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Thread: BJ Etiquette
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10-13-2006, 09:34 AM #1
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BJ Etiquette
Funny read!
Blow Job Etiquette (by a female)
1. First and foremost, we are not obligated to do it.
2. Extension to rule 1 - So if you get one, be grateful.
3. I don't care WHAT they did in the porn video you saw, it is not standard practice to cum on someone's face.
4. Extension to rule 3 - No, I DON'T have to swallow.
5. My ears are NOT handles.
6. Extension to rule 5 - do not push on the top of my head. Last I heard, deep throat had been done. And additionally, do you really WANT puke on your dick?
7. I don't care HOW relaxed you get, it is NEVER OK to fart.
8. Having my period does not mean that it's "hummer week" - get it through your head - I'm bloated and feel like shit so no, I don't feel particularly obligated to blow you just because YOU can't have sex right now.
9. Extension to rule 8 - "Blue Balls" might have worked on high school girls - if you're that desperate, go jerk off and leave me alone.
10. If I have to pause to remove a pubic hair from my teeth, don't tell me I've just "wrecked it" for you.
11. Leaving me in bed while you go play video games immediately afterwards is highly inadvisable if you would like my behavior to be repeated in the future.
12. If you like how we do it, it's probably best not to speculate about the origins of our talent. Just enjoy the moment and be happy that we're good at it. See also rule 2 about gratitude.
13. No, it doesn't particularly taste good and I don't care about the protein content.
14. No, I will NOT do it while you watch TV.
15. When you hear your friends complain about how they don't get blow jobs often enough, keep your mouth shut. It is inappropriate to either sympathize or brag.
16. Just because "it's awake" when you get up does not mean I have to "kiss it good morning"!
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A Man's thoughts on Fellatio AKA Rebuttal Etiquette (by a Male)
1. First of all, yes you're obligated to do it. If you don't, we will find someone (younger, prettier and dirtier) who will.
2. Second, swallowing a teaspoon full of cream is a hell of a lot easier than licking a dead fish.
3. You want to talk about farting? Does the word "queef" mean anything to you?
4. I will use your ears as I see fit - don't worry about it and be thankful I'm not pulling your hair.
5. When you're on your period, stuffing something in your mouth is the only way to stop you from bitching and moaning. Suck it up!
6. Speaking of which, if you are bleeding for five straight days, you need all the fluids you can get. Trust me.
7. You bitch about the taste, but trust me when I tell you that we get the short end of the stick in flavor country.
8. At least there is no danger of a dick bleeding in your mouth.
9. Play with the balls.
10. No matter how good you think you are at it, we've had better.
11. Caress the ass, too. We like that!
12. Make hay when the sun shines. It's "wide awake" in the morning now, but when you get old & fat and looking for some action, I gah-ron-tee it'll be "sound asleep."
13. If you swallow, then you don't have to worry about getting any on your face, now will you!
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10-13-2006, 09:37 AM #2
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lmao...that's good shit.
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10-13-2006, 09:38 AM #3
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2. Second, swallowing a teaspoon full of cream is a hell of a lot easier than licking a dead fish.
3. You want to talk about farting? Does the word "queef" mean anything to you?
those are the best haha
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10-13-2006, 09:41 AM #4
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roflmao
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10-13-2006, 09:50 AM #5
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Very funnt SVT. Great read.
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10-13-2006, 09:52 AM #6
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i agree
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10-13-2006, 10:44 AM #7
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omg LOL
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10-13-2006, 10:49 AM #8
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this should be locked at the top of the page as a must read.
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10-13-2006, 11:17 AM #9
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the difference between men's and women's mentalities amazes me
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10-13-2006, 11:18 AM #10
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10-13-2006, 11:39 AM #11
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I love it,awesome SVT
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10-13-2006, 01:54 PM #12
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Now this post i like...
**goes and finds g/f so she can read it*****No source checks!!!***
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10-13-2006, 03:41 PM #13
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Figure this can kinda sway the attention away from the steve irwin thread
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10-13-2006, 03:51 PM #14
"Vanity Redefined" ~VET~
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the who?
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10-13-2006, 04:13 PM #15
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LMFAO.... better then licking a dead fish hahahhahahahahahhahahah
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10-13-2006, 04:39 PM #16
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This could be a potential sticky...j/k
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10-13-2006, 04:44 PM #17
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that's funny... i've seen the female one but i don't think I've ever read the male rebuttal. I like the last one the most!
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10-13-2006, 07:38 PM #18
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this should be a binding contract in every new relationship...
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10-13-2006, 07:46 PM #19
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o gawd that is great..
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10-17-2006, 08:07 AM #20
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There are girls who don't take facials AND don't **** on their period? What the **** is this woman talking about? Is she kidding?
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10-17-2006, 08:10 AM #21
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hahaaaa...
don't brag about it...The answer to your every question
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Don't Let the Police kick your ass
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10-17-2006, 08:59 AM #22
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The Best
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10-17-2006, 09:19 AM #23
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oh man I gotta pass this on
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10-17-2006, 06:10 PM #24
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That's so great! I'm going to laminate it, and stick it on my fridge.
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10-17-2006, 06:31 PM #25
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hahah awsome!
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10-17-2006, 07:04 PM #26
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Seen this before but it is pretty funny
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10-17-2006, 08:59 PM #27
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Ok good as long as you are aware
Originally Posted by Mizfit
Seen this before but it is pretty funny
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