Save my mariage ( picking a marriage counselor)

**msu16366** · 03-26-2007, 09:30 AM

For those of you who know my situation thanks for all the help and support. For those that dont heres the link. Can anyone help me save my Marriage.

She was definitly about to throw in the towel however after I went and talked with her parents she's aggreed to "try" to work it out through couceling.

Now I am still at home but there are rules. I cant touch her, see her naked, or get to close. I am basically there for the baby , however we did go to church together on sunday and said she would go with me every sunday. I need to win back her love before she deciedes it too late.

Now for picking out a Marriage counselor she does not want anyone from any church. I guess her reasoning is she does not want anyone to tell us to stay toghether just for religious reasons. She wants to know if we are meant to be toghether. I am very scared about picking out the councelor because I am sure if he/she tells us its not going to work that she will be gone very quickly.

Has anyone been to Marriage counseling through someone not from the church? DId it help? Does it matter if I get a male or female. I know that everyone has different values and opionions and not sure how I can pick the right counselor.
I want this marriage to work so bad and this is going to be my last fight. Please if anyone as any good advice I am here.

**PROTEINSHAKE** · 03-26-2007, 09:39 AM

good luck man...you need to be expressing to HER how badly you want things to be right & that you are willing to do anything to make it right..counseling can definitely help..

**msu16366** · 03-26-2007, 09:41 AM

Belive me bro I have been doing everything I can. Somethings where not as helpful as others. I learned not to drink during this time as last time I did I almost killed myself.
But trying to move on now I need to find a good marriage counselor.

**gixxerboy1** · 03-26-2007, 09:42 AM

I think you better off not going to one from the church. Just my opinion but i don't think some one who has never been in a relationship should be counseling others on relationships.

A counselors job is to try and help you guys work it out. They aren't going to tell you guys to break up unless its an abusive relationship. Your paying them to help you. If they tell you guys its not meant to be you are done with them and they don't get paid.

Remember to stay calm out councelling. You are going to get bashed.

**mavsluva** · 03-26-2007, 09:53 AM

Hey MSU: I currently do some marriage counseling at my church. More targeted towards younger couples than older, though. Having had several experiences with different couples with various issues, I will say this:

The marriage counselor that you two shall both agree upon will not be the "maker" or "breaker" of your marriage. A marriage counselor's job is not to convince the both of you that you need each other moving forward. No. A marriage counselor is basically an unbiased 3rd party person that serves as a liason between the both of your hearts. The marriage counselor is not responsible for opening both of your hearts, though. It is your job and your wife's job to bring an open and forgiving heart to the table in an attempt to reacquaint and salvage what you've obviously lost or forgotten.

I feel the need to share this because it sounds as if you may be putting too much faith into the marriage counselor. Remember what I told you, your circumstance didn't materialize overnight so don't expect for it to be healed overnight as well.

I'm here for you as always.