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http://www.thedirty.com/wp-content/u.../ooshfge33.jpg
lol what are you guys doing over there? Thing is this guy is superloaded and is a big advocate for hgh. He is also trying to develop a protein that tans you when you take it. I am guessing it has melatonin in it or something?
I think that's a Halloween party. Too funny....Quote:
Originally Posted by DSM4Life
jdawg cant watch it for some reason
I don't know if anyone else feels this way but after looking at this thread I got really depressed. Like a real sadness came over me, Life is sad :(
its funny you said this then a year later jersey shore happened in miami lolQuote:
Originally Posted by Nooomoto
i love this thread
This is a Bulgarian mobster, forgot his name but also not italianQuote:
Originally Posted by jbm
why they all have their lips like that....Quote:
Originally Posted by xxblazenlowxx
These are the rules
1. You must live in North Jersey.
2. You must still live at home with your mommy and daddy in order to save enough money to lease a low end BMW or Mercedes Benz.
THE FOLLOWING RULE IS EXTREMELY IMPORTANT
3. You must get a Tribal Tatoo on your Bicep Region.
4. You must get a spikey hair dew to look like everybody else.
5. You must wear a ginny tee as often as humanly possible.
6. You must begin juicing in mid February to get in peak balloon condition by Memorial Day Weekend.
7. You must have at least three friends named Anthony, Vinnie, or Joey.
8. You must shave off all body hair (this goes for the girls too.)
9. You must take off your shirt when you hear the bass music and form a man circle A.K.A “The Fist Pumper Circle Jerk Delight.”
10. You must pretend to be impressed by the simplistic sound of pulsating bass.
11. You must hook up with your current best friends girlfriend behind his back at least once every summer.
12. You must spend at least 1/3 your weekly paycheck on Water Bottles. Ecstasy & GHB were still running rampant at the time this rule was created during the summer of 2004. Water was equivalent to a personal first aid kit. The Hydration was essential to being alive after a night of Fist Pumping like a zombie to Zombi Nation. Bottom Line – these drugs zonked the water out of your body and created some really mindless fools on the dance floors. And Yes, they still managed to Pump Their Fists!
13. You must be or “claim” to be cousins with at least every other person in the club.
THE FOLLOWING RULE IS EXTREMELY IMPORTANT
14. You must go Tanning as often as humanly possible: Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Twice on Friday, Saturday & of coarse Sunday.
15. You must claim to have “connections” with the doorman A.K.A bouncer even though he only knows you as “buddy.”
THE FOLLOWING RULE IS THE MOST IMIPORTANT
16. You must kiss ass to anyone with possible “Mob” affiliated connections no matter how pathetic they might even be.
17. When in doubt of “Mob Connections” make something up that could impress a girl so she’ll sleep with you.
18. You must never miss an episode of “The Sopranos.” You must then report to your nearest diner the following night to discuss it. Sadly this long running “Fist Pumper Never Miss an episode Show” ended on June 10th, 2007. A Sad day indeed for all Fist Pumpers.
19. You must start a local lottery pool to bet on who will get whacked on the Sopranos. Sadly this ended as well.
THE FOLLOWING RULE IS EXTREMELY IMPORTANT
20. You can only watch a sports game if you are betting on it. If your not betting on it you CANNOT watch it because it’s just not fun like that.
THE FOLLOWING RULE IS THE 2ND MOST IMPORTANT RULE
21. You must dress like a Guido but talk like a Rapper. Hence the term “Guido Wigger.” The two have finally morphed into one.
22. Referring to rule number 21, you must play either hard core Techno music or Rap Music in your car and nothing else even if your have an urge to play something else………DON’T DO IT or the image will be shot.
23. You must claim to come from a rich family even if your father is a mailman.
24. You must have the latest cell phone.
25. You must have at least one token black friend who you occassionaly bring out to the club.
26. You Must Completely Abandom your current religion – There’s A New Guy You Need To Worship – Your Aging (In Denial) Club Promoter.
GETTING TO THE NEXT RULE…..
27. IT WASN’T SICK! It was Joeys Now It’s Bliss. It’s the same 50 year old DJ, The Same Bartender Girls from ’99 who have more leather on their faces than belts and the same crowd of rapidly aging tanners you just saw at Taste, Diva Lounge, and Cheetah Club. Wow! It’s gonna be an exciting night!
28. For The Guys Only – You Must wear a sweatband on one forearm because it looks good.
29. All Eyebrows must be waxed to a perfect 90 degree angle to achieve optimal gayness.
DON’T WORRY GUYS……..NOBODY’S LAUGHING………IT’S SEXY.
30. Guys must wear jeans tight enough to reopen the needle puncture on your ass.
THE SURF CLUB IS FINALLY BEING TORN DOWN……..(A rumor older than IOU shirts)
31. For The Guys – Make sure you tell the young impressionable girl your trying to sleep with that you can get her and her friends a bottle and a table in the VIP even though you only scrape about $323.00 a week delivering pizza’s.
32. Referring Back To Rule #26. Realize your smiley hyped up – coked up Club Promoter actually makes his living off the door cover and you are about as important to him as a turd in the toilet on a personal level. That fake “What’s Up Bro” talk is designed to keep you coming back to Pumpers Paradise!
33A. The T-Mobile Sidekick / Blackberry – Not Just For Paris Hilton And The Girls Anymore. GUYS – You must have a Sidekick also. Can’t let a quick social move on the net slip on by. Remember – You always need to be talking to a person who is currently not at the social affair you are at. You need to ignore everyone else in the room and make plans to leave the social affair and meet up with the person you’ve been texting on your phone.
33B. As soon as you meet up with this special person you need to repeat the process and begin talking to somebody else who is currently not present. This will in no doubt create an endless loop of never actually being anywhere for more than a few minutes. Remember, there is always something better out there at the next social function. Well not really. That’s why your always on the move to the next one. It’s like a Coke Head doing a never ending line and never getting high enough.
LEADING INTO THE NEXT RULE…………
34. You must be connected to MySpace at all times to reassure the 17 year old girl you are trying to sleep with that you can get her into the club this weekend. Full VIP treatment. AKA “VIRTUALLY IN POVERTY.”
35. You must play the Text Message Lottery. Girls give out their numbers to every guy they meet at the club and at all times those guys are trying to break through to her phone with a text and get laid. Tonight just might be your lucky night and a well deserved blow job might be coming your way. So drop what your doing and start texting. You’ve got to beat Vinnie, Joey, and Anthony and convince her that “You Are” the King Fist Pumper she should be sleeping with tonight!
36. COCAINE – NOT JUST FOR MOVIE STARS ANYMORE. Guys you need to have it on you and damn you need to talk abou it. It might be the only way your getting laid tonight. Snort it out of a Sugar Packet with a straw if you have to. This is very important. This Cocaine built Miami and it just might build your confidence up enough to jam your tongue down the fat girls mouth in the corner.
37. You must refer to your new girlfriend (who you just met at the club) as a “Good Girl” (even though she saw you make every attempt to get with her friend & she still settled for you.) So she slept with that guy Max or Vinnie you know from Belleville & “hooked up” with two or three meat head bouncers at Cheetah Club during the summer. So what if she’s still On MySpace in Her Underwear receiving comments from a 48 year old divorced man from Pennsylvania. Don’t worry guys, there’s absolutely nothing to worry about because we know in our hearts that she’s still just a “GOOD GIRL.”
38. All Unattractive men……jump on the friend bandwagon and cross your fingers. Eventually she’ll be depressed enough to sleep with you. And yes, she’ll regret it in the morning.
39. Even though you do Coke and other pills regularly, find somebody who Over Dosed once or twice and refer to him or her as “Real Bad.” This will no doubt make you feel better about yourself and your drug habit.
40. Pick one and hang it on your wall in your bedroom: Scarface, The Godfather, or A Soprano Poster.
41. If your Last Name Is Non Italian – blatantly lie and make one up that sounds good enough to convince a bimbo girl to think you have mob ties oozing out your pores.
REFERRING WAY BACK TO RULE #2
42. If your still living at home with Mommy & Daddy and pushing 30 you now tell girls you “Own The House.” The old people telling you what to do are just some seniors visiting. Make sure to remove all family portraits when your girl is coming over the house. You have to make it really look like your place big guy! Oh! And Don’t Forget That Beamer Lease Payment is due in a week.
43. GUYS – You must kiss your male friends on the cheek everytime you greet them like your kissing your Aunt Rosa (who might just have a moustache.)
44. LADIES – High School Is Over – You must continue to take 3 credits a semester at County College and work in a tanning salon and eventually fate will lead you to your future husband Pumping His Fists in Seaside Heights.
45. T Shirt Time for the Boys – You must wear either Tapout, Affliction, or Ed Hardy Size Medium T-Shirts to enhance your muscles to the fullest extent. We don’t care is your small framed, Medium Framed, Large Framed or Extra Large Framed. We don’t care if your 500 pounds of loose blobbing fat. You must wear a Size Medium our research specifies. Size Medium = Maximum Tightness = Best for Flexing Muscles = Ultimate Gayness. Now that formula cannot be touched. Just do It.
46. Make sure to use that phone camera to it’s full extent to record your Guido Outings and then post them on the World Wide Web via YouTube so the rest of planet earth can see how brainless, useless, and completely faggy NJ & NY Guido’s truly are.
Take A Deep Breathe And Exhale After Reading. Ask Yourself: Are you truly Gay enough to be a part of this Culture? If the Answer if Yes, bend the rule on being straight and kiss your best friend who you previously only shook hands with. Your on your way to the top of the trash heap and could one day be a possible hall of famer in the world of Fist Pumping like those ass clowns who built www.NJGuido.com
*If you need further schooling – keep moving along for some more tips on how to find the independence within. I know you’ve got it in you boys and girls. Well it’s mostly the boys I’m concerned about. If we can normalize you guys – the girls will just fall into place.
IMPORTANT STUFF SO LISTEN UP – Straight From our good buddies in Staten Island where they are battling their own epidemic of Guido’s we warn you of what you are up against. Seaside Heights has been kicking these flee balls out of town for the past 3 years as it seems now the Guido movement is lurking it’s way to spend 50% of their time in Belmar and Point Pleasant. Keep the ousting going!
The Following Video You are About To View is a PSA Announcement from Our Good Friends Out There On The Guido Circuit!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Before becoming a Guido And Investing in the Startup Pack: Hair Gel, Loss Of Individuality, Complete Removal Of All Body Hair Below The Head Region, Following The Same Group Of 119 Kids (Who you all know by first and last name) from Club To Club – and your first shot of Andro:
BEWARE
A Movement consisting of all Non Guido’s seems to be quickly gaining momentum in an effort to destroy Guido Culture as we know it and this will directly effect you and your best efforts to Stay Tan and Get Laid from oblivious little girls who mistake you for something actually worth acknowledging in the first place.
HOLD OFF ON YOUR JOURNEY INTO YOUR QUEST FOR “ROCK STARDOM” (In Your Local Club) and WATCH THIS PSA Movie Clip That The Anti -Guido Movement Has Put Out To Draw Attention To Their Cause!