Problem with best friends wife

**J-Dogg** · 09-11-2008, 04:26 PM

In short, I don’t like her, never really have. She does not like me, looks at me like a womanizer or a slut because I’ve been single for 9 months and have had 3 girl friends over that period. I talk to girls at the bar when I go out.
She’s super jealous, if boobs are on the TV she has to leave the room and ask her husband (my best friend) “Do you like her boobs more than mine” in a pissed off tone. When she finds porn on the history of the PC, he has to blame it on me. I don’t like her because she complains a married 28 year old man is looking at porntube and she does not like me because I take the blame willingly.

Her best friend is a “guy” we can call him “Jake”. I posted awhile back that I had suspected the 2 of “having feelings” but I’m not sure if they have done anything yet. One of my Ex’s is good friends with her. Jake got my boys wife flowers for valentines day, but what made me wonder about it was she had to hide it from my boy. She asked my Ex to say the flowers were hers. Now Jake and my boys wife go out to the bar after work, have drinks and talk, or go to dinner. He’s always around.

She tells my boy that Jake likes her, but she just feels bad for him. When my Ex was dancing with Jake at the bar, the wife got so jealous that the 2 girls almost got in a fight. Jake is far from a ladies’ man.

There is not a ton of weight behind what I say, as it’s well known I harbor a certain amount of hostility toward her. I know what I know, but I speculate with what I know that they are either doing things, coming close to doing things, have done things in the past or will be in the near future.
I have 3 options right now:

1. Talk to Jake, I could invite him out for a drink. Put him on the spot, ask him how the 2 met, what he likes about her so much. Maybe ask “could you see yourself with her romantically?” He’ll say “no way, we are just friends” and I’ll bring up she is married and of course this makes her off limits. I’d like to bring up that being around someone of the opposite sex every day eventually feelings come about.

2. Talk to the wife. Basically the same talk I’d have with Jake but addressed towards her. I’ll bring up that I’ve heard rumors, I don’t believe them, but I don’t like hearing them and I don’t want to talk to my friend about them but eventually he’s going to hear them from someone, if not me.

3. Talk to my boy. I’d rather just do this. But if she ends up actually to be sleeping with the guy, and he chooses not to file for the divorce and work things out with her. She’ll hate me even worse; it would be hard for him not to put distance between us. No matter what I tell him, he’s going to think I am judging him for talking her back.

I like options 1 and 2 best. If he finds out I had this talk with them, and I’ve never told him. I come off as a good friend looking out for his best interest, and not looking for a pat on the back for it. Come off as a selfless person looking out for him. It would stop anything from happening, or stop what is happening already.

What do you guys think?

**gixxerboy1** · 09-11-2008, 04:42 PM

i saw options 1 and 2 are very bad. Your friend will find out and he is gonig to get shit for it and his wife will hate you more. I dont think option 3 is that good either. Yuor friend has to notice the same things as you do if he isnt adressing it neither should you. I commend you on trying to be a good freind though

**mex83** · 09-11-2008, 04:59 PM

Dont get in the middle of a couple and try to play hero no matter what you do you will always end up being the bad guy.... she will hate you and he will say that it was your fault for telling him something that was not true in the event that is not true that they both have feelings for one another....

Maybe Jake is gay..... does he go out with other women or just your boys wife

**beefjr22** · 09-11-2008, 05:29 PM

Yeah id mind my own business dude.....

**Panzerfaust** · 09-11-2008, 06:16 PM

4. Mind your own business

^^That's the best thing you can do.

***ANABOLIC SUPERMAN*** · 09-11-2008, 06:40 PM

Follow her and jake and see if you can get any evidence , if you do get some just get it too your boy anonymous.

**J-Dogg** · 09-11-2008, 09:02 PM

I hear ya's, and that what I've been doing, just steering clear. I guess I'd just want to know what everyone was saying.

I had a ex who was cheating on me, and a mutual friend is the one who finally told me about it. She was crying when she told me about it and I was just blind to the obvious. I felt worse for her for having to tell me, than I did for myself going through it.

Part of it is they are married now, and his family has had a business (resort) that is quite profitable and I'd hate to see her screw him over and get part of it. I don't know how it works, but if she was the cause of the divorce....is she entitled to anything?

Oh, and Jake is not gay. He has had a few girl friends all of which have been chased off by my boys wife. She says they are just "jealous" of her.

I know it really bothers him, but he just says and acts like it does not. I’ve been over when she’s out with him for a few “drinks” after work. He’s calling and texting her every 5 minutes wanting to know what she’s doing and what’s taking so long. I just want to shake the guy and tell him to wake up.

Easy to see it frustrates me, but you guys are right. I can't go acting like a vigilante when what I suspect has no real clout.

**inky-e** · 09-12-2008, 08:49 AM

Let it go!! Its none of your business. You don't wanna **** your friends marriage up either...I've been married 22 years and trust me things have a way of coming to the light on their own.

**IronReload04** · 09-12-2008, 12:02 PM

"I know it really bothers him, but he just says and acts like it does not. I’ve been over when she’s out with him for a few “drinks” after work. He’s calling and texting her every 5 minutes wanting to know what she’s doing and what’s taking so long. I just want to shake the guy and tell him to wake up."

obviously, their is nothing that you know, that he does not. knowing that, i would take the advice of some of the others.

if I were the guy, what I might do, and not even tell my best friend, would be to hire a private investigator if it is legal so I dont get screwed in the divorce.

**Chode Logan** · 09-12-2008, 12:35 PM

While minding your own business is cool I guess...I don't really see how you could do that if he is your friend? Don't get involved and have some silly dinner with them and pull detective, just simply say to your friend "what the hell's up with that jake guy and your wife? I'm not one to get involved it just seems weird to me". I wouldn't have even though about it before saying it to a best friend of mine, if he really is that close to you. If he's a friend he won't get offended or anything, and you can just leave it at that, don't go into detail by any means. And then he'll probably start thinking bout it and he can deal with it in any way he views fit.

I don't really understand, me and my good friends would say something instantly, just don't come off like it's serious just bring it up casually and ASK him what's going on, don't tell him you think there is. that way he'll ponder the answer instead of it looking like you're trying to stir the pot.

**J-Dogg** · 09-12-2008, 03:44 PM

Originally Posted by Chode Logan

While minding your own business is cool I guess...I don't really see how you could do that if he is your friend? Don't get involved and have some silly dinner with them and pull detective, just simply say to your friend "what the hell's up with that jake guy and your wife? I'm not one to get involved it just seems weird to me". I wouldn't have even though about it before saying it to a best friend of mine, if he really is that close to you. If he's a friend he won't get offended or anything, and you can just leave it at that, don't go into detail by any means. And then he'll probably start thinking bout it and he can deal with it in any way he views fit.

I don't really understand, me and my good friends would say something instantly, just don't come off like it's serious just bring it up casually and ASK him what's going on, don't tell him you think there is. that way he'll ponder the answer instead of it looking like you're trying to stir the pot.

The topic has come up, but he does not know about the flowers, her getting mad at my ex for dancing with him and some dinner dates. He basicly only knows what she tells him and nothing else.

I don't want to tell him "dude, she is doing him, I know it!". But I do what to tell him what I know, not what I assume.

I don't want to make an already combustable situation worse, which is why I have said nothing yet.

**IronReload04** · 09-12-2008, 07:37 PM

Originally Posted by J-Dogg

The topic has come up, but he does not know about the flowers, her getting mad at my ex for dancing with him and some dinner dates. He basicly only knows what she tells him and nothing else.

I don't want to tell him "dude, she is doing him, I know it!". But I do what to tell him what I know, not what I assume.

I don't want to make an already combustable situation worse, which is why I have said nothing yet.

you know, after listening to chode......I really agree'd with what He said.....YOur friend has a right to know about the flowers and the dancing.

**spywizard** · 09-12-2008, 07:50 PM

Originally Posted by muriloninja

4. Mind your own business

^^That's the best thing you can do.

exactly..

the bringer of bad news is always the friend that was lost..

**FreeDOOM** · 09-12-2008, 08:01 PM

you could hire a private investigator and have him tailed. Then when you get the evidence you dont tell your friend but have the wife and jake get 187

**Bryan2** · 09-13-2008, 06:28 PM

Seriously here is the best way to do this

Go to your computer and open up the old thread

Call your boy in the room and dont say anything just tell him to read it

everything that you are concerned about or possibly would need to say is in that.

**BritishColumbian** · 09-13-2008, 08:42 PM

Bros B4 Hoes
Option # 5. Jake needs to go 4 a ride in the trunk of your car.

**Freakish** · 09-14-2008, 02:39 AM

kill her

**paulzane** · 09-14-2008, 09:34 AM

Do NOTHING!!

***ANABOLIC SUPERMAN*** · 09-14-2008, 09:43 AM

Originally Posted by Noobee

Bros B4 Hoes
Option # 5. Jake needs to go 4 a ride in the trunk of your car.

Totally agree.

**green22** · 09-14-2008, 10:21 AM

Do you live with the married couple????

**J-Dogg** · 09-14-2008, 10:37 AM

Originally Posted by green22

Do you live with the married couple????

That's a big N-O.

She went out of town last night, I could tell it was bothering him because she did not call or text him the whole night. I hate how she treats him.

**scibble** · 09-14-2008, 11:53 AM

He knows a lot but you say not everything.

I would just clue him in with facts:

"hey, he bought her flowers; don't know about you but that would bother ME." and leave it at that.

He gets this factual info, but he gets to make his own conclusions and man-up in his own way.

**Skully44420** · 09-14-2008, 12:05 PM

Originally Posted by scibble

He knows a lot but you say not everything.

I would just clue him in with facts:

"hey, he bought her flowers; don't know about you but that would bother ME." and leave it at that.

He gets this factual info, but he gets to make his own conclusions and man-up in his own way.

i agree with that scibble.

i know i would want my friends to tell me if they thought something was going on.

**Chode Logan** · 09-14-2008, 12:13 PM

Originally Posted by Skully44420

i agree with that scibble.

i know i would want my friends to tell me if they thought something was going on.

I agree completely, if I found out my friend knew something and didn't tell me, I'd question them as a friend. And I also completely agree with just stating the facts that you know, don't bring your opinion in on it just tell him what you saw and let the dude figure it out himself.

**Deltasaurus** · 09-14-2008, 12:13 PM

1st let me state i hate girls! lol and no im not gay not that theres anything wrong with that lol.but i think you should talk to jake after he is drunk just u and him get him drunk and then bring it up and then. make his wife tell him or tell her tht u will tell him.hopefully he doesnt pic his wife over you.

Girls-------->

guys like jake

**warchild** · 09-14-2008, 12:26 PM

do her

***Doc.Sust*** · 09-14-2008, 01:06 PM

do nothing, stay out of other peoples drama, itis a no win situation. if you have problem with her, take to her only and leave it at that

**Chode Logan** · 09-14-2008, 01:17 PM

Originally Posted by A2thej2008

1st let me state i hate girls! lol and no im not gay not that theres anything wrong with that lol.but i think you should talk to jake after he is drunk just u and him get him drunk and then bring it up and then. make his wife tell him or tell her tht u will tell him.hopefully he doesnt pic his wife over you.

Girls-------->

guys like jake

Wait wait...get your friend drunk, alone, and then tell him something's up with his wife? Yeah, that'll get you into his pants in no time.

I think he wants to help his friend, not stuff his crack.

***Doc.Sust*** · 09-14-2008, 01:19 PM

you can always take a long drive into the country and let her loose in the woods and hope she never finds her way home

**Chode Logan** · 09-14-2008, 01:32 PM

Originally Posted by Doc.Sust

you can always take a long drive into the country and let her loose in the woods and hope she never finds her way home

I hear Walmart has a good deal on cement shoes...

**BuffBuffalo** · 09-14-2008, 02:16 PM

Imo you should just stay out of it, I know you feel bad for the guy but it's his fault for putting up with it.

**Timm1704** · 09-14-2008, 04:20 PM

i know that if i was in your friends shoes, id want to know what you know, and wouldnt hold it against you for telling me, no matter what the outcome.

I dont disagree with the "do nothing" comments, but i dont think thats really what should be done.

**Deltasaurus** · 09-14-2008, 05:02 PM

Originally Posted by Chode Logan

Wait wait...get your friend drunk, alone, and then tell him something's up with his wife? Yeah, that'll get you into his pants in no time.

I think he wants to help his friend, not stuff his crack.

get jake the the girls friend drunk. cmon buddy use ur head here

***Doc.Sust*** · 09-14-2008, 05:59 PM

Originally Posted by Timm1704

i know that if i was in your friends shoes, id want to know what you know, and wouldnt hold it against you for telling me, no matter what the outcome.

I dont disagree with the "do nothing" comments, but i dont think thats really what should be done.

only problem is you bring this up and nothing is going on, it can cause a ton of problems btwn you and your buddy and that girl will probably ban you from hanging out w him