Relationships gone wrong.

**DSM4Life** · 08-29-2006, 11:51 AM

Anyone recently gotten out of a relationship that maybe you didn’t want to ? I just did and man it $#%# sucks. I would rather go through almost any kind of physical pain then the emotional pain. I am trying to deal with it right now on my own and its going ok. The one and only person that I could normally run to with this is no longer there. Little over 3 years of my life and now she is gone. We still talk but maybe once a week. She just needed “time for herself”, she says. She is 23 (I know still a little young I guess) but I was 110% in love with this girl. We are friends and able to do anything we want with anyone but I can still feel the attraction when we do hang out. Honestly, I don’t even want to be with anyone else at this point but I know I can’t let her know that. Just playing the game I guess and hating it every minute of it. This is just one of the down times (thinking about it too much) so excuse the venting, thanks.

**Dangerdan** · 08-29-2006, 11:56 AM

I recently went through the same thing. Been dating a girl for about 4 years (she's 23 too) and she said basically the same thing, "time for herself." I recommend metting some nice moms at the gym. It helps with the recovery.

**D3m3nt3d** · 08-29-2006, 12:00 PM

Bro...know exactly what you're going thru. My ex-fiance and I split after 4 yrs in April...2 months before we were supposed to get married. I moved out and was under the impression that we were working things out for the next week or so, only to have her up and tell me one day when I called she was seeing someone else, never to call her again. What's worse, a guy I've known 10 yrs....not that we hung tight anymore, but still - total disrespect.

So all of a sudden I lost my home, I have a daughter who is almost 5, so her whole life she has known my ex and her family as a stepmom and grandparents...and she still asks questions about them and misses them etc...and it makes it really tough on me at times. Her family lived next door and we were all very close - unfortunately all the things that were good now that I have had time to sit back and look...had nothing to do with the relationship between me and her. It wasn't devastating that it happened, but HOW it happened.

Anyway bro, I thought I would literally kill myself because I didnt feel like waking up and thinking about the same sh!t everyday all day...and everyone tells u it gets better and u wonder how. Believe me it does, just how long it takes depends on the person. Keep your head up bro.

**Mizfit** · 08-29-2006, 12:16 PM

You both probably need time apart - that means not contacting each other.

Your never going to be able to get over her if she is always around.

I don't take breaks from relationships - i either work on them or separate for good. - no contact at all

**bulldawg_28** · 08-29-2006, 12:20 PM

Originally Posted by DSM4Life

Anyone recently gotten out of a relationship that maybe you didn’t want to ? I just did and man it $#%# sucks. I would rather go through almost any kind of physical pain then the emotional pain. I am trying to deal with it right now on my own and its going ok. The one and only person that I could normally run to with this is no longer there. Little over 3 years of my life and now she is gone. We still talk but maybe once a week. She just needed “time for herself”, she says. She is 23 (I know still a little young I guess) but I was 110% in love with this girl. We are friends and able to do anything we want with anyone but I can still feel the attraction when we do hang out. Honestly, I don’t even want to be with anyone else at this point but I know I can’t let her know that. Just playing the game I guess and hating it every minute of it. This is just one of the down times (thinking about it too much) so excuse the venting, thanks.

I feel your pain bro. I went through the same shit 2 months ago. For the past two years, we both were never happier with each other. But another guy got between us, and now she's with him. Now we both go to the same college, but he's going to one that's three hours away. She's partying like crazy now, which was something I gave up when we were still together. It ****ing hurts like hell seeing her do the shit that I gave up because it worried her. There aren't too many guys that would have done for her what I did, but that doesn't mean shit to her now. So missed out on a whole year of meeting people, partying, etc. So now, I'm getting counseling because I still get tore up over this shit.

Just keep your head up man. If it's meant to be, she will come back to you. If she doesn't, then she's not worth it, and you'll find somebody better. At least that's what people keep telling me....

**D3m3nt3d** · 08-29-2006, 12:23 PM

Originally Posted by bulldawg_28

So now, I'm getting counseling because I still get tore up over this shit.

I needed counseling, but I refused to let the b!tch get the best of me....nobody has anything they can magically say or do to stop the hurt bro, and there is really nothing they can tell you anyone else probably hasnt already told you.

You'll move on when YOU are ready.

**DSM4Life** · 08-29-2006, 12:23 PM

thanks for comments guys. feels little better talking with people who have been through it. most people don't have a clue what I am going through. I want to just never cal her again and push her away which would be easy but this is the first X that I would want to stay friends with. she is that good of a person in my eyes. that is where I think I am having the problem.

**D3m3nt3d** · 08-29-2006, 12:25 PM

Originally Posted by DSM4Life

thanks for comments guys. feels little better talking with people who have been through it. most people don't have a clue what I am going through. I want to just never cal her again and push her away which would be easy but this is the first X that I would want to stay friends with. she is that good of a person in my eyes. that is where I think I am having the problem.

No problem bro - believe me I have gone thru every possible feeling alive over the last 5 months.

If you need to talk to someone bro, feel free to shoot me a PM.

**DSM4Life** · 08-29-2006, 12:27 PM

that's what makes it hurt so bad . I would have killed for this girl and now she is out partying with some guy that just wants to get in her pants. eveytime I think about it I get a knot in my stomach.

ezcuse typing errors I'm on a cell phone writing these post.

**Andorious** · 08-29-2006, 12:33 PM

Originally Posted by DSM4Life

thanks for comments guys. feels little better talking with people who have been through it. most people don't have a clue what I am going through. I want to just never cal her again and push her away which would be easy but this is the first X that I would want to stay friends with. she is that good of a person in my eyes. that is where I think I am having the problem.

i agree with mizfit, if your still having to hold back major feelings for her then i think you two need to stop seeing each other. however, Knowing that you want to stay friends, a break might help because eventually the friendship will suffer since you wont be able to handle hanging out while always wanting more etc. if she's tht cool of a person she would understand why you need a bit of space while trying to sort things out. if you keep hanging out w/ her, you will be continually reminded of how good things once were and will make it extremely difficult to move on to someone else when the time comes.

**Mizfit** · 08-29-2006, 12:35 PM

What can i say i know my shit

**bulldawg_28** · 08-29-2006, 12:40 PM

Originally Posted by D3m3nt3d

I needed counseling, but I refused to let the b!tch get the best of me....nobody has anything they can magically say or do to stop the hurt bro, and there is really nothing they can tell you anyone else probably hasnt already told you.

You'll move on when YOU are ready.

Believe me man, I do want to move on. But it's hard as hell when one person completely changes your life. You're right that there wasn't much that the counselor hasn't told me that anyone else has, but I really don't have too many people to talk to, and so far it's help a lot.

**Mizfit** · 08-29-2006, 12:41 PM

Originally Posted by bulldawg_28

Believe me man, I do want to move on. But it's hard as hell when one person completely changes your life. You're right that there wasn't much that the counselor hasn't told me that anyone else has, but I really don't have too many people to talk to, and so far it's help a lot.

life is constantly changing but keeping in contact with ghosts of your past make it impossible to move on.

Do you want to remember the past or live in it? - one of my lines

**D3m3nt3d** · 08-29-2006, 12:42 PM

Originally Posted by DSM4Life

I would have killed for this girl and now she is out partying with some guy that just wants to get in her pants.

Same here bro. Day one she told me it was him, I said he'll fvcking play you and she said that will just be her mistake, so I am letting it. Whats worse is the month after I move out of our home, he is in there! Now she is all out clubbing, partying etc..all the shit I would have loved to do, but she didnt care to. But some people have to learn on their own, she'll realize she messed up before its all said and done. Karma has a way of biting people in the ass when you fvck them like she did me.

***Doc.Sust*** · 08-29-2006, 12:50 PM

cut off contact, it is too hard, if it is meant to be,she will find you, you cn not make her comeback or make this work, walk away from it for awhile, give it time. if you force it, you willonly push her furthur away.

the emotional pain sucks, i would trade it for physical pain any day. it take everything outof you. i wish you the best, what you need is time to heal and time for things to work themselves out

**Bojangles69** · 08-29-2006, 12:52 PM

its a disease.. oneitis
learn to rid yourself of it and you'll enrich your life like you never thought was possible..
http://www.mysterymethod.com/forum/s...ead.php?t=3761

than scan down to section 15 of the following guide and read in its entirety
http://gunwitch.fastseduction.com/

when it comes to *EFFECTIVE*, out of all the bullshit friends use to tell me , the above ALWAYS worked and had the best results, despite what misconceived BS people wanted to immerse themselves in and dump onto me.

much luck btw

~Bo

it is what you think it is

**D3m3nt3d** · 08-29-2006, 01:00 PM

Originally Posted by bulldawg_28

Believe me man, I do want to move on. But it's hard as hell when one person completely changes your life. You're right that there wasn't much that the counselor hasn't told me that anyone else has, but I really don't have too many people to talk to, and so far it's help a lot.

Not saying you dont want to move on bro. Trust me, my friends and family wanted to kill me for a few months because everything dealt with my ex or our life together or what I missed etc etc.. But, fact remains that you can't dwell on the past, but look towards the future man. I know when I thought back all I would think about was the good times we had and it would upset me, but in my case I didnt think of all the wrong that was there. I mean when people would hear my stories, they were all going "Kevin, I would have never stayed with her, she has issues, she's materialistic etc etc....and then when you get to the outside looking in like everyone else, you can see it. You live and learn bro, and if you dont have anyone to talk to then a counselor is cool - it really helps to have friends and family support thru a time like that.

Anyway shoot me a PM if you need someone to talk to, Im usually around.

**taiboxa** · 08-29-2006, 01:23 PM

relationships are over'rated

get fish

**goodcents** · 08-29-2006, 01:34 PM

wtf is up with women, do they just have to stab you hard when they leave? (oh wait they do, I was talking to my buddy about this and we figured it out. They act like bitchez so that way you get mad and they can say" he was such a dick, etc.") Not flaming women but they don't act right, that's why flame all you want, but I try to not do business with women as vendors. I'm a pig I guess, but if they want respect, they should cut out the games and act right in business w/o getting pissed every time you bring up a "concern" or you don't "jump for joy" when they try to sell you something you can get cheaper from another supplier.

Sorry, kind of went off the subject, but feel better now

**DSM4Life** · 08-29-2006, 01:37 PM

thanks for all kind words and pm. I didn't know so many people on here have been through this and plus some in other cases.

it just makes it hard because we where perfect. we never fought we loved each others families . I use to even hang out with her dad doing sporty thing..house full of girls on her side.. it just kind of snuck up and bit me when I totally didn't expect it. I have never in my life ever let someone in likei let her and she gives it up for what! partying! this just slowly turns the love that I had for her into anger.

I guess time will only tell. she caled me yesterday to talk about a new job and I was going to call her tomorrow but I am done calling her. I will wait for her move as painfull was it might be.

thanks again guys

**goodcents** · 08-29-2006, 01:43 PM

Another view point, when I was younger and had all the chics I wanted, I treated some of them like shit because I did'nt give a fuk about them. Women can always get dick, where as we have to always have game. My solution, import every hot chick from every damn country in the world and let the American women get a taste of their own medicine. Dick would be at a premium

**Mizfit** · 08-29-2006, 01:46 PM

Originally Posted by goodcents

wtf is up with women, do they just have to stab you hard when they leave? (oh wait they do, I was talking to my buddy about this and we figured it out. They act like bitchez so that way you get mad and they can say" he was such a dick, etc.") Not flaming women but they don't act right, that's why flame all you want, but I try to not do business with women as vendors. I'm a pig I guess, but if they want respect, they should cut out the games and act right in business w/o getting pissed every time you bring up a "concern" or you don't "jump for joy" when they try to sell you something you can get cheaper from another supplier.

Sorry, kind of went off the subject, but feel better now

Hmm goes both ways - both sexs have issues communicating

**Pinkvelvet** · 08-29-2006, 02:03 PM

Well...I'll post my two cents...since I'm coming from her point of view.

I broke it off with my ex of 15 years...yup..you heard right...15...and I'm only 31. When she says she needs time for herself...this means...I want to figure out what I want. In all aspects of life. She wants to know who she is now. At this age...things are still so complicated. At 23 your still trying to figure out where your future is heading...as an individual without a codependent relationship in the way. "Time for herself" also means....I want to meet new people...not necessarily for sex; but to enjoy the company of soooo many different individuals that will contribute to help her evolve into a mature woman.
I know it hurts hun...but; for me...I'm also hurting knowing the person who loves me the most is upset, sad, and hurting because of my actions. But, if I hadn't done this...I'd be hating myself, and terribly unhappy.
This does not mean I don't love him...just as I'm sure she still loves you...but there's more to a relationship than love. Once she knows HERSELF...than she'll know what she wants in life; with or without you. Be happy she's doing this now...and not 15 years later like me.
If in the end...you have moved on...and she decides she has made a mistake...than that is something she will have to deal with personally.

Just because the person is the relationship breaker; doesn't mean they aren't hurting inside as well....trust me. Just because she seems like she's having the time of her life....where is she when she wakes up in the morning by herself.....wondering. Things aren't always what they seem!

Big hugs...chin up and know your not alone hun!
Pinkie

**goodcents** · 08-29-2006, 02:11 PM

Or another way to look at it is the way my friend put it one time "if she's not fuking you, she fuking someone else" I said no, she is just busy with alot of things right now. You know what, she was fuking alot of other guys

Women can play this bs because they are in "demand" take away the demand and they aren't shit

**D3m3nt3d** · 08-29-2006, 02:12 PM

Originally Posted by Pinkvelvet

Well...I'll post my two cents...since I'm coming from her point of view.

I broke it off with my ex of 15 years...yup..you heard right...15...and I'm only 31. When she says she needs time for herself...this means...I want to figure out what I want. In all aspects of life. She wants to know who she is now. At this age...things are still so complicated. At 23 your still trying to figure out where your future is heading...as an individual without a codependent relationship in the way. "Time for herself" also means....I want to meet new people...not necessarily for sex; but to enjoy the company of soooo many different individuals that will contribute to help her evolve into a mature woman.
I know it hurts hun...but; for me...I'm also hurting knowing the person who loves me the most is upset, sad, and hurting because of my actions. But, if I hadn't done this...I'd be hating myself, and terribly unhappy.
This does not mean I don't love him...just as I'm sure she still loves you...but there's more to a relationship than love. Once she knows HERSELF...than she'll know what she wants in life; with or without you. Be happy she's doing this now...and not 15 years later like me.
If in the end...you have moved on...and she decides she has made a mistake...than that is something she will have to deal with personally.

Just because the person is the relationship breaker; doesn't mean they aren't hurting inside as well....trust me. Just because she seems like she's having the time of her life....where is she when she wakes up in the morning by herself.....wondering. Things aren't always what they seem!

Big hugs...chin up and know your not alone hun!
Pinkie

Very well said. I ended a long term relationship of 4 yrs, and Velvet is right - it hurts the person doing it usually. My ex-fiance was 20 when we met, 24 when we split, we had been engaged a year....however it was obvious that when she did it, she had ZERO feelings left for me, and was just holding to me for something....whatever it was.

Moral here - its easier believe it or not when you split in a manner in which you both do love each other or have strong feelings...versus bending over backwards for the one you love, and they not love you back.

**Mizfit** · 08-29-2006, 02:22 PM

I dated someone for close to 8 years 16-24, we were engaged and all Hoopla...

I wasn't happy - was doing what was expected of me and not what i wanted to do. He called it and said that he knew when I was established and done school i would be gone. In that instant i knew he was right.

Relationships end.. Sometimes the person not feeling it anymore doesn't even realize how wrong the whole thing went - especially if there isn’t any hate between the two.

**taiboxa** · 08-29-2006, 02:24 PM

Originally Posted by Mizfit

I dated someone for close to 8 years 16-24, we were engaged and all Hoopla...

I wasn't happy - was doing what was expected of me and not what i wanted to do. He called it and said that he knew when I was established and done school i would be gone. In that instant i knew he was right.

Relationships end.. Sometimes the person not feeling it anymore doesn't even realize how wrong the whole thing went - especially if there isn’t any hate between the two.

BUT Mizz and i will be together ForEva!

**Mizfit** · 08-29-2006, 02:25 PM

Originally Posted by taiboxa

BUT Mizz and i will be together ForEva!

You'll have to let R & r know

**taiboxa** · 08-29-2006, 02:27 PM

Originally Posted by Mizfit

You'll have to let R & r know

i meant as friends damit!!!!!!!!

**Mizfit** · 08-29-2006, 02:30 PM

Originally Posted by taiboxa

i meant as friends damit!!!!!!!!

i had a smiley and a giggle.. man tough crowd

**taiboxa** · 08-29-2006, 02:32 PM

Originally Posted by Mizfit

i had a smiley and a giggle.. man tough crowd

Kuz i know how u are!!

**Mizfit** · 08-29-2006, 02:34 PM

Originally Posted by taiboxa

Kuz i know how u are!!

I know u gave my little venture till wednesday - but so far so good - i still got my pinkies crossed

**taiboxa** · 08-29-2006, 02:36 PM

Originally Posted by Mizfit

I know u gave my little venture till wednesday - but so far so good - i still got my pinkies crossed

yay@! =]

**Flagg** · 08-29-2006, 02:48 PM

Love sucks.

It's an emotion that shouldn't exist cause when it's taken away from someone, it changes them.

Not for the better.

**goodcents** · 08-29-2006, 03:04 PM

Originally Posted by Mizfit

i had a smiley and a giggle.. man tough crowd

At least you have a captive crowd

since you are about the only female that responds

**Bojangles69** · 08-29-2006, 03:51 PM

guess noone read my links..

"Romance writers of old are responsible for all the pain you’ve ever felt over lost love, remember monogamy and commitment, even the word “love” are a 100th as old as man, while sex and short pair bonds are timeless. No one ever killed themselves over losing a sex partner until someone decided co-dependant relationships were some mystical bond that must hurt when severed then told and wrote about it."

what else??

oh yeh.
these are simple words i live by.

Love is beautiful, and beauty always must die, because if not, it would never have been beautiful to begin.

A lot of people dont understand the dynamics of love that make it beautiful, are the same dynamics that self destruct love itself.

**bulldawg_28** · 08-29-2006, 05:00 PM

Originally Posted by D3m3nt3d

Anyway shoot me a PM if you need someone to talk to, Im usually around.

I appreciate it bro.

**DSM4Life** · 08-29-2006, 05:05 PM

Well i am at home now and not typing on a cell phone which makes this a lot better for me to type and you to read. Again thank you everyone for the kind words.

You right Flagg, it has changed me a little. I don't know yet for the better or worse we will have to just wait and see.

At least i can use all this anger in the gym now

**Mizfit** · 08-29-2006, 05:20 PM

We have to make smart choices.

Love actually does work - if it's the right fit.

**goodcents** · 08-29-2006, 05:40 PM

Originally Posted by D3m3nt3d

Bro...know exactly what you're going thru. My ex-fiance and I split after 4 yrs in April...2 months before we were supposed to get married. I moved out and was under the impression that we were working things out for the next week or so, only to have her up and tell me one day when I called she was seeing someone else, never to call her again. What's worse, a guy I've known 10 yrs....not that we hung tight anymore, but still - total disrespect.

So all of a sudden I lost my home, I have a daughter who is almost 5, so her whole life she has known my ex and her family as a stepmom and grandparents...and she still asks questions about them and misses them etc...and it makes it really tough on me at times. Her family lived next door and we were all very close - unfortunately all the things that were good now that I have had time to sit back and look...had nothing to do with the relationship between me and her. It wasn't devastating that it happened, but HOW it happened.

Anyway bro, I thought I would literally kill myself because I didnt feel like waking up and thinking about the same sh!t everyday all day...and everyone tells u it gets better and u wonder how. Believe me it does, just how long it takes depends on the person. Keep your head up bro.

That's fuked, but my ex called me 2 days before my birthday and I was going to fly out to las vegas to see her and she just got through fuking some dude and told me not to come out

I fuked her over, 6 mo. before when she kept "calling" breaks and during one of these breaks, I fuked the baddest 18 yr old bitch from the gym and when she called my mom trying to track me down she learned I was seeing another girl