I do it because I love it versus I love it because I do it.

[Mike Dura]

I think people commonly believe that they bodybuild because they love it. For those who have been doing this for a while, he or she may start to sense that it's also possible that they love bodybuilding because he or she does it. You can especially sense the latter when you go to the gym despite feeling like your not in the mood for it and as you get into your workout, you start to feel turned on and you have a great workout. Or maybe you were never into the workout and no matter what, your just not into it that day. Yet, you remain commited overall to that principle that is the bodybuilding lifestyle.

I think the same basic idea applies to relationships as well. You don't always feel profound love but you know that you have to act loving at all times to maintain this relationship. As you mature you start to go beyond simple, immediate emotions. Can you relate to what I'm saying here?

[Mizfit]

depends if you know exactly why you want to stick it out..

Intentions mean alot

[PROTEINSHAKE]

i think that you used to words there mike that shouldnt be assosiated with true love..... "act loving" if you are TRULY(in the true sense of the word) in love with the other...there should be NO acting..but yes, I do know what you are saying...

[Carlos_E]

Can you relate to what I'm saying here?

No .

[Mike Dura]

You have to define love and clearly understand the relationship between love and commitement (whether in loving a lifestyle or loving a person). If you define love as merely a feeling, that is an incomplete definition because feelings come and go like the clouds. But if I define love as a commitment that is not contingent upon immediate feelings, than I have a more stable and more mature definition of love. So in this way of defining love, love is more than just a feeling, it is a commitment to take consistent actions irrespective of feelings. So, for example, I may not feel like going to the gym today but I'm going to go anyway because I'm committed to this lifestyle. The feelings of passion may come after the action or it may not come at all but it doesn't matter. What matters is my commitement (love).

Or, to use another example, I may not feel loving towards this person today but I'm committed to this person and I'm going to act loving and in doing so, be loving. This way of defining love, in my view, is more developed than just thinking of love as a simple imediate feeling that determines action. It also takes into account that human beings, as a species, have a neocortex and can opperate out of abstract principles, rather than react impulsively out of immediate feeling.

In the most general sense, for those who are in the habit of thinking more analytically, what I'm saying here relates to the attribution of cause and affect.

So that we may say A (e.g., a feeling) precedes B (an action). I'm saying that we have to be open to the possibility that it can work in the opposite direction so that B (an action) precedes A (a feeling). This is know as "the problem of directionality" in statistics. It's also possible that a third variable C (e.g., Type A personality) can be the cause of A and B.

So instead of seeing cause and effect in a one dimensional way, we can understand that certain things have relationships and we can trigger a certain state of being through either A B or C which become targets toward achieving a certain end.

You can take the above and apply that to a therapeutic approach toward depression. It's understood, for example, that there is a relationship between A (thoughts) B (moods) and C (neurotransmitters). So there are a number of approaches for changing depression. Would could use target C (neurotransmitters) though medication. We can also target B or thoughts (as is done in Cognitive therapy). We can also target A or moods through the practice of meditation. What ever way we target, if you effect one of the three variables the other ones will change. This goes way beyond the thinking of A causes B and this general idea has wide application.

i think that you used to words there mike that shouldnt be assosiated with true love..... "act loving" if you are TRULY(in the true sense of the word) in love with the other...there should be NO acting..but yes, I do know what you are saying...

[helium3]

i think your right,but this shits heavy for a saturday night.

[kloter1]

chill dr phil

[Mike Dura]

In talking about it maybe it seems heavy but it's really a simple thing and it has practical application. Personally, I've had to learn that if I want to overcome depression, I have to think in terms of taking action regardless of how I feel. It took me forever to learn that if I wait around to feel better before I took responsible action, I'm going to remain depressed. It seems that depression is connected to inaction which is connected to the feeling of no meaning (or nihilism) which in turn makes you feel depressed. Understanding that there is a relationship among these things is important because it's basically a feedback loop. But most generally, understanding things as a feedback loop over merely simple cause and effect, I can approach a problem in more than one way. That's useful. But what I'm talking about here also has implications for values too and that's good for any day of the week (even Sunday).

i think your right,but this shits heavy for a saturday night.

[Hackamaniac]

chill dr phil

[Mike Dura]