i don't know how to talk in a lot of group conversation

**Alex Rodriguez** · 09-14-2008, 07:54 PM

whenever people are having those lunch table group conversations... well i dunno how to describe the times when i don't know how to have a group conversation, but its pretty much like when i am sitting on a table with a bunch of people, i have no idea how to get my comments to blend in with the group which usually ends up with me dominating the conversation... anyways, anyone else have this problem b4? and no my problem isnt anxiety.

this isn't finding new topics etc on how to talk, im fine with that, the thing is i have no idea how to join in a group conversation.

**importeater91** · 09-14-2008, 07:58 PM

do you mean you dont have anything to relate with them to talk about?

**Alex Rodriguez** · 09-14-2008, 08:00 PM

Originally Posted by importeater91

do you mean you dont have anything to relate with them to talk about?

pretty much yeah i guess, basicly i have no idea how to blend into the conversation, which means if i do try to talk i just end up dominating it, so pretty much i keep my trap shut.

**DSM4Life** · 09-14-2008, 08:00 PM

Read things other than these mind numbing forums. For example, books, newspapers and such and get educated on current events.

**MuscleScience** · 09-14-2008, 08:31 PM

Originally Posted by DSM4Life

Read things other than these mind numbing forums. For example, books, newspapers and such and get educated on current events.

Break.com is a good site for current events.......

**Alex Rodriguez** · 09-14-2008, 08:38 PM

i don't have problems with coming up with topics, its just blending comments, etc into a group conversation, joining a group conversation.

**Pooks** · 09-14-2008, 08:42 PM

Originally Posted by Alex Rodriguez

i don't have problems with coming up with topics, its just blending comments, etc into a group conversation, joining a group conversation.

See what they do.. and lets u know how they do it.. than we'll tell u what u should do :-p

***Doc.Sust*** · 09-14-2008, 08:43 PM

i have a lot of business meeting with lawyers and other doctors that are twice to three times my age and i used to feel like i had nothing to add or if i did add something it will be utter nonsense or something they wouldnt understand or relate with.
now i can care less, i found that being submissive in any conversation is a bad choice and also not who i am. so i cut the crap and now i say what i want

what i found for me, is that if you believe you are saying nothing, or talking to much you are worrying way too much about what these people think. that is what you dont want. u have to be comfortable in your own skin so to speak. that is what will make you feel awkward. dominate the convo if you have, better than being a mute. not talking gets you nowhere in life or business. just be comfortable and confident with what you are saying. those who dominate or "own the room" are the people that rule world. it isnt a bad thing, trust me

***Doc.Sust*** · 09-14-2008, 08:44 PM

Originally Posted by Alex Rodriguez

i don't have problems with coming up with topics, its just blending comments, etc into a group conversation, joining a group conversation.

natural, just let it flow, you are thinking too much about it

**Deltasaurus** · 09-14-2008, 08:47 PM

Originally Posted by Alex Rodriguez

pretty much yeah i guess, basicly i have no idea how to blend into the conversation, which means if i do try to talk i just end up dominating it, so pretty much i keep my trap shut.

i have the problem to where i become center of attention. but it could be your a natural leader and a charismatic and people want to listen to you.

"Good leadship is getting people to do what you want them to do,Because they want to do it."

**Pooks** · 09-14-2008, 08:52 PM

Originally Posted by A2thej2008

i have the problem to where i become center of attention. but it could be your a natural leader and a charismatic and people want to listen to you.

"Good leadship is getting people to do what you want them to do,Because they want to do it."

Hmmm this gave the idea... maybe u need to LEAD the conversation, instead of dominating if you know what I mean..

Instead of just blurbing out your great idea...
Ask the right questions, that willl LEAD the other people to come to your conclusion.... and if they end up taking it somewhere else.. than your idea probably had holes in it anyways and it might lead to something even better.

**beefjr22** · 09-14-2008, 11:28 PM

I cant stand when some one domiates a convo.....especially if its the chick that just keeps talking and has no idea what she talking about its soooo annoying lol

**warchild** · 09-14-2008, 11:46 PM

Originally Posted by MuscleScience

Break.com is a good site for current events.......

haahaa he got you good DSM. LOL

**daem** · 09-15-2008, 12:30 AM

Originally Posted by Alex Rodriguez

pretty much yeah i guess, basicly i have no idea how to blend into the conversation, which means if i do try to talk i just end up dominating it, so pretty much i keep my trap shut.

Blending in takes talent as the opportunity for the perfect statement or joke is open for a split second and then leaves.

You need to be witty and clever, but here's one way I "bust into" conversations if I don't really know the people well or just want to get my words in. This was pretty close to a conversation at a sports bar that happened today:

Jake: Oh man, so this weekend I got so drunk....I took home this really big chick that gave me the best head ever. Totally worth it.
Scott: You're always bottom feeding...Find a real girl.
Jake: Dude, all it took was 4 shots of Jager and she hoovered me.
Eric: Gross man, not a fan of the whales.
Jake: I'm telling you guys, you gotta try it.
ME: Wait, wait wait...You're telling me you had to buy her 4 shots? If you were a real pro, she'd be paying for your drinks AND begging to blow you. You suck bro!

**Everyone laughs***

That's a pretty bad example, but the "wait wait wait" or "Let me get this straight..." and repeat something to stall while you think of something witty or scathing always works for me.

As a guy, you will get MUCH further with humor and wit than anything else. If you can dish out some humor that confirms your superiority and makes others feel inferior, people are forced to respect you. It's very simple, and one of the reasons I've been successful in business. People wear targets on their back and make it too easy when they pitch whiffle balls. Don't always swing for the fences, but you can definitely make your presence known with a well-timed joke or rip. People remember stuff like that and not the other filler / boring parts of stories.

Remember, if you aren't the king of your jungle, you're someone elses subject.

**Flagg** · 09-15-2008, 12:56 PM

To be honest, it has to be a subject you enjoy or are passionate about one way or the other.

I LOVE a good debate, but I feel sometimes I get very carried away with myself almost with a zeal like enthusiasm. That's not an attempt to be dominate, but there are lots of things that matter to me and it's probably my way of sharing why certain things are important.

It takes me awhile to warm up to a new crowd though, and iL definitely be a bit quiet..once I get to know people though I feel more comfortable talking about stuff and not worrying about feeling like a right plum.

Remember though, silence can be deafening sometimes.

**WOLFCRAFT** · 09-15-2008, 01:12 PM

I have the same problem.
In a group conversation all I want to do is insult everyone and make fun of whatever they just said.
Or make dick jokes.
I don't have many friends.

**Mike Dura** · 09-15-2008, 01:22 PM

listen and ask questions. Don't try to dominate. Play footsie with the girl sitting accross from you. Once in a while, give her an insinuating glance and pout your lips ever so slightly, make them part and bring the tip of your tongue out of your mouth. When you preoccupy yourself with sexual advances, you're not as self-conscious in a group setting. That's what I do.

**Rugger02** · 09-15-2008, 04:21 PM

Originally Posted by Ricky Thunder

I have the same problem.
In a group conversation all I want to do is insult everyone and make fun of whatever they just said.
Or make dick jokes.
I don't have many friends.

LOL I kinda do the same thing sometimes, just cuz thats what me and my friends do. We pretty much just rip on eachother. We can take it cuz we know the other is just joking but ya can't really do that to people you hardly know HAHA

**Chode Logan** · 09-15-2008, 06:05 PM

You can develop your social skills to some extent, but in my opinion a lot of it you're born with. The ability to read people and cater your conversation to suit them and flow with them is something some people have, others don't. I'm usually pretty quiet and reserved around people when I first meet them, just so I can sort of scope them out and see what they're all about, then when you feel comfortable with them you can open up a bit and try to relate whichever part of your personality fits best with them. That being said, some people don't have different elements of their personality so it's hard for them. I'm naturally social and can get along and find some common ground with pretty much anyone I meet, while a lot of my friends are honestly pretty one-dimensional and are limited and unflexable in their interaction.

So the best thing to do is just observe the people you're talking with a bit before jumping in, and just ask yourself before you say something "will they find this interesting/funny?". Always be yourself though, just find which part of yourself suits them.

**Dizz28** · 09-15-2008, 06:12 PM

Do you have a social anxiety?

**MuscleScience** · 09-15-2008, 06:37 PM

Originally Posted by warchild28

haahaa he got you good DSM. LOL

I like to provoke him because he usually will respond with a fun ass picture.....LOL

**Tock** · 09-15-2008, 10:14 PM

Originally Posted by Alex Rodriguez

whenever people are having those lunch table group conversations... well i dunno how to describe the times when i don't know how to have a group conversation, but its pretty much like when i am sitting on a table with a bunch of people, i have no idea how to get my comments to blend in with the group which usually ends up with me dominating the conversation... anyways, anyone else have this problem b4? and no my problem isnt anxiety.

this isn't finding new topics etc on how to talk, im fine with that, the thing is i have no idea how to join in a group conversation.

Not all group conversations are worth your contributions. You'll find that certain personality types lead and dominate the chat, and they don't really like it when other folks get a word in edgewise.

Remedy -- keep a conversation going (on a topic of interest to you) with one or 2 people near you, and leave the other folks to theirs . . .
It also helps to be conversant on a wide variety of topics, and be able to drum up some interest in the details of the everyday life problems of your dining partners.
When all else fails, get people to talk about themselves--it's their favorite subject.

**MuscleScience** · 09-15-2008, 10:24 PM

Originally Posted by Tock

Not all group conversations are worth your contributions. You'll find that certain personality types lead and dominate the chat, and they don't really like it when other folks get a word in edgewise.

Remedy -- keep a conversation going (on a topic of interest to you) with one or 2 people near you, and leave the other folks to theirs . . .
It also helps to be conversant on a wide variety of topics, and be able to drum up some interest in the details of the everyday life problems of your dining partners.
When all else fails, get people to talk about themselves--it's their favorite subject.

Havent seen you post in awhile