For those of you that have ever been in a relationship

[zodiac666]

Didn't you post you always cheat on your girl friend? Not screwing everything that moves would be considered "concentrating on your foundation."

LMFAO

[beuleux]

I dont buy it... Its all BS to me... If you need someone to tell you how to be in love with your partner then youre obviously with the wrong person.

Iceberg my arse!

[mavsluva]

This just happened last night:

I was forced to have to revisit the foudation of my love for my wife yesterday due to a little accident that the had. She was turning left into our driveway, but unfortunately, she failed to take a wide enough turn. This caused our SUV to scrape up against our recycling bin that's pinned up against our fence leaving a huge 24 inch gash/dent in the driver's side rear door. (see attached pic) She walks up to me upon entering the house and gives me the news.

I was able to not get angry because I did not forget the reasons why I love her. My foundation with my wife is built upon committment, grace and unconditional forgiveness. These characteristics allow us to love each other unconditionally. Had I not revisited these charateristics that make up our foundation yesterday, then I would have gotten pretty upset at her for her silly mistake.

Make sense?

[guest589745]

Didn't you post you always cheat on your girl friend? Not screwing everything that moves would be considered "concentrating on your foundation."

Wasn't asking you. Thanks for the useless smartass comment, so helpful, as usual

You're the last person I would take relationship advice from lol.

[beuleux]

Women cant drive... so whats new LOL. At least she didnt hit an iceberg

[CSAR]

Make sense?

No, not really. Why should you need to revisit your foundations of love over a gash/dent in a car door? Also, saying it was a mistake implies that you still believe she was wrong. Not trying to start anything, but doesn't make sense.

[mavsluva]

No, not really. Why should you need to revisit your foundations of love over a gash/dent in a car door? Also, saying it was a mistake implies that you still believe she was wrong. Not trying to start anything, but doesn't make sense.

Whether it be a dent, a lie, a purchase, jealousy, etc., I have to keep in mind the reasons why I love my wife at all times. Therefore, that enables me to maintain my senses for the better of the relationship.

[goodcents]

Women cant drive... so whats new LOL. At least she didnt hit an iceberg

That was mean, but funny as hell

[CSAR]

Whether it be a dent, a lie, a purchase, jealousy, etc., I have to keep in mind the reasons why I love my wife at all times. Therefore, that enables me to maintain my senses for the better of the relationship.

Sorry, but it just sounds like you keep having to justify your love and commitment because you're constantly upset with the things your wife does. Having to keep in mind the reasons why you love your wife at all times seems like a rather large amount of needless thinking over something as simple as a dent in the car door, a lie, etc., etc.

I'm not really big on analogies, but having to reaffirm your love for someone again and again is like having to repair the foundation on your house again and again. After a while, shouldn't you just acknowledge that the foundation was never good to begin with and either sell the house or tear it down and start from scratch?

I don't know...why not just admit being upset, get it out in the open, discuss it, talk about ways to avoid a repeat, make up, kiss, hug, etc., and move on? Stable and mature marriages/relationships don't avoid arguments, but instead seek to resolve them through dialog.

Very interesting thread regardless.

[goodcents]

Sorry, but it just sounds like you keep having to justify your love and commitment because you're constantly upset with the things your wife does. Having to keep in mind the reasons why you love your wife at all times seems like a rather large amount of needless thinking over something as simple as a dent in the car door, a lie, etc., etc.

I'm not really big on analogies, but having to reaffirm your love for someone again and again is like having to repair the foundation on your house again and again. After a while, shouldn't you just acknowledge that the foundation was never good to begin with and either sell the house or tear it down and start from scratch?

I don't know...why not just admit being upset, get it out in the open, discuss it, talk about ways to avoid a repeat, make up, kiss, hug, etc., and move on? Stable and mature marriages/relationships don't avoid arguments, but instead seek to resolve them through dialog.

Very interesting thread regardless.

I like it

[mavsluva]

CSAR: I give these types of messages every Saturday night and Sunday morning in front of a large congregation of people at church. I do so knowing that some people will be moved, and some won't. My whole approach is not about being right or wrong. It's about driving home sound principles based upon biblical passages. Part of being bold is accepting the fact that some people aren't going to agree with what you have to say. And I'm forced to do this on a daily basis.

My wife and I have a very sound relationship. I do not need to constantly remind myself of the reasons why that I love my wife. I do, however, know that I'm far from perfect. Therefore, during those nonperfect times, it's in my best interest to revisit the reasons why that I do love her.

I read a lot of threads and postings on this board that do not sit well with me. I do refrain from saying anything because it's not my job to attempt to speak against anyones beliefs or desires. I chose to share my messages because I felt that some hearts could be opened by what I had to say. Agree with it if you want to, or don't. That's not my goal. My goal is to continue in my bold ways in an attempt to share a positive message. That's it. Nothing more or less.

Grace and Peace,
Mavsluva

[goodcents]

CSAR: I give these types of messages every Saturday night and Sunday morning in front of a large congregation of people at church. I do so knowing that some people will be moved, and some won't. My whole approach is not about being right or wrong. It's about driving home sound principles based upon biblical passages. Part of being bold is accepting the fact that some people aren't going to agree with what you have to say. And I'm forced to do this on a daily basis.

My wife and I have a very sound relationship. I do not need to constantly remind myself of the reasons why that I love my wife. I do, however, know that I'm far from perfect. Therefore, during those nonperfect times, it's in my best interest to revisit the reasons why that I do love her.

I read a lot of threads and postings on this board that do not sit well with me. I do refrain from saying anything because it's not my job to attempt to speak against anyones beliefs or desires. I chose to share my messages because I felt that some hearts could be opened by what I had to say. Agree with it if you want to, or don't. That's not my goal. My goal is to continue in my bold ways in an attempt to share a positive message. That's it. Nothing more or less.

Grace and Peace,
Mavsluva

Good posts

[beuleux]

The post is regular Charles Ingles stuff, I dont believe anyone is like that in the real world and I dont buy into it for a second... its a load of everso righteous mush, not unlike some of your other posts Mavs, your fitness related posts are most informative and useful I might add and I have found them beneficial more than once. Sorry if Im out of line and I really dont mean any offence but Ive read a few of your mushy posts and none of them make sense to me, maybe you have issues with the real world and its theraputic for you to write it I dont know. I dont see how "Anyone whos ever been in a relationship" will find it informative, Ive been in one or two relationships and I see it as sentimental tosh at best.

[mavsluva]

maybe you have issues with the real world and its theraputic for you to write it I dont know.

I don't have issues with the real world. If I had issues with the real world, then I'd probably be sitting in the back row waiting for someone to guide me through life. What I do know is that we live in a world of hate. I say and do the things that most people are afraid to say and do. But I do so in a spiritually community where most, but not everyone, is needing a healthy dose of hope. There's a lot of benefits to being a positive influence to children and young adults in today's world. Sure, maybe my stuff is mush and meaningless to some. But I will not let those words change my desire to be a positive influence to whomever wants to listen.

[ginkobulloba]

Basically this all comes down to science versus religion. The bible and the book of mormons says you should do blah, blah and blah.

On the other hand you've got basic chemical reactions that allow people to fall in love or whatever you want to call it, and the reason is so that our species continues to survive. These same chemical reactions basically stop happening at that level after about 12 months.

We are designed to fvck like bunnies for about a year (we should've got the girl knocked up by that time) and then it's about time to move on. I know...they don't teach that stuff in sunday school.

Me, I'm shallow, I know this. I like to bury my dick in stellar poon on a regular basis and blow my load in my chick's mouth or her big fake tits. That's why I love her, because she's down with all of this and besides that she's a lot of fun. I'm also aware that the clock is ticking.

But, if she can keep this iceburg floating--- ie, continuing to be cool as hell, giving me awesome sex and constantly maintaining her porn star like appearance, then maybe we can keep this going. In return I will continue to be a cool mofo and hit that shit right. There's my iceburg bro.

[goodcents]

Basically this all comes down to science versus religion. The bible and the book of mormons says you should do blah, blah and blah.

On the other hand you've got basic chemical reactions that allow people to fall in love or whatever you want to call it, and the reason is so that our species continues to survive. These same chemical reactions basically stop happening at that level after about 12 months.

We are designed to fvck like bunnies for about a year (we should've got the girl knocked up by that time) and then it's about time to move on. I know...they don't teach that stuff in sunday school.

Me, I'm shallow, I know this. I like to bury my dick in stellar poon on a regular basis and blow my load in my chick's mouth or her big fake tits. That's why I love her, because she's down with all of this and besides that she's a lot of fun. I'm also aware that the clock is ticking.

But, if she can keep this iceburg floating--- ie, continuing to be cool as hell, giving me awesome sex and constantly maintaining her porn star like appearance, then maybe we can keep this going. In return I will continue to be a cool mofo and hit that shit right. There's my iceburg bro.

Quit holding back, get it all out in the open I knew there had to be someone out there with my "high" morals

[goodcents]

It's hard to eat with some of these posts I keep laughing too hard

[goodcents]

The post is regular Charles Ingles stuff, I dont believe anyone is like that in the real world and I dont buy into it for a second... its a load of everso righteous mush, not unlike some of your other posts Mavs, your fitness related posts are most informative and useful I might add and I have found them beneficial more than once. Sorry if Im out of line and I really dont mean any offence but Ive read a few of your mushy posts and none of them make sense to me, maybe you have issues with the real world and its theraputic for you to write it I dont know. I dont see how "Anyone whos ever been in a relationship" will find it informative, Ive been in one or two relationships and I see it as sentimental tosh at best.

Feel better now

[beuleux]

Feel better now

Nah... I held back

[Surfstud18]

An iceberg is a wonderful analogy because you don't see the foundation. Therefore, you forget it's there. Just as people forget the reasons why they love and care for each other.

What kind of church? scientogly? or something

sounds like Freud's Iceberg the theory

Material passes easily back and forth between the conscious and the preconscious. Material from these two areas can slip into the unconscious. Truly unconscious material cant’ be made available voluntarily, according to Freud. You need a psychoanalyst to do this!

[beuleux]

Material passes easily back and forth between the conscious and the preconscious. Material from these two areas can slip into the unconscious. Truly unconscious material cant’ be made available voluntarily, according to Freud. You need a psychoanalyst to do this!

Freud also thought all men wanted to bone thier mothers... The guy was a freak and shouldnt be quoted... EVER!

[Carlos_E]

Wasn't asking you. Thanks for the useless smartass comment, so helpful, as usual

You're the last person I would take relationship advice from lol.

It wasn't a smart ass comment. It's common sense. Cheating will not make your relationship better.

[Snrf]

Freud also thought all men wanted to bone thier mothers... The guy was a freak and shouldnt be quoted... EVER!

lmao!

so true, plus he was addicted to drugs

[Carlos_E]

why not just admit being upset, get it out in the open, discuss it, talk about ways to avoid a repeat, make up, kiss, hug, etc., and move on? Stable and mature marriages/relationships don't avoid arguments, but instead seek to resolve them through dialog.

There ya go!

[Surfstud18]

That's what i'm saying he talked about the ice berg theroy and now this guy omgoshhhh that's can't be good!

[spywizard]

Mav,

Thank you so much for sharing this with us, it is insightful and useful to some...

To others, well, you know what they say, everyone has a butt, and most stink..

Some will plant, some will nurture, some will harvest. we all have gifts, and i appreciate you sharing yours with us..

[G-1000]

An iceberg is a terrible analogy if you ask me.

The only way you truly love someone is to know him or her.
When you're looking for a partner. The first thing you look for is someone that is attractive to you. This is one of your wants.

The next thing you do is ask, that person out on a date. Why is this? This is so you can get to know them and see if that person can fill your needs in life. Everyone has needs.

From there you then decide if this person would make a good partner for you. You want them because you're attractive to them. They meet all you needs and make you feel good about yourself. Without sex you cannot tell if they meet all your needs. Sex plays a very large roll in a relationship.

Then you learn to love that person as you build trust. This is the base of the iceberg.

"He's convinced that he'll never meet the expectations that Tina has for him. No matter how hard that he tries, or the sacrifices that he makes, it's just not good enough for her." Tina,

This might very well be true. She may have needs that he cannot fill. The same goes for him. I tend to feel there is also a lack of communication problem. But you can not close a blind eye. You need to find the problem and fix it. To forget about it will only make matters worse later.


I do agree that love is something you can not see but feel. But you can not feel love if all thing are in place.

[G-1000]

An iceberg is a wonderful analogy because you don't see the foundation. Therefore, you forget it's there. Just as people forget the reasons why they love and care for each other.

People change. Some times for the better and other sorry to say for the worse.

At a young age like the two kids your talking about. They have a lot of changes in front of them. just hope they grow together and not apart.

[*Narkissos*]

No, not really. Why should you need to revisit your foundations of love over a gash/dent in a car door? Also, saying it was a mistake implies that you still believe she was wrong. Not trying to start anything, but doesn't make sense.

I think it does make sense.

I don't see anywhere above where he insinuated that re-visiting/rebuilding the foundation required being blind.

Of course he'd think she was wrong...if indeed she was.

I believe what he saying however, by the use of that example specifically, is that blowing up at her mistake... would be a bigger mistake.

The significance of an occurence depends on the value one assigns to the particular object at the core of the controversy.

Guy "A" is a car-lover... thus injury to his car would piss him off.

His relationship is however, hopefully, more important than his car.

Thus him blowing up would would injure the relationship.

The things that attracted Guy "A" and his girl to each other were, for example: mutual respect; support; and understanding.

Him firing off an angry tirade would be a slap in the face of the precepts that the relationship were based on.

[goodcents]

Mav, nooooooooooo

[G-1000]

This just happened last night:

I was forced to have to revisit the foudation of my love for my wife yesterday due to a little accident that the had. She was turning left into our driveway, but unfortunately, she failed to take a wide enough turn. This caused our SUV to scrape up against our recycling bin that's pinned up against our fence leaving a huge 24 inch gash/dent in the driver's side rear door. (see attached pic) She walks up to me upon entering the house and gives me the news.

I was able to not get angry because I did not forget the reasons why I love her. My foundation with my wife is built upon committment, grace and unconditional forgiveness. These characteristics allow us to love each other unconditionally. Had I not revisited these charateristics that make up our foundation yesterday, then I would have gotten pretty upset at her for her silly mistake.

Make sense?

I would not get angry. It's a car that can be fixed. So what if there is a dent in the door. Big deal you will get it fixed. As long as my wife was ok that is all that matters.

Why wound one even think of getting mad. I'm sure she did not do it on purpose.

[G-1000]

I disagree with the first part, but I agree with the second part I bolded.

First part...I really dont think they wanted to get married solely because their religion says no to premarital sex. Most likely the got married becuase, like mavs said, they thought that they loved each other enough to lead a successful marriage. I really dont think two people can get married at 21 and lead a successful marriage.

Your second part I do agree with. I really think, like you said, that two people must learn to discover themselves as individuals and continue to build their "self" first, rather than go through that period with someone else closely at your side, not knowing who you are or what you are all about, without someone else already being apart of you and making that decision for you.

Do you know anyone that wont have premarital sex? I do and it's playing a very big roll in there relactionship.

Yes

[*Narkissos*]

From there you then decided if this person would make a good partner for you. You wont them because you’re attractive to them. They meet all you needs and make you feel good about your self. With out sex you cannot tell if they meet all your needs. Sex plays a very large roll in a relationship.

While i agree that sex is important.. i don't agree that you need to have it to decide if a person will meet all your needs.

Variables like sex.. just like a person's personality evolve.

If a person is on the same page as you (e.g. you are emotionally compatible) then sex will evolve as the relationship evolves. 'Needs' are ever-changing.

Regardless of the picture a person presents when you two get together... it does not represent the extent of the role the person will play.

If you two aren't on the same page nothing else matters.

e.g. A chick sees a guy who relates well to children. Kids love him. She immediately think "he's good dad material"... He's good looking so he meets her 'looks' criteria... He is ambitious so he meets what she perceives a mate should be.

"Dad material" was her ultimate precept.. and his invitation into her thought process.

She intiates...never discussing the expectations (not of that nature for example).

She follows tru.. he reciprocates.

They date.. they marry

5 years later..her biological clock is a-ticking... and he's never brought up the topic of kids. They've just been enjoying being 'new'.

She now brings it up... He's blatantly against kids.. and won't even discuss it.

They separate during their 6th year.

[Carlos_E]

While i agree that sex is important.. i don't agree that you need to have it to decide if a person will meet all your needs.

Variables like sex.. just like a person's personality evolve.

If a person is on the same page as you (e.g. you are emotionally compatible) then sex will evolve as the relationship evolves. 'Needs' are ever-changing.

Regardless of the picture a person presents when you two get together... it does not represent the extent of the role the person will play.

If you two aren't on the same page nothing else matters.

e.g. A chick sees a guy who relates well to children. Kids love him. She immediately think "he's good dad material"... He's good looking so he meets her 'looks' criteria... He is ambitious so he meets what she perceives a mate should be.

"Dad material" was her ultimate precept.. and his invitation into her thought process.

She intiates...never discussing the expectations (not of that nature for example).

She follows tru.. he reciprocates.

They date.. they marry

5 years later..her biological clock is a-ticking... and he's never brought up the topic of kids. They've just been enjoying being 'new'.

She now brings it up... He's blatantly against kids.. and won't even discuss it.

They separate during their 6th year.

Your example show lack of communication. Before they got married they should have talked about having children. Everyone has needs and wants but you can't know what your partner wants from a relationship unless they tell you. You have to express your needs and not assume your partner knows what you want. Be a good listener and also be willing to compromise.

[G-1000]

While i agree that sex is important.. i don't agree that you need to have it to decide if a person will meet all your needs.

Variables like sex.. just like a person's personality evolve.

If a person is on the same page as you (e.g. you are emotionally compatible) then sex will evolve as the relationship evolves. 'Needs' are ever-changing.

Regardless of the picture a person presents when you two get together... it does not represent the extent of the role the person will play.

If you two aren't on the same page nothing else matters.

e.g. A chick sees a guy who relates well to children. Kids love him. She immediately think "he's good dad material"... He's good looking so he meets her 'looks' criteria... He is ambitious so he meets what she perceives a mate should be.

"Dad material" was her ultimate precept.. and his invitation into her thought process.

She intiates...never discussing the expectations (not of that nature for example).

She follows tru.. he reciprocates.

They date.. they marry

5 years later..her biological clock is a-ticking... and he's never brought up the topic of kids. They've just been enjoying being 'new'.

She now brings it up... He's blatantly against kids.. and won't even discuss it.

They separate during their 6th year.

You are 100% right. But you can evolve apart as well. As a man and woman gets older there hormons changs. This can also chang there out look on sex.

This is not to be a smart ass. But why is 70% of relactionship that fale and lead to devorce sex in the #1 cause.

[zodiac666]

i think the main point of this thread is that women shouldnt be allowed to drive, except for mizfit but even then only under my supervision.

[G-1000]

Lets be honest if you go out with a girl and lest say all goes well. Then you get home and you start making out and you have sex. But the sex was the worse you have ever had. Would you go back out with her or him. (Carlos)

[Carlos_E]

Lets be honest if you go out with a girl and lest say all goes well. Then you get home and you start making out and you have sex. But the sex was the worse you have ever had. Would you go back out with her or him. (Carlos)

Well for me I don't jump right into sex. I get to know the person first and if I develop feelings... to bed we go. If I really care for them and they are great in everything else I could let the not so good sex slide. I WOULD try and teach them what to do to make it better. But if other areas were lacking and bad sex on top of that. Nope, I'm done.

[*Narkissos*]

You are 100% right. But you can evolve apart as well. As a man and woman gets older there hormons changs. This can also chang there out look on sex.

This is not to be a smart ass. But why is 70% of relactionship that fale and lead to devorce sex in the #1 cause.

I'm not disagreeing with you at all

I agree

Chest, the poswhore he is, made an important point imo.

Individuals need to grow as individuals before they can grow as one.

And yes sex is the leading cause of divorce...followed by money.

Well technically sex and money.. are represented as causes.

IMO however, communication (or rather miscommunication) is the base precept to which each of these causes (With plausible exception) are tied.

Communication is multi-faceted.. not limited to one medium but many.

[G-1000]

I'm not disagreeing with you at all

I agree

Chest, the poswhore he is, made an important point imo.

Individuals need to grow as individuals before they can grow as one.

And yes sex is the leading cause of divorce...followed by money.

Well technically sex and money.. are represented as causes.

IMO however, communication (or rather miscommunication) is the base precept to which each of these causes (With plausible exception) are tied.

Communication is multi-faceted.. not limited to one medium but many.

Ditto