Can anyone help me save my Marriage.

**msu16366** · 03-19-2007, 01:36 PM

Well I really fuked up this time. We have been married for 4 years and have an almost 2 year old little girl.
This past St. Patricks day I went out to the bar and got pretty drunk. I must of exchanged phone numbers with another women and she text messaged me the next day only for my wife to get the message.
Now I didnt physically do anything with her but it is still bad enough my wife wants a divorce.
I dont know how I will make it without wathing my little girl grow up. I fuked up and not sure how or if I can fix it. My wife called the women and she told her how we exchanged numbers.
I am open to any advice as I am running out of options. Ya I scewed up big time, but I didnt go through with it or did I have any intentions of doing so.
ANy advice would be appreciated, as my wife works for a law firm and is probaly filling for divorce as I type this.

**Snrf** · 03-19-2007, 01:38 PM

Wow, Your wife sounds like a serious bitch. wanting divorce over a text???

sorry to hear, I'd just try and convince her otherise

**PROTEINSHAKE** · 03-19-2007, 01:43 PM

work hard & do whatever you need to do to prove yourself to her all over again....you are up against the wall bro....you can fight-or you can curl up in a ball & go down peacefully........I think you want to fight to get her trust & faith back in you..

**energizer bunny** · 03-19-2007, 01:45 PM

Fuk man that some harsh shit, just tell the truth and try to prove to her how much she means to you!!! Nowt much we can say, What would you have done if it had been the other way around???

Hope it goes well mate!

**Hunter** · 03-19-2007, 01:52 PM

Originally Posted by Snrfmaster

Wow, Your wife sounds like a serious bitch. wanting divorce over a text???

sorry to hear, I'd just try and convince her otherise

well a text is not a huge deal in your eyes a relantionship esp a marriage is based on trust. You F'ed up big is right but you should hae thought of that before you exchanged numbers. Also Snrf how is he mr innocent in this? He gave his number to another woman and I doubt the intentions where to share cooking recipes.

**Snrf** · 03-19-2007, 01:56 PM

Originally Posted by mn_fighter

well a text is not a huge deal in your eyes a relantionship esp a marriage is based on trust. You F'ed up big is right but you should hae thought of that before you exchanged numbers. Also Snrf how is he mr innocent in this? He gave his number to another woman and I doubt the intentions where to share cooking recipes.

I'm not saying he's innocent in it, but getting drunk and giving out your number to a girl is hardly divorce-worthy.

**Mizfit** · 03-19-2007, 02:13 PM

She has no way of knowing if it was just a text or if he acts this way every time he goes out.

**Rsox1** · 03-19-2007, 02:15 PM

i saw a movie once where a guy cheated on his girl (not that you did), but you did mess up. In the movie the guy meets the girl at her parents house and the girl won't talk to the guy. Then the girls father tells the guy the if you love her that you will do whatever it takes to get her back. He asks the father what to do if thats not enough and the father says that if you do whatever it takes it will always be enough. Only you know ur wife and you have to do whatever it takes.

**zodiac666** · 03-19-2007, 02:22 PM

sounds like they're some other issues more than likely, like maybe she's been suspecting you cheating for a while and this just confirmed everything in her mind or maybe she regrets marrying you and is just looking for an excuse to get out. hope it works out for you.

**KAEW44** · 03-19-2007, 02:26 PM

You know how after 9/11 some people said they started to hate arabs because of that...but it turned out to be that they always hated arabs inside but 9/11 gave them all the permission they needed to express that hatred?

I know you havent told us the whole story in full full detail, but it really seems to me that your wife always wanted a divorce inside, and this incident gave her permission to take the chance while she has it!

Did you guys have problems before? have things been tense for a while? any past incidents which caused anger or frustration? Did your wife show any signs of not being happy with you before this happened?

I know some people will think its insensitive to say your wife overreacted, but thats exactly what she did! She didnt bother to hear you out or beleive you, she didnt bother to think about your kid and your family, she really didnt give it the slightest chance, she just blew up and wants you out of her life! Is that the same person who wanted to spend her life with you when you put the ring on her finger? Your wife overreacted, but it seems like this incident isnt the only thing that turned her towards divorce.

Lesson to learn, when you married with kids you shouldnt ever get so drunk you dont remember what u did or what you gave to another woman.

**chest6** · 03-19-2007, 02:26 PM

Originally Posted by zodiac666

sounds like they're some other issues more than likely, like maybe she's been suspecting you cheating for a while and this just confirmed everything in her mind or maybe she regrets marrying you and is just looking for an excuse to get out. hope it works out for you.

What I was thinking..

Keep us posted..

**Snrf** · 03-19-2007, 02:29 PM

+1 on what zodiac said.

plus some of u are crazy/insecure, if my girl gave out her number I wouldn't give a rats ass, thats so far from cheating its a joke

**Tock** · 03-19-2007, 02:33 PM

Can't really tell much from what little you wrote of your situation. But first thing I'd recommend is that you grow up, and stop getting drunk in public.

**energizer bunny** · 03-19-2007, 02:39 PM

Originally Posted by Snrfmaster

+1 on what zodiac said.

plus some of u are crazy/insecure, if my girl gave out her number I wouldn't give a rats ass, thats so far from cheating its a joke

That in its self is, but like Mizfit said how does she know thats all he did? but i do agree its way over the top!

**dhriscerr** · 03-19-2007, 02:39 PM

My wife found naked pictures of an 18yo chick thats in my brothers grade, Im 23 with a 1 year old daughter. Found some text messages between me and my ex. Were still together, have I cheated, not technically/physically. If she wants to be with you it will work out, but if she wants out you can't stop her. I've been contemplating divorce with my wife for the last 9 months. Just found out she's pregnant with #2. One day Im so in love with her and I'd do anything for her, the next day I just want out so bad I wished she would leave me. I can almost garuntee we wouldn't be together if we didn't have kids. So basically what im saying is, if she wants out and is willing to give up on having a family, there isn't probably a whole like you can do, as shitty as it sounds. But this is only based off my feelings. Good luck

**BigJames** · 03-19-2007, 02:39 PM

Bro, sometimes when your wife says she wants a divorce she is trying to express the level of pain she is feeling from what happened. Keep this in mind - you have a 2 year old little girl which means your wife recently went from being a woman to being a mother (I do not think there is a difference, but many women feel that way). That change can make a woman feel less secure. Now you go out and get a number of another woman...that alone is like stabbing her in the heart. I know that alcohol was a factor and all that, but if I were you and assuming you want to be in the relationship, I would go back to her and admit you made a mistake and that you should not have drunk so much. Then spend every bit of energy you have letting her know that she is your everything.

I disagree with the comments above about her unconciously wanting a divorce because I think she is saying that to express how much she was hurt and not because she really wants one. If you were to accept this at face value then it would prove to her (in her mind) that you do not really love her. I am not saying that what she said is just a test, but it would confirm her fears if you did not fight for your relationship. If you can get through this you will come out on the other side with a stronger relationship.

I am not suggesting that what you did was cheating in the common sense of the word, but if you consider cheating breaking your significant others trust, then you did cheat as far as they are concerned. I think she is speaking out of pain and although this is a serious situation and a defining moment in your relationship, I believe it is not what she really wants to have happen.

**paulzane** · 03-19-2007, 02:40 PM

Yes ... All I can say is "good luck"

**jeepman06** · 03-19-2007, 02:43 PM

Good luck and keep us posted!

**hardgainer1** · 03-19-2007, 02:52 PM

If you are serious about staying with her, tell her you admit to screwing up and you think you should get counciling and that she should tyhink of your daughter before running away. Show her you are willing to fix whatever the problem is. COUNCILNG

**gixxerboy1** · 03-19-2007, 03:03 PM

Well since it just happened I'm sure the divorce thing is just out of anger. You know how we all say shit we don't exactly mean in the heat of the moment.

But i would get ready for some serious ass kissing

**mavsluva** · 03-19-2007, 03:14 PM

It takes time and trust to heal the heart. Your faith in each other will be put to the test during these tough times. As helpless as you may feel, allowing your faith to go to work in her heart is what will allow you both to successfully prevail from this circumstance.

Feel free to PM me.

**msu16366** · 03-19-2007, 03:26 PM

Thanks for all the response.
There are many other issues that are in the back of both of are heads Im sure.
I couldnt even tell you the last time we had sex. She pays no attention to me sexually at all and if I didnt push it when I do I would never get it. Yes I dont talk to her the best at times and I am not sure why. She has some very questionable nights as well but no smoking gun to prove anything.
Infact she used to never let me go out and would only bitch and bitch when I did. She recently got a new job and travels once in a while now., Perhaps thats why she lets me go out now.
anyways before I even went to the bar she told me I could get a blow job from someone else as long as I could do it without out getting numbers and no kissing, etc. I am sure she was joking as I was trying to get one from her and said I could easlily get one from somewhere else, but she still said it and put the thought in the back of my mind.
Perhaps the lack of attention I get from her and all the attention I get when I go out caused me to go as far as I did. I am not sure exatly but I am not ready to get a divorce at 26 with a 2 year old.
Again thanks for the response and hopefully we willl make it through this and get to the real problems as why I act this way in the first place.

And if things dont get better I guess I am readly to try one massive cycle.
Thanks again

**Mike Dura** · 03-19-2007, 03:32 PM

I can relate. I've made this type of mistake before myself. I'd admit to her that you made a mistake - that you were drunk and once sober you came to your senses and had no intention whatsoever of following through. Nevertheless, admit it was a breach of trust and that you'd like to work through it if she's willing - but no matter what you'll respect her feelings and her decision. Maybe you show your commitement to working through it by suggesting marraige counseling - a good mediator can help. Good luck.

Originally Posted by msu16366

Well I really fuked up this time. We have been married for 4 years and have an almost 2 year old little girl.
This past St. Patricks day I went out to the bar and got pretty drunk. I must of exchanged phone numbers with another women and she text messaged me the next day only for my wife to get the message.
Now I didnt physically do anything with her but it is still bad enough my wife wants a divorce.
I dont know how I will make it without wathing my little girl grow up. I fuked up and not sure how or if I can fix it. My wife called the women and she told her how we exchanged numbers.
I am open to any advice as I am running out of options. Ya I scewed up big time, but I didnt go through with it or did I have any intentions of doing so.
ANy advice would be appreciated, as my wife works for a law firm and is probaly filling for divorce as I type this.

**Benches505** · 03-19-2007, 03:36 PM

Shower her with gifts and BEG, plead and cry if you have to. The one thing that might save you is that nothing happened.

At the same time she is going to need a cooling off period. Give her some space then promise the moon and whatever else you have to. If she loves you and nothing happened she should be game for one more chance.

Cheating or even flirting around doesn't pay and now you know it too. Trust is such a fragile thing

**K.Biz** · 03-19-2007, 03:45 PM

Originally Posted by msu16366

Thanks for all the response.
There are many other issues that are in the back of both of are heads Im sure.
I couldnt even tell you the last time we had sex. She pays no attention to me sexually at all and if I didnt push it when I do I would never get it. Yes I dont talk to her the best at times and I am not sure why. She has some very questionable nights as well but no smoking gun to prove anything.
Infact she used to never let me go out and would only bitch and bitch when I did. She recently got a new job and travels once in a while now., Perhaps thats why she lets me go out now.
anyways before I even went to the bar she told me I could get a blow job from someone else as long as I could do it without out getting numbers and no kissing, etc. I am sure she was joking as I was trying to get one from her and said I could easlily get one from somewhere else, but she still said it and put the thought in the back of my mind.
Perhaps the lack of attention I get from her and all the attention I get when I go out caused me to go as far as I did. I am not sure exatly but I am not ready to get a divorce at 26 with a 2 year old.
Again thanks for the response and hopefully we willl make it through this and get to the real problems as why I act this way in the first place.

And if things dont get better I guess I am readly to try one massive cycle.
Thanks again

sounds like your marriage was already heading towrds the rocks... and you just made it go head first into those rocks with that number exchanging. goodluck. but u got some ass kickin in front of you

**Benches505** · 03-19-2007, 03:51 PM

Originally Posted by msu16366

Thanks for all the response.
There are many other issues that are in the back of both of are heads Im sure.
I couldnt even tell you the last time we had sex. She pays no attention to me sexually at all and if I didnt push it when I do I would never get it. Yes I dont talk to her the best at times and I am not sure why. She has some very questionable nights as well but no smoking gun to prove anything.
Infact she used to never let me go out and would only bitch and bitch when I did. She recently got a new job and travels once in a while now., Perhaps thats why she lets me go out now.
anyways before I even went to the bar she told me I could get a blow job from someone else as long as I could do it without out getting numbers and no kissing, etc. I am sure she was joking as I was trying to get one from her and said I could easlily get one from somewhere else, but she still said it and put the thought in the back of my mind.
Perhaps the lack of attention I get from her and all the attention I get when I go out caused me to go as far as I did. I am not sure exatly but I am not ready to get a divorce at 26 with a 2 year old.
Again thanks for the response and hopefully we willl make it through this and get to the real problems as why I act this way in the first place.

And if things dont get better I guess I am readly to try one massive cycle.
Thanks again

I didn't read this second part before posting my last response. That marriage is already broken my man, it dies now or it dies soon anyway. Sorry to break it down that way but once the sex leaves the relationship, so does everything else.

**dhriscerr** · 03-19-2007, 07:00 PM

I hope not, Ive had sex about 5 times since new years, and one of those times I happen to get my wife pregnant, we were actually talking about getting a divorce last night, which is shitty because we have a 1 year old and 1 in the oven

**Benches505** · 03-19-2007, 07:16 PM

D
If she has one in the oven her hormones are bouncing all over, cut her slack and be extra nice to her.

**prncezzml** · 03-19-2007, 07:23 PM

I hate to be so obvious, but why don't you go to marriage counseling? Most counselors can help you learn to communicate with each other better. You don't want to lose your marriage over something that could probably be worked through. Now if she isn't open to the idea of counseling, then too much damage is already done. But i think a lot of times in relationships, women place too many expectations, and things never turn out like the fantasy we create in our heads about what marriage and children should be like. Men probably do too. It's good to get a neutral person like a counselor because they can look at the situation objectively and not personally attack either one of you. just my two cents.

**Schmidty** · 03-19-2007, 07:49 PM

Originally Posted by prncezzml

I hate to be so obvious, but why don't you go to marriage counseling? Most counselors can help you learn to communicate with each other better. You don't want to lose your marriage over something that could probably be worked through. Now if she isn't open to the idea of counseling, then too much damage is already done. But i think a lot of times in relationships, women place too many expectations, and things never turn out like the fantasy we create in our heads about what marriage and children should be like. Men probably do too. It's good to get a neutral person like a counselor because they can look at the situation objectively and not personally attack either one of you. just my two cents.

i agree, its not a bad idea

**Schmidty** · 03-19-2007, 07:50 PM

Originally Posted by dhriscerr

I hope not, Ive had sex about 5 times since new years, and one of those times I happen to get my wife pregnant, we were actually talking about getting a divorce last night, which is shitty because we have a 1 year old and 1 in the oven

***Doc.Sust*** · 03-19-2007, 08:12 PM

give her time to cool down, i dont think she will go for the divorce, tell her you are willing to go to counseling because of the problems, she will see you are trying to help and that you want it to work and she will give in

**whynot960** · 03-19-2007, 08:58 PM

Tell her you love the other women and you want a divorce and she will then not want you to leave and be with the other lady. So now she will do her best to keep you and she will kiss your butt. She will use it against you if you are kissing her butt. and you wil get no where. just my opinion

**Mealticket** · 03-19-2007, 11:17 PM

...you ran this off in the ditch.
It's up to you to do what it takes, untill.............................

**auslifta** · 03-19-2007, 11:55 PM

best of luck mate, there is no more good advice that hasnt already been said

**KAEW44** · 03-20-2007, 12:05 AM

Originally Posted by whynot960

Tell her you love the other women and you want a divorce and she will then not want you to leave and be with the other lady. So now she will do her best to keep you and she will kiss your butt. She will use it against you if you are kissing her butt. and you wil get no where. just my opinion

Thats a very good idea, its mean but its still very good, thats the best reverse phsycology piece i've heard. This will work!!

**STYLE74** · 03-20-2007, 04:36 AM

Always have 2 phones and make sure you give out the number of the extra phone and shut it off when you are around wifey.

**PROTEINSHAKE** · 03-20-2007, 06:25 AM

Originally Posted by STYLE74

Always have 2 phones and make sure you give out the number of the extra phone and shut it off when you are around wifey.

spoken like a true playa

**BITTAPART2** · 03-20-2007, 06:34 AM

never give out your number! take hers and code it like this

if the number is 555-8989 then drop each number down one digit 444-7878
i used to do this when i was younger and didnt understand what was truly important to me. You guys need counseling fo' sho'

**Bruce000** · 03-20-2007, 08:48 AM

Good luck mate. I have a similar problem where we have fertility problems. So the wifey gets depressed and no sex. Unfortunately u tend to grow apart. I'm a little stubborn that way I will never never beg for sex.
All the best bro.