Craigslist is the funniest thing EVER!

[WARMachine]

Alright so i was looking for an extra car on craigslist.(i drive a V8 im looking for a Honda civic if anyone has?)

And i stumbled across the best of craigslist... Has anyone else seen this?


http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/all/


This is a great one!!:

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/det/794605266.html


Laura. You were hot. I was not. You let me **** you because I was funny. Thank you.

Kim. We smoked a lot of weed and drank all the time. I don't remember much.

Sarah. You were hot. But a total bitch. I could have done better. You treated me like shit. I put up with it because you had a great vagina. Beautiful.

Another Kim. You thought you were smart. You weren't. I was bored.

Charlee. I liked your name and the way it was spelled.

Rachel. You were really sweet and nice. Stop emailing me. It's been fifteen years. It's creeping me out and pissing off my wife. ****ing classmates.com.

Megan. I wanted you since highschool. I was kinda dissapointed when it happened.

Jennifer. What the hell was I thinking? What the hell were you thinking? You smelled kinda funny too. Your dad was a dick.

Jill. You had HUGE nipples. Couldn't feel a thing though. Shame all that nippleage going to waste.

Michelle. You were a drug addict. You have to be pretty ****ed up for me of all people to say that.

Another Megan. I lost your number.

Laura. I did it for the novelty of going out with a girl that I went out with ten years before. You were still hot. I got kinda hot. We were better matched. Thanks again. Sorry I dumped you. You were a shitty tipper. I had no choice. Some handsome and cool shitty tipping guy probably grabbed you. Or some funny wanker.

Another another Megan. I've dated a lot of Megans. This one was no prize.

Debby. You were really smart except you had no self esteem. Be careful or some asshole is going to own you and that would be sad. You're smart and pretty and have great tits. Smaller tits can be awesome too.

Sophia. Liked your name. Liked that you worked out a lot. You seemed nice but you ****ed up my credit. User.

Andrea. You had that adorable petit look that I can only call the "Penelope Cruz" look. Too bad you didn't have her personality.

Emily. NOBODY ****ING CARES YOUR FAMILY IS RICH. You'd be okay if you were not preoccupied with wealth you did not personally aquire.

Dr. Sanderson. You worked to much. You were kinda cold. I thought you were cool though but you are so career motivated you probably did not give a shit about anything else. I got drunk once and thought about asking you to marry me though. I still wonder if you would have.

Elizabeth. You are my wife. My wife is perfect. My life is perfect.

Violet. You are my daughter. When I looked in on you tonight I had that rush of feeling so strong that a shiver went through my whole body and I had to move my hands really quickly to dissipate it's physical effect. Before I met you I was a "kids are no big deal, everyone's got kids and they're not that ****ing special" kinda guy. You ****ing ruined me. I'm gay for kids now. I love you so much baby.

My unborn 6 month old fetal daughter. If you come out retarded or ugly as shit I'll still love and protect you.

[Panzerfaust]

Awe, how sweet.

[SmittyTheOX]

Thats gold. Id love to knock something like that up but I forget too much.

[J-Dogg]

lol I loved that, inspired me to make my own:

Tracy- You were a good woman to me, you took good care of me. You were a bitch to everyone but me, lighten up.

Megan- You were adorable. But don’t tell a guy he is “perfect” on the first date. It stoked my ego, I immediately knew I could do better.

Audrey- I liked you because you were 17 and I was 22. I mean, you were still in high school. I was into it until you were qeefing on my front porch in front of your gay friend, yes I heard it. I made out with your friend while you were in the bathroom.

Sally- ahh 5 years of up and downs. You are gorgeous regardless of what you think. You are a good person too. You are somehow still ****ed up through, I have no answers for your cure.

Nicole- You were my “Pepper Pots” (For you Ironman fans). You would drop anything on the spot to spend time with me. You were always there for me through hard times, as I was for you. Feelings developed, but at different times for each of us. I’m glad we are still friends.

Melissa- What a cutie. We were a good match. I was 6’, a lean 200lbs with a body and looks you were crazy about. You were a cute 5’ doll. I thought things would work, but who knew about your mental instability. Best of luck raising that dirt bags kid alone.

Celeste- Easy to describe, fun and just sexy. You were the best cuddlier I’ve been with. Adorable, affectionate and you have your stuff together. You tucked your t-shirt in when we went to the movies, I lost intrest after that.

Heather- You looked skinnier in your picture (welcome to craigslist). Don’t let a guy bang you that you just met off the internet, he’s not going to call you again.

Andrea- You seemed to be the total package. You have a perfect body, cute enough to get modeling jobs, work hard and you clean my house and cook for me. I have no idea why you like me more than I like you.

[QuieTSToRM33]

That's some good stuff ... I like it.

[Doc.Sust]

pretty funny stuff

[CSAR]

Priceless!

[RuhlFreak55]

*contemplates whether he will have such a list one day*

[WARMachine]

Alright im in too then...


Eliane. You were my first. I was your first. I thought we had a serious future. Then i realized how many other women there are in the world.

JJ. You open my world sexually. Thanks. Im glad you were nice enough to let me do your best friend at the same time.

Yolanda. Thanks for jumping in countless threesomes with JJ and I.

Nicole. You were my first, but def not the last bro hoe i banged.

Alexis. Youre a skank. Im sorry what i did to your dog. Yes, it was me.

Maribel. You were very sweet. I did care a lot about you. Then you kept showing up univited, i moved and changed my #.

Britnney. Wow. All i can say is you knew how to take it. But i hated your little ugly smelly dog and your friend Amanda was way hot too.

Amanda. Im sorry for breaking your and Britnneys relationship apart. Actually, im not. You shouldnt of let me bang you in her bed if you didnt want this to happen.

Linda. You were my first MILF. You had the BEST pair of DD's ive ever seen to this day. Not bad for being the mother of 4 kids. Sorry about your husband leaving you, i cant help but think the condom he found was mine.

Chick i met in Sharky's in HB. Im sorry i dont remember your name. To be honest, the only thing i do remember is you let me do you in my car after buying you one drink. You told me to call you and i never did.

Maddie. You had the BEST ass ive ever seen. Seriously that thing was a heart shaped masterpiece. Thanks for letting me put it in there. Too bad you got fat and i stopped calling.

Kiely. You were nice. In that i wanna marry you one day kinda thing. Too bad you had serious trust issues. To be fair, i was cheating on you though.

Sophie. Man i was totally awe-struck when i first layed eyes on you. But after i got what i wanted, i told you you had a horrible horse voice. You got mad and called me a dick. Weve still not spoken.

Kimly. Small rack, but still nice. You were one hot ass asian But once i was done with that phase, so were we.

Jessie. You were a raving bitch. I dont feel bad about pulling the Houdini on your ass. You deserved it.

Michelle. You were not hot. I was hammered and felt like getting some so i pulled you outta the Ralphs supermarket. Sorry for puking in your bathroom. Im sure that musta sucked in the morning after i already left.

Megan. You were funny, sweet, sexy, and bi-polar. Nuff' said.

Georgie. You were cool. Im glad we came to the understanding that we banged. And didnt wanna see each other again. Youre cool!

Nat. You were so freakin HOT! i shouldve known something was up after i joked about blowing on your face and you seriously saying ok. Too bad you do porn. Just a little too skanky for me.

Bleach blonde trap from Fred's. I bought you and your friends 3 rounds of drinks. You payed me back with a great night of sex. Sorry for "losing"
your #. We ran into each other while i was surfing one day. Needless to say, i "lost" it again.

Rosa. I knew something was familar about you. Then i realized you were Maribels cousin. I was still kinda pissed about how i had to change my # when your crazy cousin wouldnt stop calling me. Boy, that was one awkard cinco de mayo party you took me too. I didnt know your parents would be there or i wouldnt of said those things.

Michelle. You were my revenge fvck. Your stupid friend rejected me. So i banged you instead. Sorry about that whole thing. You will be surprised to know i did end up nailing Jennifer.

Courtney. You were what i call a but-her-face. I just pretended you were someone else. Sorry about calling you Natallie. But you took it like a champ nonetheless.

Stacy. Man. I didnt realize what i had done till i woke up. What a mistake on my part. I still have not had a jager to this day because of you.

Jill Marie. At first i thought you having 2 names was cool. Then you were a bitch and corrected me everytime i just called you Jill. I knew your name for godsakes! I just got tired of saying "Jill Marie" everytime i wanted your attention.

Jennifer. I knew i would end up nailing you one day. I wanted you SO bad! But once i had it, i didnt want it anymore. Sorry about the lamp.

Christine. You were a twig. I did you in the back of Bretts car. (Sorry about the smell Brett) Your tits sucked. They were small and decieving.

Andrea. You were my princess. Too bad you HAD to be treated like one 24/7. Grow a personality bitch.

Another Maddie. Or was it Mattie? I never took the time to learn the difference. Then again, you werent really worth the time.

Gianna. The only reason i had sex with you is for Mac. I took one for the team. I had a hard time keepin it up cause i was so hammered. I had to be to actually do you.

Nicole. You were a sweet girl. I really liked you. Im sorry we didnt work it out. Im glad were still friend however. You should know i dumped your toothbrush in the toilet once. I was upset. Sorry.

Mandy. You looked like Mandy Moore. So i convinced you to go down on me at the Pike in Long Beach. It was terrible.

Ashley. Beautiful. Smart as can be. Fun and funny. And had your shit together. I actually stayed faithful to you for our entire realtionship. I still dont know why we broke up.

Angel. You still lived at home. You were 25!!! Youre daddys little girl. He was a dick. He actually told me he was gonna kill me. I mean, he did catch us fvcking, but still that was it for me!

Nicole #2. I kept thinking to myself. Is this chick worth settling down for? Then you started leaving your crap at my house all the time. Once i saw those tampons i went ape shit! That was that...

Kenya. You were my first and only black girl. I thought why the hell not? Well i found out why not. You girls dont give head. NEXT!

Helen. You were my 3rd MILF. You were my aunts neighbor. I was really looking to do your daughter. But i found out she was 17 and nailed you instead. I didnt know you were 48 at the time.

Jessica. You were just another prototypical HB girl. I saw you on main street about a week ago. The guy you were with was a puss. I really dont want your #, i just said that to piss him off. Hes a Bro. I hate Bros.

Lizzy. You ended up batting for the other team i found out. What was us banging about if thats the case?

Denise. You were cute in your own way. Sorry about how things ended. You know, me doing you one more time and giving you the ol' "Its not you its me" routine.

Wendy. It was your 18th B-day and i popped that cherry. Man, ill never do that again. Clinger. Did you know i did your mom too? She was better. Trade some serects.

Em. You were just to cool. If that makes any sense. But you did help me pick out Rommel. So ill always thank you for that. I dont know how you could be jealous of him. HES A DOG! I bang you, not him!

My current GF. You are awesome in everyway. Sure you annoy me from time to time but thats a realtionship. I would sacrafice anything for you. Although lately, i have been thinking of leaving you. Im sorry. I think i really do love you. But its just not the right time. Well have to wait and see how it goes. But when i told you you were one of the best things to happen to me, i really did mean it.


One side note to all you countless, faceless skanks i forgot to mention. Sorry to tell you, you werent worth remembering. There are quite a few that did things to me, but i never had intercourse with. To you girls, if you wanted to make the list, you should have put out...


This took me over an hour to write and i had to make a few calls. So gimmie some props on this one fellas!


Anyone got one too?

[TranscriptionFactor]

nice work! I wanna put one up but too tired right now. Plus its lame I've got far fewer and a bunch of girls I should've done but didn't have the guts to make the move.

[WARMachine]

Yeah i know im missing some but like you said its late and im tired haha...

Come on guys, ill check back tomorrow and i wanna see lists...

[Reed]

Tonight...
My hand- I can always count on you, thanks for always being there for me. Your a little dry and rough but you will have to do......

[RuhlFreak55]

Tonight...
My hand- I can always count on you, thanks for always being there for me. Your a little dry and rough but you will have to do......

[BG]

Stacy. Man. I didnt realize what i had done till i woke up. What a mistake on my part. I still have not had a jager to this day because of you.


Hahahahahahaha !!!!!

[BritishColumbian]

LMAO, funny stuff, I liked the one, To The Guy Who Slept In My RV. That is priceless!

[J-Dogg]

War4BTT you are a slut!

Very nice

[B-STRONG]

Holy sh!t, had to post this one...great satyrical stuff, pretty much sums up my early hs years with this one girl to a T. Now I'm an a-hole to women and get laid all the time, and all they do is whine about "nice" guys. I was there bitch, and you blew it!

* yes, I'm still a bit resentful

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/lax/483318927.html

[IronReload04]

can somewhat explain to me what this website acutally is? its fuhny

[BuffBuffalo]

Where's Dukk at?

[outofthebox]

Alright im in too then...

Alexis. Youre a skank. Im sorry what i did to your dog. Yes, it was me.

uh, wait....what??

[WARMachine]

War4BTT you are a slut!

Very nice

Thank you sir!


Come on fellas! Where are the lists!

Dukk! I know if there is one guy who has the mega of all lists its you!

[RuhlFreak55]

Dukk! I know if there is one guy who has the mega of all lists its you!

it would take him a year to try and write all that down

[Dukkit]

hahaha.

took me a second to realize what this was.

but its a list of all the girls and just mental notes of them?

well.... i would really have to dig around in my head to come up with lists like that.

i could actually go look at my list of the girls ive been with this year. but my other lists are in my basement somewhere. (yes i keep a record of every girls name ive been with)

hmm... though thats alot of typing. ill do it when im at work this week so i get paid for it.

im a whore like that.

P.S. just looked at my list from this year. lucky number 32. so its going to be one hell of a list.

[WARMachine]

Damn dude.... i thought i was doing good...

But keep in mind, very few of these did i bang only once. Most of them ive dated for a few weeks or longer...

[RuhlFreak55]

Damn dude.... i thought i was doing good...

But keep in mind, very few of these did i bang only once. Most of them ive dated for a few weeks or longer...

don't you know dukki keeps at least 10 steady girls at once?

[Bojangles69]

Where on the site are these from?
Is there a feedback for dates forum or something?

The classmates.com one rocks, lmao.

[WARMachine]

No the original guy who gave me the idea for posting a list and a little memory of the chicks you banged just posted this to like vent/rant and rave part of craigslist i believe.


Pretty cool though huh?

[CSAR]

Nice one War! I didn't realize what a man-slut you were!

I can't compete with you and Dukki, but I'll put up a list anyway.

Terra: You were tall and funny. You made me laugh. Then I took off your shirt and saw you were a pirate's dream. That made me laugh even more. A while later, I took off your panties and caught a whiff of your dirty pie. I wasn't laughing anymore. Sorry I left without saying anything, but what do you expect from a 16 year old?

Cindy: You were an awesome athlete in high school. I thought you'd be athletic in bed as well. I was wrong - a cadaver moves more than you. You scared me limp. I'm glad I decided to pull up my pants and run.

Julia: You were my first. I was your first. We were great together. 4 years of great together. Then you moved to Missoula and got weird. We broke up. When I heard you were dating the guy who was stealing your panties, I knew you weren't the one for me.

Heather: You were just a random pick up. When the beer goggles came off the next morning, I realized what a mistake I had made. I never knew a girl could have a hairy ass. Sorry about the Dirty Sanchez.

Julie: I thought you were cool. And for two days you were. Then the guys in white coats showed up and took you back to the mental institution. For a crazy chick, you were still a great lay.

Robin: We worked together in a lab. You were a lesbian. Your partner made Rosie O'Donnell look hot. I told her you deserved someone more stunning. I offered to be your human dildo until you found a new partner. I was glad you took me up on my offer.

Lauren: You were the last Western woman I slept with. You thought you were my equal and a princess. Wake the fvck up. There's no such thing as a princess that can squat 405 for reps. And you can't drive for shit. Turn your license back into the DMV. Please.

Sharrah: You were my first international lay. I thought Kuwaiti girls were supposed to be devout Muslims. But you porked like no other. Sorry I left without saying a word, but that's what sailors do.

Vipada: I met you on the beach in Phuket. You were incredibly hot. I took you back to my hotel room. Is it normal for a woman to have a 4-inch clit?

Christina: You weren't the average Pinay girl. I drank too much San Miguel and ate some bad Lumpia. Sorry about the diarrhea I sprayed all over your bedsheets....and you. BTW, while you were in the shower, I got dressed and left. Did you ever find my underwear?

Tomoko: You were a freak. To this day, I can't look at a cucumber.

Naoko: You were a sexy little nurse. How was I to know your coochie smelled worse than Godzilla's morning breath? I've never been so glad to run out of a woman's apartment. Stop sending me New Year's e-cards.

Kana: You were a nymphomaniac. I couldn't get any sleep. Get some help, please.

Akiko: You had a great personality. You were a lot of fun to be with. I gave you your first orgasm (thanks Robin). I was enjoying things until we tried doggy-style. That's when I saw you had hemorrhoids. Really bad hemorroids. I stopped calling. I heard you got surgery to remove them. Good for you. I also heard you kept them in a little vial and showed them to other people. That's gross.

Shinobu: I thought you might be the one. Tall, beautiful, and fun to be with. Too bad I wasn't ready for a serious relationship.

Yuki: Japanese women with British accents are hot. That was the most intense weekend I've ever had. Sorry I never called back.

Eriko: You were a goddess. Sweet, caring, and intelligent with a body like Jessica Rabbit. What can I say? I was going through my "Dukki" phase.

Remi: I didn't know you were a virgin. I also didn't know you were a university student. I'm glad I could help and I'm glad you weren't one of my students. BTW, it's "sit down", not "shit down". Work on your pronunciation.

Emi: You were smoking hot. I knew you were a university student; thankfully, not one of mine. You got too serious for someone so young. Live life and have fun.

The other 50 or so J-girls I semi-dated: I'm sorry. I can't remember all of you. I was going through a weird phase of my life where I just wanted to fvck and drink myself silly. Thanks for making me use condoms.

Hiroko: You were and still are the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. You're smart, you're funny, you're internationally-minded, and have an incredible body. You smell like vanilla. You know how to cook...really well, I might add. You're a professional stylist and always make sure I'm well-groomed (p.s., I love when you cut my hair). You can ride motorcycles and shoot guns pretty well. I'm glad I found you.

Saya: You're my little angel. You were born 2 and a half months premature. Nobody thought you would make it, but you're a fighter. 4 years later and you're as healthy as can be. Like the guy from Craigslist, I also cry when I watch you sleeping at night. You're going to grow into a beautiful woman like your mom. Stay away from boys, especially Japanese ones.

[Bojangles69]

No the original guy who gave me the idea for posting a list and a little memory of the chicks you banged just posted this to like vent/rant and rave part of craigslist i believe.


Pretty cool though huh?

Ok, yeh it is cool. Id just have a hard time keeping things to like one sentence.

[peachfuzz]

Tonight...
My hand- I can always count on you, thanks for always being there for me. Your a little dry and rough but you will have to do......

Yesterday...
Reed's hand- I can always count on you, thanks for always being there for me. Your a little dry and rough and hairy but you will have to do.

p.s I love how warm they are!

[Reed]

and today in fact. The girl is mad at me for a silly-ass reason. No va jay jay for a while probably.

[RuhlFreak55]

what would i do without hands

[scibble]

what would i do without hands

break the world record for lumbar flexion i guess

[scibble]

oops, wrong thread...

[Deltasaurus]

ok heres my short version

Britney-I'd never been to Canada it was awsome,and you were my first redhead...meh

Selena-i liked you so much,you wrote me everday i was locked up,they sex was awome to back you screwed all my firends

Rachelle-u were young and fun

Aileen-u thought u were ugly u werent but u had so low self esteem i took advantage of that, shame on me

Kayla-we were hammered it was kinda sloppy,to bad u ahd a boy friend

????-i dont remember your name i remember what u look liked,where we were,what we drank,but your name i have no clue

Chelsea-i always liked you but once i had you i lost it, maybe u shoulda made me wait

Michelle-ur were the best i ever had, but then i stood tryin to piss cursing you for giving me this sh*t O'well if i see ya again.....o what the hell i'll get it again

Samantha-U cared about me so much,and i thought u were cool, u scared me when you said you loved me the second week

[Dukkit]

Alright fella's. This here is a few select girls that stand out in my mind for some reason. There are more but thats just way to much work. This will have to tide you guys over, enjoy.....

wanda- you were thick, Italian. A lil psycho which I liked and also a MILF. It was fun for a few months till I caught you holding your ex crackhead babies daddies hand in the dollar store. You guys ran from me. Why?

kelle- you had kids older then me. First one to let me do anal. Had more tattoos then I could count. I moved. It ended

briana- gorgeous half black/half Italian. Had a drug problem and nipples the size of a pencil tip. We had a one night stand that involved sex 5 times. Ill never forget you.

jamie- first night we slept together, you fell asleep on my arm and I woke up to a puddle of drool on my arm from you. That was enough

jackie- short lil chick. Had fun till you told me you were 15 (I was 18) big no no.

theresa- skinny, tan and had moved into my apartment within the first week we met. Without my consent. I ended it. you saw me years later in a pool hall and came up to me in front of everyone and told me that I was the best fukk you ever had. After then you only dated black guys for some reason.

eileen- met you at the train station. You had your 5 year old son with you. Took you both home and while he watched tv in another room. We did the boom boom

rebecca- whew…. Rebecca… crazy jew. Got me locked up for 7 months cuz you sold me out as a drug dealer. Not cool. You still live in my town and I have to watch my back everyday for you.

beth- volley ball player. I screwed your cousin then met you through her. We screwed. Then you moved to FL. I miss you

steph- gymnast, let me snort drugs off your cleavage for my 20th b-day. Yum

liz- had the biggest tits and sexiest hair ive ever come across. Then you found out I was dating your friend. Whoops

melissa- red head… that’s all I remember

meghan- I loved you. You held me down through 5 months of jail. Ill never forget you and ill always have the love for you

michele- I was your second. And I turned you into a freak. Your next man will thank me for it.

lindsay- waitress I worked with. Newly 18. I popped your cherry. We still talk

sarah- tall,blonde, thin super model. Took me a week to get in your pants but it was worth it. then you got annoying

val- my ex-fiancé, I miss you like crazy and I am sorry we lost our baby. I wish we could talk and fix things. But that shall never be. So ill just keep missing you.

andrea- pierced tattooed chick. Red dyed hair. One night stand

susan- 48 y/o. loved anal

Maria- Columbian.

Nikki- black Jamaican. Sexy as hell. But couldn’t understand you. Had to move on.

Elise- gosh damnit!! So freaking hot. So freaking hot!!!! You just wanted to fukk and I wanted more. Didn’t work out. But we had a nice few months of sex.

Jaclynn- so adorable. Probably should of made something work out with you but just couldn’t let myself settle yet.

Robin- I met you through Meghan. Really hot but kinda quirky. Then you found out I was a whore. goodbye

Kimmy- mistake, still bugs me to this day

Katherine- all I can say is.. when can I see you again??

Allison- butterface.

[CSAR]

This thread rules!

[Dukkit]

This thread rules!

lol

[gixxerboy1]

joanne you were my first and first one night stand. BTW i lied i was 15. Thank you seaside hieghts

Lisa you were hot and could ride motorcycles to bad you were a theif

The twins. That was aswome. Even funnier that i saw you on elima date after. The more i think about it you 2 are kind of sick

Hooters girl SC. Best fake tits i ever seen. And thats saying alot. Stange how you drove me by your house to show me where your husband and kids were

Cammy. hot black playboy model. You tried to be so upscale but you were a hood rat and i knew it.

Joanne. Crazziest coke whore ever. Thanks for the 3 some with Nicole

Nicole. The wildest 4 years ever. You could pull more girls then Dukki

Houston. I know why you are in porn and thank you

Shalyee Lauvex. Thanks agian Nicole

Heather. Took me 2 years to get you into bed. I guess good thing becasue you told me you were only 17 after. So you were a stripping at 15

Agge. Best sex i ever had. We were perfect thats why we got engaged. To bad you cant get your self out of your own trap

Michelle. Your hot and my best friend. If you didnt move we would still be together.

Anna. Your young hot and russian and my wife

[Dukkit]

haha. i was waiting for Gixxer!!