> >Subject: Rules Men Live By
> >
> >
> >The Rules -- This Time By Men
> > >
> > >We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules
> > >from
> > >the male side. These are our rules!
> > >PLEASE NOTE: These are all numbered "1" ON PURPOSE!
> > >
> > > 1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put
> > >it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us bitching
> > >about you leaving it down.
> > >
> > > 1. Sometimes we are not thinking about you. Live with it.
> > >
> > > 1. Sunday = sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the
> > >tides. Let it be.
> > >
> > > 1 . Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of
> > >it that way.
> > >
> > > 1. Crying is blackmail.
> > >
> > > 1. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one: Subtle hints
> > >do not work! Strong hints do not work! Obvious hints do not work! Just
> > >say
> > >it!
> > >
> > > 1. We don't remember dates. Mark birthdays and anniversaries on a
> > >calendar. Remind us frequently beforehand.
> > >
> > > 1. Most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. What makes you think
> > >we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good
> > >with your dress?
> > >
> > > 1. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every
> > >question.
> > >
> > > 1. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it.
> > >That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.
> > >
> > > 1. A headache that last for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
> > >
> > > 1. Check your oil! Please.
> > >
> > > 1. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In
> > >fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.
> > >
> > > 1. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us. We
> > >refuse to answer.
> > >
> > > 1. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of
> > >the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one.
> > >
> > > 1. Let us ogle. We are going to look anyway; it's genetic.
> > >
> > > 1. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it
> > >done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it
> > >yourself.
> > >
> > > 1. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during
> > > commercials.
> > >
> > > 1. Christopher Columbus did not need directions, and neither do we.
> > >
> > >
> > > 1. The relationship is never going to be like it was the first two
> > >months we were going out. Get over it. And quit whining to your
> > >girlfriends.
> > >
> > > 1. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like Windows default settings.
> > >Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit.
We
> > >have
> > >no idea what mauve is.
> > >
> > > 1. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.
> > >
> > > 1. We are not mind readers and we never will be. Our lack of
> > > mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you.
> > >
> > > 1. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like
> > >nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the
> > >hassle.
> > >
> > > 1. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an
> > >answer you don't want to hear.
> > >
> > > 1. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is
> > >fine. Really.
> > >
> > > 1. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to
> > >discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster
> > >trucks.
> > >
> > > 1. You have enough clothes.
> > >
> > > 1. You have too many shoes.
> > >
> > > 1. Foreign films are best left to foreigners. (Unless it's Bruce Lee
> > >or some war flick where it doesn't really matter what the hell they're
> > >saying anyway.)
> > >
> > > 1. It is neither in your best interest or ours to take the quiz
> > >together.
> > > No, it doesn't matter which quiz.
> > >
> > > 1. BEER is as exciting for us as handbags are for you.
> > >
> > > 1. I'm in shape. ROUND is a shape.
> > >
> > > 1. Thank you for reading this; Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the
> > >couch tonight, but did you know we really don't mind that, it's like
> > >camping.
> >
> >
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