Do you forgive

[anabolicshark]

its been bugging me for 3 years now, i am very very old school ass hole kind of guy, always give benefit of the doubt, nice and all, pretty talkative, social etc... yet at first scene of something not rubbing me the right way its over...
my girlfriends friends acted like they didn't see me 3 years ago, ever since then i never said hi or bye, went to parties where they go, what so ever...
sh1t like that happens to me all the time...
i just dont forgive or forget... and lately i am becaming aware that life is not really this way...
all my friends get an appology and they are over it..
where i am more like " you should thought of it before you did anything, take you appology and stick it where it belongs..." type of guy

in my professional career it does me goodactually its the only thing that really set me apart..
since i am in real estate and mortgages, and people really appriciate streight answers...
but in personal life i started to think that everyone is fake..poseres, haters etc...

can you guys forgive, forget?

[nyjetsfan86]

yea bro, you need to let things go your career took over your life

[STYLE74]

Life is 2 short bro, sometimes you just have to be the better person.

[anabolicshark]

reallly..... ???!!!

well i knew this was coming...

but doesnt it bother you guys when people just lie, for no reason, or cross you in worst way just because they didnt think...
i mean i am trying to understand how to think to not really care...
but as i dont care, i loon away, i was an outcast for 2 years... did very good in life but not so much socialy... well its more like " i cut off all the bad seeds"
but people that i still talk to talk to them,including my girls familly and friends, and always leeds to akward moments...

[rubix6]

Life is 2 short bro, sometimes you just have to be the better person.

I agree!!

[anabolicshark]

but in my mind i am a batter person by just cutting it off, i dont make a scene or cause drama, just end the pain...
no?

[nyjetsfan86]

honestly i think youre making a big deal out of nothing you need to just let things go sometimes and forgive people, in your mind you know youre the better person by doing it and it makes life easier

[spywizard]

its been bugging me for 3 years now, i am very very old school ass hole kind of guy, always give benefit of the doubt, nice and all, pretty talkative, social etc... yet at first scene of something not rubbing me the right way its over...
my girlfriends friends acted like they didn't see me 3 years ago, ever since then i never said hi or bye, went to parties where they go, what so ever...
sh1t like that happens to me all the time...
i just dont forgive or forget... and lately i am becaming aware that life is not really this way...
all my friends get an appology and they are over it..
where i am more like " you should thought of it before you did anything, take you appology and stick it where it belongs..." type of guy

in my professional career it does me goodactually its the only thing that really set me apart..
since i am in real estate and mortgages, and people really appriciate streight answers...
but in personal life i started to think that everyone is fake..poseres, haters etc...

can you guys forgive, forget?

1st... to have relationships (friends) you must invest time with them.. I can forgive, but i never forget..

It's not about being phony or fake, it's about not empowering others to influence your life..

take control of that and you have the power of a little of yourself..

also, you can always remember.. tomorrow, when they wake up, they will be themselves.. and i take great joy in that..

good luck

[anabolicshark]

i am aware of this... yet so had to grasp it, or to look away while something is soooo obvious...
it will take time..

[QuieTSToRM33]

Speak your mind ... if you feel something is wrong ... say something.

Do what you feel is right and fvck what everyone else thinks.

[-DedicateD-]

its been bugging me for 3 years now, i am very very old school ass hole kind of guy, always give benefit of the doubt, nice and all, pretty talkative, social etc... yet at first scene of something not rubbing me the right way its over...
my girlfriends friends acted like they didn't see me 3 years ago, ever since then i never said hi or bye, went to parties where they go, what so ever...
sh1t like that happens to me all the time...
i just dont forgive or forget... and lately i am becaming aware that life is not really this way...
all my friends get an appology and they are over it..
where i am more like " you should thought of it before you did anything, take you appology and stick it where it belongs..." type of guy

in my professional career it does me goodactually its the only thing that really set me apart..
since i am in real estate and mortgages, and people really appriciate streight answers...
but in personal life i started to think that everyone is fake..poseres, haters etc...

can you guys forgive, forget?

I have/had a very similar outlook towards people. For me it started a few years back when my "friends" kept telling my new gf that I didnt care about her and just cheated all the time. (which i wasnt) it stressed the relationship and made things more difficult then they needed to be

And instead of going back and causing a scene i just cut them out. If I happened to pass them at the mall or when i was out i wouldnt acknowledge them being there. i guess it was my way of showing them the consequences of their actions.

i dont wanna say that it has hurt my social life, i can go out and meet ppl no problem but it has made me very in***endent (barring a few close friends) it has given me trust issues, and i just dont have the patience for ppl acting one way towards me when im around, and another when im not

For me it was about respect, and the fact that they didn't have any for me so i didn't want to be associated with them.

Ironically i am also in the real estate /mortgage business and it just reinforces the fact that you cant take bullsh*t from anyone if u want to be successfully.

felt the need to respond to this thread b/c i believe im in a very similar position

[Mogamedogz]

I hold grudges just like you do. I NEVER forgive people. It is just not in me.

I will go years not talking to family/friends over petty shit, if I feel i was wronged. Some of us are just wired this way I guess. It is too hard for us to swallow our pride.

[Testsubject]

Wow, from what I read you sound alot like me, lol, weird. It all ***ends on the situation sometimes I can forgive other time I cant. But like spywizard said I never forget, EVER.
DedicateD, great resonce, we are much alike as well, I though I was the only one who was like this.

[mavsluva]

The person that you're holding the grudge against always wins the battle. You, on the other hand, lose. Why might you ask? Because it establishes a behavior trend that dictates how you interract with people moving forward. Making new relationships and meeting new people requires us to approach them with a clean slate. But when we hold a grudge, those new people that we meet are already at a disadvantage because of the irresponsibilities of those that have let us down in our past.

Believe it or not, we ALL have done things to other people that they don't care for. And you know what? We can only hope that they have forgiven us, like they would hope that we have forgiven them in return. Life is a two way street, and if you ever expect to receive, you must give.

And last but not least, "There's more to fear in overcoming an internal warfare within yourself than there is in dealing with any other external affair." - Mavsluva

[-DedicateD-]

The person that you're holding the grudge against always wins the battle. You, on the other hand, lose. Why might you ask? Because it establishes a behavior trend that dictates how you interract with people moving forward. Making new relationships and meeting new people requires us to approach them with a clean slate. But when we hold a grudge, those new people that we meet are already at a disadvantage because of the irresponsibilities of those that have let us down in our past.

Believe it or not, we ALL have done things to other people that they don't care for. And you know what? We can only hope that they have forgiven us, like they would hope that we have forgiven them in return. Life is a two way street, and if you ever expect to receive, you must give.

And last but not least, "There's more to fear in overcoming an internal warfare within yourself than there is in dealing with any other external affair." - Mavsluva

I couldnt agree with you more.

THe way i have been looking at it though. If an individual does something disrespectful to me/someone close to me, and i give them the opportunity to do it again, what does that say about me?

kind of like the fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me

Sometimes i believe that allowing them back in is proving that they can do what they please without consequences or repercussions. As if to say the precedent is now set as to what that individual is able to get away with.

I realize its an unhealthy way of looking at things and can compare it to assuming someone is guilty unless they prove their innocent

[anabolicshark]

I stoped talking to people that i had lunch everyday of my life because i felt that our jokes were being mixed in our lifes, and respect was just no where to find...
my gf whole familly (aside her dad which in my opinion is the most important person) litterally hates me, for not "forgetting" the past, they acted to me as i was a punked when we first start dating, as i improved in life and we got serious they kind of moved in, but i really dont care.. i did not even attend her sisters wedding...
and i dont feel any regret...
i dont like bullsh1t, drama, mind games... maybe because i have so much to do other then living in soap opera...
but it does bugg me when i see some of my friends who i believe are trully good people, when they just "move on" and it doesnt bother them one bid..

i loose it to my closest friends over sipmle stuff as small as being late when they said they are at highway exit... ( i dont make a scene, but i dont stop talking about till we exit the car...)
i always though of
say what you mean, mean what you say
life is to short... but it is too short to vaste it on people who really have no respect

my heart never forgives, forgets, hell i remember the kid that stole my earphones for my sorts sony walkman ( i was born in eastern europe they were worth more then any bling bling today)
but still i envy my ex-gf for just "forgiving me" and i know she meant it... but how!!!!!!!???

[Pro_built7]

Matthew 6:14
For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.
Matthew 6:15
But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.


idk what your religious beliefs are, but if you're christian i believe this applies...

Sorry if this "offends" anyone, but idc if it does anyway.

[spywizard]

Matthew 6:14
For if you forgive men when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.
Matthew 6:15
But if you do not forgive men their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.


idk what your religious beliefs are, but if you're christian i believe this applies...

Sorry if this "offends" anyone, but idc if it does anyway.

christian or not,, keeping hate in your heart only hurts you..

great post

[Schmidty]

life is to short to be hatin.

[Pro_built7]

christian or not,, keeping hate in your heart only hurts you..

great post

indeed, i dont see where keeping those feelings inside gets you?, seems to me a very desolate and d e p ressing lifestyle, not to mention it is extremely self centered... this actually surprises me.

[anabolicshark]

not self centered at all, by all means... i just cant trust again, its like the " if you lend someone 20$ and they avoid you for the rest of your life, it was best spend 20$"
to me its more like, if someone is being an ass to me for no reason, or liening to me for no benefit or even my harm...then what is the point of having them around when all that can happend is harm?!!!!
that is my question? how do you regain initial trust? i mean i cant!!!? anyone that can lease explain...
christian or not every religion is against any hate... i totally agree and respect that, but it seems there too many black sheeps around and i really only have two cheeks(both slapt a lot more then they should have)

[naturalsux]

i cant let stuff go either, even simple things. it makes life hard.

[jackman22]

well i at least dont anyone who doesnt make mistakes, if you dont forgive little shit that i been hearing your going to be one lonley person and i feel bad for you, good luck.

[Snrf]

never forget, pretend you forgive if necessary.

[-DedicateD-]

nice quote from Bronx tale...

i think there may be confusion between petty stuff not being forgiven and more serious things...

im not preaching to hold onto hate and not to let your friend of 10 years get away with sleeping in and causing you to miss the gym type stuff

im speaking more about the ppl who intentionally do you wrong with malicious intent and then expect to jump right back into friendship with you with or without an apology

mistakes are meant to be forgiven but purpose acts against you arnt

[ifyoubuildit]

In my opinion, two people's pride has the potential to prevent a really fruitful relationship. I'm a forgiving kind of guy, to a point. I guess it comes down to how prideful you are... I almost always give people the benefit of the doubt the first time around - you never know what's going through someone else's mind in determining how they act towards you. Continuing behaviour can be very telling about someone's character and it doesn't take long for me to determine whether I want anything to do with someone or not, but I almost always give people one free pass considering that it could be a mistake, or misunderstanding. It also becomes more complicated when it's someone who will be in your life regardless of your feelings for them (e.g. an in-law). At a certain point though, pride and more importantly self-respect take over and I will say f&*k it to dealing with someone. Once my respect and frienship are lost for good, it's just that - for good.

[anabolicshark]

nice quote from Bronx tale...

i think there may be confusion between petty stuff not being forgiven and more serious things...

im not preaching to hold onto hate and not to let your friend of 10 years get away with sleeping in and causing you to miss the gym type stuff

im speaking more about the ppl who intentionally do you wrong with malicious intent and then expect to jump right back into friendship with you with or without an apology

mistakes are meant to be forgiven but purpose acts against you arnt

exactly...

i am not a nut job, and my roid rage is only expressed in water... I am a real well known realtor/mortgage broker, and am known for streight to the point "i dont sell pink lies"

at the same time, in my personal life, i really cant get over a fact to know that a person actually meant harm to me, my girl, my familly, and still sits infront of me acting as "it was in the past"
2 years ago i got cutt off in traffic by a guy and we both stop the traffic got out the cars, one thing led to another and he is my most trusted mechanic_ all he said was
" you mo-fo do you know my emergency do you know where i have to be in 5min, i dont care if you are triple my size" and i said
hey men if its emergency your ass whoopin can wait i gotta go eat anyways and he said why dont you go to my brothers place it will easier to find you... and so on
so i am not really hating the world, yet once i feel something is against me i avoid it, if i see it, if i actually am grasping that something is against me or doing something knowing that i am being in harms way, one way or another, and tehre is no respect or honesty...i completly go away from it, it is not worth the pain the stress the drama to me...
i guess i can forgive in my heart, but mind never forgets, and i jsut can reset the trust i had initially

[Timm1704]

jeez dude you sound like a chick. you dont speak to a friend the rest of the journey because of a petty argument?

like mavs said, life is a two-way street. you acting like that will push people away, and give them reason not to forgive you, and hold it against you.

I know that if a friend of mine was petty, my opinion is severely lessened of them.

BUT, i also see it from your viewpoint, and sometimes dont give second chances, ***ending on the circumstances. however, even if someone has wronged me, or done something really petty, i forgive to an extent, but just remember how they could act in the future

[anabolicshark]

jeez dude you sound like a chick. you dont speak to a friend the rest of the journey because of a petty argument?

like mavs said, life is a two-way street. you acting like that will push people away, and give them reason not to forgive you, and hold it against you.

I know that if a friend of mine was petty, my opinion is severely lessened of them.

BUT, i also see it from your viewpoint, and sometimes dont give second chances, ***ending on the circumstances. however, even if someone has wronged me, or done something really petty, i forgive to an extent, but just remember how they could act in the future

you missed the point bro, if someone is 45-60min late a make sure theyare fvking irritading me by acting stupid...

[dupa95]

Look at it this way they renting space in your head,and It sounds like it's getting exspensive. Also you need to work on getting round shoulders if you don't the worlds probs will crush you.

[anabolicshark]

dupa my friend, you hear me, you hear me good!!!!
just even today, i am boiling out of stuff that i really had no control of + ywo nights ago some weirdo text my girl, and i called him in the morning telling him as calm as it gets "this is just a courtesy call, she has a bf, dont call her ever again in the middle of the night, and think twice why are you calling her at any other time"
guy gets cell phone muscles and tells me that< threats are full os sh1t and hang's up...
my brother is a state trooper, the phone # i have was enough to find this "george" guy... ill post details tommorow... i cant wait to see him bleed

[dupa95]

Dude I have PTSD i only know rage my whole life has been just rage. In the past two years I learned about angrer compassion. My rage has brought me to very dark corners. But In the next breath I understand when it over takes my body there is no turning. I hope things work out for you. goodluck.

[nbkandrew13]

i see what your saying and im not a forgiving person if somebody fuks me once then were done and i wanted to pay them back X 5 but as ive gotton older ive started to think it ***ends on the situation i mean if you trust someone and they betray your trust then thats on them the only thing you can control is you if you do the right thing or what it is you think is the right way to handle it. bottom line you do what you need to if the situation warrents it then fuk em if its not as serious well at least you know who you cant trust, the thing i know is i am the only person i can count on100% of the time count on whether times are good or me and my dog are starving i pull myself up and do what i have to.

[king6]

I remember every bad thing anyone has ever done to me.

[johnmacdan]

I saw several "life is too short" comments. You are absolutely right. Life is too short to deal with someone you don't feel respects you or has done something that you didn't feel was right. I'm not saying fret about it or obsess about them. Just get past them and move on. If you can't just move on, then maybe they are more important than you thought and you should reconsider the position.

[anabolicshark]

so i found the tough guy, who is 5'11 140-150lbs...
the moment i said "hey tough guy" he started to appologize, as i got them even before i did anything he started to cry!!!!! like a little b1tch, all kind of complimenst to my girl... to me etc... usually i soften up, but it fired me even more since he was such a tough guy on the phone...
well lets just say that prick has some vision focusing probelsm on his right eye...
feel so much batter, life is great

[Lexed]

You have to think of it this way. Have you ever done something that you regret or shouldnt have done to somone. Think of the person you have done something too and " suppose that person has ur personality". How would that make you feel he/she they wont let you forgive them. It would prob make you feel shitty and inside your sub con mind it would prob be bothering you. So you deff got to learn how to forgive and forget or else you will lose alot of friends,family,etc....

[hardgainer1]

forgive, never forget.

[anabolicshark]

You have to think of it this way. Have you ever done something that you regret or shouldnt have done to somone. Think of the person you have done something too and " suppose that person has ur personality". How would that make you feel he/she they wont let you forgive them. It would prob make you feel shitty and inside your sub con mind it would prob be bothering you. So you deff got to learn how to forgive and forget or else you will lose alot of friends,family,etc....

you are missing the point my friend... i say what i mean, and i def! mean what i say, wheather people like it or not i am very very straight forward in every way.
and if something that i do is breaking their heart, but there is only emotional reasoning behind the argument, tough.
if your theory applied they would never get to the point to become someone that i dont want to see ever again. because %99.8 times is out of disrespect issues.
and if anyone can catch me in my fault, as i am disrespecting them... not only would i tuck my tail between my legs and again OUT OF respect to them will never see them..i will hate my self for long time. regardless if i was aware of my doing or not...
on human being is worth then its face/pride and word, money and education is simple achievement to me, many time inhareted wealth(both education and money) but face/pride and word worthy is a built in character to me.
you cant learn how to be full of pride of who you are, nor could you really buy pride...

[taiboxa]

i like to forgive w/ a good ol'fashion kidney shiving!