Here they are in no particular order:
1) He is sexually attracted to me in every way imagineable. By that I mean he sleeps in front of my house every night and masturbates below my window making strange howling noises. He claims the noises are meant to mimic those of squirrels, though I have tried to tell him that squirrels don't make loud noises like that, although telling him that just makes him masturbate more fervently.
2) He has rabies.
3) He has been taking formal dancing lessons for a very long time now. He has 8 years of tap, 7 years of modern jazz, and 5 years of ballet under his belt.
4) He has a negative sperm count. Doctors aren't really sure how that is possible. The best explanation they can come up with is that there is a small black hole in each of his shriveled testes.
5) He eats exclusively through his anus and it's gross.
6) He only has one sphincter muscle in his entire body. He moves it around from bodypart to bodypart depending on what he is doing at the time. For example, if he is urinating he'll shift his one sphincter to the end of his urethra. If he is eating, he'll shift it to his esophagus, etc. It's weird, and frankly a little creepy.
7) Nobody, and I mean nobody, likes him in any way, shape, or form. Period.
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Holy shit! 
