lost my girl and having a hard time getting motivated!

**mike954** · 01-01-2009, 08:42 PM

Ok i know i might sound kinda lame asking this but wtf ! i have been off and on with this chick i fell for she was supper hot and super cool when shes not acting like a F ing weirdo shes hot and cold and we fight all the time she has got my head so F ed up we broke up agian and i dont plan on going back this time but im super freaked out and kinda depressed before i met her i was hitting the gym like 6 days w week and i starting to do it agian but after all that crap its supper hard to get motivated agian anyone know what i can do to get back in the mind set and forget this bitch that **** up my life? and dont say go out a bang some chick cuz i did that and realy did not help!

**GT2** · 01-01-2009, 08:48 PM

Yeah, banging other girls is just a band-aid solution, you really just need to give it time bro. Force yourself to keep going to the gym if you have to, and that in itself will boost your confidence. The last thing you want to do is lose muscle, gain fat, and become even more depressed.

Girls will come and go, but your body is what you carry around with you everywhere, everyday...so take care of it, lift big, eat big, and start hanging out with friends you haven't seen in a while

**scibble** · 01-01-2009, 08:50 PM

Originally Posted by mike954

anyone know what i can do to get back in the mind set and forget this bitch that **** up my life? and dont say go out a bang some chick cuz i did that and realy did not help!

channel that anger into working out and decide that you will not let a girl **** up your life, and prove it by making yourself huge!

**gst528i** · 01-01-2009, 08:55 PM

While you are here posting this. The girl that you broke up with is out having a nice candle light dinner with a guy. This guy she choose him instead of you. She will call him nicknames that she gave you. She will say his is the biggest penis she has ever seen. She will tell him your most intimate secrets and laugh at it with him..

NOW go to the gym and think of this. use this anger at the gym.

g/l

**Bojangles69** · 01-01-2009, 08:57 PM

*She* didn't fvck up your life.
You fvcked up your own life.

Thats like saying "so and so made a face that made me angry". Well no, they just made a face, and you CHOSE to feel the emotion of anger.

You won't forget her, and the quickest way to feel better in a situation like this, is anything that will quickly and legitly raise your self esteem.

Having sex doesn't raise esteem, it boosts your ego, 2 different things.
What you need to do, are things you don't want to do, things your afraid to do,

If you don't want to go to bed at 10pm.. go to bed at 10pm.
If you don't want to work out, work out.
If you don't want to talk to a girl your interested in.. talk to her.
If you don't want to quit your job for a better one, quit your job.
(NOW is the most important time to be doing these things, you need to redefine yourself and yourlife w/out a women being part of your identity)

Its HUNDREDS of little things you can manipulate everyday to make yourself feel better.
A relationship break up wreaks havoc on your esteem and limbic system.
Theres only 2 real solutions.
1st being quick, temporary and not a solution - drugs
2nd being slow, permanent, but affective - ANYTHING to boost your self esteem.

Also change your priorities.
I see your lifting priorities as this

me + weights = women

You have to have this association somewhere in your mind.
Because the equation now goes

me - women = no more weights

Something in your mind has those 2 linked.
Break that link, and don't start lifting again untill its purely for yourself and nonone else.

just my own random speculation

**mike954** · 01-01-2009, 09:00 PM

**Older lifter** · 01-01-2009, 09:01 PM

Mate, will say the same as usual here,,,, NUMBER ONE: it is your life, You get one shot at it, one time, get out there and live it, (i don't mean go out and fcuk some bird,) i mean start doing all the things you want to, experience things, try things. Learn that at the end of the day it is only you, enjoy who you are (i learn't this way too late). When you are having this great time living you will be surprised how many want to come with you for the ride......

**GT2** · 01-01-2009, 09:02 PM

^^^ I agree with Bo and Older Lifter.

As I said, force yourself to go the gym if you have to. Don't feel sorry for yourself, and take Bo's advice.

If you workout to get girls, then you need to change your train of thought. You should workout because you LIKE to workout, not because it's a means of getting girls. For me, the BONUS of working out, feeling great, and looking good is the attention I get from girls, it's NOT however the reason I workout

You must DEFINITELY make this distinction clear in your mind.

**mike954** · 01-01-2009, 09:06 PM

thanks i did kinda resort to drugs and drinking last time we broke up and all that did is **** my head up worse so i know that was a retarted thing to do is i will never do that agian and the only reason i stoped hitting the gym is just cuz i just want to spen all my time with her and i just stoped going and my head was twisted about all the crap i was dealing with i dont think me + weights = women i do it for me i just kinda lost my selfestem but i do hear what u are saying and i will try i also having a hard time going to sleep

**Bojangles69** · 01-01-2009, 09:16 PM

Originally Posted by mike954

thanks i did kinda resort to drugs and drinking last time we broke up and all that did is **** my head up worse so i know that was a retarted thing to do is i will never do that agian and the only reason i stoped hitting the gym is just cuz i just want to spen all my time with her and i just stoped going and my head was twisted about all the crap i was dealing with i dont think me + weights = women i do it for me i just kinda lost my selfestem but i do hear what u are saying and i will try i also having a hard time going to sleep

Honestly dude, if I ever felt a woman had the ability to control my mind (or *affect my mind* in reality) to the degree you allowed this women to - EVEN IF things were fine and you 2 got along in the present, I'd be tempted to break if off due to that one fact alone.

You NEVER EVER want to allow the absence of ANYTHING in your life to deplete your state of well being to this degree.
I hate to say it but all your pain, suffering and fvcked up thoughts are the EXACT PRICE you need to pay, for your own future well being, to NEVER go through this shit again.

Seriously, it sucks, I know, everyone knows, but all this shit your feeling now is GOLD, its the price your paying for something you can't see your getting in the future. The ability to stay grounded, confident, and less affected by what other people do.
You don't need to be cold to people, but absolutely have the right to not let them reign this type of power over your life. You ABSOLUTELY have the right, 100%.
Start exercising that right now.

**mike954** · 01-01-2009, 09:20 PM

thanks and you % right im realy tring to start putting me before anyone else thats y i thing this hurts so bad is i put her first and i got s h i t on so no more of that ever if i find the girl of my dreams i will try to always put myself first your right!!

**Bojangles69** · 01-01-2009, 09:20 PM

And my last kind of advice ever would be "try to control it".
Fvck that, annoy your friends, us, anyone, either till they smack you in the face and tell you to man up or nothing happens.
But I DO KNOW, "just forgetting" doesn't work. Or "just acting" a I DGAF role (dont give a fvck).
When you try to hold something in, you KILL your self esteem, because people WITH self esteem send shit OUT into the world, because they're not afraid how the world will react. It will make you feel better long term despite the actual reaction people give you.

Trust me, a fact of psychology here.

**GT2** · 01-01-2009, 09:21 PM

^^^ Solid advice.

Mike, read Bo's last 2 posts several times. Everything he said couldn't be closer to the truth.

**Bojangles69** · 01-01-2009, 09:23 PM

Originally Posted by mike954

thanks and you % right im realy tring to start putting me before anyone else thats y i thing this hurts so bad is i put her first and i got s h i t on so no more of that ever if i find the girl of my dreams i will try to always put myself first your right!!

Yeh see you know this.

But realize when your laying in bed tonight and having a hard time sleeping (not trying to condemn you before it happens but just fyi)
You still will be putting her ahead of you, because you're losing sleep.

So don't expect it to happen in one day. But absolutely fvcking deal with it, and don't hide from it. (like staying up till your too tired to think) Or making any other changes in your lifestyle to continue putting her in front of you.

And most of all, you never know what tommorow brings. With so much of the shit thats happened in my life, one of the hardest things for me to have maintained is the ability to look at my bed before I lay down at night and not be scared. Scared basically that I'd lay down and never go to sleep. LOOK FORWARD to your bed and tommorow. I can get through anything during the day, but thats usually the worst for me. If you can own that part of the day you can own any part of the day imo.

**mike954** · 01-01-2009, 09:30 PM

so tru but its super hard to do but i will read what you say and one other thing that helps is i know that she did bring out the worst in me i never freak out and rage but for some reason she did that to me i lost my temper alot and broke things and punched walls when we use to fight and normaly i would not do stuff like that so i know its for the best that this person is no longer in my life and i lost over 100 lbs of fat before i met her so if i can have enuff will power to lose that much weight in 1 year i can set my mind to overcome this i guess and thanks agian i know the right things to do but it help to hear someone say it

**fit4ever** · 01-01-2009, 09:32 PM

Only worship things that love you in return.

**Bojangles69** · 01-01-2009, 09:38 PM

Originally Posted by mike954

so tru but its super hard to do but i will read what you say and one other thing that helps is i know that she did bring out the worst in me i never freak out and rage but for some reason she did that to me i lost my temper alot and broke things and punched walls when we use to fight and normaly i would not do stuff like that so i know its for the best that this person is no longer in my life and i lost over 100 lbs of fat before i met her so if i can have enuff will power to lose that much weight in 1 year i can set my mind to overcome this i guess and thanks agian i know the right things to do but it help to hear someone say it

Yeh honestly I can agree to a degree that the whole fighting/ups&downs can actually invigorate a relationship and blow some dust off things.

But it is real easy in the same token to have it turn your entire relationship into a roller coster, just complete uneccessary drama. I mean all that shit just sounds like a headache. And not to sound sexist, but I know soo many women who try to stir their men up, its like some addictiive reaction seeking crack for women.
Expect that in the future and try to learn to tune it out. Its a sort of survival skill men have developed for a womens benefit so they don't kill all of them. =]

**mike954** · 01-01-2009, 09:46 PM

not only that but we broke up and i started dateing someone else and she called me like 50 times a day left notes on my truck and txt me non stop crying and leaving messages till i talked to her and made me feel like crap so when i did talk to her she talked me in to going back and that she had changed, it sounded great and it realy was for about a mounth till i let my gard down and then told me we need a break and when i sayed ok she call me and sayed she cant wait around for me and she wanted to go out and date and i sayed dont call me any more or ever txt me agian and she got realy nasty so i just shut my phone off and she sayed this on new years eve i mean what kinda person does that on new years!

**Bojangles69** · 01-01-2009, 09:54 PM

Originally Posted by mike954

not only that but we broke up and i started dateing someone else and she called me like 50 times a day left notes on my truck and txt me non stop crying and leaving messages till i talked to her and made me feel like crap so when i did talk to her she talked me in to going back and that she had changed, it sounded great and it realy was for about a mounth till i let my gard down and then told me we need a break and when i sayed ok she call me and sayed she cant wait around for me and she wanted to go out and date and i sayed dont call me any more or ever txt me agian and she got realy nasty so i just shut my phone off and she sayed this on new years eve i mean what kinda person does that on new years!

Ouch, hmm. Thats odd.
Theres too many situations that could have led to that and it would waste a lot of time speculating.
I mean was she drunk? I'd say chances are its been buidling to this for a while between you 2 and New Years kind of just aggravated it even more.

And she sounds young, at least emotionally.

**mike954** · 01-01-2009, 10:02 PM

naw she was not drunk it was like yearly in the day but she is 23 but she does need to do some growing up and she had a reel shity childhood but like my brother sayed just cuz u understand y someone is the way they are does not mean you have to deal with it

**drummerofgod87** · 01-01-2009, 10:32 PM

I feel ya man. I just lost a hot Swedish tennis player. Need I say more?

**gst528i** · 01-01-2009, 10:43 PM

Originally Posted by drummerofgod87

I feel ya man. I just lost a hot Swedish tennis player. Need I say more?

Oh wow swedish =

swedish tennisplayer=

losing her

probably feels like this

(blueballs) //

**Nicotine** · 01-01-2009, 10:54 PM

you're fat.

now get to the gym!

how's that for motivation

**mike954** · 01-01-2009, 10:59 PM

g thanks f u c k e r

**DNoMac** · 01-01-2009, 11:02 PM

Keep yourself occupied and productive. Set goals for yourself and focus on achieving those goals. It will better yourself, keep you occupied, and give you a sense of accomplishment. Girls can definitely do strange things to guys. It will definitely take time, but keep pounding the weights. Before you know it and when you least expect it, you'll come across another great girl who appreciates you. Good luck bro.

**inky-e** · 01-02-2009, 05:34 AM

Mike...get off the ol pity pot and get in the gym...forget the bitches for now...focus on you and your peace of mind....get your head straight and the body will follow.....I'm right down the road Brother..if you ever wanna talk or hit the iron..hit me up.

**J-Dogg** · 01-02-2009, 08:52 AM

I'm in the same situation bro, I know how it feels.

A girl loves to chase, most do anyway.

The best thing you can do, is move on, just forget about her as best as you can. Don't keep checking your phone, don't send her text, don't call her, don't look at her myspace page or pictures of her.

Focus on yourself, a new girl, what ever it takes, just move on. She won't want you back either if you chase, and if she does, it's because she can't find somthing else.

There are good girls out there, don't spend time trying to win over the hot girl who is hot and cold.

**bodybuilder1107** · 01-02-2009, 09:02 AM

just take it slow i had the same thing happen and i started cutting to get a new girl and she told me know after my hard work of 6 months i was devistated and felt like nothing, ive been single for awhile now and spending time fixing me not worrying about the other half, it takes alot of time and seeing her will hurt and so will hearing about her, but just remember your bigger than some girl, my self esteem suffered alitlle and still does it is lonely and i still have ahard time talking to girls because i was settled and was flipped upside down but hey it led me to this forum which changed my life, thruth is there is no miracle or quick way out just take your time and chill for awhile so you dont bring baggage into your next relatiuonship and ruin what might have been the one because of your ex, good luck i know all to well how it feels and we were together for 7 years bro skipped college and everything to be with her, gone in one night 3 weeks before christmas, hang in there and good luck

**mike954** · 01-02-2009, 12:41 PM

man sorry to hear that shit and thanks for the support !!

**drummerofgod87** · 01-04-2009, 05:24 PM

Originally Posted by gst528i

Oh wow swedish =

swedish tennisplayer=

losing her

probably feels like this

(blueballs) //

Yeah she decided she was too focused on tennis to be in a relationship with anyone. She wants to transfer to another college that has a better tennis program, but she can't do that until after next semester or she will lose a year of sports eligibility. The bad thing is that we have several classes together, so I will be seeing her all the time. Great. Oh well, she wasn't a strong Christian anyway so I knew from the start it wasn't going to work.

**higherdesire** · 01-04-2009, 06:22 PM

Mike, I hope you are sticking to your guns and not messing with her now? Listen bro this is a harsh reality but girls don't fvck up our lives. Our decisions to stay with girls, or anyone else, that is bad for us is what fvcks up our lives. Our decisions. Once we own that reality we can have a better life because the power is in our hands to do it. Make good decisions=have good life. I wish you the best brother. You control your own circle, make the best of it.

**mike954** · 01-04-2009, 09:04 PM

hey ya i deleted her # i have not called her and got rid of all her shit in my house that every time i looked at it i think of her i still think about it but im hitting the gym and hanging with friends and so far so good thanks!!

**bodybuilder1107** · 01-04-2009, 09:47 PM

it will hurt less with time just stay motivated because they only way to truly make her pay and to lose on the deal is to come out better in life and watch her wisha nd regret bro, i did my ex is a trainwreck maybee not a good thing and shallow but hey why shouldnt she she be the one struggling and wishing she did it to herself, she wanted the life now let her ahve it bro, you are done with her and she is dead to you that simple see how much better you feel when you discover this it took me months of dying before i realized it i had noone to let me in so merry christmas ha ha ha lol

**mike954** · 01-04-2009, 09:52 PM

ya i know her in a few weeks she will start calling me and saying sorry and telling me all the shit i want to hear this is gonna be the hard part i have to know she will not change and tell her i can not forgive her for the stuff she did and the things she sayed but i have to stick to my guns and tell her its 100% over and this is gonna be hard but i know its what i have to do!

**higherdesire** · 01-04-2009, 09:59 PM

No don;t tell her anything bro! DO NOT ANSWER her calls at all. She has fvcked up her life now cause she has left for the last time. Yours on the other hand is on the rise. Make a decision on it bro. if you answer it is for a reason, what is that reason? If you don;t answer then there is a reason as well, what is that reason? I am speaking from experience as well.

**Oki-Des** · 01-04-2009, 10:03 PM

I have found myself fighting in past relationships more when I was sexually attracted to someone as compared to liking their personality more. Since she is super hot, you have additional emotions wrapped up that are almost uncontrollable. When you meet someone you still feel is hot, but you dont fight with, you will know the significance of this aspect of a relationship. The fact you are sad simply shows you have the capacity to care about someone. Hang in there and you will meet someone that better suits you. There is no need for either of you to be together if you both fight all the time. It does not mean anything is wrong with either one of you, but rather you both need someone else to be happier. I know it sounds crappy, but keep looking. You will be glad you did.

**mike954** · 01-04-2009, 10:03 PM

she will txt me non stop and call nonstop she has even left notes on my truck before its wacked!

**bodybuilder1107** · 01-04-2009, 10:06 PM

Originally Posted by mike954

ya i know her in a few weeks she will start calling me and saying sorry and telling me all the shit i want to hear this is gonna be the hard part i have to know she will not change and tell her i can not forgive her for the stuff she did and the things she sayed but i have to stick to my guns and tell her its 100% over and this is gonna be hard but i know its what i have to do!

exactly you know its over so let it go i did that shit for 6 years bro onand off on and off well change this well change that they always come back because they realize they cant make it without you, TOUGH LUCK let her go and move on believe me by getting better and doing better the battle may have been hers but let her self destruct and the war i guarentee you will be yours.

**higherdesire** · 01-04-2009, 10:13 PM

Originally Posted by mike954

she will txt me non stop and call nonstop she has even left notes on my truck before its wacked!

SHe will stop when she realizes you are serious becsue you don;t respond. She will be looking to engage you in any way. Minimize you vulnerability by deltein without reading messages, pushing the button on your phone that hangs up on her wihtout hesitation, and let those empty notes flutter in the wind bro. Just advise. I understand like these other guys how tough it is. But it WILL be mych better later. Hang in there.