relationship advice

**guru** · 06-12-2008, 01:08 PM

I'm really good friends with this girl. She's 16, I'm 20. We have a job, where we travel on weekends together to perform and afterwards we'll go out with others, where we drink, dance, party. During the week don't see each other much, but on weekends we're together for 2-3 days straight. We both agree we're close friends who spend more time with each other than anyone else. I've never made a move on her becuz of the age thing, but have always had a crush on her. One day while we were talking about relationships she said if she was 18 she would date me(cool, just gotta wait two years). Then a month later when it came up again, she says she thinks we've become too good a friends to date. Well, when she said that it threw my for a loop and I let it come out that I had feelings for her.

My questions are:

1 - what the hell happened? is she attracted to me or what?
2 - how the hell do i get out of the "friends zone"?

Some advantages that I have is that she REALLY LOVES our job and getting to go clubbin afterwards with our older friends. She needs me to do both. Also, I would could consider myself a close, intimate friend, becuz we dance, drink, etc. On these weekends trips she will often spend the night at my place and we will sleep in my bed together cuz I only have one bed (although I do have a couch). I've come VERY close to kissing on a few drunk occasions but the age thing stopped me. I'm still not trying to hook up with her becuz of the age but I like the challenge of having her want me again and being in control again.

**number twelve** · 06-12-2008, 01:18 PM

your in the friend zone. your stuck there. move on. besides, its hard to date someone who still has to get to bed early during the week cause she doesnt wanna get grounded and its a school night lolol your not on the same emotional level with her. (or maybe your are) just wait a few years b4 u do anything

**gst528i** · 06-12-2008, 01:21 PM

Just stay friends, eventually when she is 18 i'm sure you'll be nailing it. Then if you want to, you can keep it or cut it lose. Trust me they all come around to it when your friends for that long. My ex-gurl's sister use to have a crush on me when i was dating her sister. I knew eventually i'll be hitting it and guess what. Yup two weeks ago she calls and says let's "catch up". Just be sure she isn't dating anyone when she is 18 ...good luck

**Peducho0113** · 06-12-2008, 01:23 PM

Be friends for now and wait until she turns 18.

**guru** · 06-12-2008, 01:26 PM

Originally Posted by Peducho0113

Be friends for now and wait until she turns 18.

i should add 16 is legal in my state, but morally i feel funny about it, so i havent tried anything...

**gst528i** · 06-12-2008, 02:07 PM

well 17 is legal in my state and that's fine these days considering how quick they develop. Besides if you wait too long they become dirty ... If it's legal and you still feel guilty than compromise and go for 17 ...hehe

**gst528i** · 06-12-2008, 02:09 PM

Disclaimer: Pics are only used to give better advice.

**Kratos** · 06-12-2008, 02:13 PM

I'd crush it now, she's already in your bed.

**smokeyd** · 06-12-2008, 02:17 PM

she said she would date you when she was 18 tryin to get you to say well we could date now age is not a problem and when you shot that down, she comes back a month later saying your too good of friends to date, well i think she is tryin to get you to step up again and say something in the way of furthering your relationship without her having to do it you know what im getting at??

**abbot138** · 06-12-2008, 02:23 PM

Originally Posted by number twelve

your in the friend zone. your stuck there. move on. besides, its hard to date someone who still has to get to bed early during the week cause she doesnt wanna get grounded and its a school night lolol your not on the same emotional level with her. (or maybe your are) just wait a few years b4 u do anything

Agreed. The key to getting out of the friend zone is never getting in the friend zone. Once your there its all over.

**inky-e** · 06-12-2008, 02:40 PM

Dude she's 16! When you say you go out and drink, do you mean alcohol? Be very careful my friend. I have an 18 yr old daughter and if one of her male friends were to give her booze, it would be a bad deal for him. You better hope her daddy is more understanding than me!

**abbot138** · 06-12-2008, 02:46 PM

^^^^Very true. I dont know wtf Im gonna do if I ever have a daughter. I'll be in jail by the time she starts high school.

**Beefkake31** · 06-12-2008, 02:53 PM

Originally Posted by kidcas

I'm really good friends with this girl. She's 16, I'm 20. We have a job, where we travel on weekends together to perform and afterwards we'll go out with others, where we drink, dance, party. During the week don't see each other much, but on weekends we're together for 2-3 days straight. We both agree we're close friends who spend more time with each other than anyone else. I've never made a move on her becuz of the age thing, but have always had a crush on her. One day while we were talking about relationships she said if she was 18 she would date me(cool, just gotta wait two years). Then a month later when it came up again, she says she thinks we've become too good a friends to date. Well, when she said that it threw my for a loop and I let it come out that I had feelings for her.

My questions are:

1 - what the hell happened? is she attracted to me or what?
2 - how the hell do i get out of the "friends zone"?

I think you messed up by telling her. Now that she knows you wanted her, she feels content. Especially girls that age, they want something they can't have. You should have kept it cool and treated the situation like you didn't give a damn, and I guarantee you things would be different now.

**calgarian** · 06-12-2008, 02:59 PM

Originally Posted by inky-e

Dude she's 16! When you say you go out and drink, do you mean alcohol? Be very careful my friend. I have an 18 yr old daughter and if one of her male friends were to give her booze, it would be a bad deal for him. You better hope her daddy is more understanding than me!

He said legal age is 16 so I think she can legally drink

**guru** · 06-12-2008, 02:59 PM

Originally Posted by Beefkake31

I think you messed up by telling her. Now that she knows you wanted her, she feels content. Especially girls that age, they want something they can't have. You should have kept it cool and treated the situation like you didn't give a damn, and I guarantee you things would be different now.

u may be right but now what can i do?

**guru** · 06-12-2008, 03:01 PM

Originally Posted by calgarian

He said legal age is 16 so I think she can legally drink

nah, 21 is the legal drinking age, but 16 is the legal age for her to.... u know, get it on...

**calgarian** · 06-12-2008, 03:02 PM

Originally Posted by kidcas

nah, 21 is the legal drinking age, but 16 is the legal age for her to.... u know, get it on...

Oh thanks for clarifying...I always thought drinking age oand "other age" is same but what do I know I am too old ....

**guru** · 06-12-2008, 03:03 PM

Originally Posted by inky-e

Dude she's 16! When you say you go out and drink, do you mean alcohol? Be very careful my friend. I have an 18 yr old daughter and if one of her male friends were to give her booze, it would be a bad deal for him. You better hope her daddy is more understanding than me!

her parents knows she goes to the club, so i assume they know she drinks... i wasnt the one that started her drinking, that would be our other friends... they also know she spends the night with me, but not with us sharing the bed... thankfully they really like and trust me and we're good friends....

**calgarian** · 06-12-2008, 03:08 PM

Originally Posted by kidcas

her parents knows she goes to the club, so i assume they know she drinks... i wasnt the one that started her drinking, that would be our other friends... they also know she spends the night with me, but not with us sharing the bed... thankfully they really like and trust me and we're good friends....

I dont how you can sleep in one bed and dont do anything.....man I wont be able to do it.

**abbot138** · 06-12-2008, 03:09 PM

Originally Posted by Beefkake31

I think you messed up by telling her. Now that she knows you wanted her, she feels content. Especially girls that age, they want something they can't have. You should have kept it cool and treated the situation like you didn't give a damn, and I guarantee you things would be different now.

Absolutely and that might be your only long shot chance of getting her down the line. Ignore the crap out of her. Immature girls eat that stuff up.

PT · 06-12-2008, 03:09 PM

if she likes drinking and clubing that much at 16 then just wait until she is 18 and goes to college. my advice is you dont stand a chance in a relationship with her so leave well enough alone

**inky-e** · 06-12-2008, 03:16 PM

Originally Posted by abbot138

^^^^Very true. I dont know wtf Im gonna do if I ever have a daughter. I'll be in jail by the time she starts high school.

Bro it really isn't that bad, my daughter's boyfriends have been generally nice boys, and I tell them up front how much I love my daughter and how I wouldn't want anything bad to happen to her or cause her to be upset. Then I show them the pictures I have on the wall, with me and my associates handling large firearms and such. They seem to get it!

**calgarian** · 06-12-2008, 03:17 PM

Originally Posted by inky-e

Bro it really isn't that bad, my daughter's boyfriends have been generally nice boys, and I tell them up front how much I love my daughter and how I wouldn't want anything bad to happen to her or cause her to be upset. Then I show them the pictures I have on the wall, with me and my associates handling large firearms and such. They seem to get it!

I am keeping my son away from your daughter......

**abbot138** · 06-12-2008, 03:34 PM

Originally Posted by inky-e

Bro it really isn't that bad, my daughter's boyfriends have been generally nice boys, and I tell them up front how much I love my daughter and how I wouldn't want anything bad to happen to her or cause her to be upset. Then I show them the pictures I have on the wall, with me and my associates handling large firearms and such. They seem to get it!

LOL! Good stuff. Yeah i guess if you do a good job raising your daughter (and take the proper preventative measures, lol!) there should be nothing to worry about.

**uncgboro** · 06-12-2008, 04:17 PM

I have messed up and dated a younger girl. They aren't emotionally stable and mature for years to come. @ 16 some of them may look good and ripe, but I wouldn't want to ever date one. When i was 19 I tried to talk to a 16 yr old and she told me about the goosip going on at her High School, it drove me crazy. I let her go.

And you mentioned she slept with you?! WTF!!! If a girl ever gets in bed with you, even if it's to watch a movie...they have unconsciously said, "take me!"

PT · 06-12-2008, 04:36 PM

Originally Posted by uncgboro

I have messed up and dated a younger girl. They aren't emotionally stable and mature for years to come. @ 16 some of them may look good and ripe, but I wouldn't want to ever date one. When i was 19 I tried to talk to a 16 yr old and she told me about the goosip going on at her High School, it drove me crazy. I let her go.

And you mentioned she slept with you?! WTF!!! If a girl ever gets in bed with you, even if it's to watch a movie...they have unconsciously said, "take me!"

bro, she's 16. thats considered stagetory rape were i live

**uncgboro** · 06-12-2008, 04:45 PM

You are right. Someone told me that but it was dealing with a girl my age. 16 is too young.

But if some 20 year old gets into your bed....

**Bojangles69** · 06-12-2008, 07:28 PM

How do you get out of friends zone?

Simple.
Become a man of value with friends, social life, a good job, who takes care of himself and the way he looks and who DOESN'T need nor care about some worthless little 16 yr/old girl.
Come back a few years later and if you have even a little bit of game she'll like you.

But by that point you'll be banging much hotter, smarter & all around better chicks. If you DO come back to her at that point, than you know nothing has really changed at all.

Point being, next the chick, she DOES NOT like you. Leave her alone, work on yourself, YOUR LIFE and pvssy will always be there.

***Doc.Sust*** · 06-12-2008, 07:34 PM

to get out of the friend zone you have to truly NOT be her friend. ignore her talk to other girls dont let her know you give a crap about her. if you stop trying and stop caring the chick will fall for you. i know it doesnt sound right, but this works. do the exact opposite of what you would like to do. hey it worked for george costanza!

**Bojangles69** · 06-12-2008, 07:45 PM

Originally Posted by Doc.Sust

to get out of the friend zone you have to truly NOT be her friend. ignore her talk to other girls dont let her know you give a crap about her. if you stop trying and stop caring the chick will fall for you. i know it doesnt sound right, but this works. do the exact opposite of what you would like to do. hey it worked for george costanza!

I agree except for one thing.

Ignoring a girl you like is actively changing your behavoir to elicit a response old behavoir wasn't.
But if he's still outcome dependent at all (on getting the girl end result).

When he DOES get her, the persona/technique fades away as the attributes of his real personality comes through. I've seen guys do this and I never see it work for one reason.

This girl is an anchor for his behavoir.
He prob has stronger feelings for her than he admits (guys usually post threads like this about girls they're obsessed with).
They get together, his old feelings for her come back up and inevitably his old behavoir.

I see it too much. Only thing he needs to do IS not care. But he can't try to not care. He has to wait as long as it takes till he genuinely doesn't. If at anytime he tries to go back, than he cares, and the game is already over.

Theres exceptions to everything but just from what I see this dude needs to realize if he had 10 other hot girls on his side he wouldn't be giving a single fvck about this chick.
So he simply needs to move on, find other girls, realize how naive he was being, and never look back.

**Beefkake31** · 06-12-2008, 11:14 PM

Originally Posted by Bojangles69

I agree except for one thing.

Ignoring a girl you like is actively changing your behavoir to elicit a response old behavoir wasn't.
But if he's still outcome dependent at all (on getting the girl end result).

When he DOES get her, the persona/technique fades away as the attributes of his real personality comes through. I've seen guys do this and I never see it work for one reason.

This girl is an anchor for his behavoir.
He prob has stronger feelings for her than he admits (guys usually post threads like this about girls they're obsessed with).
They get together, his old feelings for her come back up and inevitably his old behavoir.

I see it too much. Only thing he needs to do IS not care. But he can't try to not care. He has to wait as long as it takes till he genuinely doesn't. If at anytime he tries to go back, than he cares, and the game is already over.

Theres exceptions to everything but just from what I see this dude needs to realize if he had 10 other hot girls on his side he wouldn't be giving a single fvck about this chick.
So he simply needs to move on, find other girls, realize how naive he was being, and never look back.

Yup, to add to what I said earlier. You can't act on the other extreme end of the spectrum either. If you ignore her fully, that is obvious as well and that is still a sign that you care.

**thecivilizedanimal** · 06-12-2008, 11:39 PM

She's 16, I'm 20
She's 16, I'm 20
She's 16, I'm 20
She's 16, I'm 20
She's 16, I'm 20

**thecivilizedanimal** · 06-12-2008, 11:40 PM

She's 16, I'm 20
She's 16, I'm 20
She's 16, I'm 20
She's 16, I'm 20
She's 16, I'm 20

**sugarfreebig** · 06-12-2008, 11:42 PM

I would step back a little, look around elsewhere for awhile without acting weird around her. Then down the road if it's meant to be it will happen. You two are at different levels emotionally, or at least should be at different levels. good luck.

**gst528i** · 06-12-2008, 11:45 PM

^^^^^^ I'm guessing that mean bells are ringing in your head not to hit it?

**GT2** · 06-13-2008, 02:22 AM

fvck the age difference. the only way to stop thinking about her is if you bang her.
wait, she's not a virgin, is she?
if she's not, smash her good, and she'll be back time and time again.

PT · 06-13-2008, 03:28 AM

Originally Posted by Hamish&Andy

fvck the age difference. the only way to stop thinking about her is if you bang her.
wait, she's not a virgin, is she?
if she's not, smash her good, and she'll be back time and time again.

and if her parents find out or she ever get mad at him and they break up he could be looking at 1-5 years in a state prison. i understand what alot of you are saying but you have to consider the legal edge here as well. this is a crime that is punishable by jail time here. all she has to do is get mad at him or have her parents not like him. her parents can press criminal charges without her wanting to if they wanted.

**TJM7275** · 06-13-2008, 06:51 AM

16 will get you 1 to 5...lol
Bro its not worth it... Find a girl closer to your own age. By the way, where do you live and what do you preform on the weekends? Not being a smart ass, just curious

**SMCengineer** · 06-13-2008, 07:38 AM

Originally Posted by abbot138

Agreed. The key to getting out of the friend zone is never getting in the friend zone. Once your there its all over.

Yep, friends zone sucks. Move along or get deeper into friends zone territory.

**guru** · 06-13-2008, 07:40 AM

Let me repeat:

Even though 16 is legal where I am, I'm not trying to hook up with her. I just wouldnt feel like it would be right.

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