I am going to go out on a limb here and be the sole dissenter in the thread.
First, it doesn't take Dr. Phil to figure out the fact that the girl has been burned before by the ex-boyfriend. He really hurt her, probably by cheating on her, dumping her for another girl, etc. Whatever the case, do you not feel that such feelings of hurt are justified? One would think that if she did *not* feel hurt over this, then there is probably something wrong with her.
Second, her fear of being hurt a second time (by you) seems to be justified, since it seems that you are willing to leave her. The key words from your post were "I honestly did not even consider her my girl friend yet even", "makes me want to do the wrong thing and not care", and "I find something wrong with any girl I see,
so count on more girl threads from me." Furthermore, people seem to be saying that you make a lot of threads about various girls, so based on this, would you agree that you do not stay committed to one girl for too long?
Third, I think that a little bit of "clingy" is a good thing. It shows that she really cherishes you, doesn't want to lose you, etc. Is that not flattering? What if you were with a girl who didn't care at all if you left her? Wouldn't this show that she barely cared about you at all, barely batted an eye when you left, and simply jumped in bed with another? Admittedly, there is a difference between physiological (healthy) clinging and pathological clinging. But I don't think she reached that level...it seems that she has a completely rational fear that you will break up with her (which seems inevitable) and she has expressed her fears of that. I don't see anything worthy of a restraining order though.
Fourth, I think that you should stop thinking
just about yourself, but think about her. We unfortunately live in a society which is very selfish. You should really think about your intentions, and if you think that you will end up hurting her later on down the line (based on your previous relationship history), then you should tell her this now and break up with her now as opposed to later, since it will hurt her more later on down the line. In other words, think about
her, not
just yourself...I'm not saying not to guard your own interest, but what I am saying is, don't be blind to hers.
Fifth, everyone has some flaws, including you. So even if you consider this a flaw of hers, does it negate all the good in her? It may be that her other good qualities offset her faults.
Sixth, I think you need to realize that her family and friends were there when her ex-boyfriend hurt her. They saw what it did to her, and they are just worried. This is natural, and I don't see why you are upset with them. It seems to me that if I were in that situation, I'd simply reassure them that I am not like that, and that would be the end of that. This goes with the girl too: all she needs is reassurance. But your actions will have to match your words before she is assuaged.
Seventh, I advise you to soften your heart. Women are a trust from God, so let us take care of it. Be soft and compassionate to her. One of my favorite quotes is:
"Be strong as steel on life's battlefield, but smooth as silk in love's bedchamber." (M. Iqbal)
Lastly, I apologize for anything offensive I have said. Just ignore my post if that is the case, and consider it simply a different perspective.
Peace.
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Originally Posted by Nooomoto
