Problems with the gf, advice welcome.

**GT2** · 11-15-2008, 07:39 PM

edited

**auslifta** · 11-15-2008, 07:49 PM

hhmmmmmmm sounds awefully similar to what i went through. You might be dating my ex haha. but she had almost no friends when i parted ways with her. You cant change a girl like that. They realise they need to give you room after you break up. Watch these personality traits as they often lead to stalking.

**Ernst** · 11-15-2008, 07:53 PM

Maybe it just isn't meant to be.

**"Maximus"** · 11-15-2008, 10:09 PM

Bro, you conveyed the issue your having w/your girl so clearly that -just that alone- tells me you really care for her and truly loves her. If you really wants to work things out, since you've done it all -apparently, talked to her many times about this problem but she still doesn't get it-, all I can honestly and humanly suggest to you (or both of you) is to seek professional help. Seriously, bro; research for a marriage/couple counselor and/or psychologist. When she notices that you're dead serious about this subject and takes to heart how detrimental to the relationship her behavior/attitude is to you, she will make an effort to change and hopefully see/do things differently.

Others might offer good/better advice about this subject, but I went through this with my wife. Yes, my wife, as I end up marrying her because she is such a great woman but had the same behavioral issues (or tantrums?) your gf is displaying. However, don't overlook them because the last thing you want is a woman who becomes so needy and overly obsessed, as that could make both of you another statistical figure on paper and on the news -God forbids.

Sorry for going over the extreme, but you get the point.

Max

**rhino1** · 11-15-2008, 10:30 PM

If you love her then you two should go to counseling....you will find out that when all boils down to it that she is probably the last person that will be by your side if you were forsaken by all others...

I lost alot of friends with my relationship with my wife...I eventually realized how she(my wife) was basically looking out for me....I soon found out that she was the only person that really understood me and end the end...I cant immagine a life without my wife...I truely need her...I can't function without her...and vice versa...

Now...granted...every situation is different...you have to weight the cost and benefit...

Are you the type that needs alot of people around you or are you very independent?
-if so, then you may need to talk to her or cut her loose....

Is she acting psycho about it? or just like she is lost in love with you...

Explain your needs...ie. going out, friends, work, working out...

if she is still crowding you but you dont to do without her...become a pain in the ass untill she lets you do some of the things that make you...you.

My wife would never let me get to the gym so i just became a super ass hole and explained to her that i need it to burn stress...now...its no problem...

As for friends...our beliefs are so alike that any friend she had and any friend that I have are equally eachotherrs friends...orriginally it was not like this...

We have since grown to like this....

NOW...i cant spend a minute away from her without feeling lost...

If i get so pissed that i walk out...I cant even get out the door befor I feel remorsefull enough to make up...even if it was totally her fault...

Love is weird...question is...DO YOU LOVE HER?

**stpete** · 11-15-2008, 11:30 PM

She justs want to be with you man. She wants to know your friends and hang out like you do. No big deal man. Bring her along, and have a good time and let your friends know that she is now "one of us".
And if they have a problem with it.......Then i'd have to question their frienship.

**gst528i** · 11-15-2008, 11:30 PM

Hey,
I don't know if you agree with me, but use the value of loss to her. Show her she will loose you if she keeps behaving this way. Here is a pattern used to install fear of loss to her and helps reduce argument out of fear. I have personally used this, but you must believe what you say to her, in a firm yet gentle voice. Must come as sincere and yet no trying to scare her on purpose.

"This is apattern that works
with fractionation. You bring
someone into a deep relaxed state,
bring them up, and take them back
under again. Each time they go in
deeper.

Think about how a woman flirts with a
man. She will give him a bit, then
pull back, give him a bit more, pull
back some more… it works quite well
in making the man interested in her.

This pattern is designed to place an
anchor of deep fear and loss in a
woman after you’ve slept with her.
It will link a great deal of pain to
‘the door’.

After you have sex with a woman, say,
‘what’s over there’? and point to the
door. Continue with ‘you know, I’m a
really positive person, but can you
imagine, I mean, I don’t know what
can happen from day to day. What
would happen if I walked out that
door, and as I left, it slammed shut,
and no matter what you could never
open it. You would never be able to
look in my eyes again, you’d never be
able to hear my voice or feel my
touch.’ At this point she’ll
probably say she doesn’t like this,
and you cuddle with her and have sex
and make her feel great again.

Afterwards when you’re resting, say
‘You know, a really terrible thing
happened the other day. A friend of
mine got hit by a truck. It’s almost
as if… it would be horrible <point to
the door> that even if you were to
get that door open, you could search
and never find him. At this point
she would get upset again most

likely, so kiss her and stop for a
bit.

Keep doing this a few times, up and
down, then get up and go to the
bathroom and SLAM THE DOOR. This
completes the routine and the anchor
is now firmly in place. Any time she
gives you a hassle in the future you
need only to point to the door and
the feelings of pain and loss will
come back.

This can create slaves with this so
please use your discretion.

**DCB83** · 11-16-2008, 02:50 AM

dude, u live once. if your not happy and this girl is making you feel bad about being with your friends and enjoying your alone time.. umm thats terrible. get out of that sh$t or explain to her that she has to change or your out. think about yourself a little.

**GT2** · 11-16-2008, 03:05 AM

adsagd

**rhino1** · 11-16-2008, 03:08 AM

You need to scare her.....Just get up and walk out and dissapear for 1 week...

Then try again...but dont talk to her for at least 1 week AT ALL....after that...explain to her that you love her BUT you can easily move forward....question to her is....Does she want to move forward with you?

**Kale** · 11-16-2008, 04:02 AM

Sounds like my first wife !!! And hence the reason she is my ex wife !!!

**MaNofSteeL** · 11-16-2008, 04:36 AM

Damn thats EXACTLY the way my ex was...only difference is that i didnt love her so i broke up with her.

**Older lifter** · 11-16-2008, 04:48 AM

In a lot of cases like this, you usually know already what to do, it's just excepting it and doing it with no regrets that is hard.

Good luck

**rhino1** · 11-16-2008, 07:06 AM

love hurts...ill feel bad for you...then i'll go shag my wife for a few hours and I'll feel better.....hopefully you will too

**clockwork_killer** · 11-16-2008, 07:18 AM

do double dates. you and ur girl, ur mate and his girl. the 2 girls then become mates after awhile then u sugest they go out for a girly night out and BAM ur free to go out aswel. workd for me and i was in the same positon and now when ever i say im goin out, she says ok im goin out with the girls then. like the others have sed tho counseling might b needed.

**JC.1987** · 11-19-2008, 04:41 PM

Originally Posted by Hamish&Andy;429***8

OK So I've been with my gf for 19 months, and I definitely love her, couldn't imagine life without her etc. The problem is, she doesn't just love me, she is obsessed with me, and I don't think obsession with ANYTHING is healthy (apart from being obsessed with your physique

).

I find we have the same arguments over and over again, and a number of them are over the phone, and I find myself hanging up on her all the time, because I just can't take it. Sometimes it's like talking to a brick wall, no matter what I say, how I say it, when I say it, how I spell it out, she still doesn't understand what I'm saying...She misinterprets us "resolving our issues" as us "having an argument", and God forbid if we have an argument, it ends in her crying, being so upset and depressed, me having to comfort her, the whole deal.

The main issue we argue over is the time I spend (or don't spend) with her. Basically, during exam/assignment periods (I'm in university) I have so little time to spend time on myself, let alone spend any time with her. But I do make the effort of visiting her when I can, even when I'm up to my neck in work. Weekends are when I have any time for socialising, so I make sure I spend my friday and saturday nights with her, even if it's just hanging out watching movies at one of our houses. This means, I have very little time to see my friends. So when I'm on holidays (currently on 3.5 month summer break as of a few days ago) I naturally want to spend time with my friends who I haven't been able to see during my busy uni semester.

HOWEVER, my gf thinks that holiday time is HER time. Since I have nothing to do (except go the gym, do paid work, etc) in the holidays, she expects me to see her EVERY DAY, and if I mention I'm going to spend time with other friends that I haven't seen for months, she gets so upset and so depressed etc. It's like I'm stuck in a corner. I do everything I can to make everyone happy, make sure I spend time with her, but I also want time alone with my guy friends, because "boys nights" are just as important as time alone with the gf. She doesn't understand this concept and it drives me insane. She also gets INSANELY jealous when other girls talk to me, message me, call me, etc. She has basically lost all her friends because to her, they don't mean anything any more. She says I'm the only thing that makes her happy, and that nothing else matters.

The problem is, I can't say "go hang with your friends tonight while I see my mates", because she has very few left, she's pushed them all aside for me. Now I'm all for moderation, but she doesn't seem to understand this concept either. I have seen her 3 nights in a row, and I wanted to spend time with friends tonight, and she got so upset. I HAVE A LIFE BESIDES YOU BITCH! OK, I didn't mean that, but I'm just so frustrated and nothing seems to work.

If you have any good advice, I'm all ears because I've tried everything and nothing works.

Sorry for the long post, I just needed to vent (being on cycle doesn't help the issue either)

Honestly... i was in the EXACT same situation to a T. Well... i didnt handle it like i should have... and it ended with me loosing my 2 best friends..mostly due to the way everything escallated over time.
Best advice i can give you is to make sure you ALWAYS make time for your friends.. and sometimes people have to learn the hard way. Just because your gf is upset with you hanging out with them.. it makes no difference... sometimes you just gotta step on some toes to get what you want. Do what makes you happy, and dont live to please others and meet the expectations of others. The best thing is balance between friends and girlfriend, because seeing your girlfriend too much may actually be detriemental to having a healthy relationship.
p.m me if u need anymore advice or to talk about it or anything... because this situation is identical to mine..

**redz** · 11-19-2008, 04:57 PM

One thing I noticed too is these issues often get bigger as one member of the relationship gets really attractive/in shape or when the attractive person is away at school or something like that. So she fears you finding other girls because she thinks you are so attractive and maybe has confidence issues herself. Just tell her clearly you care but you want things to relax a bit and you need your time with friends and to yourself sometimes and it doesnt mean anything is wrong with her. Also try and encourage her to see other friends and family members. I had a situation like this when I was a teenager I got shreded and went from 240 to 185 ripped and she changed schools and started taking advanced classes (that I was in of course) even though she wasnt very bright lol. All I`m trying to say is it will get worse and worse unless you deal with it now. Vent everything to her dont hold back. The way my relationship ended was over at a buddies place I get a call on his phone(didnt even give her the number) and she is crying saying we havent hung out in 2 days I was fed up and just told the bitch it was over right then and there lol. My friends couldnt stop laughing they were shocked but it all worked out for the best.

**J-Dogg** · 11-19-2008, 05:32 PM

ummm I'm on her side bro, sorry.

If you love this girl, and she loves you. Time with her is more of a priority than your "social" time. Or why not invite her into your social time?

Spend more time with this girl before you loose her.

**Amorphic** · 11-19-2008, 07:22 PM

this is a typical thing among young girls. im assuming shes like 19? most girls at this age are extremely clingy and expect to be showered in attention. it isnt until your mid 20s that you realize girls have grown up a bit and have their own things to do in their lives.

i think all you can do is either wait it out until she grows up a bit or break up and find someone a little more mature

**GT2** · 11-19-2008, 07:51 PM

asfafs

**GT2** · 11-19-2008, 07:53 PM

Adsgg

**J-Dogg** · 11-19-2008, 09:05 PM

Originally Posted by Hamish&Andy

Yeah you hit the nail on the head, she's 19. I had a long, hard talk with her a few days ago, and I definitely got through to her. I told her this is it, any more bullshit and I'm leaving, she got really scared and but it woke her up.

The last few days so far have been great, so I hope it continues like this.

It won't.

She's insecure, you have to find a way to either make her feel secure, or move on.

Threatening her to break up, if she does not back off is not the answer. It's your responsibility to make her feel loved if you love her, secure if you are secure with her. If you are doing all this, and she is still crazy, she is just crazy and you can accept her crazy ass for how she is, or move on.

You honestly should prioritize time with her though, if you love her.

**rhino1** · 11-19-2008, 09:10 PM

Originally Posted by Amorphic

this is a typical thing among young girls. im assuming shes like 19? most girls at this age are extremely clingy and expect to be showered in attention. it isnt until your mid 20s that you realize girls have grown up a bit and have their own things to do in their lives.

i think all you can do is either wait it out until she grows up a bit or break up and find someone a little more mature

my wife was like this for the longest...let me guess..you cant hardly get to the gym without here spazzing?

If you love her...just hang in there...

Just an FYI...If you guys ever tie the knot...when you have kids IT WILL HAPPEN AGAIN

**scibble** · 11-19-2008, 09:28 PM

^^^ "Location: Your GF's Hot Wet Snatch"

So THAT's what I felt biting me! Damn!
-----

Oh, er...she's only 19. I hate to say it but this will end badly no matter what you do. I wish I didn't think that, but that's my opinion...

**rhino1** · 11-19-2008, 09:59 PM

dont even try to understand them...you'll just drive yourself crazy...

Good luck

**FallenWyvern** · 11-20-2008, 12:07 AM

Be hardcore and get rid of her.

It will never get any better, people don't change.

**rhino1** · 11-20-2008, 12:11 AM

Originally Posted by FallenWyvern

Be hardcore and get rid of her.

It will never get any better, people don't change.

unless she looks like fallens avi

**FallenWyvern** · 11-20-2008, 12:17 AM

Originally Posted by rhino1

unless she looks like fallens avi

Hate to be the cynic but, for every hot chick out there who you would give anything to ****, there's a guy out there who's tired of putting up with her bullshit.

**rhino1** · 11-20-2008, 12:18 AM

Originally Posted by FallenWyvern

Hate to be the cynic but, for every hot chick out there who you would give anything to ****, there's a guy out there who's tired of putting up with her bullshit.

true...

**GT2** · 11-20-2008, 05:01 AM

Originally Posted by FallenWyvern

Hate to be the cynic but, for every hot chick out there who you would give anything to ****, there's a guy out there who's tired of putting up with her bullshit.

Couldn't agree any more.

**rhino1** · 11-20-2008, 05:03 AM

fvck her one more time and then ditch her

**VeraDeMilo** · 11-20-2008, 08:44 AM

Sounds like she has self esteem issues, based on her co-dependancy. I would suggest SHE see's a therapist to work on HER issues. They are not your issues, or both of your issues. They are hers.

Girls like that always have a boyfriend and can never be single. Or at least have a few guys they are "talking" to. They aren't strong enough to stand on their own. Good luck!

**redz** · 11-20-2008, 09:37 AM

Oh, er...she's only 19. I hate to say it but this will end badly no matter what you do. I wish I didn't think that, but that's my opinion...

I maried a 20 year old Colombian girl, I`m loving life shes happy too.

**B.E.N.** · 11-21-2008, 03:24 PM

Originally Posted by gst528i

Hey,
I don't know if you agree with me, but use the value of loss to her. Show her she will loose you if she keeps behaving this way. Here is a pattern used to install fear of loss to her and helps reduce argument out of fear. I have personally used this, but you must believe what you say to her, in a firm yet gentle voice. Must come as sincere and yet no trying to scare her on purpose.

"This is apattern that works
with fractionation. You bring
someone into a deep relaxed state,
bring them up, and take them back
under again. Each time they go in
deeper.

Think about how a woman flirts with a
man. She will give him a bit, then
pull back, give him a bit more, pull
back some more… it works quite well
in making the man interested in her.

This pattern is designed to place an
anchor of deep fear and loss in a
woman after you’ve slept with her.
It will link a great deal of pain to
‘the door’.

After you have sex with a woman, say,
‘what’s over there’? and point to the
door. Continue with ‘you know, I’m a
really positive person, but can you
imagine, I mean, I don’t know what
can happen from day to day. What
would happen if I walked out that
door, and as I left, it slammed shut,
and no matter what you could never
open it. You would never be able to
look in my eyes again, you’d never be
able to hear my voice or feel my
touch.’ At this point she’ll
probably say she doesn’t like this,
and you cuddle with her and have sex
and make her feel great again.

Afterwards when you’re resting, say
‘You know, a really terrible thing
happened the other day. A friend of
mine got hit by a truck. It’s almost
as if… it would be horrible <point to
the door> that even if you were to
get that door open, you could search
and never find him. At this point
she would get upset again most

likely, so kiss her and stop for a
bit.

Keep doing this a few times, up and
down, then get up and go to the
bathroom and SLAM THE DOOR. This
completes the routine and the anchor
is now firmly in place. Any time she
gives you a hassle in the future you
need only to point to the door and
the feelings of pain and loss will
come back.

This can create slaves with this so
please use your discretion.

This is hilarious!!!!

Tell me you really did this to a girl? How old was she? Did you have her trained to scratch at this same door is she had to use the bathroom?
Sorry to hijack but this is classic...MORE DETAILS!

**gst528i** · 11-21-2008, 06:42 PM

^^^ believe it or but this works well. Also it works very well if you have some knowledge on using NLP.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neuro-l...ic_programming

And as for your comment about scratch the door, i did learn quite of few things about associating things to feeling of of women. It's anchoring, i mean at a basic level it as simple at the Pavlov's experiment on the dog.
Subconsciously we always associate sounds, visuals, touch to things at may have no relation logically. It's all about the subconscious.