ass sweat in the gym!!! blah!!

**tripmachine** · 04-01-2009, 05:21 PM

anyone ever get the ass sweats where you start smelling like shit? and of course it follows you around all the time while working out...... **** i hate that shit. i should carry baby wipes around with me no matter where i go i guess

**Dizz28** · 04-01-2009, 05:25 PM

it's called swamp ass

**Matt** · 04-01-2009, 05:28 PM

Eeerrrr thats sick...

**tripmachine** · 04-01-2009, 05:32 PM

Originally Posted by MAD MATT

Eeerrrr thats sick...

yeah i know! lol.... any tips or ideas? i wipe like 50 f*cking times before i head to the gym.... then at the gym i go to the bathroom to wipe another 50 f*cking times! wtf It has actually made me stop doing cardio the last week or two because of girls being around.... i don't want to smell like some gross 'shit' literally while doing cardio next to them...

**Matt** · 04-01-2009, 05:34 PM

I dont lol but i bet DSM has some tips....

**DS21** · 04-01-2009, 05:43 PM

You can shower before going to the gym.

**tripmachine** · 04-01-2009, 05:49 PM

Originally Posted by DS21

You can shower before going to the gym.

lol so tedious.... but i do basically shower my ass crack and hole with baby wipes and toilet paper until it's spot less!! doh! it's like the sweat is coming from within and dripping out... hahahahaha ohhh man oh well... i shouldn't be worrying about girls at the gym anyway.

***D7M*** · 04-01-2009, 05:59 PM

lol

a thread about swamp ass....nice.

**ni4ni** · 04-01-2009, 06:02 PM

nothing like it. only here in the lounge

**g0dsend** · 04-01-2009, 06:24 PM

what you think maxi pads are for?

**J-Dogg** · 04-01-2009, 07:02 PM

maybe you have a leak

**Bojangles69** · 04-01-2009, 07:08 PM

umm.. take a bottle of burberry and spray it in your butt hole before you work out.

**DSM4Life** · 04-01-2009, 07:08 PM

In times like that all you can do is man the F up and work out. Nothing you can really do about it unless you shower right before the gym then again afterwards which would be stupid.

**IM708** · 04-01-2009, 07:10 PM

I got to say I've never had swamp ass that makes me smell like shit.

**Noles12** · 04-01-2009, 07:14 PM

the only time i get shitty smelling swamp ass is when i have terrible shits during the days and dont wipe good enough or something

**Bojangles69** · 04-01-2009, 07:18 PM

If you are sweating from the inside of your ass and its making you smell like shit I suggest seeing a doctor a-sap. The only thing grosser than that are those vagisil commericals for chicks.. fvkn nasty women & their feminine odors.

**BritishColumbian** · 04-01-2009, 07:24 PM

Originally Posted by J-Dogg

maybe you have a leak

obviously this is the problem, your ass is leaking. I have never heard of this before. See a doctor.

**DSM4Life** · 04-01-2009, 07:26 PM

Could you imagine doing this ti someone with your gym swamp @$$

http://www.break.com/index/impossible-situp-prank.html

**jbm** · 04-01-2009, 07:33 PM

After shower spray some perfume...

**strength_addict14** · 04-01-2009, 07:37 PM

Jesus, where am I.

**Bojangles69** · 04-01-2009, 07:38 PM

Yeh but if he has a leak a shower won't stop it, it'll just hide the leak till he dries off and smells like shit again.
I would honestly put a handful of scented baby powder down there, the talc will soak up the moisture/smell but you still might wanna see a doctor..

glad Im not one.

**jbm** · 04-01-2009, 07:49 PM

Use feminine wash! lol...

**NBRD1808** · 04-01-2009, 08:28 PM

a nappy, a baby pull up or adult nappy...? it will make you look like you have more junk in your trunk but if you got big numbers on ya squat and deadlift people wont ask questions haha

**Skully44420** · 04-01-2009, 08:36 PM

are you taking Alli?

**xlxBigSexyxlx** · 04-01-2009, 08:39 PM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nZo0dQlAgD8

**IM708** · 04-01-2009, 08:41 PM

Originally Posted by Skully44420

are you taking Alli?

Alli (orlistat lite) has worse effects then giving you the runs...

**Skully44420** · 04-01-2009, 08:48 PM

Alli Side Effects In Layman's Terms
by Jeff Kay

Alli is a new over-the-counter weight-loss pill which, predictably enough, has proven to be a massive best-seller from the moment it became available. The drug, manufactured by GlaxoSmithKline, reportedly works by blocking the absorption of excess fats by the body. And folks are waddling, not walking, to their local drug stores for a chance to start on the Alli "program."

As is the case with most drugs, Alli comes with a risk of certain side effects. Or, as they're known on the company website, treatment effects.

A person is reportedly limited to 15 grams of fat per meal, and if they go over (or even if they don't), there's a significant chance they'll find themselves out behind a shopping center somewhere, crying and clutching a wad of horrifyingly soiled undergarments, searching for a place to ditch it.

As best as I can tell, anyway...

Since a lot of this stuff is couched in language that is technically truthful, but very carefully worded, I've taken it upon myself to go through the list of side (treatment) effects and warnings, and translate it all into layman's terms.

I'm no scientist or doctor, and don't pretend to have any special knowledge. I'm just a person who's fairly good with words and reading between the lines... The highlighted phrases below are direct quotes from the Alli website, with my translations in between.

Undigested fat cannot be absorbed and passes through the body naturally. The excess fat is not harmful. In fact, you may recognize it in the toilet as something that looks like the oil on top of a pizza.

Here the drug makers are trying to soothe the nerves of the skeptical fatty, by speaking their language. Pizza is something fatties understand, and a big part of the reason they’re interested in Alli to begin with. Pizza is good, pizza is reassuring… even when it’s flowing from your ass like molten lava.

The website mentions seeing the undigested fat in a toilet, but that’s clearly a best case scenario. You might also see it on the tops of your shoes, across the hood of a car, or way up the shower curtain, near the loops.

The fat passes out of your body, so you may have bowel changes, known as treatment effects.

Bowel changes. Notice how they phrase that? It means stuff will be happening the likes of which you could never have imagined. It’ll be like a daily Dean Koontz novel inside your underwear.

You may get:

gas with oily spotting

You’ll be farting Wesson oil straight through your Dockers…

loose stools

and having violent chipped beef explosions...

more frequent stools that may be hard to control

all the time, with a sphincter that can no longer be counted as a friend.

Eating a low-fat diet lowers the chance of these bowel changes. Limit fat intake in your meals to an average of 15 grams.

The McDonald’s Big Mac has 34 grams of fat, and the Burger King Whopper has 40. Eat either of these while taking Alli, and you’ll very likely be transformed into a diarrhea cannon.

Learning how to manage treatment effects is an important part of being successful with alli. Here's how to take control:

Start trimming fat from your diet now, even before you begin taking alli. Then pick a day to begin taking alli, such as a weekend day so you can stay close to home if you experience a treatment effect. Make the timing work for you. If you're getting ready to travel or attend a social event, hold off on starting with alli until the event is over

Blowing liquid feces down a row of bridesmaids, for instance, could be viewed negatively in certain circles. Further, an unexpected bout of the power-squirts while riding “The Bullet” at the county fair might not ingratiate you with your friends. Or anyone on the fairway. Or the folks in the parking lot walking to their cars.

While no one likes experiencing treatment effects, they might help you think twice about eating questionable fat content. If you think of it like that, alli can act like a security guard for your late-night cravings

You see, when you think about it, shitting yourself is actually a positive.

You can't "save fat grams" from lunch and "spend them" at dinner. Spread your daily fat gram allowance of 15 grams on average per meal over the whole day

Cheating can lead to embarrassment, tears, and the introduction of a frantically constructed toilet paper crack-wedge in the bathroom of an Applebee's. It’s simply not worth it.

You may feel an urgent need to go to the bathroom. Until you have a sense of any treatment effects, it's probably a smart idea to wear dark pants, and bring a change of clothes with you to work

Until you get the hang of it, you should probably take along a rolling suitcase full of brown clothes everywhere you go, while taking Alli. Luckily, however, turd-colored clothing is in this season; turd is the new vomit.

If co-workers ask about it, there is no shame in telling the truth. You might be surprised how understanding folks can be if you simply say, “I dress like this to conceal the poop that's constantly soaking through the seat of my pants.”

You may not usually get gassy, but it's a possibility when you take alli. The bathroom is really the best place to go when that happens

Showboating is not recommended.

You can use a food journal to recognize what foods can lead to treatment effects. For example, writing down what you eat may help you learn that marinara sauce is a better option than Alfredo sauce

In addition to a handcart full of extra pants designed to camouflage your anal leakage, it might also be a good idea to carry a schematic and information wheel, so you don't repeat past mistakes and have a treatment effect halfway up your back.

I hope this information has proven to be valuable.

**IM708** · 04-01-2009, 08:50 PM

I guess it also does dmg to the cholesterol profile and binds to spots inside the body, links to colon cancer. This is coming from a biochem guy not shit I'm pulling out of my ass. I'll get more info and post.

**tripmachine** · 04-01-2009, 09:16 PM

hahahahahaha thanks for all the help guys!! lol..... so far the only two good answers are baby powder and go see the doctor.... ;p lol.....

**tripmachine** · 04-01-2009, 09:17 PM

ohhhh yeah, wish me luck..... i'm about ready to spread my swampy ass all over the gym in a few minutes.... hahaha DOH!

***RAGE*** · 04-01-2009, 09:17 PM

Originally Posted by J-Dogg

maybe you have a leak

What are you poking up your ass to cause this J Dogg, you need to stop that bro, or I am going to tell everyone...lol

**sloth9** · 04-01-2009, 11:07 PM

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N5LmsqoZBqg

Get some D-pants, that way you wont ever see the sweat and you can do a full leg work out and cardio with no worries. I say get some of these pants and you wont have to worry about crapping yourself again. lol

What are you poking up your ass to cause this J Dogg, you need to stop that bro, or I am going to tell everyone...lol

Its a corn cob but he got it sideways. lol

**tripmachine** · 04-02-2009, 11:07 AM

Originally Posted by Bojangles69

Yeh but if he has a leak a shower won't stop it, it'll just hide the leak till he dries off and smells like shit again.
I would honestly put a handful of scented baby powder down there, the talc will soak up the moisture/smell but you still might wanna see a doctor..

glad Im not one.

Well after all of the responses it seemed this was the best thing to try and easiest to do..... it worked out well for my workout!! The swamp did start to come though when I played some raquet ball after my lifting (45 mins worth) hahahaha maybe i need to keep doing that until I see the doctor... (just a shitty thing to see the doctor about though.... =/ ) thanks!!

**scerpico22** · 04-02-2009, 11:13 AM

**CBGB** · 04-02-2009, 11:23 AM

Originally Posted by scerpico22

hahahahahahahahahahahaha.................mud butt

**Dizz28** · 04-02-2009, 11:37 AM

**tripmachine** · 04-02-2009, 11:37 AM

Originally Posted by scerpico22

ahahahahahahaah! niiiice where can i get those?? ;p

**hellapimpin** · 04-02-2009, 05:48 PM

I wash my ass with soap that day..usually solves the problem..and change boxers ED also..besides farting..can't think of any other reason sweat would be that bad

**DSM4Life** · 04-02-2009, 06:10 PM

Originally Posted by hellapimpin

I wash my ass with soap that day..usually solves the problem..and change boxers ED also..besides farting..can't think of any other reason sweat would be that bad

Is there really a need to say change your boxers ED ? If they don't they are dirty balls to begin with.