close every day.

Thanks!!!!

**Ufa** · 07-14-2006, 09:16 PM

I don't pray much but tonight I will pray for you and your family.

**SMAN12b** · 07-14-2006, 09:17 PM

Originally Posted by Ufa

I don't pray much but tonight I will pray for you and your family.

Thanks Ufa, that really means a lot to me man !!!

**HORSE~** · 07-14-2006, 10:08 PM

Bro I saw the thread this afternon and just could not think of the right thing to say but I will tell you alittle bit about me

I lost my birth mother at the age of three never new birth father.My grandmother and grandfather raised me.

On Easter mornig 6 day's after my12th birthday iI woke up expecting to see what the easter bunny had left me.What I got was a rushed trip to the ER with my sister crying and telling me that my dad (Grandfather) the one that raised me had just had a heart attack.Thru the tear's she told me that they came really close to losing him but that he had pulled thru and was doing very well.Finaly we pull up at the hospital and rush up stair's to see him.As we are walking thru the door's to his hospital room (me fully expecting to go up and give him a big hug and tell him how much I loved him)we start to here crying as soon as I heard this I knew that I had just missed out on the last opportunity I would ever have to talk touch and tell him how much I loved him and I was furious.As the years went by the pain subsided and I forgot about the anger I felt that night

Fast forward to present day

Every night before I go to sleep I say my prayer's and when Im done

I talk to my dad about my life, my kids, my wife my mother and just life in general then in my mind I hug him and tell him how much he ment to me and that I love him and go to sleep feeling content I know he hears me.

Sman you got a little harder situation than that but take advantage of the time you have left with her and let her know how much you appreciate what she has done for you and your brothers and sisters.

Just remember my friend we all meet again in the end.

Best wishes and my prayers go out to you and your family

**Anabolios** · 07-14-2006, 10:36 PM

Originally Posted by horse2006

Bro I saw the thread this afternon and just could not think of the right thing to say but I will tell you alittle bit about me

I lost my birth mother at the age of three never new birth father.My grandmother and grandfather raised me.

On Easter mornig 6 day's after my12th birthday iI woke up expecting to see what the easter bunny had left me.What I got was a rushed trip to the ER with my sister crying and telling me that my dad (Grandfather) the one that raised me had just had a heart attack.Thru the tear's she told me that they came really close to losing him but that he had pulled thru and was doing very well.Finaly we pull up at the hospital and rush up stair's to see him.As we are walking thru the door's to his hospital room (me fully expecting to go up and give him a big hug and tell him how much I loved him)we start to here crying as soon as I heard this I knew that I had just missed out on the last opportunity I would ever have to talk touch and tell him how much I loved him and I was furious.As the years went by the pain subsided and I forgot about the anger I felt that night

Fast forward to present day

Every night before I go to sleep I say my prayer's and when Im done

I talk to my dad about my life, my kids, my wife my mother and just life in general then in my mind I hug him and tell him how much he ment to me and that I love him and go to sleep feeling content I know he hears me.

Sman you got a little harder situation than that but take advantage of the time you have left with her and let her know how much you appreciate what she has done for you and your brothers and sisters.

Just remember my friend we all meet again in the end.

Best wishes and my prayers go out to you and your family

well spoken..much respect from me for that post...

**Moe-mentum** · 07-14-2006, 10:39 PM

Wow.
I can't imagine losing my mother.
Although I know I'm going to have to come to terms with it someday.
My heart goes out to you.

Nows a time to be strong for your mother.

**SMAN12b** · 07-14-2006, 11:02 PM

Originally Posted by horse2006

Bro I saw the thread this afternon and just could not think of the right thing to say but I will tell you alittle bit about me

I lost my birth mother at the age of three never new birth father.My grandmother and grandfather raised me.

On Easter mornig 6 day's after my12th birthday iI woke up expecting to see what the easter bunny had left me.What I got was a rushed trip to the ER with my sister crying and telling me that my dad (Grandfather) the one that raised me had just had a heart attack.Thru the tear's she told me that they came really close to losing him but that he had pulled thru and was doing very well.Finaly we pull up at the hospital and rush up stair's to see him.As we are walking thru the door's to his hospital room (me fully expecting to go up and give him a big hug and tell him how much I loved him)we start to here crying as soon as I heard this I knew that I had just missed out on the last opportunity I would ever have to talk touch and tell him how much I loved him and I was furious.As the years went by the pain subsided and I forgot about the anger I felt that night

Fast forward to present day

Every night before I go to sleep I say my prayer's and when Im done

I talk to my dad about my life, my kids, my wife my mother and just life in general then in my mind I hug him and tell him how much he ment to me and that I love him and go to sleep feeling content I know he hears me.

Sman you got a little harder situation than that but take advantage of the time you have left with her and let her know how much you appreciate what she has done for you and your brothers and sisters.

Just remember my friend we all meet again in the end.

Best wishes and my prayers go out to you and your family

Guess we all have our own hell to live through while we are here. Thanks Horse, I know that was hard for you to share that and I DO appreciate it. I will try to make the best of the time she has left here. And Yes, your dad does hear you !!!

**Kale** · 07-14-2006, 11:08 PM

Originally Posted by Anabolios

well spoken..much respect from me for that post...

Me too Horse !!!!!

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