DO NOT TRY THESE AT HOME! OR AT THE GYM! OR ANYWHERE!!!
1. Dumbell Hair Combs - Start by holding a dumbell in front of
you. Do a front raise with it then whip the dumbell back and
over the top of your head like you're combing your hair with
it. Make sure to just miss your skull.
2. Hog-tied Face-Rubs - Lie on your stomach on the floor. Grasp
your ankles behind your back and rub your face back and forth
on the ground repeatedly. Continue until you've had enough.
3. Abdominal Earthquakes - Lie on the floor on your back in the
classic start position of a crunch. Now yank as hard as you
can on the back of your head up and down and thrash your legs
around in the air like you're fending off starving dogs. This
evidently works your abs. You will resemble Jello that has
just been dropped on the floor. Your face should be as red as
a tomato by the time you're done.
4. The Arm Wrecker - Do one cheating, momentum-filled rep of an
arm exercise with ridiculously heavy weight then swing your
arms around as fast as you can in a circle to get blood to the
muscle. This technique will either help your arm grow or will
smack the person waiting to use the machine/weights next.
5. Pelvic Demolisher - Stand with your fingers interlocked behind
your head. Do a pelvic thrust forward and drop your spinal
column down and backwards about 6 inches. This exercise is
best done in front of a large group of people.
6. Dumbell Doggy Digs - Bend over at the waist so that your back
is rounded completely over like an arch. Your legs should be
completely straight and locked out. You should look like you
are trying hard to touch your toes but not really succeeding.
Hold two dumbells down at arms-length. Now spin them round
and round repeatedly just off the floor so that you resemble a
dog digging a hole.
7. Pec Rockets - Set the pec deck machine with far too much
weight for you to handle safely. Make sure you are very
sweaty and slippery before attempting this one. First, use
your entire bodyweight to get one arm pad up to the front.
Then, throw yourself at the other one to get it to the front.
Hold them there for a half-second then get shot four feet out
across the floor as you squirt from the machine like a greased
banana.
8. Rush-Hour Bench Press - This exercise is done on the vertical
seated chest press machine that has a foot pedal to help raise
the weight to the starting position. Use this pedal at the
bottom of every single rep to bounce the weight back up. Your
footwork will resemble that of someone in rush-hour traffic
going from 0 to 60 to 0 every 3 seconds.
9. Close-Grip, Behind-The-Neck Shoulder Press - Sit in a shoulder
press station, gripping the bar overhead with about 6 inches
between your hands. Bring the bar down directly behind your
head. Be sure to lean forward 45 degrees and round your back
over so that your shoulder joints and lower back each get
their fair share of trauma.
10. C.P.R. Bench Press - Start by loading your safe maximum bench
press weight onto the bar. Now add 20 more pounds just to be
safer. Have your spotter lift the bar off the rack for you.
Lower it 2 inches on your own power then allow it to drop and
cave in your rib cage. Be sure your spotter is a strong
deadlifter before attempting this exercise as you will need
them to pull the bar off you at the bottom of every rep. When
your spotter has pulled the bar off you after the first rep
and is trying to put it back on the racks, yell out "I've got
six more reps!"
