Some things I just won't ever understand

[J-Dogg]

So I’ve been seeing this girl and we are getting closer. We have a great time together, we’ve already had are first few arguments and those even were resolved well, which is how generally I judge a relationship.

Her brother is driving me nuts. She is a great girl, and has a younger brother who is 17. He is in an alternative education school. The first few weeks we were together he was having emotional problems. It kind of sucked because she was growing on me, I was not sure what was going on because it threw her for a loop. He was cutting himself. He told her about it, and it put a lot of pressure on her as she did not know whether to tell their parents or try to help him. It was not long prior to this she was out of a marriage and going though a lot, she was in the hospital herself because she was so messed up from her last split up that she was not eating. The guy treated her like shit though; hurt her physically just did awful things to the girl.

So that was the first few weeks. Now, it’s been a few months but since then the younger brother has had to go to court to resolve some drug issues I think (I am not 100% sure). Prior to going to court, he ends up getting his girl friend who he always cheats on and breaks up with preggers. After finding that out, a few days later his girl friend wants to abort, he wants to keep the kid, he’s all upset about that then. A day after that, he has his court date and he drops dirty when they test him.

Today the kid takes a bottle of pills. They have to transfer him to a hospital 80 miles away because he cannot be pumped with charcoal because of a different medication he is on. They were trying to get him to throw up but he’s resisting.

I’m not in a place to be, but I’m frustrated with this kid. Is he that selfish that he does not realize what he is putting his family though? His mother passed out when she found him, his sister is going to be a wreck I know. She is helping her mom out with his fines because Moms can't afford all the fines the kid is getting, she is just getting back on her feet. I definatly wish I could throw money at the problem, but I know that is not gonig to fix it. The kid is going through a lot, but he just made some god awful choices. If it was one of the chain of events, it would not be so bad, getting a girl preggers at 17, you can work hard, grow up and be okay. You can get a drug charge and turn around. This kid just has a huge chain of events and he just does not seem to want to turn them around.

I hope to god he is okay, but I don’t know if I want to shake the shit out of him or try to help him.

[wilson9d]

The kid is ****ed. no one is going to turn his life around but him. The fact that his mom and your girl pay his fines enables his behavior. I’m assuming his dad is out of the picture. He needs a strong male roll model. Someone to look up too and emulate; someone that can teach him to be a man. But he also has to find a bottom to get off the drugs or nothing will change. Good luck.

[J-Dogg]

Thanks,

I agree with you, I'm the type that says you have to throw someone in the pool and just see if they sink or swim.

The girl just called me and he's still in ICU. The main reason he did it I guess is because "if the baby is not alive, he does not want to be". He told her that he still does not want to be alive.

I don't even want to talk to her about it. Her Mom is crying all night, trying to talk his girl friend into having the kid and she will help him raise it, she does not have to do anything.

I want to say my piece to her but I am not going too. The kid is being selfish as ****, his mom will do anything for him and maybe that is part of the problem. I hate biting my tounge, I'm going to listen because she is going to need an ear, but I'm just not going to advise or say anything, nod and hug.

[jbonez19]

the best advice i could give you is to support your girlfriend and let her and her family deal with the brother. i would try not to get involved with him too much if i were you. that would be imo a bit of a no-win situation. with a kid that is that unstable it could quite easily blow up in your face and cause problems between you and your girl. it's sounds like he's in no condition to be accepting advice or help from you anyway. i would be careful with giving your opinion on how he should be handled too. you don't want to be in the middle of a family situation and end up looking like the bad guy. that may sound extreme, but it doesn't take much when you stick your nose into someone elses family politics for it to turn out in some other way than you intended. i would give my opinion only when asked by her first. if you sit back and calmly observe and provide support you will probably find that she will end up asking you, "how do you think we should handle this". that's the time for your input. most of all your job is to support your lady, give her a soft place to land. provide her with a non-judgemental ear to talk to. don't criticize or run her brother down (even if you feel like strangling him), remember, that's her blood and if you talk bad about him, you're indirectly talking bad about her and her family. i feel for you bro. it's a tough situation. hang in there and remain calm at all times. hope what i've said can help, if even in a small way. good luck with everything. j