If your girlfriend was saying this to another guy what would you do?

**notus** · 05-01-2009, 04:02 PM

Originally Posted by Bojangles69

This is just out there for notus whether or not he wants to read it.

But anything from David DeAngelo is usually on the money.
(selected from a situation a bit related to yours)

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First I want to talk about what I believe is at the ROOT of the problem:

1) INSECURITY.

2) JEALOUSY.

When you are insecure, you're always wondering if some other guy is going to come along and steal your girl.

This often shows up as a combination of feelings that make you worry about losing your girl, and at the same time worrying about not being able to find another one if you DO lose this one.

This is a BAD, BAD thing, because it then CLOUDS YOUR THINKING, and creates an illusion that the woman you're with is BETTER than she is, and that you're WORSE than you are.

We're talking about some deep issues here, but this is the stuff that triggers the ULTIMATE WUSS types of behaviors.

Then, as if things weren't bad enough, you go out with your girl, and other guys start hitting on her right in front of you.

This triggers MORE insecurity, and then the REAL problem... JEALOUSY.

Jealousy is an incredibly powerful emotion.

It often leads people to KILL people they love.

One scientist wrote an entire book about Jealousy, and basically claimed that it was the most powerful and important emotion ever! (The book is called "The Dangerous Passion" by Buss)

When you're out with your girl, you turn around to order a drink, and when you turn BACK around there's some guy talking to her with that "I'd love to take you home and do things that the lord forbids", it can trigger a few emotions...

This is very natural. Animals have this same response in similar situations. I personally believe that we come pre-wired with BOTH of these things:

-We come pre-wired to want women that other men already have (Don't covet thy neighbor's wife).

-We come pre-wired to feel jealousy if we suspect that our spouse is cheating, or if we think that someone is going to take them from us.

Again, normal and natural stuff.

If Yoda were here, he'd probably say:

"Jealousy is useless...

...Jealousy leads to anger, anger leads to INSECURE WUSSY BEHAVIOR... and insecure Wussy behavior leads to the DARK SIDE."

Now, jealousy doesn't always lead to insecure WUSSY behavior, sometimes it leads to insecure DUMB ASS behavior, like getting into a fight, or shooting someone.

Some men enjoy fights and violence.

And some women have no problem dating a man who likes to beat other men up (or beat her up).

I personally think that violence and hurting other people is the IGNORANT way to deal with things.

But I also know that there are a lot of guys out there that don't share my views. To each his own.

The POINT I'm trying to make is that insecurity and jealousy make people do all kinds of stupid and thoughtless things.

These emotions take over your mind and body, and can trigger some of the most short-sighted behaviors you'll ever experience.

These are complex emotions that have evolved over millions and millions of years... and they're not going away anytime soon. In many cases, they literally take control of your mind and body.

For instance...

Let's say you've just broken up with your girlfriend or wife, and it took you a long time to finally get a date with an attractive woman. Maybe you were feeling insecure, and didn't know if you could meet another woman, and let's say that the breakup was hard on you as well.

Let's say you're out at a bar with your new date, and you excuse yourself to use the boy's room... and when you get back, there are TWO big, handsome guys talking to your date, and she's laughing hysterically at what they're saying.

What would most guys do in this situation?

THEY'D FREAK. That's what.

All kinds of fear, jealousy, insecurity, etc. would INSTANTLY take over, and there would be thoughts of her wanting to be with these guys, them taking her away, etc.

And what do most guys actually DO in one of these situations?

They walk over, act nervous, and try to take the girl away from the situation. And they make the mistake of making it OBVIOUS that they're all freaked out, intimidated, jealous, and insecure.

This, of course, only makes the other guys feel more powerful, and makes the woman realize that she's with an insecure WUSS.

It becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy, in most cases.

As a side note: I have met and know of guys who actually ENJOY picking up women who are out with other guys. It's a game to them.

And they've found that it's EASY, because most men are insecure, and most women don't want to be with a WUSS...

So what's the answer here?

What's the best thing to do when a guy is making his move on your girl?

Well let's start from a little BEFORE that.

The best thing you can do in one of these situations is what you do BEFORE it ever happens... and it's a combination of things:

1) Realize that there's nothing to be insecure and jealous about, and that these things only lead to fear and loss.

2) Get your game in shape with women. Get yourself to the point where you can meet women in ANY situation, this way you always know DEEP DOWN that if any woman you're with ever decides to leave, you can turn around and start meeting women. This eliminates insecurity.

3) Mentally prepare. Take some time to imagine that you're in one of these situations, and notice the feelings you have. Go over it in your mind until you can think about it without having any negative emotions triggered.

And here's what to do when you're actually IN the situation...

1) EXPECT IT. If you start dating hot women, other men will hit on them, GUARANTEED. It's part of life, man. You must expect that it's going to happen, and not be surprised when it does.

2) Learn how to have FUN with it. Most guys have no game at all... and it's kind of funny to watch and listen to them. I enjoy watching guys try to meet women, because they FAIL miserably in most cases. I like to wait until a guy is finished trying to pick up on the girl I'm with, and then get her to share the details so I can laugh.

3) Suggest that she date the guy. One of my favorite things to do is say "Hey, you guys would make a cute couple... I think you should go for him." Of course, this is all said in a light, fun way.

4) If you suspect that the girl you're with is actually TRYING to make you jealous, talk to other women. If you actually think that a woman is deliberately trying to make you jealous, you must do some thinking as well. Some women enjoy making men compete over them, and you probably don't want to be with one of these women. They're a pain. But if you think it's just a typical situation and the girl is trying to figure out if you "really" like her (because you'll get jealous if you do), then just turn around and start a conversation with a group of girls... and wait for her to come and find you.

The point I'm making is that you MUST get over that fear/insecurity/jealousy issue, and realize that there is nothing to be afraid of.

The only power that other guys will have with your date is the power that you GIVE them... so don't give them any power by acting like a WUSS. Keep your power for yourself. The main reason that other guys try to hit on your girl is because they don't have one themselves. Remember that.

...and if you're reading this right now and thinking to yourself "You know, I need to learn this stuff about how to meet and attract women so I can get rid of that insecure and fearful feeling I have", then YOU'RE RIGHT!

I think that every man should invest in himself, and learn this skill.

Unfortunately, most guys never take the time and invest in themselves... and they wind up going their whole lives WISHING that they could attract the kinds of women that they want.

Well, I used to be one of the guys who didn't know what he was doing with women. Now I'm one of the guys who can go out anytime, in any situation and attract women.

What's the difference?

I TOOK THE TIME TO LEARN.

Good read....I do think everyone is jealous to some extent but in this case it was the topic and how they were joking that was inappropriate

**notus** · 05-01-2009, 04:09 PM

Originally Posted by Nicotine

better this happened now, when you can just simply walk away - before your lives were completely intertwined..the only people who win in marriage, are the divorce lawyers.

you deserve better. period.

I agree. Funny because i havent been texting her back but she keeps sending texts like "you did this to us" "you had no right" nothing ever about what she did being wrong.

**ronan the barbarian** · 05-01-2009, 04:32 PM

notus your mrs is still a div!!!!
im not sure why people are still talking about this,its sad but 99% of people have been through this way before they are even twenty.
if people still fall for it ,it is their fault.
i hope you have moved on,learnt and used it to 'protect' yourself from attention seeking preditors in the future.
good luck and find someone who will treat you as well as you treat them.

**roserose** · 05-01-2009, 04:39 PM

f you were talking marriage confront her. See what she says but it looks bad bro. Keep your eyes open.

**warchild** · 05-01-2009, 04:54 PM

Originally Posted by notus

I agree. Funny because i havent been texting her back but she keeps sending texts like "you did this to us" "you had no right" nothing ever about what she did being wrong.

girls always play the victim...i had a gf who slept with my buddy and she blamed me cus of it

**laduem88** · 05-01-2009, 05:09 PM

Originally Posted by warchild28

girls always play the victim...i had a gf who slept with my buddy and she blamed me cus of it

wtf...why would your buddy do that

**notus** · 05-01-2009, 05:21 PM

Originally Posted by laduem88

wtf...why would your buddy do that

now thats real fckd up

**jamyjamjr** · 05-02-2009, 12:37 AM

that's no buddy.. that's a body bag waiting to happen

**jbm** · 05-02-2009, 12:40 AM

Originally Posted by jamyjamjr

that's no buddy.. that's a body bag waiting to happen

**jamyjamjr** · 05-02-2009, 12:41 AM

j, i love how you elaborate for me....

atriculation through pictures... wonderful

**jbm** · 05-02-2009, 12:43 AM

Originally Posted by jamyjamjr

j, i love how you elaborate for me....

atriculation through pictures... wonderful

I'm always here to back you up! bro...

**xlxBigSexyxlx** · 05-02-2009, 12:44 AM

**Chitown Raider** · 05-05-2009, 01:00 PM

That's one messed up situation man. Good thing you packed your bags and moved on, no reason for you to put with that nonsense. I had a similiar situation I had a feeling she was cheating so one night when I was at her place, she went upstairs and I went through her text messages. I found around 80 something lovey dovey texts from her supposedly new friend. The texts were not your average conversation either. I told her I gotta go, didn't mention about looking through her phone. That was the last time we ever spent together. She eventually apologized, but it was too late for that shit.