Is this fair?

**mavsluva** · 09-07-2006, 11:40 AM

Here's the Readers Digest version of my situation:

My wife's sister is getting married in Jan. 07 and my wife is the Maid of Honor. She has chosen to have an overseas wedding. The total cost for both my wife and I to attend this wedding and the associated festivities is a little over $4000.00. Keep in mind that my wife and I are currently in the process of saving lots of money to adopt a child within the next 2 years.

My thoughts: It'll be a beautiful wedding and I'm sure that I'll have fun. However, from the moment that her sister comitted to an overseas wedding, she then accepted the fact that not everyone will be able to attend, mainly due to the financial requirements. We will be going to this wedding, but a part of me is a little bitter about the financial aspect of it. Not only will I have to work harder to help raise money for the adoption, her sister has now established a rule that no one will be exchanging Christmas gifts this year to allow us to use that money towards her wedding. Hey, that makes great sense and all, but why does everyone else in the family have to get shafted due to your high maintenance wants?

Do I have a valid argument here?

Thanks guys,
Mavsluva

**Carlos_E** · 09-07-2006, 11:44 AM

Originally Posted by mavsluva

Do I have a valid argument here?

Nope! Grin and bear it. It's your wife's sister for God sake. If you say anything it'll just piss your wife off.

**mavsluva** · 09-07-2006, 11:47 AM

Yeah, I've been nothing but supportive of this event. But at the same time, it's kind of depressing. Knowing that my wife and I had an economical wedding to help out our parents and those who ended up attending.

**Carlos_E** · 09-07-2006, 11:51 AM

If your wife is not concerned about the cost you should not say anything. She will say "It's my sister, money doesn't matter."

... Something along those lines.

**mavsluva** · 09-07-2006, 11:54 AM

Originally Posted by Carlos_E

If your wife is not concerned about the cost you should not say anything. She will say "It's my sister, money doesn't matter."

... Something along those lines.

Nope, she's not worried about the cost. She has no idea how much money we have in the bank!

**Carlos_E** · 09-07-2006, 11:58 AM

IMO if her sister and new husband are having such an expensive wedding they should help the guest in some way. Group discount on airfare or hotel or buy some type of package for the guest.

**LBT** · 09-07-2006, 11:59 AM

You're going to have one lucky child. You're already putting them first...

Can I be your son?

**mavsluva** · 09-07-2006, 12:02 PM

Originally Posted by LBT

You're going to have one lucky child. You're already putting them first...

Can I be your son?

If that picture in your avatar was actually you, you could move in today. Bills paid and everything!!!

**goodcents** · 09-07-2006, 01:30 PM

Another reason to never get married, that's fuked up how you have to pay if you are "invited" to join in on a wedding. "hey lisa, you want to be in a wedding?" lisa-"sure" " well here's when it will be, all the exspenses are your problem" wtf?

**daem** · 09-07-2006, 02:01 PM

I side with you here, Mavs, although your wife is going to get the final say here anyway just due to the nature of the experience.

If this is her sister's 1st marriage, you are SOL. If this is #2 or more, then you might have a way out.

It really stinks that you have saved your hard earned money and sacrificed things that you may have wanted along the way, only for it to be blown like this.

Money will always come and go, but this wedding might be the only one for the sister.

After it is all said and done, don't forget that you can use this as leverage in the future to justify something that YOU want.

**pumpd4lif** · 09-07-2006, 02:10 PM

u definatly have a valid argument in my opion.but kinda late to do anything about it now .ur wife should of said something to the effect of u cant afford that in the beginning.it is rather selfish of her sister if u ask me.but i am never won to fall for a guilt trip or anythuing to that effect.im upfront with everybody in laws family everybody if i dont like somethuing or dont want to do something i let it known rite away that is the only mistake u made was waiting so long now like carlos said u have to suck it up now(not that u werent already)and i commend u for adopting

**mavsluva** · 09-07-2006, 02:18 PM

It's her sister's 1st marriage. I am totally on board with everything, but I think it's a little selfish in that the people that are mandated to attend have a lot of other financial obstacles at this time (like my adoption). I took my groomsmens financial situations into consideration when helping my wife plan for our wedding, so why can't her sister do the same.?.?

Oh well.

**daem** · 09-07-2006, 02:37 PM

Originally Posted by mavsluva

It's her sister's 1st marriage. I am totally on board with everything, but I think it's a little selfish in that the people that are mandated to attend have a lot of other financial obstacles at this time (like my adoption). I took my groomsmens financial situations into consideration when helping my wife plan for our wedding, so why can't her sister do the same.?.?

Oh well.

Some people aren't considerate like you, and will do things their way in spite of glaring facts like you presented.

It is DEFINITELY selfish, and a tough position to shell out 4 dimes out of OBLIGATION.

What if you compromised by telling her that she can go, but you are looking at the bigger picture of your new child?

She could NEVER make a valid argument that wasn't selfish on her behalf if you saved ~50% by not attending yourself.

Maybe that is viable?

**gixxerboy1** · 09-07-2006, 02:57 PM

Originally Posted by mavsluva

It's her sister's 1st marriage. I am totally on board with everything, but I think it's a little selfish in that the people that are mandated to attend have a lot of other financial obstacles at this time (like my adoption). I took my groomsmens financial situations into consideration when helping my wife plan for our wedding, so why can't her sister do the same.?.?
Oh well.

Because its her day not the day for the bridal party. s she wants to have a big event she should be able too. Why should she suffer because its hard for you.
I don't know where the wedding is but if its costing 4k I'm sure its nice. Make a whole vacation out of it. The wedding is only a couple days

**scriptfactory** · 09-07-2006, 03:08 PM

Your wife's sister is selfish if she expects you to have to fork over $4000 to visit her wedding, plain and simple.

#1 No Christmas gifts!? WHAT?!
#2 No financial help for the guests to her wedding?

Your wife's sister can have as fancy a wedding as she wants but if people (i.e. you) don't want to show up she has absolutely NO right to be angry. When I got married I swore to myself that my immediate family (i.e. wife, kids) would come before anyone else. How would you feel if her sister was divorced within 6 months? It happens quite frequently.

**gixxerboy1** · 09-07-2006, 03:19 PM

Originally Posted by scriptfactory

Your wife's sister is selfish if she expects you to have to fork over $4000 to visit her wedding, plain and simple.

#1 No Christmas gifts!? WHAT?!
#2 No financial help for the guests to her wedding?

Your wife's sister can have as fancy a wedding as she wants but if people (i.e. you) don't want to show up she has absolutely NO right to be angry. When I got married I swore to myself that my immediate family (i.e. wife, kids) would come before anyone else. How would you feel if her sister was divorced within 6 months? It happens quite frequently.

How would you feel if they are married for 30 years and you were to cheap to goto her wedding?

**scriptfactory** · 09-07-2006, 03:24 PM

Originally Posted by gixxerboy1

How would you feel if they are married for 30 years and you were to cheap to goto her wedding?

It's just a ceremony, man. This is why people have things called priorities. Wife and children come first, always. This is just how it is. Next comes parents and siblings. Possibly close friends. Next comes everyone else.

This is a completely unfair situation. Not even reasonable.

**scriptfactory** · 09-07-2006, 03:25 PM

Originally Posted by gixxerboy1

Because its her day not the day for the bridal party. s she wants to have a big event she should be able too. Why should she suffer because its hard for you.
I don't know where the wedding is but if its costing 4k I'm sure its nice. Make a whole vacation out of it. The wedding is only a couple days

Conversely, why should he suffer because of her?

**goodcents** · 09-07-2006, 03:32 PM

How about fuk no, I'm not blowing $4000 on some stupid shlt like that, wow I just saved $4000

what's so hard about no! Women get all whacked out about weddings because they can show off to their friends and then they are the ones that want the divorce, wtf? don't fall into that trap. Just say no, she will be pissed for a while and then you can have that new kid you always wanted (get mad about that and you will see how selfish your wife and sister are about the whole thing and put an end to this stupid shlt) Your wife must not want a kid as much as you

that will motivate you

thank about it.

**scriptfactory** · 09-07-2006, 03:36 PM

Originally Posted by goodcents

How about fuk no, I'm not blowing $4000 on some stupid shlt like that, wow I just saved $4000

what's so hard about no! Women get all whacked out about weddings because they can show off to their friends and then they are the ones that want the divorce, wtf? don't fall into that trap. Just say no, she will be pissed for a while and then you can have that new kid you always wanted (get mad about that and you will see how selfish your wife and sister are about the whole thing and put an end to this stupid shlt) Your wife must not want a kid as much as you

that will motivate you

thank about it.

Thank you! $4k is a lot of cash to me. If I had spent the time to save it up FOR AN ADOPTION there is no way I would spend it all visiting a wedding. It's not like you were going to use it on a buttload of GH or a big TV...

**Sepsis** · 09-07-2006, 03:37 PM

look on the bright side, at least you married your wife not the high maintenance sister. i would never do such a thing to my family.

**Carlos_E** · 09-07-2006, 03:43 PM

Originally Posted by scriptfactory

It's not like you were going to use it on a buttload of GH or a big TV...

Sounds like what I do with my money.

**goodcents** · 09-07-2006, 03:43 PM

Originally Posted by scriptfactory

Thank you! $4k is a lot of cash to me. If I had spent the time to save it up FOR AN ADOPTION there is no way I would spend it all visiting a wedding. It's not like you were going to use it on a buttload of GH or a big TV...

Yeah he will be pissed tonight

he needs to look at it like his wife is against the adoption (it was suppose to be a joint decision, now his wife wants to blow the money on something that doesn't even last a day (wedding) wtf?

**goodcents** · 09-07-2006, 03:45 PM

Originally Posted by Carlos_E

Sounds like what I do with my money.

At least you get a tv out of the deal

he just gets shafted

**gixxerboy1** · 09-07-2006, 03:49 PM

Originally Posted by goodcents

Yeah he will be pissed tonight

he needs to look at it like his wife is against the adoption (it was suppose to be a joint decision, now his wife wants to blow the money on something that doesn't even last a day (wedding) wtf?

that's why i said make a week of it. I'm assuming they are doing it some place beautiful. So make a vacation out of it. Spend 1 day of your vacation at her wedding.

**goodcents** · 09-07-2006, 03:55 PM

Originally Posted by gixxerboy1

that's why i said make a week of it. I'm assuming they are doing it some place beautiful. So make a vacation out of it. Spend 1 day of your vacation at her wedding.

he was saving for a kid not a vacation

, he will either:
a. tell her fuk no and enjoy being a responsible loving dad.
b. puss out and blow $4000 + more because trips always cost more than you planned and not get the kid he wanted for along time and hate his wife for letting this happen
The choice is yours

**mavsluva** · 09-07-2006, 05:07 PM

Wow, this has been insightful, yet entertaining at the same time! Guys (and gals), you have no idea what it cost to adopt a child these days. We're looking to get our hands on the youngest Caucasion American male that we can - also known as the pick of the litter. We have forecasted about $30K for this adoption, based upon what we've heard from others. We're forced to adopt because I'm a human birth control pill due to the cancer that I had back in 2001-02.

You're damn right in that we'll be treating this wedding as a vacation. It'll be held in Hawaii so it will be nice trip. However, if I'm going to Hawaii and spending $4000.00 to do it, I want to stay for more than 4 days (that's how long we're staying). And I want to go to Hawaii on my OWN terms, when I want to go. I'd sacrifice a lot of things and money to get our child within the next couple of years, but it appears that this event is a "must". Like I've said, I'm okay with that, but I'd at least like to know that I have the option of doing what's best for me and my family.

Thanks for confirming my sanity.

**collar** · 09-07-2006, 05:13 PM

Originally Posted by mavsluva

Here's the Readers Digest version of my situation:

My wife's sister is getting married in Jan. 07 and my wife is the Maid of Honor. She has chosen to have an overseas wedding. The total cost for both my wife and I to attend this wedding and the associated festivities is a little over $4000.00. Keep in mind that my wife and I are currently in the process of saving lots of money to adopt a child within the next 2 years.

My thoughts: It'll be a beautiful wedding and I'm sure that I'll have fun. However, from the moment that her sister comitted to an overseas wedding, she then accepted the fact that not everyone will be able to attend, mainly due to the financial requirements. We will be going to this wedding, but a part of me is a little bitter about the financial aspect of it. Not only will I have to work harder to help raise money for the adoption, her sister has now established a rule that no one will be exchanging Christmas gifts this year to allow us to use that money towards her wedding. Hey, that makes great sense and all, but why does everyone else in the family have to get shafted due to your high maintenance wants?

Do I have a valid argument here?

Thanks guys,
Mavsluva

if you dont have the money and its going to put you guys in tuff financial future.
i would not go to the wedding, plus no christmas gifts just so she has her great wedding??

The world does not stop just for one woman having her wonderful wedding.
she chose to have it overseas good luck to her.
Your wife should be understanding of your situation aswell.
You are not a slave driver, you have a mouth mate speak up.

**collar** · 09-07-2006, 05:16 PM

Originally Posted by goodcents

Another reason to never get married, that's fuked up how you have to pay if you are "invited" to join in on a wedding. "hey lisa, you want to be in a wedding?" lisa-"sure" " well here's when it will be, all the exspenses are your problem" wtf?

that does not happen in my culture, they get invited and its all paid for them.

**STYLE74** · 09-07-2006, 05:21 PM

Originally Posted by mavsluva

Here's the Readers Digest version of my situation:

My wife's sister is getting married in Jan. 07 and my wife is the Maid of Honor. She has chosen to have an overseas wedding. The total cost for both my wife and I to attend this wedding and the associated festivities is a little over $4000.00. Keep in mind that my wife and I are currently in the process of saving lots of money to adopt a child within the next 2 years.

My thoughts: It'll be a beautiful wedding and I'm sure that I'll have fun. However, from the moment that her sister comitted to an overseas wedding, she then accepted the fact that not everyone will be able to attend, mainly due to the financial requirements. We will be going to this wedding, but a part of me is a little bitter about the financial aspect of it. Not only will I have to work harder to help raise money for the adoption, her sister has now established a rule that no one will be exchanging Christmas gifts this year to allow us to use that money towards her wedding. Hey, that makes great sense and all, but why does everyone else in the family have to get shafted due to your high maintenance wants?

Do I have a valid argument here?

Thanks guys,
Mavsluva

It sucks because it's your wifes sister and you must go, but you DEFINATELY have a valid argument about the whole situation.

**collar** · 09-07-2006, 05:23 PM

Originally Posted by STYLE74

It sucks because it's your wifes sister and you must go, but you DEFINATELY have a valid argument about the whole situation.

i dont know about you guys but every seems to say you must go because of your wifes sister.

umm not really, you have your say and if you dont want to go, you just dont go.
i really dont see whats complicated about it.

**scriptfactory** · 09-07-2006, 05:33 PM

Originally Posted by mavsluva

Wow, this has been insightful, yet entertaining at the same time! Guys (and gals), you have no idea what it cost to adopt a child these days. We're looking to get our hands on the youngest Caucasion American male that we can - also known as the pick of the litter. We have forecasted about $30K for this adoption, based upon what we've heard from others. We're forced to adopt because I'm a human birth control pill due to the cancer that I had back in 2001-02.

Are you serious? $30,000? I don't know your feelings on this but have you considered using something like a sperm bank?

Originally Posted by mavsluva

You're damn right in that we'll be treating this wedding as a vacation. It'll be held in Hawaii so it will be nice trip. However, if I'm going to Hawaii and spending $4000.00 to do it, I want to stay for more than 4 days (that's how long we're staying). And I want to go to Hawaii on my OWN terms, when I want to go. I'd sacrifice a lot of things and money to get our child within the next couple of years, but it appears that this event is a "must". Like I've said, I'm okay with that, but I'd at least like to know that I have the option of doing what's best for me and my family.

Thanks for confirming my sanity.

You're definitely sane. This event isn't even close to mandatory. Doing what's best for you and your family isn't an option. It's a requirement.

**collar** · 09-07-2006, 05:34 PM

Originally Posted by scriptfactory

Are you serious? $30,000? I don't know your feelings on this but have you considered using something like a sperm bank?

You're definitely sane. This event isn't even close to mandatory. Doing what's best for you and your family isn't an option. It's a requirement.

excatly, someone with good advice.

**Carlos_E** · 09-07-2006, 05:40 PM

Originally Posted by mavsluva

We're looking to get our hands on the youngest Caucasion American male

Caucasian. Learn how to spell your own people.

Originally Posted by mavsluva

We're looking to get our hands on the youngest Caucasion American male that we can - also known as the pick of the litter.

Is this something you made up or did an adoption agency actually say this.

**mavsluva** · 09-07-2006, 05:45 PM

Sorry Carlos, that's the first and last typo that I'll ever commit.

Pick of the Litter: That's slang for the most expensive and the longest waiting list. The adoption agency that we've spoken with has told us to anticipate a 12-16 month waiting period for what we're looking for. If we were willing to entertain a foreign boy, for instance a Russian, we could get one pretty quickly.

**STYLE74** · 09-07-2006, 05:48 PM

Originally Posted by collar

i dont know about you guys but every seems to say you must go because of your wifes sister.

umm not really, you have your say and if you dont want to go, you just dont go.
i really dont see whats complicated about it.

It's the right thing to do wether you have to or not or you want to or not. If i was getting married somewhere far and my sister or brother didn't come i would be hurt.

**mavsluva** · 09-07-2006, 05:51 PM

We're going and we're gonna have a great time!

(My attempt at being as optimistic as possible!)

**Carlos_E** · 09-07-2006, 05:53 PM

Originally Posted by mavsluva

Sorry Carlos, that's the first and last typo that I'll ever commit.

Pick of the Litter: That's slang for the most expensive and the longest waiting list. The adoption agency that we've spoken with has told us to anticipate a 12-16 month waiting period for what we're looking for. If we were willing to entertain a foreign boy, for instance a Russian, we could get one pretty quickly.

I hope an agency doesn't use that term. You're adopting a child, not an animal.

If it were me and the point is to provide a child a loving home it would not matter what their race is. But whatever.

**gixxerboy1** · 09-07-2006, 05:54 PM

Here's my feelings.

Christmas is for kids get over it. I cant believe how many men are sad because no presents. They can still spend the holiday together.

His wife's sister is family. You guys keep saying do whats good for your family.

**mavsluva** · 09-07-2006, 05:54 PM

Originally Posted by STYLE74

It's the right thing to do wether you have to or not or you want to or not. If i was getting married somewhere far and my sister or brother didn't come i would be hurt.

Don't forget now....I do WANT to go. I just hate having to break the bank to accomodate her extremely high maintenance wants. My wife's sister spent a total of $200.00 for our wedding. We, on the other hand, will be spending $4,000.00 plus....

That's quite the delta if you ask me.