Married and wanting out.

[Mase33]

Anybody else in this situation. I have been married for 4 years. We have a 3 year old daughter and our second one due any day now. I am having feelings that I just dont want to be married to her anymore but I feel like I am staying in the relationship for the kids. She was a completely different girl when we were dating. Thats why i married her.

[FireGuy]

Counseling first, if that doesnt work get out. Staying for the kids isnt doing her or the kids any favors. I would really give 100% to some serious counseling first and see if you can fix things. Marriage is a lot of hard work, before looking at her faults ask yourself if you are doing everything you need to be yourself. Fixing yourself works miracles in changing the way others treat you.

[Mase33]

thats true. i am just struggling right now trying to figure out if i am still "in love with her" or i just love her. Afterall she is the mother of my children

[*RAGE*]

Counseling first, if that doesnt work get out. Staying for the kids isnt doing her or the kids any favors. I would really give 100% to some serious counseling first and see if you can fix things. Marriage is a lot of hard work, before looking at her faults ask yourself if you are doing everything you need to be yourself. Fixing yourself works miracles in changing the way others treat you.

agreed

[*RAGE*]

I hate my wife right now and want to kill her more then I like her.......women suck..

[RA]

Are you on cycle?

[Polska]

Anybody else in this situation. I have been married for 4 years. We have a 3 year old daughter and our second one due any day now. I am having feelings that I just dont want to be married to her anymore but I feel like I am staying in the relationship for the kids. She was a completely different girl when we were dating. Thats why i married her.

Communication is the key. Did you talk to her about it? How has she changed since you married?

[Mase33]

it just sucks to be in this situation!!

[Hunter-S-Thompson]

is there any such thing as married and happy anymore? always hearing talk like this is why half of why I broke up with my ex fiancé... how is she different now what's changed?

[FireGuy]

is there any such thing as married and happy anymore? always hearing talk like this is why half of why I broke up with my ex fiancé... how is she different now what's changed?

I am married to the absolute best woman in the world and couldnt be any happier. It is possible if you find the right one and are willing to work at it and make the relationship a priority.

[Mase33]

Now she tries to treat me like a child instead of her husband. Always questioning why i spent money on something. Calling me like 20 times a day to check in. Always a fight if i want to go golfing or have a beer with my friends. Its like freaking answering to your mom when you were growing up.

[jfalco]

If you can't work it out, don't stay together just for the kids. If your kids watch you fight with your wife for 15 or 20 years, it will **** them up a lot more than if you are able to seperate amicably and devolpe a relationship where you can still work together as parents even though you lead seperate lives.

Don't take this the wrong way. By all means do what you can to work it out, but cut your losses before it is too late. You don't want to end up hating the mother of your children and you don't want your kids to resent you because you were too busy fighting with their mom to raise them.

I watched my parents hate each other for 20 years wishing the whole time that they would just get divorced. When I got to high school I started getting high every day and avoiding going home as much as possible, because I couldn't stand it. I didn't like to have friends over because I was afraid my parents would get into it and embarras me. Now my brother and sister havn't talked to my mom for almost 10 years. All this because they stayed together for the kids. Not to mention that my mother feels like my father was planning on leaving for years, but just waiting for the kids to grow up.

Just my 2 cents. I'm not married, so I have no idea what you're going through.

[Mase33]

Thats a huge thing with me right now. I dont want to wake up 10 years from now feeling the same way and the situation be the same and i just wasted 10 years of my life and my kids life.

[xlxBigSexyxlx]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=moidPfDvRic

[Mase33]

And i dont know if all women are like this but everytime we fight its because of me. my fault. And everything that has gone wrong in our marriage is because of me and im the one that needs to change.

[xlxBigSexyxlx]

Ages?

[Hunter-S-Thompson]

I am married to the absolute best woman in the world and couldnt be any happier. It is possible if you find the right one and are willing to work at it and make the relationship a priority.

well that's refreshing to hear, especially b/c I'm in the process of mayb getting back with my ex haha... anyway to the OP if that's the only problems your having it sounds like they can easily be worked out if your willing to, I've been in that situation before (not married) but you really just have to sit her down and explain to her that it's a big deal to you to have your free time with your friends, make her understand what's goin on in your hear

[jfalco]

Now she tries to treat me like a child instead of her husband. Always questioning why i spent money on something. Calling me like 20 times a day to check in. Always a fight if i want to go golfing or have a beer with my friends. Its like freaking answering to your mom when you were growing up.

Is she a stay at home mom?

It sounds like she's bored stuck at home with the kids all the time and taking it out on you. She gets mad when you want to play golf or go out with your friends because she has nothing to do and she wants you to entertain her.

[Mase33]

Thats just it. she is not a stay at home mom. i think she gets really mad because i have hobbies outside of just her and my kids. its like she is jealous of them.

[PittBoy]

Now she tries to treat me like a child instead of her husband. Always questioning why i spent money on something. Calling me like 20 times a day to check in. Always a fight if i want to go golfing or have a beer with my friends. Its like freaking answering to your mom when you were growing up.

Been there. But I had to realize I needed to change things about me. Once I did that things went great.

If you want to work it out I recommend some counseling and do some reading on marriage.

Relationships take crazy amounts of work. You can fall in love with your spouse over and over again though so if you have any thoughts of wanting to work on it there is always hope.

Start with the 5 love languages book(I listened to the audio). That opened my eyes to things that I didn't realize I even needed.

The reality is.......marriage is harder than bodybuilding and we all know how much discipline and research that takes.

Good luck

[Mase33]

Marriage is crazy amounts of hard work. I am trying to find the reasons that I married her in the first place. If i can find those reasons maybe we can work things out.

[PittBoy]

Thats just it. she is not a stay at home mom. i think she gets really mad because i have hobbies outside of just her and my kids. its like she is jealous of them.

Plan an evening for just the 2 of you. Don't tell her you are doing it. Make arrangements for a sitter and give her all your attention for the evening. Do that while expecting nothing in return.

I'm willing to bet if you did that a few times there wouldn't be much of an issue with your hobbies(as long as they weren't being given more time than your family).

Of course these are just suggestions and there is always the chance they may not work but I've seen them work more often than not.

[Mase33]

Have you ever seen the movie Fireproof?

[PittBoy]

yeah

[Mase33]

what did you think of it? it was suggested that I should watch it by someone.

[F4iGuy]

Now she tries to treat me like a child instead of her husband. Always questioning why i spent money on something. Calling me like 20 times a day to check in. Always a fight if i want to go golfing or have a beer with my friends. Its like freaking answering to your mom when you were growing up.

Sounds like she's insecure?

[Polska]

I am married to the absolute best woman in the world and couldnt be any happier. It is possible if you find the right one and are willing to work at it and make the relationship a priority.

I agree, it's all about finding the right woman. It's hard, but that's why you date date date before you settle down.

[PittBoy]

I liked it. I could relate to a lot of the movie too with the things my wife and I have

been through. All I can say is this. I got married while I was a junior in high school.

I am still married to the same wonderful woman and I'm 32. There were some really rough

patches but I wouldn't change it for anything in the world. There have been a few times

I didn't think we were gonna make it and once we actually talked about divorcing but I

had to take the initiative and take a real hard look at myself. I made a lot of changes

which made her change just because of the things I was doing.

Every relationship gets stale after a certain amount of time, trust me they all do.

You can get back to that happy time....you can even surpass it but it's gonna be

work. You just have to figure out if you want to do it or not.

[Mase33]

i thought i had found the perfect woman but like i said she is a totally different person then she was before we got married.

[PittBoy]

i thought i had found the perfect woman but like i said she is a totally different person then she was before we got married.

Ask yourself this, not trying to get on your or anything, but are you the same now as you were before you got married?

[scerpico22]

Counseling first, if that doesnt work get out. Staying for the kids isnt doing her or the kids any favors. I would really give 100% to some serious counseling first and see if you can fix things. Marriage is a lot of hard work, before looking at her faults ask yourself if you are doing everything you need to be yourself. Fixing yourself works miracles in changing the way others treat you.

this is an excellent post and the OP should read this closely, there is a lot of very, very good advice here.

[jimmyinkedup]

Take it from someone that is going through a divorce right now - if you have the opportunity...try all you can - counseling talking etc..... If it doesnt work out a clear conscience will go a long way for you. If the chance exists to try to work it out..id give it 100% before making this decision... its only fair to you her and your children - JMO.....

[Mase33]

yeah i know thats a huge part of it for her. she wants to see me change. i have to admit i am not a real emotional guy and am not the touchy, feely type. i have never understood why until recently. we have talked about divorce and came real close to me moving out and being seperated. it was at this time i was talking to my mom and found out that from the time i was born until i was around 7-8 my dad beat my mom. i think subconsciously this had a huge impact on my life and is why im not the emotional or touchy feely type which is exactly what my wife wants me to be.

[scerpico22]

men marry women hoping they will stay the same

women marry men hoping they will change

fact is people change...we are ever evolving...but the goal should be to evolve into the best possible person you can be and find someone special you can share the short time we have here together.

sounds to me that you and your wife have not had a sit down heart to heart in a long time...

[PittBoy]

yeah i know thats a huge part of it for her. she wants to see me change. i have to admit i am not a real emotional guy and am not the touchy, feely type. i have never understood why until recently. we have talked about divorce and came real close to me moving out and being seperated. it was at this time i was talking to my mom and found out that from the time i was born until i was around 7-8 my dad beat my mom. i think subconsciously this had a huge impact on my life and is why im not the emotional or touchy feely type which is exactly what my wife wants me to be.

Sounds like maybe you need to talk with a counselor about that. You could always start small with the touchy feely type stuff too. Maybe a hug here or there or something small.

I gotta get outta here and hit the gym.

Good luck my man

[Mase33]

we have not scerpico22. not since we almost got separated which was back in September-October. something like that.

[Mase33]

Thanks Pittboy. Appreciate all the advise.

[scerpico22]

we have not scerpico22. not since we almost got separated which was back in September-October. something like that.

thats a BIG problem man...you need to lay it all out on the table. my dad and my mom have lasted through the thickest of shit and i have asked him how...his first and only answer to me is communication.

if you do not talk about what bothers you, how does she know? and vice versa...you cannot know what bothers her unless she tells you.

too often couples start to think that the other is a freaking mind reader and should "know" what the other is thinking...

you both need to have a long talk, with zero distractions.

[Mase33]

very true scerpico22. i can already see how it will go though. she gets pissed and storms out. thats how she is. if i tell her that something is bothering me she will discount it and say well i only do that because you do this. it always gets turned around onto me. not real sure how to get through to her.

[scerpico22]

very true scerpico22. i can already see how it will go though. she gets pissed and storms out. thats how she is. if i tell her that something is bothering me she will discount it and say well i only do that because you do this. it always gets turned around onto me. not real sure how to get through to her.

then you guys need a mediator a counselor of sorts to get you BOTH through the conversation.

the big thing to remember is this...no one is there to point fingers...we are here to try and fix the marriage. BUT THIS IS SOMETHING YOU BOTH MUST TRULY WANT.

do you?

does she?

these are rhetorical questions...but one you both must ask of each other...