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Thread: Exercise

  1. #1
    RA's Avatar
    RA
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    Exercise

    This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a
    regular workout routine.


    For my sixty fifth birthday this year, my wife (the dear) purchased a
    week of personal training at the local health club for me. Although I
    am
    Still in great shape since playing on my college football team 45 years
    Ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try.


    I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer
    named
    Belinda, who identified herself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor
    and
    model for athletic clothing and swim wear. My wife seemed pleased with
    my enthusiasm to get started!


    The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress . .

    Dear Diary:

    MONDAY:
    Started my day at 6:00 a.m.
    Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I
    arrived at the health club to find Belinda waiting for me.

    She is something of a Greek goddess - with blond hair, dancing eyes and
    Dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!!

    Belinda gave me a tour and showed me the machines.
    She took my pulse after five minutes on the treadmill.
    She was alarmed that my pulse was so fast, but I attribute it to
    standing next to her in her Lycra aerobic outfit.

    I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which she conducted her
    aerobics Class after my workout today. Very inspiring!

    Belinda was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was
    already
    aching from holding it in the whole time she was around.

    This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!!


    TUESDAY:
    I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door.
    Belinda made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air
    while she put weights on it!

    My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full
    tile. Belinda's rewarding smile made it all worthwhile.

    I feel GREAT!! It's a whole new life for me.

    WEDNESDAY:
    The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying on the toothbrush on the
    counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it.

    I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long
    as I didn't try to steer or stop. I parked on top of a GEO in the club
    parking lot.

    Belinda was impatient with me, insisting that my screams bothered other
    club members. Her voice is a little too perky for early in the morning
    and when she scolds, she gets this nasally whine that is VERY annoying

    My chest hurt when I got on the treadmill, so Belinda put me on the
    stair monster.

    Why the hell would anyone invent a machine to simulate an activity
    rendered obsolete by elevators?

    Belinda told me it would help me get in shape and enjoy life.

    She said some other shit too.


    THURSDAY:
    Belinda was waiting for me with her vampire-like teeth exposed as
    her thin, cruel lips were pulled back in a full snarl.
    I couldn't help being a half an hour late, it took me that long to
    tie my shoes. Belinda took me to work out with dumbbells.

    When she was not looking, I ran and hid in the men's room.
    She sent Lars to find me

    Then, as punishment, she put me on the rowing machine -- which I sank.


    FRIDAY:
    I hate that bitch Belinda more than any human being has ever hated any
    other human being in the history of the world.

    Stupid, skinny, anemic little cheerleader.

    If there was a part of my body I could move without unbearable pain, I
    would beat her with it. Belinda wanted me to work on my triceps. I
    don't
    have any triceps! And if you don't want dents in the floor, don't hand
    me the M----- f----- barbells or anything that weighs more than a
    sandwich.

    The treadmill flung me off and I landed on a health and nutrition
    Teacher.

    Why couldn't it have been someone softer, like the drama coach or the
    Choir director?

    SATURDAY:
    Belinda left a message on my answering machine in her grating,
    shrilly voice wondering why I did not show up today.

    Just hearing her made me want to smash the machine with my planner.
    However, I lacked the strength to even use the TV remote and ended up
    catching eleven straight hours of the Weather Channel.

    SUNDAY:
    I'm having the Church van pick me up for services today so I can go and
    thank GOD that this week is over.
    I will also pray that next year my wife (the bitch) will choose a
    gift for me that is fun -- like a root canal or a vasectomy.

  2. #2
    RuhlFreak55's Avatar
    RuhlFreak55 is offline Purveyor of Thor's Hammer
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    rofl.....that's hilarious

  3. #3
    rar1015's Avatar
    rar1015 is offline Anabolic Member
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    Thats great man

    Did that really happen to you?

  4. #4
    goodcents's Avatar
    goodcents is offline "body piercing & body jewelry expert"
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    You made me go look at your profile to see how old you were

  5. #5
    RA's Avatar
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    haha, fellas its a joke. not me.

  6. #6
    rar1015's Avatar
    rar1015 is offline Anabolic Member
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    Yeah thats what i figured.........good one man!!

  7. #7
    1buffsob's Avatar
    1buffsob is offline Mr.Modesty
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    That made my f#cking day. LMAO!!! I'm forwarding it to all my PT buddies.

    1buffsob

  8. #8
    Beefyman is offline Banned
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    is that real??? if so it was funny stuff man

  9. #9
    collar's Avatar
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    thats so funny man..

  10. #10
    RA's Avatar
    RA
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    ^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

  11. #11
    Timm1704's Avatar
    Timm1704 is offline Anabolic Member
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    lol funny how you go off people. bet hed still hit it when he is less sore

  12. #12
    taiboxa's Avatar
    taiboxa is offline "Vanity Redefined" ~VET~
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    omg

    FRIDAY:
    I hate that bitch Belinda more than any human being has ever hated any
    other human being in the history of the world.

    Stupid, skinny, anemic little cheerleader.


    LoL

  13. #13
    bor's Avatar
    bor
    bor is offline D-bol Poppin'
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    awesome

  14. #14
    RA's Avatar
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    anyone not see this one??

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