Keeping it real with the in-laws: Did I mess up?

**mavsluva** · 07-31-2006, 08:05 AM

I found myself growing more eager to set my wife's dad straight about his eating disorder and I stepped up to the plate this past weekend. Her dad is 68 years old, VERY over weight, is very lazy, and shows zero sense of urgency to better his health. Let me also say that in the past 12 months, he has had 3 minor heart surgeries due to his weight. I have been encouraging my wife, her sisters, and whomever else to set him straight about his problem. They've always been too scared to do so (very understandable) so nothing is ever said about it. Until this past weekend...

My wife's parents were in town as my wife's sister was having a wedding shower hosted for her by my wife. We had TONS of leftover goodies and what not that we kept stored in our fridge. I went to sleep Saturday night a few hours after the shower and woke up hearing something in the kitchen. I walked downstairs and saw her dad going to town on the leftovers. I was very pissed at what I saw, so I finally found the courage to say something. I told him:

"What are you doing to yourself? You get all sorts of freaked out when the doctors warn you about your health habits, but yet, there's no sense of urgency on your part to do anything about it. You know better than anyone what the potential outcome of your habits could lead to, so I just wanted to at least say something because no one else will. You know Christmas is approaching soon, and should you decide to change your ways, you'll be able to enjoy it with the rest of us. If not, then the only thing that you may get for Christmas is the casket that you end up getting burried in. The choice is yours."

I walked away from him with mixed emotions. I wanted to be pretty bold in my delivery in an attempt to advertise how serious the matter really is. However, might I have been too harsh? It's unfortunate in that we have to treat some adults like kids these days . They have to take responsibility for their own actions. But if that were in fact the case, then the obesity percentage in America would be a microfraction of what it is today.

Grace and Peace,
Mavsluva

**Pooks** · 07-31-2006, 08:09 AM

If he shows no intention or desire to get healthier.. than there is not much u can do, except maybe lock him up into some sort of Retirement home with a Limited diet, and a strict Excersize Regiment LOL

People need will to do things.. and inspirational speeches unless, they're like you crying say, how sad everyone will be when he passes away, and some other GAY BS.. they're not gonna work, they'll prolly just start arguments..

THAT SAID.. I didnt read your whole post, only like the first 2 sentences hmmm

**Pooks** · 07-31-2006, 08:11 AM

HAHA I just read the rest of it.. GOOD JOB.. REGULATING TIME!!!

**novastepp** · 07-31-2006, 08:12 AM

maybe a bit overboard with the casket comment. if i were you, i would have had a plan in mind and introduced him to it. maybe even have told him i would do something drastic with him to help him along. i wouldn't have done waht you did. telling him he has a problem and needs to change it is something he already knew. he knew his family was concerned. now all he knows is that they are all still concerned and his son-in-law is a jackass. apologies in order?

**mavsluva** · 07-31-2006, 08:15 AM

Let me add that I was honest with my wife and her sisters about what I said. They did NOT like it one bit. However, I told them that it's better to hurt a person's feelings when they are in dire need, instead of letting them carry out their own death. They agreed, and are now kind of thankful for my efforts.

**stayinstacked** · 07-31-2006, 08:16 AM

people never think that things can happen to them. My grandfather had a heart attack at 62 yrs old, and since had 2 pacemakers and another open heart surgery. He began eating strict and walking almost 2 miles everyday, up until he was about 82. He died at 84 yrs old, happy and healthy. Only reason he went was his heart was beating weaker and weaker, no freak accident or anything. But he was always overweight up until his mid 60's, he decided to make a lifestyle change and it probably gave him another 15-20 years.

**Pooks** · 07-31-2006, 08:17 AM

You should had just beaten him.
Gave him a fat lip and a black eye.

Then tell him, GO on a DIET.. or this will happen every time i catch u at 2am in my KITCHEN! FAT SLOB.. Whats gonna happen when u're dead on XMAS.. U're gonna ruin it for everyone u selfish piece of Shit.. If i wasn't married to your daughter, u'd be dead right now.

than throw a Steak knife right into a cabinet near his face.

**mavsluva** · 07-31-2006, 08:19 AM

I need to also include that his disorder has resulted in many attempts with a registered dietician. He's failed miserably each time. AND, every time that he's left he hospital, he's had the same comment, "I will never do that again.".

He's had many physicians tell him a variation of what I said. Sometimes it takes a jackass like me to really allow it to hit home. Her family loves me to death, so they fully understand that my intentions were to do nothing more than to help him long term.

**mavsluva** · 07-31-2006, 08:23 AM

Originally Posted by stayinstacked

people never think that things can happen to them. My grandfather had a heart attack at 62 yrs old, and since had 2 pacemakers and another open heart surgery. He began eating strict and walking almost 2 miles everyday, up until he was about 82. He died at 84 yrs old, happy and healthy. Only reason he went was his heart was beating weaker and weaker, no freak accident or anything. But he was always overweight up until his mid 60's, he decided to make a lifestyle change and it probably gave him another 15-20 years.

Amen, Stayinstacked. It's never too late to make a change. Any kind of change for that matter. You either get busy living, or get busy dying.

**stayinstacked** · 07-31-2006, 08:25 AM

Originally Posted by mavsluva

I need to also include that his disorder has resulted in many attempts with a registered dietician. He's failed miserably each time. AND, every time that he's left he hospital, he's had the same comment, "I will never do that again.".

He's had many physicians tell him a variation of what I said. Sometimes it takes a jackass like me to really allow it to hit home. Her family loves me to death, so they fully understand that my intentions were to do nothing more than to help him long term.

Point taken, but he has to want to help himself. If he cannot look at his family and say to himself "You know what, I want to live to see them as long as I can" then he doesnt give a shit enough to change his ways. It's nothing more than willpower, there are some people in this world who are just weak. You need something to live for, if he cannot at least live for his family, then he's a lazy selfish SOB and the world is a better place w/out him.

***Doc.Sust*** · 07-31-2006, 02:49 PM

youdid the right hing, but remember, you can only lead a horse to the water youcant make him drink it, it is the guys choice to listen, he has to make a change and has to want to make that change

**Ufa** · 07-31-2006, 03:23 PM

As you get older you will find people that have had strokes smoking. Over weight families. All you can do is tell them and leave it be.

I don't feel sorry for medical problems or death these types bring upon
them selves.

**lil'Taylor** · 07-31-2006, 03:34 PM

yea.. pretty harsh, but it needed to be said..

he's probably offended, but you said it becasue your worried about his health and so is his family.. your just the only one that had the balls to say anything.

Offer to help him out.. instead of just telling him how it is.. he sounds like he's a compulsive eater, but maybe if he knew a little bit about nutrition he'd eat healthier things..

but like others said.. there's only so much you can do, you can't force someone to help themselves.. but maybe if he knew how much it is upsetting his family.. he may take it more seriously

**spywizard** · 07-31-2006, 04:02 PM

Did a similar, however a little more indirect thing for my step dad..

He ended up getting gastric bypass.. it worked for him..

**T3/T4 GSR** · 07-31-2006, 04:08 PM

Originally Posted by Pooks

You should had just beaten him.
Gave him a fat lip and a black eye.

Then tell him, GO on a DIET.. or this will happen every time i catch u at 2am in my KITCHEN! FAT SLOB.. Whats gonna happen when u're dead on XMAS.. U're gonna ruin it for everyone u selfish piece of Shit.. If i wasn't married to your daughter, u'd be dead right now.

than throw a Steak knife right into a cabinet near his face.

Lay off the tren dude lol

**Panzerfaust** · 07-31-2006, 05:46 PM

I think you should have approached him differently, he is a 68 year old man not a kid so it a hell of alot harder for him to change his way's since he has been doing it for the last 60 years or so...

Maybe sit down and tell him that you all love him and that you are concerned about his health and would like to help him anyway you can.

I know it's hard and it seems he does'nt care but i am sure he does, he just needs to find it in himself to make that permanent change, you cannotdo it for him but you can encourage him little by little.

**mwolffey** · 07-31-2006, 07:55 PM

screw him, its his choice...maybe your wife will get some sweet inheritance...sorry i just always hend up hating the parents of the girls i date, just my experiences

**Wino** · 07-31-2006, 08:13 PM

Originally Posted by novastepp

maybe a bit overboard with the casket comment. if i were you, i would have had a plan in mind and introduced him to it. maybe even have told him i would do something drastic with him to help him along. i wouldn't have done waht you did. telling him he has a problem and needs to change it is something he already knew. he knew his family was concerned. now all he knows is that they are all still concerned and his son-in-law is a jackass. apologies in order?

agree

**steve0** · 07-31-2006, 08:55 PM

way to stick it to him mavsluv, but you should have said something sooner like after the first heart operation, you waited to long and it built up inside you you ment well but it cam out all fuvked up when you said it, its ok just call him up and apologize for your rude comments but be stern and show that you care and want him to live a healthier life.

**bor** · 08-01-2006, 08:55 AM

Originally Posted by Doc.Sust

youdid the right hing, but remember, you can only lead a horse to the water youcant make him drink it

You can THROW his FAT a$$ in it though

**STYLE74** · 08-01-2006, 09:01 AM

Originally Posted by muriloninja

I think you should have approached him differently, he is a 68 year old man not a kid so it a hell of alot harder for him to change his way's since he has been doing it for the last 60 years or so...

Maybe sit down and tell him that you all love him and that you are concerned about his health and would like to help him anyway you can.

I know it's hard and it seems he does'nt care but i am sure he does, he just needs to find it in himself to make that permanent change, you cannotdo it for him but you can encourage him little by little.

I agree with this statement 100%!! I know sometimes it's tough, but in a situation like that you need to be more understanding and supportive because like murilo stated it's not easy, especially at the ripe old age of 68. Let him know that you love him and are there for him and be a little more easy on him next time.