Joke Thread

**newbrew** · 03-30-2007, 09:18 AM

Time to compile a good joke thread here. What's a funny joke youve heard recently? Or maybe just your all time favorite joke.

This aint all that funny, but ill start...

What's a 9 volt battery and a girls asshole have in common?

You know you're not supposed to, but eventually you'll stick your tounge to it.

**lucabratzi** · 03-30-2007, 09:31 AM

bahahah tahts ****in hilariousxxx

**ALPHAMALE77** · 03-30-2007, 09:34 AM

You Know What A Fish Says When Its Runs Into A Concrete Wall????>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>dam

**Flagg** · 03-30-2007, 11:18 AM

Unfortunately this thread wont last long.

I started a joke thread a few months back and it got all of about two pages long before Admins and Mods deemed it "unsuitable".

By the way the battery/ass joke is funny as Hell!!

**Timm1704** · 03-30-2007, 12:29 PM

there have been shitloads of joke thread, why not just ressurect one of them? i have alot of jokes, but have already used them in the past threads

**novastepp** · 03-30-2007, 12:33 PM

Originally Posted by Timm1704

there have been shitloads of joke thread, why not just ressurect one of them? i have alot of jokes, but have already used them in the past threads

because guys like you will flame him for bumping an old thread. so why not make a new one?

**Shane35aa** · 03-30-2007, 12:36 PM

Originally Posted by newbrew

What's a 9 volt battery and a girls asshole have in common?

You know you're not supposed to, but eventually you'll stick your tounge to it.

Your wrong....Thats pretty damn funny

**biglouie250** · 03-30-2007, 12:46 PM

how many analysts does it take to change a light bulb??

none.....the market already reflects the change.

yuck yuck yuck...some nerd humor. my racial/ethnic jokes will get the thread closed.

**Renesis** · 03-30-2007, 12:54 PM

There once was a lion who ate a bull. He felt so good and decided to roar. Well the lion roared and roared until a hunter came by and shot him.

Moral of the story? When you are full of bull keep your damn mouth shut ;D

**ifyoubuildit** · 03-30-2007, 03:35 PM

A woman in her late 60's who has given birth to 4 kids, is talking with her husband and decides that to feel a bit younger again and revitalize their sex life she's going to get her female parts tightened up with some plastic surgery. She goes in the for the surgery, and when she's waking up she sees 3 roses on her bed. She asks the nurse what they're for and the nurse says:
the first rose is from your doctor - he wants you to know that everything went really well, you'll be recovered in no time.
the second rose is from your husband - he wants you to know that he's looking forward to trying out your new tight space
the third rose is from a boy named billy down in the burns unit - he wants to thank you for the new ears

**Pops1985** · 03-30-2007, 03:54 PM

There were 5 drunk men in a bar, One of them stand up and said I have the biggest Dick ever! The other one said It might be big, but I have the fattest, The Barthender said OK take out all your dick and put it on the bar. 5 dicks on the bar, And a gay enters the bar and asked for a Soda and turned to the right and saw 5 dicks, And Screamed Oh my god barthender is there buffet I want too!!!

**spywizard** · 03-30-2007, 03:57 PM

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking, the monkey starts jumping all over the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them,then jumps up on the pool table, grabs the cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole.

The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?" The guy says, "No, what?" "He just ate the cue ball off my pool table - whole!" says the bartender. "Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replies the patron. "He eats everything in sight, the little twerp. I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff." He finishes his drink, pays his bill, and leaves. Two weeks later he's in the bar again, and he has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again.

While the man is drinking, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it. The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?" "Now what?" asks the patron. "Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his butt, then pulled it out and ate it!" says the barkeeper.

"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replies the patron. "He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he ate that damn cue ball he measures everything first!"

**Snrf** · 03-30-2007, 03:58 PM

lmao spy, nice one

**Pops1985** · 03-30-2007, 04:05 PM

Originally Posted by spywizard

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking, the monkey starts jumping all over the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them,then jumps up on the pool table, grabs the cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole.

The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?" The guy says, "No, what?" "He just ate the cue ball off my pool table - whole!" says the bartender. "Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replies the patron. "He eats everything in sight, the little twerp. I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff." He finishes his drink, pays his bill, and leaves. Two weeks later he's in the bar again, and he has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again.

While the man is drinking, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it. The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?" "Now what?" asks the patron. "Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his butt, then pulled it out and ate it!" says the barkeeper.

"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replies the patron. "He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he ate that damn cue ball he measures everything first!"

hahaha Nice one Dude

**Pops1985** · 03-30-2007, 04:10 PM

There was a man that was in jail for 10 years and alone in a cel, and he saw a roach and he taught the roach on how to sing, It took him 8 years to taught the animal on how to sing. When he got out he said Alright time bo make money and become Rich, He enters a bar took the roach out of his box and put it on the bar, and he called the barthender and said to him LOOK! The Barthender saw the roach and squish it with his hands!

**Snrf** · 03-30-2007, 04:12 PM

Originally Posted by Pops1985

There was a man that was in jail for 10 years and alone in a cel, and he saw a roach and he taught the roach on how to sing, It took him 8 years to taught the animal on how to sing. When he got out he said Alright time bo make money and become Rich, He enters a bar took the roach out of his box and put it on the bar, and he called the barthender and said to him LOOK! The Barthender saw the roach and squish it with his hands!

worst joke ever.

seriously, that was appalling

**Pops1985** · 03-30-2007, 04:14 PM

Originally Posted by Snrfmaster

worst joke ever.

seriously, that was appalling

hahahaha I tried hahahaha

**Timm1704** · 03-31-2007, 06:22 AM

Originally Posted by novastepp

because guys like you will flame him for bumping an old thread. so why not make a new one?

guys like me?

please

i never flame people, and i dont flame people for bumping old threads

but, i suppose its always nice to see a joke thread

**soulstealer** · 03-31-2007, 06:34 AM

John is having a hard time at work... at home... just generally every where... so he goes out drinking one night.. and now drunk and alone cursing god "there is no god and you must hate if there is dam you"! God comes down from heaven and in a booming voice say.....John... I am god I must tell you I have a plan and everything will be alright... and John says your not god god is bullshit... and god says well john I dont usualy do this but to prove it is I will grant you 1 miracle...

John says...hmmm ok I want a highway that stretches from my house to hawaii... God says John its not that I cannot do this but the resources that would be used on your already depleted earth for such an undertaking... think of survival... it would destroy many trees and mountains... Please think of something more meaningful.... John thinks for a moment.. and says God I want to understand my wife.................................there is a pause... and god says.
Will that be one Lane or two?

**ALPHAMALE77** · 03-31-2007, 07:35 AM

Where Do You Find A Dog With No Legs??????>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> >>>right Where You Left Him......

**paulzane** · 03-31-2007, 12:56 PM

A grade school teacher in Tennessee asked her students to use the word "fascinate" in a sentence.

Molly put up her hand and said, "My family went to my granddad's farm, and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating."

The teacher said, "That was good, but I wanted you to use the Word "fascinate, not fascinating".

Sally raised her hand. She said, "My family went to see Rock City and I was fascinated."

The teacher said, "Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you To use the word "fascinate."

Then Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word "fascinate", so she called on him.

Johnny said, "My aunt Gina has a sweater with ten buttons, but her boobs are so big she can only fasten eight."

The teacher sat down and cried.

**Shane35aa** · 03-31-2007, 12:56 PM

Originally Posted by spywizard

A guy walks into a bar with his pet monkey. He orders a drink and while he's drinking, the monkey starts jumping all over the place. The monkey grabs some olives off the bar and eats them, then grabs some sliced limes and eats them,then jumps up on the pool table, grabs the cue ball, sticks it in his mouth and swallows it whole.

The bartender screams at the guy, "Did you see what your monkey just did?" The guy says, "No, what?" "He just ate the cue ball off my pool table - whole!" says the bartender. "Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replies the patron. "He eats everything in sight, the little twerp. I'll pay for the cue ball and stuff." He finishes his drink, pays his bill, and leaves. Two weeks later he's in the bar again, and he has his monkey with him. He orders a drink and the monkey starts running around the bar again.

While the man is drinking, the monkey finds a maraschino cherry on the bar. He grabs it, sticks it up his butt, pulls it out, and eats it. The bartender is disgusted. "Did you see what your monkey did now?" "Now what?" asks the patron. "Well, he stuck a maraschino cherry up his butt, then pulled it out and ate it!" says the barkeeper.

"Yeah, that doesn't surprise me," replies the patron. "He still eats everything in sight, but ever since he ate that damn cue ball he measures everything first!"

Thats a good one, hope I can remember it