I just did the right thing, but it was also the hardest

**J-Dogg** · 08-20-2008, 05:25 PM

I’m sure you all feel like bartenders to me by now, but I’m trying not to solve this one with drinking or being so macho I avoid it. I’m a proud man, stubborn man, but that comes 2nd with this situation.

I’m not sure who recalls, but I had a girl that left me and quickly perused a relationship with another guy (one of her recent roommates). Well, she is pregnant, and due on the 25th of December. The last time we had sex was on Good Friday, the 21st of March. Do the math, it kind of adds up to mine.

It’s been on the back of my mind, actually the front since the day I found out. I finally just talked to her, and I had to hold back tears. I’d let them flow, but a prideful man like myself, it’s just impossible. I told her, I just want to do the right thing, and that she would not have ever loved me if I was not that type of person.

She is not with the other guy anymore either, so she is single. She hates him, because he is really irresponsible, so I assume she would want me to be the Dad, or would hope as I would be a better one. She said though that she really thinks it’s his, because he had a lot of “accidents” while I had none.

To be honest, a month ago, I was scared; I did not want to be a dad. After going though all this, I had no choice but to deal with the fact that, I could be. I had to picture my life with a little one in it, and I’ve been thinking, debating in my head for the past few weeks hard. Eventually, I came to terms with it, and I honestly now, hope that I am the dad.

She did not understand my fear or confusions. I think it was easier on her, there is no question who the mom is. She has no options anymore, she can move on. I have the option of being a bad father, running away or just dodging it or doing the right thing, its torture to think about that every night.

I’ve been through 10 years of relationships though, serious ones. Honestly, she is the only one who I’ve ever felt the need to treat right, be good too. She did the same to me until it was over. If I am the Dad, I hope we can work things out. If not, well I would hope the other guy would step up and do what’s right and try to work things out for the sake of the child.

It’s going to be a long 4 months.

**J-Dogg** · 08-20-2008, 05:26 PM

Oh, on a not so bad note:

My little Bulldog is 11 months old on the 23rd. He had a rash on his back called "hot spots".

The vet put him on steroids today. He's gonig to be jacked and tan.

**RuhlFreak55** · 08-20-2008, 05:36 PM

all i can say at the outset is "abortion" dunno wtf people's problem with them is.......this is a reason why i don't do any random things with people

**Chitown Raider** · 08-20-2008, 05:46 PM

There's always the option of a paternity test once the baby is born. My buddy did that and found out the kid wasn't his best decision he made.

**J-Dogg** · 08-20-2008, 05:50 PM

I am going though with a paternity test.

It was just hard to face the fact that I could be the dad when I had the option to ignore it and not have to deal with the responsiblity and circumstance.

I could have just moved on with my life, but it would not be right.

**Rugger02** · 08-20-2008, 06:01 PM

Good to see someone willing to man - up. You're willing to be the father and that's great. The paternity test will decide it all though, but until then you'll be a wreck.

I'm glad you didn't use the word abortion once. Murdering your baby won't take away your problems, It will only prove you weak and irresponsible.

Props for being a man and best of luck with everything

**RuhlFreak55** · 08-20-2008, 06:05 PM

Originally Posted by Rugger02

Good to see someone willing to man - up. You're willing to be the father and that's great. The paternity test will decide it all though, but until then you'll be a wreck.

I'm glad you didn't use the word abortion once. Murdering your baby won't take away your problems, It will only prove you weak and irresponsible.

Props for being a man and best of luck with everything

wtf you don't even live in the bible belt

**BgMc31** · 08-20-2008, 06:15 PM

if you don't want to wait that long, paternity tests en-utero are possible. They cost a lot ad good luck gettings baby's momma to approve but if she does, it can put to rest 4 months of anxiety.

**JiGGaMaN** · 08-20-2008, 06:45 PM

Yeah, but if you dont feel you can be a good father, than dont be a father at all. Mine decided that when i was 15, havent seen him since. Im happy with that though and feel im a stronger individual because of it.

**dan991** · 08-20-2008, 06:55 PM

Damn, I thought this was gonna be a thread about a transvestite getting knocked out. LOL

**dan991** · 08-20-2008, 07:00 PM

Originally Posted by J-Dogg

I’m sure you all feel like bartenders to me by now, but I’m trying not to solve this one with drinking or being so macho I avoid it. I’m a proud man, stubborn man, but that comes 2nd with this situation.

I’m not sure who recalls, but I had a girl that left me and quickly perused a relationship with another guy (one of her recent roommates). Well, she is pregnant, and due on the 25th of December. The last time we had sex was on Good Friday, the 21st of March. Do the math, it kind of adds up to mine.

It’s been on the back of my mind, actually the front since the day I found out. I finally just talked to her, and I had to hold back tears. I’d let them flow, but a prideful man like myself, it’s just impossible. I told her, I just want to do the right thing, and that she would not have ever loved me if I was not that type of person.

She is not with the other guy anymore either, so she is single. She hates him, because he is really irresponsible, so I assume she would want me to be the Dad, or would hope as I would be a better one. She said though that she really thinks it’s his, because he had a lot of “accidents” while I had none.

To be honest, a month ago, I was scared; I did not want to be a dad. After going though all this, I had no choice but to deal with the fact that, I could be. I had to picture my life with a little one in it, and I’ve been thinking, debating in my head for the past few weeks hard. Eventually, I came to terms with it, and I honestly now, hope that I am the dad.

She did not understand my fear or confusions. I think it was easier on her, there is no question who the mom is. She has no options anymore, she can move on. I have the option of being a bad father, running away or just dodging it or doing the right thing, its torture to think about that every night.

I’ve been through 10 years of relationships though, serious ones. Honestly, she is the only one who I’ve ever felt the need to treat right, be good too. She did the same to me until it was over. If I am the Dad, I hope we can work things out. If not, well I would hope the other guy would step up and do what’s right and try to work things out for the sake of the child.

It’s going to be a long 4 months.

Dude, as long as its not a

situation, you'll be alright. But, do the paternity test no matter what, just so you know at least what you are dealing with. Last thing you want to do is fall in love with a child to find out its not yours and then end up with a Jerry Springer episode because of it.

**gixxerboy1** · 08-20-2008, 07:04 PM

Originally Posted by Rugger02

Good to see someone willing to man - up. You're willing to be the father and that's great. The paternity test will decide it all though, but until then you'll be a wreck.

I'm glad you didn't use the word abortion once. Murdering your baby won't take away your problems, It will only prove you weak and irresponsible.
Props for being a man and best of luck with everything

Because its responsible to bring a kid into this world when you cant take care of it properly.

**RuhlFreak55** · 08-20-2008, 07:08 PM

Originally Posted by gixxerboy1

Because its responsible to bring a kid into this world when you cant take care of it properly.

i'm glad someone agrees with me

**Rugger02** · 08-20-2008, 07:11 PM

Originally Posted by RuhlFreak55

wtf you don't even live in the bible belt

LOL just how I was brought up I guess

Originally Posted by gixxerboy1

Because its responsible to bring a kid into this world when you cant take care of it properly.

Not at all. People make mistakes. Happens all the time. But there's adoption. Many couples can't conceive and would do anyhting for a little baby to raise

**number twelve** · 08-20-2008, 07:16 PM

paternity test

**dan991** · 08-20-2008, 07:17 PM

Originally Posted by RuhlFreak55

wtf you don't even live in the bible belt

Your not allowed to comment because you will never have this problem. Now go answer the other thread.

**RuhlFreak55** · 08-20-2008, 07:18 PM

Originally Posted by elvisinturn1

Your not allowed to comment because you will never have this problem. Now go answer the other thread.

well that's true i wont ever have this problem.....i'm still entitled to my opinion though

**Jfew44** · 08-20-2008, 07:52 PM

Tough situation bro. How soon did she start dating the other guy? Because she may just be trying to protect you from having to deal with the whole situation. Props to you for owning up to it and wanting to be a good father, providing its yours.

**J-Dogg** · 08-20-2008, 08:17 PM

She started seeing him about 2-3 weeks after me.

I grew up with out a father, and I've done well for myself. It's made me strong, but I've always wanted that guidance when hard times came. I've learned to not look or depend on it, but while I am happy with the man I've become, I'm happy with my career and life choices, I would have liked to have a good father growing up.

What really made me go through with this, is a good friend and good man who I finally just talked to about it. he is a recent father of a beautiful little girl and had an abortion when he was in high school. He said:

"Man, I was scared, It would been hard, but I would have made it, every time I look in my little girls eyes I think that I could have a 9 year old kid right now, that's what I think about, and regret every night when I fall asleep".

He never thought about it until after he had his daughter, it changed everything for him. He told me it would be even harder to sleep for me, as the child was on earth. I like to sleep, so I'll man up and deal with the life I've made and the mistakes I need to learn from.

**scottythebody** · 08-20-2008, 10:40 PM

Get your 15 minutes of fame and take her on Maury Povich for a paternity test

**CanonMan** · 08-21-2008, 01:37 AM

But seriously I hope it all works out for you. Yours or not.

**Kale** · 08-21-2008, 01:55 AM

So what are you going to do if its isnt yours ?

PT · 08-21-2008, 03:48 AM

Originally Posted by Kale

So what are you going to do if its isnt yours ?

exactly, she was doing both of you around that time so your best odds of it being yours is only 50%

**gst528i** · 08-21-2008, 02:49 PM

My bet is ur not the dad. She may have chosen to end it with the other guy since ur obviously a better choice for her. In any case goodluck and keep us posted in 4 months. Just remember she already ****ed with you once, don't let it happen again.
If you are the father, than congrats and wish u all the best.

**Chitown Raider** · 08-21-2008, 11:42 PM

Originally Posted by scottythebody

Get your 15 minutes of fame and take her on Maury Povich for a paternity test

U got that right!

**Chitown Raider** · 08-21-2008, 11:47 PM

Originally Posted by Kale

So what are you going to do if its isnt yours ?

Curbs and chicks go hand in hand

**CSAR** · 08-22-2008, 07:04 AM

+2 for the paternity test.

It's decent if you man up because the kid is yours. But if it's not, then RUN! GO! GET TO THE CHOPPA!!

**J-Dogg** · 08-22-2008, 07:46 AM

It's the worse possible situation to tell who's it is because we were together on the 21st of March. Her period started on the 13th so she was just getting off it with in a few days of us being together.

There was not a period between the 2 guys.

I talked to my sister last night, I was embarassed so it was hard. But she is a RN and works in OB, so she knows about this type of stuff, not to mention she is currently pregnant and has 2 kids.

She was saying, she see's this all the time and reccomended a intrauteral DNA test. It's going to cost me 1200 bucks, but I'm going to be paying 400-600 for a DNA test in 4 months anyway. It's only 600 more dollars.

I don't want to miss anything if its mine, I don't want him to be the first one to hold my kid if it's mine. At the same time, I don't want to watch his kid pop out of her and I don't want to be the first one to hold his kid.

If it's not mine, I'm gone. I already have a different girl, and she is a sweet heart, cooks for me, text me all day, adores me, she models, looks amazing and has a good heart. This pregnant tramp is a sweet heart, but she does not have her shit together either, I would only try to work things out with her for the benifit of the child.

**anaBROLIC** · 08-22-2008, 08:24 AM

ive got a few friends who have been in your situation before. the way you talk it seems to me like you hope its yours to keep the chick around. i hope thats not the case. you say shes a sweet heart but what she did to you was Fd up and thats how she is. either way goodluck. if its not yours id suggest trying to stay away from her.(relationship wise)

**J-Dogg** · 08-22-2008, 08:59 AM

Originally Posted by anaBROLIC

ive got a few friends who have been in your situation before. the way you talk it seems to me like you hope its yours to keep the chick around. i hope thats not the case. you say shes a sweet heart but what she did to you was Fd up and thats how she is. either way goodluck. if its not yours id suggest trying to stay away from her.(relationship wise)

You are right,

The problem I've been having for the past 3 months after finding out was coming to terms that it could be mine. It was hard given that I was in a position that I could just walk away if I wanted to.

I did not want to always think about it. I basicly had to come to terms with the fact that I could be a dad. I also came to the terms that if I am infact the dad, I'd want to be with the mother. I don't want to raise a kid in an eviorment that I have him for a week, then her and some other guy I don't know has him for the next.

I've come to entertain the life of being a father, of her being with me. I had to accept that given that is a possiblity.

I know she was not always the best to me, but I have communication problems, I'm pridefull and stubborn. She is similar to me. When things were done, it was because I was too proud to call to work anything out and she was too stubborn. It was never because we were not good for each other, we just had to learn to put our pride aside.

She moved on fast, I did as well. She was with another guy in a matter of weeks. I was with another girl in probably less. It's how I got over her, and it's how she got over me.

I don't hate her, I have in the past. She is putting herself though a lot by making the choice to keep the baby. It could make or break her life, but she is not letting that ruin the life of another. An abortion is cheaper than a DNA test, that seems a little messed up.

**anaBROLIC** · 08-22-2008, 09:15 AM

how old is she?

**J-Dogg** · 08-22-2008, 09:21 AM

She is 22, i'm 27.

**40plusnewbie** · 08-22-2008, 12:47 PM

Definitely do a source check on the kid ASAP. If he's not yours you can do what you want and know it's not your baby, be her friend or completely avoid her/move on/whatever.

But you want to know if he's yours from jump so you don't get attached to a baby that is not yours and your not in love with its mom.

Also, I'd suggest doing some soul searching on what kind of woman she is. I have heard stories of guys being the father of the kid and giving the mom cash and buying clothes, etc, etc without going through the court system to determine child support.... then like 4 years later the chick brings the dude into court and seeks child support dating back to day one and the dude has no receipts or proof that he gave his baby anything and the chick lies about it and gets him twice.

Also, if you put your name on the birth certificate I think that even if he's not your baby then he legally becomes your baby and you can't get out of paying support even if you take a paternaty test that proves its not yours. I went to family court with a client of mine several years back when his ex girlfriend was pregnant and the mediator explained to me that this is the way the law works, your name goes on the birth certificate you own the kid even if he's not yours, might not be true in every state but is (or at least was) in MA.

So if he's yours and your going to be providing support informally you might want to get some legal advice on how to cover your ass. You don't want to be giving her cash every week for 10 years and then she decides she hates you for some reason and goes to court and seeks child support, including 10 years of BACK child support.

Writing in the memo of a check "for child support" might be sufficient but I'd check with a lawyer unless you know for sure she would never turn on you or backstab you no matter what.

**dan991** · 08-22-2008, 12:51 PM

Whatever you do, just remember that if its yours you are only obligated to love and support the child. Don't go marry her just because of the kid. Stay with your current girl if your happy but take care of the kid.

Does your current girl know the pending issues?

**adamw1** · 08-22-2008, 01:06 PM

I have a bulldog with a rash also....his legs were so short he was pissing on his belly so that ended that problem!.

I was sleeping with this girl i used to lodge with over a period of 2 months while she had a boyfriend who used to work away(im not proud of this but he wasnt a nice guy to here so i blamed karma) anyways he used to come back every now and again and i used to just stay away.

She got pregnant and then i realised i was just a tool its possible it was his baby but i think she had been trying to conceive for the last 2 years with him.

I already have 2 kids which i am very close 2 and have joint access but this situation still bothers me as i think about it daily.They are still together 2 years on and i still dont know what to do....

Dont think this is relevant at all to you but women work in mysterious ways.

**J-Dogg** · 08-22-2008, 01:16 PM

Originally Posted by elvisinturn1

Whatever you do, just remember that if its yours you are only obligated to love and support the child. Don't go marry her just because of the kid. Stay with your current girl if your happy but take care of the kid.

Does your current girl know the pending issues?

She does not know, and I feel awful about it now. She just bought me a bunch of stuff for my B-Day and I want to tell her but I'm going to wait.

I talked to the pregnant girl today. I guess there was only a week between me and him.

She was with me the 21st or March. Date of conception according to her menstral cycle is the 28th of March. It would be the next friday in which she told me was the day he had his "accident". He had a few at the start and she feels he was trying to knock her up.

After finding this out, I'm 95% sure it is his. I was always very carful and we were having sex on a regular basis for 3 months prior to that. The dates are working out that it is his, and he was blowing in her since the first time.

At this point, I'm really just thinking of walking away. I don't want to pay $600 for a paterinity test I know is not mine. I don't want to have to entertain the idea that it could be mine because everything points to him.

He is an idiot blowing in a girl the first night you are with her. I've been at this for 12 years and I've never had a "accident", like you don't feel it coming? She is an idiot for sleeping with a dirtball. She went from prime rib to a double cheese burger.

**J-Dogg** · 08-22-2008, 01:21 PM

Originally Posted by adamw1

I have a bulldog with a rash also....his legs were so short he was pissing on his belly so that ended that problem!.

I was sleeping with this girl i used to lodge with over a period of 2 months while she had a boyfriend who used to work away(im not proud of this but he wasnt a nice guy to here so i blamed karma) anyways he used to come back every now and again and i used to just stay away.

She got pregnant and then i realised i was just a tool its possible it was his baby but i think she had been trying to conceive for the last 2 years with him.

I already have 2 kids which i am very close 2 and have joint access but this situation still bothers me as i think about it daily.They are still together 2 years on and i still dont know what to do....

Dont think this is relevant at all to you but women work in mysterious ways.

Well I can tell it is still bothering you bro, do you have a way to contact her? At 2 years, you might be able to see similar features even if he does not look much like you.

THe girl in question for me, said if the boy comes out with a big dick, it's definatly mine. She went on to say, some times with the new guy, he would have sex with her and she would never even wake up. She kept making comments about how good the sex was with me.

Shoulda, woulda, coulda