Ex Drama

[GameTime83]

Hey guys,

Got a question, basically me and my woman are getting married next year (june). My mrs has a child from a previous relationship, which im fine with because me and the kid get on really well, she calls me dad and i do feel like her dad in so many ways.

But the kids biological dad keeps calling my wife to be (not asking about the child, but wanting to talk with my woman),The other day i was sat watching tv and her phone got 2 picture messages from him while she was in the bath. Ive never looked on her phone before, but this shit got me wondering. So i looked and he had sent pictures of himself, with a message reading something like 'xxx send me some of you' (she didnt respond) So i looked further on her phone and found a pic of him from a few months ago that she kept on her phone.

So last night i confronted her and she used the defense of you shouldnt of looked on my phone its private....and that she didnt respond to the messages, so she didnt see the problem.

I know i shouldnt of looked on the phone, but im half way glad i did. Alot of things are going through my head, while my mrs is giving me the cold shoulder like its all on me.

What should i do?

[zimmy]

well... i agree that you shouldn't have looked...but you did...and you told her right away...so that's good. But, she obviously has to have some sort of relationship with her child's father and to tell him to leave her alone for a bf is just not necessary ...HOWEVER... since you are going to marry her...and it is obviously serious and obviosly needing to be addressed, I say a nice letter apologizing for looking at her phone and then letting her know it bothered you and that you aren't trying to argue / attack her, but you just wanted to let her know how you felt so there are no lies / secrets between you two. That way , she will feel more comfortable and be more willing to discuss it with you (or tell him to stop).

P.S. this is your first post ? LOL

[STYLE74]

I went through a similar situation with my ex girlfriend. She was at my house for a BBQ one day and i saw her on the phone sitting in the front of my house, when i approached her she quickly got off the phone and when i asked her who it was she said it was her mother. I said ok and when she went to put the phone away in the house i did something i never do, only because i had a gut feeling she was lying. When i checked the phone it was a guy's number, so she lied and then i came to find out 1 year later that she was hanging out with the same guy who's number i saw on her phone. She claimed that yes she was talking to him but he was just a friend of her other friends and nothing ever happened beetween them, who knows, but just the fact of the whole situation makes me feel that i can't trust her and i broke up with her. I never do that sort of thing either but that day i did and i don't regret it one bit, that $hit they say about go with your gut is true. If i were you i would wonder why she hasn't told you that her ex is sending her photo's and is calling her, if you are getting married to her i would think that she would tell you everything, including that her ex is sending her pics and calling her. She is just trying to make it seem like you are wrong, but your not, you had a feeling and you acted upon it and there is nothing wrong with that. If she has nothing to hide then it shouldn't be a problem. I hope everything works out for you and make sure she is right before you tie the knot bro, now is the time to figure it all out. Good Luck!

[GameTime83]

Yeah my first post under this username, i have another username i posted on for a few years but cant remember what the username or pass was lol!

Im definately with you guys in the sense that it isnt right, how she isnt telling me these things. The funny thing is one of my ex's sent a picture of herself about 5weeks ago with her chest on show with the words 'look what your missing out on...' i showed my woman straight away from there she sent her some abusive texts. I cant help that someone sent me that, but i was completely open. This is the woman i am marrying, so you can bet i love her with all my heart and that she has my everything.

I definately do appreciate there has to be communication, as they do have a child together. I just wish she was more open, a letter sounds like a good idea. its crazy because i feel like im walking on egg shells now all because i looked on her phone.

[STYLE74]

I would just talk to her about it and tell her how you feel and that you want her to be more open with you about things and see what she sais. I'm sure you both will work it out.

[slob]

that $hit they say about go with your gut is true

fkin oath man, Truer words were never spoken

[Mizfit]

How do u know she didnt delete her response?

[Mizfit]

People - not just women r sneaky sometimes.

gut feelings based on facts are usually right - it's when you go off on something random that u gotta shaddup - because those r unrationale.

[Mike_Huck]

Well if shes's got a kid with this man, you better get used to it because he is gonna be around forever, something to think about.

[STYLE74]

People - not just women r sneaky sometimes.

gut feelings based on facts are usually right - it's when you go off on something random that u gotta shaddup - because those r unrationale.

What do you mean gut feelings based on facts are usually right, the whole thing about having a gut feeling is not knowing facts, you just feel something is up in your gut and then you try to get facts about the gut feeling... this is how it is for me atleast.

[Mizfit]

What do you mean gut feelings based on facts are usually right, the whole thing about having a gut feeling is not knowing facts, you just feel something is up in your gut and then you try to get facts about the gut feeling... this is how it is for me atleast.

I guess i used the wrong verbiage.

When someone gives u reason to dobut them, and in ur heart u know theres more- there is even proof - you can't keep denying it to yourself.

The only person you end up fooling is yourself.

But that beign said u can't accuse your partner 24 7 if there is no evidence to back up your accusations.

[IronFreakX]

Id tell her to go over to his place and give him his XXX pics, away from me.

I mess around like crazy when Im single, sometimes more than a girl a night hehe ......

BUT, if Im in a relationship, I wouldnt keep pics of my Xs and the porn tapes we had, outta respect for the girl Im seeing, I wouldnt throw em right away but once it gets serious, theyre gone.

[STYLE74]

[QUOTE=Mizfit]I guess i used the wrong verbiage.

When someone gives u reason to dobut them, and in ur heart u know theres more- there is even proof - you can't keep denying it to yourself.

The only person you end up fooling is yourself.

But that beign said u can't accuse your partner 24 7 if there is no evidence to back up your accusations.[/QUOTE

]
Ok i understand what you mean now babe and i totally agree with you. It 's definately not right to go and accuse if there is no evidence or reason to.

[GameTime83]

Well we talked things through, i apologised for looking on her phone and said that i appreciated that she had to communicate with her daughters father, but i said we have to be open and that things like that she should tell me, the same with me.

The one thing that has gotten to me on top of this is that she wont tell him we are getting married, she says thats shes worried about what the guy will do, she thinks he may go out and get another girl pregnant etc... i dont understand, because he has to find out at some point?!!

[PROTEINSHAKE]

damn man....she is holding something back if she wont even tell the ex that she is getting re-married. & what does she care if he goes & gets another girl preg or whatever.. it seems like she is holding back something or hiding from the ex in some way....something..not trying to be the devils advocate man but just tryin to help ya out.

[GameTime83]

damn man....she is holding something back if she wont even tell the ex that she is getting re-married. & what does she care if he goes & gets another girl preg or whatever.. it seems like she is holding back something or hiding from the ex in some way....something..not trying to be the devils advocate man but just tryin to help ya out.

I hear you bro, couldnt agree more. My best mate thinks i should confront the guy and ask him what his problem is...but i can see myself laying into him, which would probably only make things worse, im kinda confused at the moment. As this is the woman im marrying and there is things that are unclear...

[PROTEINSHAKE]

well obviously man, you need to get them clear b4 you marry her, one way or another.

[Mizfit]

I hear you bro, couldnt agree more. My best mate thinks i should confront the guy and ask him what his problem is...but i can see myself laying into him, which would probably only make things worse, im kinda confused at the moment. As this is the woman im marrying and there is things that are unclear...

It's not his problem really - it's hers.

She is encorageing it in some way - sorry dude.

Sounds to me like she doesn't want him to know u guys r getting married for her own reasons. If it smells fishy - it probably is.

[gixxerboy1]

Sounds to me like she doesn't want him to know u guys r getting married for her own reasons. If it smells fishy - it probably is.

I just went through this same thing with my girl =. She has a 3 year old. The father of the kid wants her back and uses the daughter. She was afraid when he heard we were getting married he would never come see the daughter again. He has threatened bs like that. So maybe its for reasons like that for her child.

[neverenuff21]

Shes definitely hiding something if she wont tell him!!! Trust me, just cause she is mad you looked at her phone, doesnt mean she doesnt understand. She is just trying to put it back on you.

Sounds like somebody is missing their ex. You should ask her if shes really ready to get married and give her the option of putting it off. see how she responds. Shes scared to tell him because shes afraid emotionally he'll distance himself from her and shes not ready for that.

[gixxerboy1]

Shes definitely hiding something if she wont tell him!!! Trust me, just cause she is mad you looked at her phone, doesnt mean she doesnt understand. She is just trying to put it back on you.

Sounds like somebody is missing their ex. You should ask her if shes really ready to get married and give her the option of putting it off. see how she responds. Shes scared to tell him because shes afraid emotionally he'll distance himself from her and shes not ready for that.

It could be she's afriad he will distance himself from thier child. A kid changes everything. Her daughter will always be number 1 not GameTime. In her mind she isnt doing anything wrong to him and if it protects her daughter she will do it.

[neverenuff21]

Yeah but its wrong to him. so its give and take? she should have more resp[ect for her current man in my opinion

[gixxerboy1]

Yeah but its wrong to him. so its give and take? she should have more resp[ect for her current man in my opinion

I agree. But i just think it neceseraly means she has feelings for her ex. If there wasn't a kid involved i would be more worried

[STYLE74]

There are alot of good points here from gixxer, miz, never, and getnn, but i have to agree with never on this one, besides her child she needs to respect her present man more than anybody because this is the man she is going to marry and be with for the rest of her life. I understand there is a kid involved but it shouldn't matter, they should share everything and be OPEN about everything. To me that's just pure rediculous that she won't even tell her ex that she is getting married. I would never stand for such nonsense, if i am marrying a women, NO secrets and NO lies and if she has an ex he is going to KNOW that we are getting married and things are going to be different from now on. IMHO i think you should think this through real good and don't put up with no nonsense. RESPECT is KEY!!!!!

[PROTEINSHAKE]

I'm w style all the way. WERD. well said.

[Mizfit]

I just went through this same thing with my girl =. She has a 3 year old. The father of the kid wants her back and uses the daughter. She was afraid when he heard we were getting married he would never come see the daughter again. He has threatened bs like that. So maybe its for reasons like that for her child.

A person who uses a child as a pawn - IMO it brings them entirely into question regarding morals and vaules. - it means he only wants the child for the mother - why would you want someone like this in a child's life?

Good ridances- It's an excuse.

[Mizfit]

Women and men web tales to oone another..

[gixxerboy1]

A person who uses a child as a pawn - IMO it brings them entirely into question regarding morals and vaules. - it means he only wants the child for the mother - why would you want someone like this in a child's life?

Good ridances- It's an excuse.

I completely agree. And she releases it now. But there was a tuff time before she decided he wasn't really going to be in her daughters life. Which is hard when the baby ask where daddy is.

[GameTime83]

There are alot of good points here from gixxer, miz, never, and getnn, but i have to agree with never on this one, besides her child she needs to respect her present man more than anybody because this is the man she is going to marry and be with for the rest of her life. I understand there is a kid involved but it shouldn't matter, they should share everything and be OPEN about everything. To me that's just pure rediculous that she won't even tell her ex that she is getting married. I would never stand for such nonsense, if i am marrying a women, NO secrets and NO lies and if she has an ex he is going to KNOW that we are getting married and things are going to be different from now on. IMHO i think you should think this through real good and don't put up with no nonsense. RESPECT is KEY!!!!!

Don't worry bro, i am thinking it through ALOT! ive got a constant headache from it. I totally agree on sharing and being open with everything. Now i wonder what else she hasnt told me or is hiding...

Getting married is stressful enough without this stuff going on!

[firmechicano831]

I think that if she really loves you she should stop all communications with him unless he is picking up the child. Know what I would do is different then anyone else. If she really loved me I would tell her to call him in front of me and tell him that she is getting married with me. If she loves you and trust you she won't mind talking to him infront of you on the phone. If she says no, then shes hidding something for sure.

[gixxerboy1]

I think that if she really loves you she should stop all communications with him unless he is picking up the child. Know what I would do is different then anyone else. If she really loved me I would tell her to call him in front of me and tell him that she is getting married with me. If she loves you and trust you she won't mind talking to him infront of you on the phone. If she says no, then shes hidding something for sure.

I'm not saying how she is acting in right. But what you are suggesting is to far the other way. She is probably trying to keep a civil relationship with the babies father. If you trust and love her you make her start a fight with her ex to prove it. What her ex is doing isn't the right thing also. But if she isn't responding to it and just blowing it of is it hurting you. When she confronts him and and he gets upset i guarantee the child suffers.

[STYLE74]

Don't worry bro, i am thinking it through ALOT! ive got a constant headache from it. I totally agree on sharing and being open with everything. Now i wonder what else she hasnt told me or is hiding...

Getting married is stressful enough without this stuff going on!

Yeah bro that's exactly what i'm talking about. If i am ever to settle with a women, she needs to be my best friend as well as my lover and if someday she is going to be the mother of my children she has to be totally open and honest about EVERYTHING. I don't care what the situation or who the person is, if someone is calling her, harrassing her or her ex sending her texts or whatever the case may be.......I WANT TO KNOW! Just like you said, if she is not telling you a silly little thing like getting a text from her ex, or not even telling her ex that she is marrying you, what else is there? You seem like a good guy who really cares about her and the children and i hope that everything works out for you, but don't stand for any thing that you don't agree with.