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  1. #1
    Zipper's Avatar
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    How do i get her back?

    She came back, but she says she is moving out. She doesn't really seem to working to hard at leaving. she hasn't even started packing. I was a dumbass and acted desperate and wrote her a ten page letter. she read it but to no avail. its hard to do the ignore her deal still living together. any suggestions?

  2. #2
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    D7M
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    Am I missing part of this story?

    Dude, big mistake with the 10pp letter. The best thing you can do now is act like you don't care. You don't have to be an a**hole, but just don't act like your life depends on having her around. That's one of the most unattractive things to a girl.

  3. #3
    Zipper's Avatar
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    I think you are right. it just seemed to push her away. the stupid things you do when you are heartbroken.

  4. #4
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    dont know i wanted mine gone and it hurt to let her go because i didnt want change but im glad now, ive never actually wanted one to come back except for at first which everyone does but i think the letter just let her know she has you so hopefully shes not heartless and rips you apart with it, but good luck

  5. #5
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    the only way id really care is if that was her in your av. Then i might be worrying a little bit...otherwise what will be will be ...shes a woman...who says anything you will do can change her mind???

  6. #6
    Zipper's Avatar
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    Thanks bb1107 I know she knows how i feel. been together 3 and a half yrs. We got engaged in july. thought she was happy? Then she hit me out of the blue and dumps me christmas eve.

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    It's better to allow her to change her own heart than to attempt to change it for her. Force feeding someone to adhere to your ways or desires typically results in very little success. If you want it to work out that badly, you'll remain faithful to her and continue to believe that it will in the end. There will be bumps in the road, but that'll just make the end reward that much sweeter.

  8. #8
    Zipper's Avatar
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    You can see why i dont wanna lose her

    Here she is
    Attached Thumbnails Attached Thumbnails How do i get her back?-hot-alicia.jpg   How do i get her back?-alicia-face.jpg  

  9. #9
    Zipper's Avatar
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    Just clinging on to hope that i haven't lost her for good.I have lost 15 lbs in two weeks and can't sleep at all.

  10. #10
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    Good looking woman. However, looks will fade one day. So I have to assume that your attraction for this woman goes well beyond her exterior.

  11. #11
    Zipper's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by fit4ever View Post
    Good looking woman. However, looks will fade one day. So I have to assume that your attraction for this woman goes well beyond her exterior.
    I love her to death. everything about her.

  12. #12
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zipper View Post
    I love her to death. everything about her.
    If that is infact the case, then you'll remain faithful to her while the kinks get worked out. And as tough as it might be, don't stress over it. Because your stress level will not dictate the outcome of the situation.

  13. #13
    Zipper's Avatar
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    Had my doctor put me on antidepressant. seems to be working, but still having a hard time. im gonna try acting like it doesn't bother me.I would never in a million years think of cheating on her, and know she is faithful also.
    Last edited by Zipper; 01-07-2009 at 08:49 AM.

  14. #14
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    hey bro i was trying to lighten a mood when u r obviously not in place where it can be lightened at this point. In all seriousness i hate to see someone twisted like this...my point was you can only be yourself....be true to that...she is going to do what she will do. All the cliches are true if it is meant to be ...then the 2 of you will end up together....it cant IMO be forced. Best of Luck - seamus

  15. #15
    Zipper's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by jimmyinkedup View Post
    hey bro i was trying to lighten a mood when u r obviously not in place where it can be lightened at this point. In all seriousness i hate to see someone twisted like this...my point was you can only be yourself....be true to that...she is going to do what she will do. All the cliches are true if it is meant to be ...then the 2 of you will end up together....it cant IMO be forced. Best of Luck - seamus
    Thanks bro. trying to keep my chin up!

  16. #16
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    You know why things like these are so tough, Zipper? It's because when you give yourself and your heart to someone, you then feel invested in them. And when your investment goes sour, it leaves you feeling cheated and betrayed. It can then bring out guilt, resentment, anger, a desire to revenge, etc. If you really love this woman, you'll be as good to her now as you were while you guys were officially together.

  17. #17
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    Thats my plan but dont wanna be too nice ,because im sure she will see right thru it. I really have to find a way to act like its not really bothering me. its just so hard with her still living here because all i want to do is touch her and hold her.
    Last edited by Zipper; 01-07-2009 at 09:05 AM.

  18. #18
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    bro id just talk to her ..no 10 page letter, just say look i understand you arent sure what you want..you say u want to leave but you are still here. Im getting mixed signals here. Do you understand how this is hard for me , you still being here and saying u want to/are leaving? It not really fair.
    Then just take it from there. I think a lot of times we know what should be said...we just fear the possible answers/response... The important thing to know is that either way you will be ok ..even if it doesnt feel that way...you will. Anyway again best of luck

  19. #19
    run_n_fool is offline Associate Member
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    Quote Originally Posted by jimmyinkedup View Post
    bro id just talk to her ..no 10 page letter, just say look i understand you arent sure what you want..you say u want to leave but you are still here. Im getting mixed signals here. Do you understand how this is hard for me , you still being here and saying u want to/are leaving? It not really fair.
    Then just take it from there. I think a lot of times we know what should be said...we just fear the possible answers/response... The important thing to know is that either way you will be ok ..even if it doesnt feel that way...you will. Anyway again best of luck
    i think this is excellent advice. surprisingly good.

    the only thing i can add is that upon talking to her, if she says she does not know what she wants, or says that she is sure she is done, then you have to ask her to leave and give her a minimal yet reasonable amount of time to be gone (say 1 week). during this time, stay at a friends house if possible. i say this only because having her around when she is either undecided or definitely done will cause you to have false hope, will delay your healing, and probably cause more pain. if she says she is undecided, do yourself a favor and treat it like she said she was done and start trying to get on with your life. it is hard but it must be done.

    i've been through almost the exact same situation as you and did the same things you did. in my case, she did not come back and i wasted a lot of time waiting for her to change her mind. i sacrificed career opportunities, relationships with my friends, and denied myself from dating other women. in my case, the whole process was made all the more difficult because i allowed her to remain a part of my life by trying to "remain friends". I am not saying this can't be done, but if you are going to try you should only try after having accepted the death of the relationship, and after having fully grieved that death (probably a few months or more). if she is a true friend she will still be there for you in 6 months or a year when you are emotionally ready to have her for a friend and not a lover. if not, maybe she was not such a good friend anyway.

    again, my suggestion is that if she says it is over or she is undecided, then get her out of your head and your house, and try to pick up the pieces and get on with life. it is hard but it is also part of life

  20. #20
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zipper View Post
    She came back, but she says she is moving out. She doesn't really seem to working to hard at leaving. she hasn't even started packing. I was a dumbass and acted desperate and wrote her a ten page letter. she read it but to no avail. its hard to do the ignore her deal still living together. any suggestions?

    easy.. start dating, that's what got my girl to get off the pot.. she realized that yes, there were lots of girls that wanted me..

    for 3 months she keep doing the booty call thing, she really didn't want to make a decision, until i said it had to stop that i was wasting time with her if it wasn't going anywhere..

    but to get her there, you need to date other women, and she needs to know about it..

    I don't mean to bring girls back to the house to have sex with them, but you must go out.. you must not come home some nights.. get the idea??
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  21. #21
    PT's Avatar
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    i say you keep acting normal around her and if she wants to leave then so be it. there is no point trying to convince a girl that dosnt want to be with you that she should. move on
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  22. #22
    Matt's Avatar
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    Im no good at giving advice when it comes to these situations, but i feel your pain bro, you will get past it....

  23. #23
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    girls are mental cases, they want everybody to like them. When you act like a puppy dog, her job is already done and she can move on. Give her some space, even if that means she's going to use it to make room for a new penis, you can't care about that.

  24. #24
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    Quote Originally Posted by PT View Post
    i say you keep acting normal around her and if she wants to leave then so be it. there is no point trying to convince a girl that dosnt want to be with you that she should. move on
    PT is 100% on the nail bro the harder you try the worst it will be. if she thinks you are loosing interest in her and moving on with your life the more curious she will be, and the fact that you arent being a dick to her the more it will confuse her. because common sense does not apply to most woman!!

  25. #25
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    forget about her, shes gone, the best thing todo is move on

  26. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by Edgar View Post
    PT is 100% on the nail bro the harder you try the worst it will be. if she thinks you are loosing interest in her and moving on with your life the more curious she will be, and the fact that you arent being a dick to her the more it will confuse her. because common sense does not apply to most woman!!
    That sounds like good advice. im just going to try to act like i dont care anymore.

  27. #27
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zipper View Post
    That sounds like good advice. im just going to try to act like i dont care anymore.
    Be careful because if you act like you don't care too much, then she'll have very little incentive to want to stick around. Like I said earlier, just set a great example as to why she'd want to stick around forever.

  28. #28
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    I stayed at a buddies all last week and came home yesterday. she text me like three times asking where i was? what the hell is that i thought we were done! then last night she took her daughter out to eat and texts me every step of her night. then she gets pissed for texting her good night from my room. wtf?

  29. #29
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    Dude she's messing with your head, i wouldnt text her again, if she texts you then answer. You should let her think you dont need her imo...

  30. #30
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    just noticed that the sheets have been changed, my beer is gone and a pair of thong panties that say the ugly bar! wtf????
    Last edited by Zipper; 01-07-2009 at 07:55 PM.

  31. #31
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    Quote Originally Posted by Zipper View Post
    just noticed that the sheets have been changed, my beer is gone and a pair of thong panties that say the ugly bar! whore!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    She stole your thong or left one?

    Do you think she is shacking up in the pad when you aren't there? I'm telling you bro, get her out of that place. You need your space free of the distraction.

  32. #32
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    No the thong is new.. im starting to think that!

  33. #33
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    Do you what you have to do bro.

  34. #34
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    Oh bro, read my post about "All you guys who have lost a girl recently".

    Seriously, I so know how you feel! I lost a beauty too!

    good looks are WAY to common to be heart broken over.

    What you are describing is Obsessive Love. Everyone can fall victiom too it too. It happens when you want someone, and they don't want you back....you want it even more! It's simple phycology.

    The best thing you can do in this situation, is move on, don't NEED her. She is not important right now. Those same rules will apply to her, she will come running back. Only you are now in a position to decide if you WANT her back. It's just how we all work man, quit chasing her.

    You might be better off with out her, but you will never know if you just keep chasing her. Get your life on track, soldier on. Your body has SO much to do with your brain. Hold your posture like you are happy, walk around with a smile on your face, be excited. Posture up, shoulders back, chest out, don't think about her, it makes it hard not be happy.

    And she is "wanting" to move out? But lingers around? Quit letting her **** with your head bro. Don't come home for a few nights, even if you are just staying at a friends house. And you don't owe her any explanation.

  35. #35
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    Bro the first thing is that you have got to take care of your best asset foirst. That is YOU. Not her. Walk in tonight and say 'hey I have been thinking alot about this and i don't like the way i am feeling about this so I need you to get out. Tonight. I need you to stand by your decision and leave. DO NOT get sappy. Then do whatever you would do for a freind in this situation with yourself. Go to a movie or whatever. ALONE. Befriend yourself. Once you get back on your feet emotionally then maybe run at something else. Stay of away form her bro. Anyone with class would leave the place after breaking oyur heart not hang around and twist the knife. And stop thinking of excuses for th etramp while you read this. SHe is damaged goods bro. There are too many women out there that are givers that will not make you feel like this to put up with this bullshit. DItch the bitch is my suggestion. I speak for experience homie. Good luck.

  36. #36
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    Kratos is right -

    You're really making this so much harder and longer than it has to be, I know not on purpose but none the less.

    A breakup should be done within a week or so. She says she's moving, be strait up, stop taking the back seat - tell her whats up. "hey I still want you but you being around here and not wanting to try to work things out hurts me, if you actually cared about how I felt you would move on and start letting me heal".

    FOOD FOR THOUGHT: If she really wants to leave than THANK GOD she didn't figure this out when you guys had a big house payment with 3 kids.

    You got it EASY DUDE!! NO ALIMONY, NO CUSTODY BATTLE, NO LAWYERS, NO COURT DATES.... you actually should get her a starbucks card (to fatten her up) as a thank you for saving you so much damn time and money you would of spent... imagine that heart ache!!

    None of this will cheer you up, but I don't sweat breakups after I see what guys at my work go through with a divorce...

  37. #37
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    How in the hell are you going to let her stay at your house when she wants to leave you? I'm sorry to say this, but you need to get some balls and kick her out.

    I'm married and love my wife to death, but if she came to me and told me she wanted out, I would act as if I was cool with it, and help her pack up. There is no way I could handle her still living there. I'll be honest, once she left I would be in my bed crying for awhile, but I would do everything I could to move on. I would never want to be with someone that didn't want to be with me, ever!

  38. #38
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    Its hard to kick her out until she gets approved for an apartment. Her daughter lives her and goes to school here. its a small town with few places to rent. i wish she would just leave but i dont wanna make it hard on her daughter. she has enough issues as it is. i am basically a dad to her cuz hers hasnt been around for a long time.

  39. #39
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    I know its hard for you to kick her out but maybe she should of though of that before she decided to leave. She has to deal with it now not you. You have to be cold hearted she was dumpin you right before christmas return the favor.

  40. #40
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    I don't chase, I replace.

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