Who is responsible

**gixxerboy1** · 01-14-2007, 05:38 PM

I made a post last week that i found out my ex committed suicide. I found out more info about it. First of my ex had bad depression and a drug problem. That's pretty much why we broke up. Her new boyfriend and friends convinced her not to talk to me anymore because i was to controlling because i was trying to get her to stop the drugs.
Anyway i found out the night before she did it she went to a friends house after work (2am) and partied all night. Apparently when she got home her fiance was already gone for work. I can only assume she was alone in the house and coming down and couldn't handle it.
I so angry with her fiance'. How could he let her stay out all night parting. Also not check on her with at least a phone call. I'm putting a lot of blame on him for her being gone. If i run into him out there is serious going to be a huge problem. BTW I heard this from a very good source and its a whole different story then he told her family.

**king6** · 01-14-2007, 05:42 PM

Go have a face to face with him. See what he has to say before you whoop his ass.

**63190** · 01-14-2007, 05:44 PM

You can't blame any one. When God calls, it's your time. Just grieve and get over it. Hurting him won't bring her back and could land you in jail, getting anally rapped for a few years.

**Snrf** · 01-14-2007, 05:45 PM

Sorry to hear about that, don't feel guilty tho bro.

***perfectbeast2001*** · 01-14-2007, 05:46 PM

Sorry to hear the bad news mate. At the end of the day she was an adult and made her own choices, unfortunately it all went horribly wrong for her. Wooping his ass is not going to help anyone. Im sure he already feels terrible and will carry that feeling forever. JMO mate.

**Superhuman** · 01-14-2007, 05:47 PM

hey man it was her choice to do the drugs, nobody forced her too. she CHOSE to take her own life. don't be mad at him, just be mad at her parents for not raising her to make good decisions with her future. I'm sorry that happened

**gixxerboy1** · 01-14-2007, 05:47 PM

Originally Posted by 63190

You can't blame any one. When God calls, it's your time. Just grieve and get over it. Hurting him won't bring her back and could land you in jail, getting anally rapped for a few years.

yes you can blame someone. He was with her for almost 2 years he knew how she was and how she can get. He didn't take care of her.
I was with her for almost 5 years. Her brother and mother passed away while i was with her. And she had her other problems. I took care of her and she got through it. He let her die

**big L 17** · 01-14-2007, 05:48 PM

omg i am so sorry i didnt even read anything about that

**gixxerboy1** · 01-14-2007, 05:50 PM

Originally Posted by Superhuman

hey man it was her choice to do the drugs, nobody forced her too. she CHOSE to take her own life. don't be mad at him, just be mad at her parents for not raising her to make good decisions with her future. I'm sorry that happened

Both her parents passed away. I know she made the decision. But she needed someone to look after her. He enabled her to do stuff that was bad for her. And apparently did care about it.

I'm having a real hard time excepting that she is gone.

**Carlos_E** · 01-14-2007, 05:52 PM

You are just angry she is gone and looking for someone to place blame on besides her. You cannot blame him. She took her own life not him. Do you expect him to stop his life to try to stop her from ruining hers?

**STYLE74** · 01-14-2007, 05:53 PM

Hey bro I understand how you feel but maybe she was so out of control that she wouldn't even listen to him and he couldn't control her. I mean who knows bro there could be so many variables that even what you hear isn't the right story reputable or not. Some people hide things so good that you never know. I'm not taking sides here i'm just pointing out that even if her fiance was home or did stop her, there is no way to be with her 24/7 and it might have just happened another time when he wasn't around. She needed help and love from everybody and she had to want the help herself. It's such a tragedy gixxer but it's hard to just point fingers because nobody really knows what was going on in her head but her.

**gixxerboy1** · 01-14-2007, 05:56 PM

Originally Posted by Carlos_E

You are just angry she is gone and looking for someone to place blame on besides her. You cannot blame him. She took her own life not him. Do you expect him to stop his life to try to stop her from ruining hers?

Since they were getting married. Yes i do. You take care of your family.If he didn't want that responsibility then he should have let her go. Then i would have still been talking to her and this wouldn't have happened.

**Carlos_E** · 01-14-2007, 05:58 PM

Originally Posted by Carlos_E

You are just angry she is gone and looking for someone to place blame on besides her. You cannot blame him. She took her own life not him. Do you expect him to stop his life to try to stop her from ruining hers?

My first relationship I was with the guy for 7 years. Towards the end he started going to clubs and got into drugs. I tried to 'save' him. Going places to bring him home or to try to stop him from what he was doing. I was running around from club to club on work nights looking for him and all I did was ruin my job. I got fired for always coming in late because I would over sleep. After that, I ended up paying rent late. Why? Because he stole money from me. I had to remove myself from him because he was ruining his life and mine. It was the best choice for me. He ended up going to rehab and is OK now and he said the best thing to happen to me was me throwing him out and him not having any where to go. You can't save someone from destroying themselves. They have to change their life around.

***G-1000*** · 01-14-2007, 06:01 PM

hey bro the guys are right. You cant point blame on anyone. She did chose to take he own life. It sucks and it hurts and know one will take that a way from you. You need to find a way to accept it and move on. Take your time to greve. If you cant and are haveing a hard time to move on you might wont to talk to someone.

**gixxerboy1** · 01-14-2007, 06:05 PM

Originally Posted by Carlos_E

My first relationship I was with the guy for 7 years. Towards the end he started going to clubs and got into drugs. I tried to 'save' him. Going places to bring him home or to try to stop him from what he was doing. I was running around from club to club on work nights looking for him and all I did was ruin my job. I got fired for always coming in late because I would over sleep. After that, I ended up paying rent late. Why? Because he stole money from me. I had to remove myself from him because he was ruining his life and mine. It was the best choice for me. He ended up going to rehab and is OK now and he said the best thing to happen to me was me throwing him out and him not having any where to go. You can't save someone from destroying themselves. They have to change their life around.

I've done everything you said. I always tried to take care of her and protect her since she had nobody else that cared. I looked at her as more then just a gf. She was like a sister that i would do anything to protect no matter what she did. I've done a lot of bad things to people that hurt her or tried too. Its my instinct with her.

I really just can't except that she is gone. Its killing me. This is the worst thing I've had to deal with. I've lost other family members and its not like this

**l2elapse** · 01-14-2007, 06:06 PM

Originally Posted by perfectbeast2001

Sorry to hear the bad news mate. At the end of the day she was an adult and made her own choices, unfortunately it all went horribly wrong for her. Wooping his ass is not going to help anyone. Im sure he already feels terrible and will carry that feeling forever. JMO mate.

i agree with perfectbeast

**Superhuman** · 01-14-2007, 06:06 PM

Originally Posted by gixxerboy1

Both her parents passed away. I know she made the decision. But she needed someone to look after her. He enabled her to do stuff that was bad for her. And apparently did care about it.

I'm having a real hard time excepting that she is gone.

yeah that's really sad bro just embrace the pain.... cry until you can't cry anymore. Whatever you do don't bottle it up inside. Either way she is responsible for herself you know, nobody else is obligated to make sure she makes the right decisions with her life.

**STYLE74** · 01-14-2007, 06:11 PM

Gixxer it's NOT you're fault bro.

**QuieTSToRM33** · 01-14-2007, 07:12 PM

She knew the consequence and she made the decision. No one to "blame" but her.

As far as you confronting this guy and throwing him a beating ... thats ridiculous ... and is only going to get u into trouble.

All you can do is remember the good times you had ... cause in the end all you really have is memories.

**chest6** · 01-14-2007, 07:14 PM

You really cannot blame anyone. I have lost one family member and one close friend to suicide. Theyre gonna do what they want to do. If they want to die, then there is really nothing you can do to stop it

**mavsluva** · 01-14-2007, 07:31 PM

Originally Posted by gixxerboy1

I made a post last week that i found out my ex committed suicide. I found out more info about it. First of my ex had bad depression and a drug problem. That's pretty much why we broke up. Her new boyfriend and friends convinced her not to talk to me anymore because i was to controlling because i was trying to get her to stop the drugs.
Anyway i found out the night before she did it she went to a friends house after work (2am) and partied all night. Apparently when she got home her fiance was already gone for work. I can only assume she was alone in the house and coming down and couldn't handle it.
I so angry with her fiance'. How could he let her stay out all night parting. Also not check on her with at least a phone call. I'm putting a lot of blame on him for her being gone. If i run into him out there is serious going to be a huge problem. BTW I heard this from a very good source and its a whole different story then he told her family.

Forgive him. If you're not at peace with someone, then you'll have trouble finding peace within your own self. You'll be able to digest your animosity towards all of those involved much quicker should you allow yourself to forgive.

Good luck!

**getpaid** · 01-14-2007, 07:33 PM

Originally Posted by mavsluva

Forgive him. If you're not at peace with someone, then you'll have trouble finding peace within your own self. You'll be able to digest your animosity towards all of those involved much quicker should you allow yourself to forgive.

Good luck!

Wise words...

**prncezzml** · 01-14-2007, 08:21 PM

I counsel addicts on a regular basis and am an addict myself. Drug addicts lie and manipulate so they can continue using drugs. It is not anyone's fault, addiction is a mental disease that is fueled by obsession and compulsion to use drugs. The fiance could not have stopped her, you could not have stopped her. Sometimes drug usage leads to death. That is who is responsible. Drugs and the mental illness of addiction. As for all the friends that convinced her to stop talking to you, once again, addiction. Misery loves company. Other addicts who are using don't want to see another one of their using friends get clean. The fiance probably did not tell the family the story because he feels guilty and is probably blaming himself just like you are. Don't beat yourself up.

**king6** · 01-14-2007, 08:23 PM

Originally Posted by mavsluva

Forgive him. If you're not at peace with someone, then you'll have trouble finding peace within your own self. You'll be able to digest your animosity towards all of those involved much quicker should you allow yourself to forgive.

Good luck!

You always have a way of breaking things down to make them make more sense, and in turn find some meaning to a situation. Always look forward to philosophical comments.

**Timm1704** · 01-15-2007, 05:29 AM

you cant blame yourself, and you cannot blame him either. he loved her, or else he wouldnt have planned to marry her. he will be going through just as hard a time with this as you, probably more so.

**Foskamink** · 01-15-2007, 10:56 AM

i aint really in a position to tell you i know how you feel, but i can offer my company, please try and take it easy bro, deal with it your way and how you decide when it comes time, things wont be easy but got to try and keep ya head up.

myles

***Doc.Sust*** · 01-15-2007, 11:25 AM

i am soory for the looss, but it isnt this guys fault, you tried to stop her yourself and couldnt, i am sure he tried too , you can bring a horse to water, you cant mek the horse drink it.
this is neither here not there... i feel your pain, and i send my sincere condolences

**zimmy** · 01-15-2007, 11:30 AM

Originally Posted by gixxerboy1

I made a post last week that i found out my ex committed suicide. I found out more info about it. First of my ex had bad depression and a drug problem. That's pretty much why we broke up. Her new boyfriend and friends convinced her not to talk to me anymore because i was to controlling because i was trying to get her to stop the drugs.
Anyway i found out the night before she did it she went to a friends house after work (2am) and partied all night. Apparently when she got home her fiance was already gone for work. I can only assume she was alone in the house and coming down and couldn't handle it.
I so angry with her fiance'. How could he let her stay out all night parting. Also not check on her with at least a phone call. I'm putting a lot of blame on him for her being gone. If i run into him out there is serious going to be a huge problem. BTW I heard this from a very good source and its a whole different story then he told her family.

I understand why you are upset ..but seriously... how'z it his fault? In a normal relationship there is supposed to be the trust there to let her go out and have fun adn what not. He shoudln't have to baby sit her. Now she had problems with drugs and depressions. SHE is responsible for HERSELF. Just my opinion... coming from a guy who has been clinically depressed and unmedicated (hate that sh*t) for more than 10 years of his life...only person who could help or make things worse is yourself...or in this case...her self.

**beuleux** · 01-15-2007, 01:33 PM

Its not easy man, I know how you feel, I still blame people for my brothers suicide 7 years ago, youre only human and its normal to feel that way, I know youve probably heard it this 1000 times already but time is a great healer, stay close to your family and friends they will help you through it.

**Benches505** · 01-19-2007, 12:21 AM

I'm very sorry to hear this. May she have finally found peace. Addiction is a nasty thing that few people understand unless they have been or are going through it.