world got flipped

**Sir Lifts-a-lot** · 06-08-2008, 09:34 PM

Well today I found out that my ex fiance was in horrible car accident on Saturday night and is in really rough shape. She is on all sorts of life support and stuff. At first I really didn't think much about it and jsut figured she would be alright. Her mother was able to track down my phone number and called me and said that Erin wanted to see me. I wasn't sure as I didn't know how bad the situation was but once her mother told me how she may not make it I had to go up and see her.

I basically told my current fiance that I had to do this, and that she could come if she wanted but she declined. Erin and I ended rather quickly when I caught her messing around. She was the one who ended it while I tried to keep her. I really had no closure and I have still carried her around inside me in the highest regards. Now I felt like I was doing a good will thing for her and would visit her and try to make her feel better but it was completely different when I got up to New York. All her family was there and they were all in tears. At first they really didn't know why I was there and were kind of shocked that this guy who broke up with their sister, cousin, niece, and granddaughter was there. Her mom came over and told me that she was in and out of conciousness and that she was rejecting the machines (whatever that means).

I wanted to ask her mother why out of everyone out there she had asked for me but I didn't think it would have been in good taste at that junction in time.

After a few hours of sitting around in awkward silence I went out and grabed a smoke with her brother who I hadn't talked to in three years. He was a mess obviously but he said that the entire night she had asked for me. She said that I needed to be there.

When we came back from grabbing a smoke and getting a quick bite at a diner Erins mom said that I should probably go in and see her. She wasn't awake but her mom promised me that she would know I was there. I went in and her mom was going to leave but I asked her to stay. I stood there and just told her that I still loved her. I let it all out but stayed as strong as I could witout breaking down. I said my peace to this girl lying there that I wouldn't even think was her from how badly she was beat up. The only way I knew it was her was the little birth mark on her elbow. I was in there for maybe two minutes but it seemed like a lifetime.

After that I held in the tears and emotion to be strong for her but I had to leave the room. I went straight to the bathroom and balled my eyes out. I made myself throw up I was so upset.

I left the hospital after that without saying bye to anyone at all. I couldn't face these people. I knew in my heart of hearts she wasn't going to live. I knew that I had to say the words to her one last time because I really did still love her.

I drove straight home and then sat in the dark in my apartment. I had turned my phone off when I was driving home but when I turned it back on I had a few messages. They were all from her mother and brother seeing if I was okay. The last message was from my mother. She had a message for me from Erin's mom.... Erin passed away from some sort of complication an hour after I left. I just sat here and cried. I cried and cried and cried. I let it all out. My fiance is calling me non stop but I just tell her to leave me alone.

I don't know what to do now with my life. Yes I am engaged to an amazing girl but the real love of my life has always been Erin. She is gone now. She will never come back. I just hope that she heard me when she was in that bed.

I don't know why I posted this all here but I just needed an outside source to yell to. I guess I feel okay that no one knows me on here and that I can just be honest and show all my emotion since no one will ever be any wiser to who this sir lifts-a-lot guy is.

Sorry for wasting everyones time who read this.

**Overhaulz** · 06-08-2008, 09:51 PM

Man you didn't waste my time. That was a really great thing you did. Maybe you being there and telling her that you still love her was the closure that she needed before she would let go. I don't even know what tell you--that was a really emotional story and awkward situation you were in.

Have you talked to your current fiancee about it yet? I can't even begin to imagine how much you've gone through, but I wish you the best through these tough times.

**GT2** · 06-08-2008, 09:52 PM

Oh man don't be sorry for wasting my time. It was my choice to read it.
I'm very sorry for what happened to Erin, and hope that you can hopefully move on with your life and be happy with your new fiance. Nothing lasts forever, it's a sad fact of life, and losing someone that means so much to us is gut-wrenching. Hang in there bro. It will become easier to deal with over time...

**kman** · 06-08-2008, 09:58 PM

So sorry for your loss. Situations like this are tough, and there is really no easy way around it. Just carry her with you in your heart and make her proud as she will be looking down on you.

**F4iGuy** · 06-08-2008, 09:58 PM

You did the right thing. I can't imagine how that must've felt but I think you'll eventually look back and feel some comfort knowing you said what you wanted to say.

**MuscleScience** · 06-08-2008, 10:09 PM

Don't think your wasting anyone's time. Let it out it helps believe me. You will always remember that you got a chance to say your peace. One piece of advice that I would give is to not shut out the ones you love through your grieving process. They are they for you and speaking from some experience they will help you more than you think they can.

**xlxBigSexyxlx** · 06-08-2008, 10:10 PM

Man, sounds rough. Sorry

But you did what was right. More importantly, you did what your heart wanted.

Its sad and hard, but life moves on, and you just gotta keep moving with it.

Best of luck mate.

***G-1000*** · 06-08-2008, 10:12 PM

Sorry for the loss.

Bro i ant good with words but i will do my best. I can only Imagen how you must feel inside. But you have to keep your head up and look forward with you life. You got to say what you need to her witch is great. Meany people dont get that chance. You need to hold on to all the good that came out of your past relationship with her and apply that to your life. I know your pushing off you finance because your upset. But you need to let her in help you throw this. If she is as good as you say she is, she will be 100% understanding.

Wish you the best of luck.

**MATTMAN01** · 06-08-2008, 10:12 PM

Sorry for your loss.

**Kratos** · 06-08-2008, 10:27 PM

Touching story, sorry, it is not easy losing people you love.

**Amorphic** · 06-08-2008, 10:31 PM

Very sorry to hear this. My condolences are with you. Loss of a loved one is the hardest thing to deal with.

Keep your thoughts positive, cherish what you have and dont let the misery consume you.

**FallenWyvern** · 06-08-2008, 11:01 PM

Yuck, this is horrible. I can only imagine what you are going through. Life can be a bitch. Hopefully you come out a stronger person and a life lesson is learned.

This isn't a waste of anybodies time.

**firmechicano831** · 06-09-2008, 12:22 AM

sorry for your loss bro. I know that youre probably going threw a very hard situation now when the person you really loved is gone now. I think you did a great thing by letting her know how you felt, I'm sure in her heart she always loved you as well but couldn't tell you there. At least shes in heaven now and watching over her family, friends and your shoulder. take care and keep ur head up.

**gst528i** · 06-09-2008, 12:30 AM

Not a waste of anyone's time. You did the right thing by going, atleast you have some type of closure before she passed away. She knew you were by her side before she went and for that you will have her blessings. Good luck, and don't forget about your fiancee even during this rough time as you will need someone too.
take care,
time will heal.

**Lfs2shrt2bsml** · 06-09-2008, 02:54 AM

you really are a great guy. im so sorry for your loss keep your chin up.

**wascaptain5214** · 06-09-2008, 04:46 AM

heart felt for sure bro. prayers sent out for her and u2.

**spywizard** · 06-09-2008, 06:03 AM

our thoughts and prayers are with you, and her family.

As for the "love of your life" she may have been just that, however she was seeking something else, or she was afraid or something wasn't right, that's why she was messing around..

What you need to be aware of is the girl/woman that loves you desperately is trying to start a life with you and you are hurting her. I know you are feeling loss, i know you are feeling guilty, but you need to take time to morn her, but don't hurt the one you are with now. It will taint the rest of your life.

THat might sound harsh and i don't want it to sound that way, but I do hope that some of it gets through to you, and you are able to talk with her and make her know that she is what's important to you.

Good luck..

**Dukkit** · 06-09-2008, 06:28 AM

im sorry bro. your tough, youll pull through. just keep her in your memories.

**juicy_brucy** · 06-09-2008, 08:47 AM

Originally Posted by Sir Lifts-a-lot

Sorry for wasting everyones time who read this.

Brother, I assure you that you are NOT wasting my time, or anyones for that matter... We all need to talk about things. You did the right thing.
take some time with your self. Try to think clearly, even tho it is hard, and know that there are a bunch of guys sitting right here with ya, feeling your pain, and wanting to be here for ya.

**thecivilizedanimal** · 06-09-2008, 08:53 AM

we're all here for you bro, losing people you love is the hardest part about life, it's easier to lose your own life then someone you love.

brought me to tears reading that.

stay strong bro

**xero** · 06-09-2008, 09:23 AM

Very tragic and sorry for your loss.

Your reaction to this could be more traumatic for your current fiance than you realize. Be very careful you dont inadvertently destroy your relationship.

**zimmy** · 06-09-2008, 10:24 AM

DOn't think that her passing after an hour of you being there is coincidence...she might have been wrecked with guilt all this time and needed to make sure you didn't hate her for it. Maybe you let her feel good enough to let go.

**im83931** · 06-09-2008, 10:50 AM

Bro, It was NOT a waste of our time. I dont know what to say except I am sorry for your loss man.

**calgarian** · 06-09-2008, 10:57 AM

No need to Sorry Bro...we are here to listen. Its good to let it out. Look at it this way She is the one who left you and she had this guilt thats why she called you over IMO. And Kudos to u for going there.

Just explain to ur current Finace what happened and dont hurt her cause u r hurting. She is the women who is going to spend the rest of the life with u.

**nirish_mark20** · 06-09-2008, 12:10 PM

apologies for your loss man, thats awful news, im sorry to hear about it

Im not a religious person, but i have a small belief in fate. she had been asking for you because she still loved you, and although she wasnt awake to tell you, she made the effort and her family knew what she wanted to say and thats why they tracked you down. she must have really known you still loved her, and she wanted to hear it once more and to show she still loves you before she passed.

she may not have been awake, but her brain heard the words you said, and it was enough for her body to be at peace and rest.

its such a sad story, any death is sad, and my thoughts are with you

**BigLittleTim** · 06-09-2008, 12:52 PM

Sir LiftsaLot,

You've done a man's work, sir, and are carrying a man's burden right now. My hat is off to you.

This isn't something you wanted to do. This was something you had to do. Every honourable impulse a man can feel dictated that you had to be there for your former lover. A dying woman, a woman who knows she is dying, asks only for you, a man she hurt terribly almost three years ago. That is not an idle request made in an idle moment. It is a sacred summons that must be obeyed.

YOU were the unfinished business of her life. I think everyone can see that. She couldn't allow herself to go without knowing she had your forgiveness... or benediction, if you will. You came through for her when you didn't have to. It's a manly thing you did. Don't think it was just you who declared the constancy of your love. You allowed her to 'speak' again, declaring the same thing. It is an honor... it is a privledge... when someone allows you to be present at their last moment. Only the moment of birth is more sacred. There was a reason she chose you to be there. If it was her way of saying "I'm sorry", it was also her way of saying "good bye", and "live".

With all this in mind, do not allow the past to cripple the possiblity of love in the present. "Life is for the alive, my Love." You do no good service by burying your heart in another man's grave. Your former love will always be a part of your life; she helped make you who you are alive today. But that person has to be shared with someone else, who is here, alive, TODAY.

You're gonna carry this loss for a long while, and you're gonna need to share it with others. You might want to start with your fiancee.

Best wishes to you,

BigLittleTim

**gixxerboy1** · 06-09-2008, 12:53 PM

I'm very sorry.

I went through a simialar situation last year with an ex. Unfortanitly i didnt find out to a moth after she was gone. I didnt get to sa good bye or go to her funeral. I'm in tears writing this now.

Its going to be hard bro, just try and remember all your good times.

try not to shut out your current fiance, she sounds like a good girl and will help you through this

**gixxerboy1** · 06-09-2008, 12:55 PM

Originally Posted by BigLittleTim

Sir LiftsaLot,

You've done a man's work, sir, and are carrying a man's burden right now. My hat is off to you.

This isn't something you wanted to do. This was something you had to do. Every honourable impulse a man can feel dictated that you had to be there for your former lover. A dying woman, a woman who knows she is dying, asks only for you, a man she hurt terribly almost three years ago. That is not an idle request made in an idle moment. It is a sacred summons that must be obeyed.

YOU were the unfinished business of her life. I think everyone can see that. She couldn't allow herself to go without knowing she had your forgiveness... or benediction, if you will. You came through for her when you didn't have to. It's a manly thing you did. Don't think it was just you who declared the constancy of your love. You allowed her to 'speak' again, declaring the same thing. It is an honor... it is a privledge... when someone allows you to be present at their last moment. Only the moment of birth is more sacred. There was a reason she chose you to be there. If it was her way of saying "I'm sorry", it was also her way of saying "good bye", and "live".

With all this in mind, do not allow the past to cripple the possiblity of love in the present. "Life is for the alive, my Love." You do no good service by burying your heart in another man's grave. Your former love will always be a part of your life; she helped make you who you are alive today. But that person has to be shared with someone else, who is here, alive, TODAY.

You're gonna carry this loss for a long while, and you're gonna need to share it with others. You might want to start with your fiancee.

Best wishes to you,

BigLittleTim

Very nice post

**Polska** · 06-09-2008, 03:16 PM

Sorry for your loss man. I have to agree with Spywizard.... don't push your current fiance away because your ex has passed away. I know you're hurt but pushing her away and hurting her in the process will not do anything positive.....

**Sir Lifts-a-lot** · 06-09-2008, 04:03 PM

Well today I took the day off from work and stayed around my apartment. My fiance came over last night because she knew I needed her even though I didn't let on. She just sat there with me all last night and today and talked when I needed to talk, and cried when I needed to cry.

I had never really talked about Erin that much to her since she was a past relationship and how tramatized I was from losing her prior. Today she let me tell her all the good stories and all the bad ones too.

Over the past couple of years I realized that I didn't love Erin as a partner anymore but rather as a friend and teacher. She was my first real relationship. I learned so much about life from her. She made me into a man. She taught me how to be an adult and how to live life correctly. When we first started to date I was 24 but had led a very sheltered life and had never really had to do anything for myself let alone a partner. She taught me how to stand on my own and provide for someone else as well.

It is because of what she taught me that I was able to move on and find my current girlfriend and how to have a meaningful relationship with her.

My fiance understands this and is right there for me and knows this is going to be hard on me as I am a sensetive person. She explained to me that this was Erin's way of making peace with me. She said basically the same thing that BigLittleT said and it really made sense.

Right now I am still in a state of shock but I do know that I will never forget her for what she has taught me and I will try to go about living my life in the image of hers. I guess I can rest easy now knowing she will be in a better place.

The service will be later in the week as a date hasn't been set due to the shape of her body but I am hesitant to go. My fiance will be by my side if I decide to go but I just don't think again. As I type that last sentence though I am reminded how Erin taught me that no matter how tough this situation is it ISN'T about me. This is about her and her family.

**gixxerboy1** · 06-09-2008, 04:19 PM

go to the services bro. You wont regret going and will ALWAYS regret not going

**MATTMAN01** · 06-09-2008, 04:26 PM

Each day will get a little better, live day to day.

**T3/T4 GSR** · 06-09-2008, 06:24 PM

Man thats rough...that post almost made me cry because the girl I love did something similar to me and has the same name so when I read the name I just imagined what that would be like and I was hardly able to read about it yet alone go through it. I wish you the best and I hope in a way this can bring you some kind of closure.

**number twelve** · 06-09-2008, 06:36 PM

Originally Posted by BigLittleTim

Sir LiftsaLot,

You've done a man's work, sir, and are carrying a man's burden right now. My hat is off to you.

This isn't something you wanted to do. This was something you had to do. Every honourable impulse a man can feel dictated that you had to be there for your former lover. A dying woman, a woman who knows she is dying, asks only for you, a man she hurt terribly almost three years ago. That is not an idle request made in an idle moment. It is a sacred summons that must be obeyed.

YOU were the unfinished business of her life. I think everyone can see that. She couldn't allow herself to go without knowing she had your forgiveness... or benediction, if you will. You came through for her when you didn't have to. It's a manly thing you did. Don't think it was just you who declared the constancy of your love. You allowed her to 'speak' again, declaring the same thing. It is an honor... it is a privledge... when someone allows you to be present at their last moment. Only the moment of birth is more sacred. There was a reason she chose you to be there. If it was her way of saying "I'm sorry", it was also her way of saying "good bye", and "live".

With all this in mind, do not allow the past to cripple the possiblity of love in the present. "Life is for the alive, my Love." You do no good service by burying your heart in another man's grave. Your former love will always be a part of your life; she helped make you who you are alive today. But that person has to be shared with someone else, who is here, alive, TODAY.

You're gonna carry this loss for a long while, and you're gonna need to share it with others. You might want to start with your fiancee.

Best wishes to you,

BigLittleTim

great post. honestly i got a little choked up reading sirliftsalot post

**NATE0406** · 06-09-2008, 06:39 PM

damn bro sorry to hear this... but you just have to remember that you still have to be there for your current fiancee. good luck bro and best wishes.

**number twelve** · 06-09-2008, 06:40 PM

i agree you should go to the services

**956Vette** · 06-09-2008, 07:13 PM

You are a good man Sir Lifts-a-lot

**Sir Lifts-a-lot** · 06-09-2008, 08:20 PM

I just wanted to thank all you guys for the support. Even though none of us really know one another it feels good that a bunch of rag tag guys can come to one of their own's aid when they are hurtin'.

**number twelve** · 06-09-2008, 08:30 PM

Originally Posted by Sir Lifts-a-lot

I just wanted to thank all you guys for the support. Even though none of us really know one another it feels good that a bunch of rag tag guys can come to one of their own's aid when they are hurtin'.

i got your back bro

**rockinred** · 06-10-2008, 07:05 AM

sir lifts alot,

sorry to hear about the loss and I am late posting this...seems all the bros have given kind words to you to help you try and move on... You have to mourn in order to move on in your life properly... it might be a good idea to go to the funeral because all the family knows what happen with you and how she was asking for you that night and how you left. it will help you put closure on the matter for sure...Peace to you and God Bless...

we are hear for you to vent or talk... let us know.