Is it time to go for custody ?

**Chemical King** · 12-29-2006, 01:12 PM

My ex and i seperated nearly 2 yr ago. After court appearances I got a PR order and visiting. Although visiting wasnt made official cos things were goin wel at the time.

Anyway 2 yrs on from our break up she stil lives with her mum sharing a room wif my son now aged 4.

This surely must be hindering his mental development.

She has stoped access loads of times for no reason and there has bin a few incidents involving my ex and her neighbour which threats was made to my son and i involved the police to get it so it was on record.

Is it time for a custosy battle ? or should i wait for a better opotunity ?

**rafael** · 12-29-2006, 01:35 PM

worry bout your son first...then worry about the ex...id force custody

**Chemical King** · 12-29-2006, 01:38 PM

i just dont wana go for it and not get it and look daft

**QuieTSToRM33** · 12-29-2006, 01:40 PM

do what's best for your son .... thats the best thing u can do

**ecivon** · 12-29-2006, 02:04 PM

Originally Posted by Chemical King

Is it time for a custosy battle ? or should i wait for a better opotunity ?

As far as I'm concerned that battle would never stop! Make sure your kid doesn't get in the middle of conversations and actions between you and your ex that could cause him stress.

I don't know where you live, but I divorced my ex 12 years ago and I filed for and fought for custody from the gitgo and I got custody of all three. Unfortunately it doesn't happen often enough, but it can be done.

Nobody better not ever get between me and my boys ... Best of luck to you Bro!

**beuleux** · 12-29-2006, 02:53 PM

Originally Posted by Chemical King

i just dont wana go for it and not get it and look daft

Where do I start... I am in your shoes metaphorically speaking, Im assuming you are in the UK as you use the term "PR". Let me tell you this, you say anything about her and they say "oh yeh so you say" she says anything about you and its taken as gospel Im talking across the board the police, social services even the fcuking judge.

My ex is a speed freak and an alco which is well known by social services and believe me she has fcuked up big time, I have been fighting for over a year for custody... No fcuking chance! They talk to me like Im a total cvnt and Im making everything up cos Im the evil git my ex says I am. The only person who believes you is your solicitor and thats only because hes paid to.

Just that incident about the neighbor is nothing infact its less than nothing in the eyes of our fcuked up system. Even if you do have a court order in place she can keep refusing you access and dragging it out for years, a court order is not worth the paper its written on there is a clause that says if the mother is unhappy about access for any reason she can suspend it.

I wish you all the best with your struggle because I know what your going through but youve got more chance of being hit by a number 7 bus halfway up the side of Ben Nevis, your ex is gonna have to fcuk up turbo big time for you to get custody and its gonna cost you a small fortune too and I bet she is on the dole scrounging our taxes shell get legal aid, no skin off her nose.

Good luck... Ill get us a spiderman suit each and well go climb a building.

**taiboxa** · 12-29-2006, 02:53 PM

nah its fine i slept w/ lots of peoples moms at age 4

**Chemical King** · 12-29-2006, 04:01 PM

Originally Posted by beuleux

Where do I start... I am in your shoes metaphorically speaking, Im assuming you are in the UK as you use the term "PR". Let me tell you this, you say anything about her and they say "oh yeh so you say" she says anything about you and its taken as gospel Im talking across the board the police, social services even the fcuking judge.

My ex is a speed freak and an alco which is well known by social services and believe me she has fcuked up big time, I have been fighting for over a year for custody... No fcuking chance! They talk to me like Im a total cvnt and Im making everything up cos Im the evil git my ex says I am. The only person who believes you is your solicitor and thats only because hes paid to.

Just that incident about the neighbor is nothing infact its less than nothing in the eyes of our fcuked up system. Even if you do have a court order in place she can keep refusing you access and dragging it out for years, a court order is not worth the paper its written on there is a clause that says if the mother is unhappy about access for any reason she can suspend it.

I wish you all the best with your struggle because I know what your going through but youve got more chance of being hit by a number 7 bus halfway up the side of Ben Nevis, your ex is gonna have to fcuk up turbo big time for you to get custody and its gonna cost you a small fortune too and I bet she is on the dole scrounging our taxes shell get legal aid, no skin off her nose.

Good luck... Ill get us a spiderman suit each and well go climb a building.

i know wat u mean. i got it all down on paper though, things like screenshots of threats via mobile. stuff like that. lke a diary

**beuleux** · 12-29-2006, 04:08 PM

Hate to burst your bubble but that wont help much, I have recorded calls of my ex calling me and saying delusional stuff cos shes fcuked up on billy and trying to get me to go to her house in the middle of the night so she can call plod on me and say Im stalking her

Incidntly the Nokia 6230 will record incoming and outgoing calls if that helps get any evidence but it will be a small victory because there are legal issues with recorded calls.

**prncezzml** · 12-29-2006, 04:58 PM

I don't know what it is like in the UK, but I know many people here in the U.S. who compile evidence against the mom/dad of their child, but in the end the courts do NOT care, and they are VERY cautious about taking a child from his mother. Would that REALLY be best for your son? My education is in Social Work and product of divorced parents, and I will tell you, things like custody battles negatively affect the child. If you absolutely feel like it would be in the best interests of the child, go for it. There is a good chance you will lose though. Sorry to be negative, but it's the truth.

**beuleux** · 12-29-2006, 05:08 PM

Originally Posted by prncezzml

I don't know what it is like in the UK, but I know many people here in the U.S. who compile evidence against the mom/dad of their child, but in the end the courts do NOT care, and they are VERY cautious about taking a child from his mother. Would that REALLY be best for your son? My education is in Social Work and product of divorced parents, and I will tell you, things like custody battles negatively affect the child. If you absolutely feel like it would be in the best interests of the child, go for it. There is a good chance you will lose though. Sorry to be negative, but it's the truth.

Correction... You will almost certainly lose 99.9999r%

Social workers HAH! Ive had it to my back teeth with them... Overpaid and misguided interfering do-godders, every few weeks in the UK there is some horrible story on the news where some poor kiddy dies by being tortured to death by the mum and her new b/f and social workers never listned to the real dad because of the CAUTIOUS legal system

**prncezzml** · 12-29-2006, 05:13 PM

Originally Posted by beuleux

Correction... You will almost certainly lose 99.9999r%

Social workers HAH! Ive had it to my back teeth with them... Overpaid and misguided interfering do-godders, every few weeks in the UK there is some horrible story on the news where some poor kiddy dies by being tortured to death by the mum and her new b/f and social workers never listned to the real dad because of the CAUTIOUS legal system

Yes it is a shame the way the system works. It is poorly set up though, not usually the fault of an individual caseworker. I highly doubt any one would want a child to die.

**cfiler** · 12-29-2006, 06:54 PM

Go for it.

Maybe talk to a lawyer, and find out what would be best to build up a case. Try and find evidence to back up your case.

I wish you the best of luck. If you really think it's best for your child to live with you instead of her, then don't give up.

**zaggahamma** · 12-29-2006, 09:03 PM

Originally Posted by beuleux

Where do I start... I am in your shoes metaphorically speaking, Im assuming you are in the UK as you use the term "PR". Let me tell you this, you say anything about her and they say "oh yeh so you say" she says anything about you and its taken as gospel Im talking across the board the police, social services even the fcuking judge.
My ex is a speed freak and an alco which is well known by social services and believe me she has fcuked up big time, I have been fighting for over a year for custody... No fcuking chance! They talk to me like Im a total cvnt and Im making everything up cos Im the evil git my ex says I am. The only person who believes you is your solicitor and thats only because hes paid to.

Just that incident about the neighbor is nothing infact its less than nothing in the eyes of our fcuked up system. Even if you do have a court order in place she can keep refusing you access and dragging it out for years, a court order is not worth the paper its written on there is a clause that says if the mother is unhappy about access for any reason she can suspend it.

I wish you all the best with your struggle because I know what your going through but youve got more chance of being hit by a number 7 bus halfway up the side of Ben Nevis, your ex is gonna have to fcuk up turbo big time for you to get custody and its gonna cost you a small fortune too and I bet she is on the dole scrounging our taxes shell get legal aid, no skin off her nose.

Good luck... Ill get us a spiderman suit each and well go climb a building.

same way in Florida in my experience....

your boy has a leg up just the fact that you care

wish you the best man

**gixxerboy1** · 12-29-2006, 10:17 PM

Originally Posted by cfiler

Go for it.

Maybe talk to a lawyer, and find out what would be best to build up a case. Try and find evidence to back up your case.

I wish you the best of luck. If you really think it's best for your child to live with you instead of her, then don't give up.

Best advice. Consult a lawyer and see what they say. But they are going to look you alot. like where will your son stay when he is with you. Who will watch him when your at work. Its going to be hard to over come her.

**firmechicano831** · 12-30-2006, 12:50 AM

yup. consult a lawyer first and he will say yes or no.

**Chemical King** · 12-30-2006, 04:54 AM

Originally Posted by gixxerboy1

Best advice. Consult a lawyer and see what they say. But they are going to look you alot. like where will your son stay when he is with you. Who will watch him when your at work. Its going to be hard to over come her.

the weird thing is that i have never said she is a bad mother but now it apears that she never barely has himin her care and that her mam and dad were thinkin of putting in for parantal rights. Im like , fuk that if anybody gets him it will be me.

I was tempted to go in guns blazing but after a long hard think im gona be smart about it and voice my concerns via email to the social services. This IMO is the smart way as the idea of the social services is to investigate anything suspicious regarding children.

Then il get advcie from my solicitor and take it from there

**beuleux** · 12-30-2006, 06:27 AM

Ahh now this is different... If her parents want PR then they must feel shes a bad mother. If you allready have PR then her parents dont have a hope of geeting it. By all means voice your concerns to social services, this may seem a bit cloak and dagger but if you can secretly record your conversation with them then do it, they are not your friends they will twist what you say to fit what they believe is the real picture and remember most social workers are women and more than likely already distrust men for whatever personal reasons... its not paranoia its very real, its happened to me. The next stop is your solicitor, it will cost you but if you really cant afford it you can fcuk up at work to get fired and blag JSA for a bit to get legal aid. Incidently to qualify otherwise, you have to have less than £46.00 after bills/expenses etc per week. Once solicitors are involved the gloves are off women can and do say anything... and I mean anything to get thier way so be prepared.

Heres what will happen in a typical custody case...
You see solicitor he will suggest mediation which is pointless IMO because if it were possible to talk thing through sensibly then you wouldnt be at your solicitors in the first place, depending on the outcome he then makes application to the court on your behalf, an interim order for access is made, this could be at a contact centre.

The judge orders social services to do a section 7 report I think its called. Which involves interviewing all parties and making recommendations to the court, this is a report is a farce and it carries weight with the judge even though its compiled by charlatains who have little or no knowledge of your situations or practical childcare they just go by govt guidelines you may also have to have a risk assessment by a shrink, I did and its a joke. Bald head + muscles + tattoos = potentialy dangerous

This takes forever. In my case its taken a year to get overnight access and its still going on. This is not unique unfortunately I know people who have been fighting for years and getting nowhere.... Its not going to be easy but good luck anyway

**Chemical King** · 12-30-2006, 11:58 AM

my case alredy went ot mediation th efirst time around so it wouldnt me needed this time. Also I would drfo get legal aid as Im a student.

I just found out also today that as wel as all the recent trouble over their my ex may be getting her own place soon which you would think is a gud thing but the other partys involved in a dispute with he say the will smash her windows in wen she moves in so its all prety fukd up