Unfortunate masturbation stories?

**KatsMeow** · 11-07-2008, 04:18 PM

this is entertaining

**natureboy** · 11-07-2008, 04:24 PM

Originally Posted by KatsMeow

this is entertaining

Come on kat, you gotta have one! Throw us a bone!

**Hoggage_54** · 11-07-2008, 04:58 PM

Originally Posted by Kale

I saw my son when I was walking past his bedroom when he was 14 rubbing one out watching some porn on his PC. He was spanking it at about 160 strokes a second. I felt like walking in there and saying "Dude you need to savor that shit" !!!!!

**DSM4Life** · 11-07-2008, 05:03 PM

Originally Posted by Kale

I saw my son when I was walking past his bedroom when he was 14 rubbing one out watching some porn on his PC. He was spanking it at about 160 strokes a second. I felt like walking in there and saying "Dude you need to savor that shit" !!!!!

Tell him thats how fires start !

**l2elapse** · 11-07-2008, 05:25 PM

was having sex in my room at 17 and no one was home at the time. Right when we were switching positions, my dad walks in sees me full frontal. He looks and closes the door instantly. That was embarrasing

**KingTenderloin** · 11-07-2008, 05:36 PM

I was on a cruise when i was 17 and was screwin a girl in my room and my buddy who i was rooming with was doing the same... it was early in the mornin of the last day and my mom had a key to our room, there was room service food and liqour bottles all over, my mom walked in while we were both goin to town and she said "oh my lord" and walked out and slammed the door.. My moms a devoted christian extremely religious type and she lectured me the whole ride home quoting the bible, it was like 6 hours of church...it sucked

**Odpierdol_sie!** · 11-07-2008, 06:02 PM

Originally Posted by KingTenderloin

I was on a cruise when i was 17 and was screwin a girl in my room and my buddy who i was rooming with was doing the same... it was early in the mornin of the last day and my mom had a key to our room, there was room service food and liqour bottles all over, my mom walked in while we were both goin to town and she said "oh my lord" and walked out and slammed the door.. My moms a devoted christian extremely religious type and she lectured me the whole ride home quoting the bible, it was like 6 hours of church...it sucked

You should have whipped it out and started pulling yourself around the back seat of the car... that would learn her. Least it would have included a MASTURBATION story

**lcstriker07** · 11-07-2008, 06:18 PM

lmao! ^^^^ We've all got bodies close to that of gods! We don't need to masterbate in this country.

**KingTenderloin** · 11-07-2008, 06:20 PM

Originally Posted by Odpierdol_sie!

You should have whipped it out and started pulling yourself around the back seat of the car... that would learn her. Least it would have included a MASTURBATION story

damn man....nice grammar.... its not like i'm the only one who posted a "non masturbation story"

**Schmidty** · 11-07-2008, 07:33 PM

I did get caugt one time!!! But it was by my buddies mom. IDK how long she was watching me but when i looked ovr i saw her poken her head through the door. Kinda creepy now that i think about it

**J-Dogg** · 11-07-2008, 07:40 PM

I have been caught only 1 time in many years of jerking the gerkin.

I was playing Warcraft on the PC in the game room while living with my Ex. The sex with her was AMAZING. I honestly miss it and 90% of the time I jerk it today, I'm thinking about how good it was having sex with her.

Well she was leaving to go to the store, and pokes her head in the room to me. She says, "Hey I have to go to ride aid, don't be wacking off cause I want some tonight".

So she goes out and I wait a few minutes before I start to cruising youporn for the perfect 3 minute clip to glory. I find one and I was 20 seconds into it. She forgot somthing, barges in like the FBI. She was a little confused at first, I was just trying to hide my junk, but it's hard to fit a bonner in a open fly....on the fly.

When she realizes what was going on, she just says, "Hey, you are an asshole!"

She kind of laughed about it, we would always joke about it when we would go out with friends.

**g0dsend** · 11-07-2008, 08:20 PM

Originally Posted by Schmidty

I did get caugt one time!!! But it was by my buddies mom. IDK how long she was watching me but when i looked ovr i saw her poken her head through the door. Kinda creepy now that i think about it

You jerk off at your buddies house?

**IamtheChitt** · 11-07-2008, 08:29 PM

i'll wait for the gf to go to bed, then post.....

**IamtheChitt** · 11-08-2008, 12:26 AM

I have never been caught jerking off , but once, I was at my girlfriend's parents house. Her parents wouldn't let us in the bedroom together, so we were watching a movie in the living room while her parents were in their bedroom. So we start having sex on the sofa underneath a blanket. We here hear step mom come out of the bedroom, so we played like we were sleeping. She went into the kitchen, got some cereal and sat next to us in the recliner. She ate her cereal and went back to the bedroom. The whole time I'm still inside of her trying to play like i'm sleeping.

Another time, same girl a year down the road, we went out and got pretty drunk. I drove her back to her house and we decided to have sex in the back of my suv. So im sitting down and she's riding me, and I look over and her 11 year old brother has his hands cupped on the window of my truck peaking in. That was weird...

**Kale** · 11-08-2008, 12:48 AM

This isnt about being caught but funny none the less. Me and a few buddies were sitting at the pub having a drink one night and we were all talking about our first time cumming, the topic got onto how we hid our cum because we were jerking off a lot then. I used to jerk off into an old pair of pajama pants and hide them in a big book locker I had in my room. After a month or so they stank real bad and they could pretty much stand up on there own. One of my mates then proceeds to tell us that when he jerked off he would cum into one of his ug boots http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ugg_boots that he had sitting by his bed. After a month he would have been cutting his foot as he was puting them on !!!

**Older lifter** · 11-08-2008, 12:52 AM

Haven't seen ugg boots for a long time...... but it would be one of the last places i'd use to cum in...lmao

**Kale** · 11-08-2008, 01:04 AM

Originally Posted by Older lifter

Haven't seen ugg boots for a long time...... but it would be one of the last places i'd use to cum in...lmao

And the last place his Mum would check too !!!

As for the Ug Boots, they wouldnt be to popular in Asia as you know, damn they would stink after a while

**Schmidty** · 11-08-2008, 04:39 AM

Originally Posted by g0dsend

You jerk off at your buddies house?

I was a horny kid but yeah. I kinda try to cum were ever i go, public sex is my bitch and i love it. I got my x gf to give me head in the aisle of a shop n save last wk at 2n the morning, haven sex in a aisle has always been a dream of mine and i bet i can have it done in the nxt month

**GT2** · 11-08-2008, 07:23 AM

Originally Posted by Schmidty

I was a horny kid but yeah. I kinda try to cum were ever i go, public sex is my bitch and i love it. I got my x gf to give me head in the aisle of a shop n save last wk at 2n the morning, haven sex in a aisle has always been a dream of mine and i bet i can have it done in the nxt month

When you achieve that victory, be sure to post about it in my "I just got laid" thread

**GT2** · 11-08-2008, 07:27 AM

This isn't really a masturbation story, but a while ago my gf's brother had his friends over for a BBQ. My gf and I were in her room going at it, and we purposely moved the bed infront of her bedroom door INCASE anyone tried to open the door, we'd rather be safe than sorry.

Her brother's immature friend who is 21, tries to open the door and storm in as we're having sex (he obviously doesn't get any and wants to see what people fvcking looks like)...there's ofcourse no way he knew what we were doing, but he probably thought "I'm gonna spring them incase they're doing anything".

The door hardly opened at all, but I got so mad, quickly put my clothes on stormed out and picked him up and threw him against the wall and told him if he ever pulls a stunt like that again I will drop him infront of all his friends. He was very embarrassed to say the least.

What really got me mad was the a few weeks before that my gf complained to me that he was over hanging with her brother, and she was in her room doing work and he just opened her door without knocking and walked in...what if she was naked or getting changed? I'm a very patient guy, and didn't wanna knock someone out in my gf's parents house, it doesn't look good. But if I ever see him again in public, I'm not sure what I'll do...depends on my patience at the time.

**Odpierdol_sie!** · 11-12-2008, 05:22 PM

Originally Posted by KingTenderloin

damn man....nice grammar.... its not like i'm the only one who posted a "non masturbation story"

Bov'verd?

Originally Posted by KingTenderloin

damn man....nice grammar.... its not like i'm the only one who posted a "non masturbation story"

:

**WARMachine** · 11-12-2008, 05:31 PM

Originally Posted by Hamish&Andy

This isn't really a masturbation story, but a while ago my gf's brother had his friends over for a BBQ. My gf and I were in her room going at it, and we purposely moved the bed infront of her bedroom door INCASE anyone tried to open the door, we'd rather be safe than sorry.

Her brother's immature friend who is 21, tries to open the door and storm in as we're having sex (he obviously doesn't get any and wants to see what people fvcking looks like)...there's ofcourse no way he knew what we were doing, but he probably thought "I'm gonna spring them incase they're doing anything".

The door hardly opened at all, but I got so mad, quickly put my clothes on stormed out and picked him up and threw him against the wall and told him if he ever pulls a stunt like that again I will drop him infront of all his friends. He was very embarrassed to say the least.

What really got me mad was the a few weeks before that my gf complained to me that he was over hanging with her brother, and she was in her room doing work and he just opened her door without knocking and walked in...what if she was naked or getting changed? I'm a very patient guy, and didn't wanna knock someone out in my gf's parents house, it doesn't look good. But if I ever see him again in public, I'm not sure what I'll do...depends on my patience at the time.

Hahaha thats a good story... I wouldve hit him bro... Way to keep your head on straight.

**Bojangles69** · 11-12-2008, 09:35 PM

bunch of masturbators.

**Older lifter** · 11-12-2008, 10:33 PM

Is it true that americans don't use the word w*nkers,,, missing an a....?

**Phate** · 11-13-2008, 12:51 AM

Originally Posted by Older lifter

Is it true that americans don't use the word w*nkers,,, missing an a....?

i've never heard it used here before

**Kale** · 11-13-2008, 01:04 AM

Originally Posted by Phate

i've never heard it used here before

Thats pretty sad, there are lots of Wankers all over the world. A Wanker is another word for and idiot/dickhead. It is also a slang term for masterbation http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Wanker

**Older lifter** · 11-13-2008, 02:43 AM

Very common in Australia,,,,, guess we have a lot of wankers.....lol

**paulzane** · 11-13-2008, 07:11 AM

Originally Posted by Older lifter

Very common in Australia,,,,, guess we have a lot of wankers.....lol

Yep ..... most of the wankers I know are Australian!!

**paulzane** · 11-13-2008, 07:13 AM

Originally Posted by paulzane

Yep ..... most of the wankers I know are Australian!!

Except for Kale ..... but we haven't met yet!! So I will keep an open mind.

**Odpierdol_sie!** · 11-13-2008, 02:34 PM

Originally Posted by paulzane

Except for Kale ..... but we haven't met yet!! So I will keep an open mind.

Australians are wankers as part of their genetic make up, It comes from them all being distant relatives to the English

**GT2** · 11-13-2008, 07:55 PM

Originally Posted by Odpierdol_sie!

Australians are wankers as part of their genetic make up, It comes from them all being distant relatives to the English

Hahaha I admire your honesty

**Odpierdol_sie!** · 11-14-2008, 04:53 AM

Originally Posted by Hamish&Andy

Hahaha I admire your honesty

This one is a Celt here bro

**Older lifter** · 11-14-2008, 10:37 PM

Originally Posted by paulzane

Except for Kale ..... but we haven't met yet!! So I will keep an open mind.

Yeah, that's only because you haven't met him,,,,,,,,

Kale

I have and he's a good bloke, good laugh.......

**jim37** · 11-18-2008, 02:22 PM

Originally Posted by Dizz28

i was beating the meat and i looked over, My cat was watching me....that's GD creepy, lemme tell you

here kitty kitty!!!

**jim37** · 11-18-2008, 02:24 PM

Originally Posted by Hamish&Andy

Hahaha I admire your honesty

australians are wankers as in masturbators or mean?? i think aussie's are the shit!! country is cool!!! easygoing!!! easy to look at!! sorry drifting!!

**Nicotine** · 11-18-2008, 03:57 PM

Originally Posted by lcstriker07

Awesome thread! When I was younger me and my girl were in the back of her father's benz and she wouldn't swallow at the time so I blew a huge one in her dad's freshly dry cleaned blazer. No idea what happened but I think about it everytime I see a business man in a mercedes.

where is her dad at? i wouldn't mind spooging on a business man in a suit in a mercedies.

**Kale** · 11-19-2008, 08:47 AM

Originally Posted by jim37

australians are wankers as in masturbators or mean?? i think aussie's are the shit!! country is cool!!! easygoing!!! easy to look at!! sorry drifting!!

Wanker doesnt mean "mean" it means dickhead. And yes there are quite a few there, me included probably, and yes we masturbate a lot as well. at least I do

**WARMachine** · 11-19-2008, 03:03 PM

Originally Posted by Odpierdol_sie!

Australians are wankers as part of their genetic make up, It comes from them all being distant criminal relatives to the English

Just being honest....!

**DCI** · 11-19-2008, 03:26 PM

Originally Posted by war4btt

just being honest....!

pmsl

***Alex*** · 11-19-2008, 05:37 PM

Originally Posted by Schmidty

I was a horny kid but yeah. I kinda try to cum were ever i go, public sex is my bitch and i love it. I got my x gf to give me head in the aisle of a shop n save last wk at 2n the morning, haven sex in a aisle has always been a dream of mine and i bet i can have it done in the nxt month

I thought I was a horny lil kid!!!!!!!!!!