some people just don't have a clue
I just was reading my e-mail, and i thought i'd share this. i had to edit it real bad to take out all the cursing, and the sexual content of it. don't want to break any rules at all. the best stuff is like towards the middle of the transcript. i hope this is ok, and doesn't brake the rules in anyway if it isn't satisfactory please by all means delete it. this is an actual real time transcript.
Want to laugh your ass off?
This is a actual transcript
As all of you are well aware, online computers are often used to engage in
cyber-sex. Detailed and erotic fantasies are typed into the computer to be
instantly transmitted over the Internet. Sometimes these harmless fantasies
become fairly raunchy. This is not the case with the following transcript of an
actual on-line cyber -sex session. Either this guy is clueless or has the
greatest sense of humor known to mankind...
Wellhung: Hello, Sweetheart. What do you look like?
Sweetheart: I am wearing an expensive red silk blouse, a black leather mini
skirt and high-heeled boots. I am tanned and very buffed. I work out everyday.
My measurements are 36-24-36. What do you look like?
hung: I'm 6'3 and about 250 lb. I wear glasses and have on a pair of blue sweat pants I just bought at Wal-Mart. I'm also wearing an old T-shirt, it's got some barbecue sauce stains on it and it smells kind of funny.
Sweetheart: I want you. Would you like to have me? [edited]
Wellhung: OK
Sweetheart: We're in my bedroom. There's soft music playing on the stereo and candles on my nightstand. I look up into your eyes and I'm smiling. My hand works its way down. [edited]
hung: I'm gulping. I'm beginning to sweat.
Sweetheart: I'm pulling up your shirt and kissing you. [edited]
hung: Now, I'm unbuttoning your blouse. My hands are trembling.
hung: I'm taking hold of your blouse and I'm sliding it softly off.
Sweetheart: I'm throwing my head back . The cool silk slides off. [edited]
hung: My hand suddenly jerks spastically and tears a hole in your blouse. I'm sorry.
Sweetheart: That's, OK. It wasn't really too expensive.
hung: I'll pay for it.
Sweetheart: Don't worry about it! I'm wearing a lacy black bra, my soft chest rising and falling as I breathe harder and harder. [edited]
hung: I'm fumbling with the clasp of your bra, I think it's stuck. Do you
have scissors?
Sweetheart: I take your hand and kiss it softly, I reach behind my back and undo the clasp. [edited]
hung: How did you do that? I'm picking up the bra and inspecting the clasp.
Sweetheart: I'm arching my back. [edited]
[edited]
hung: I'm dropping the bra. Now I'm touching your, you know, They're neat!
[edited]
Sweetheart: I'm running my fingers through your hair.
Wellhung: I suddenly sneeze. Your chest is covered with spit and phlegm.
[edited]
Sweetheart: WHAT?
hung: I'm so sorry. Really.
Sweetheart: I'm wiping your phlegm off of me with the remains of my blouse.
[edited]
hung: I'm taking your sopping wet blouse from you and throwing it in the
corner of the room.
Sweetheart: OK. I'm taking your sweat pants down, and touching you [edited]
hung: I'm screaming like a woman! Your hands are cold! Yeee!
[Edited]
hung: ummm, wait a second.
Sweetheart: What's the matter?
hung: I've got a something caught in my throat. I'm choking. [edited]
Sweetheart: Are you OK?
hung: I'm having a coughing fit. I'm turning all red.
Sweetheart: Is there anything I can do to help?
hung: I'm running to the kitchen. Choking wildly. Looking for a cup. Where
do you keep your cups??
Sweetheart: In the cabinet to the right of the sink!
hung: I'm drinking a cup of water. There that's better.
Sweetheart: Come back to me, lover.
hung: I'm washing the cup now.
Sweetheart: I'm aching for you lover.
hung: Now I'm drying the cup. I'm putting it back in the cabinet. And now I'm walking back to the bedroom. Wait it's dark, I'm lost. Where is the bedroom?
Sweetheart: Last door on the left at the end of the hall.
hung: I found it.
[edited]
Sweetheart: I kiss you . Our bodies pressed against each other.
hung: Your face is pushing my glasses into my face. It hurts.
Sweetheart: Why don't you take your glasses off?
hung: OK. But I can't see very well. I'm placing my glasses on the
nightstand.
hung: I have to pee. I'm fumbling my way blindly to the bathroom.
Sweetheart: Hurry back lover.
hung: I find the bathroom and it's dark. I'm feeling around for the toilet
and lift the lid.
Sweetheart: I'm waiting eagerly for your return.
hung: I'm done going. I'm feeling around for the flush handle. Uh-oh!
Sweetheart: What's the matter now?
hung: I just realized I peed in your hamper. Sorry again. I'm walking back to the bed now. Blindly feeling my way.
Sweetheart: Mmmm, yes.
hung: Now I'm going to put my, you know, thing in your umm, woman's thing.
[edited
hung: I'm touching your butt. It feels so nice. Ma'am, I'm having a little
problem here.
Sweetheart: I'm moving my *** back and forth. I can't wait another second.
hung: I'm flaccid.
Sweetheart: WHAT?
hung: I'm flaccid. [edited]
Sweetheart: I'm standing up and turning around; an incredulous look on my face.
hung: I'm shrugging with a sad look on my face, my thing all flacid. I'm
looking for my glasses to see what the problem is.
Sweetheart: NO! Never mind. I'm getting dressed, I'm putting on my underwear and my wet nasty blouse.
hung: No wait. I can't find the night table. I'm reaching across the
dresser, knocking off cans of hairspray, your picture frames and your candles.
Sweetheart: I'm buttoning my blouse. I'm putting on my shoes.
hung: Now I've found my glasses. My God! One of your candles fell on the curtain! The curtain is on fire. I'm pointing at it with a shocked look on my face.
Sweetheart: Go to hell! I'm logging off, LOSER
:lol: :D :lol:
