what to think about wife

**hockeyguy** · 07-12-2009, 01:02 AM

Ok so here is the situation guys. The wife used my work laptop one day and got on her facebook page. My computer saved her login so a few weeks after I thought I go on and her page and check it out. So I find in her inbox that she had been emailing this guy for about a month to a month and a half talking about all kinds off things. The shit that through me off the wall was she would be inviting him up to her work (bartender) twice a week. He would ask when she works next and she would give the times she will be there. She works 2-3 times a week and just aout every night she worked they would email that day and this would take place. Keep in mind this is not a family friend or someone I have met. We have been married for about 7 years now and I was always the type of guy that didn't care much about who she talked to. She says nothing happened but I don't know. All I know is I'm so pissed and I think the tren is playing with my mind but I feel like breaking you face. Would this piss you off or am I over reacting? Also I have not been very happy in the marriage for the past 5 years and she knows that but we have two kids and I can't imagine not seeing them every day.

**JinNtonic** · 07-12-2009, 01:23 AM

F that. dis respectful as hell.

**hockeyguy** · 07-12-2009, 01:29 AM

Bro that's how I'm feeling.

**beatango2008** · 07-12-2009, 02:37 AM

damn bro, sorry to hear that.
Yes that would piss me off. She has no reason to be inviting a guy to her work, that is really messed up.
Sucks that it has to come down to this, but who knows what happened. I wouldnt be able to forget about it. but then you have your kids, maybe just calm down and have a talk with her and try and work things out for their sake. Goodluck

**KatsMeow** · 07-12-2009, 03:58 AM

No I think she has some questions to answer. Her actions are not appropriate if you guys are married, how would she feel if you had a girl coming to see you at work. I don't know but I'm not thinking the out come of this is going to be good unless she gets honest with you and can explain exactly why she has been talking to this person and what her intentions were. It's obvious that they have met before and they enjoy seeing each other because if she didn't want to see him then she wouldn't tell him when she was working.

If it's just a friend then it should have never been kept as a secret, and she shouldn't have any problem with you meeting the guy.

**stpete** · 07-12-2009, 04:10 AM

The only thing that bothers me is that she never mentioned it to you. Like Kat said, why keep it a secret? It all comes down to trust at this point. Do you trust her?

**Hunter** · 07-12-2009, 04:32 AM

Not to be a dick but either two things happened. You found out soon enough and nothing happened or you found out after something happened. Its up to you believe what she tells you. Best of luck and I hope it all works out for you two.

**ghettoboyd** · 07-12-2009, 04:48 AM

i personaly would be devestated cus besides love, trust is the most comforting aspect of a good marrage. good luck bro

**Bio-boosted** · 07-12-2009, 06:28 AM

I agree with most of the above, but at the same time - if, in her mind this was a totally innocent thing with no ulterior motive (tho praps not to the other guy's thinking) then she is allowed to have friends. Isn't she..?
If she was drifting towards another bloke then you've caught it in time, so you can work things out.
But if this was just an unimportant friendship then you made it look worse that it is, and you've been snooping..
Tricky..

**Matt** · 07-12-2009, 06:35 AM

Cut her throat....

**Western Man** · 07-12-2009, 06:37 AM

I'd be pissed. That whole facebook and myspace craze has been responsible for countless breakups.

**Mooseman33** · 07-12-2009, 07:45 AM

start stacking up dirt man..get the truth but let it play out.hire a P.I, then nail her ass and get custody bro....
either way, time to go see the lawer, sorry man

**Dont wanna be old** · 07-12-2009, 08:32 AM

That getting pissed is first reaction . I would sit back and think it over . Do you ever drop in and see her at work ? One of these nights drop in to say hi . After A while people become laxed in the behavior's . If you are going crazy , sit outside work and make sure she's alone . If thing's are bad , You can be patient enough to have a clear conscience by not leaving doubt's .

If things turn out bad , that good bye bitch , last time sex can be a blast !!

Good luck , I hope it's not what you think .

**energizer bunny** · 07-12-2009, 08:37 AM

I would most definatelys be pissed off..... how would she feel if it was the other way around??

**DSM4Life** · 07-12-2009, 10:03 AM

Originally Posted by hockeyguy

Ok so here is the situation guys. The wife used my work laptop one day and got on her facebook page. My computer saved her login so a few weeks after I thought I go on and her page and check it out. So I find in her inbox that she had been emailing this guy for about a month to a month and a half talking about all kinds off things. The shit that through me off the wall was she would be inviting him up to her work (bartender) twice a week. He would ask when she works next and she would give the times she will be there. She works 2-3 times a week and just aout every night she worked they would email that day and this would take place. Keep in mind this is not a family friend or someone I have met. We have been married for about 7 years now and I was always the type of guy that didn't care much about who she talked to. She says nothing happened but I don't know. All I know is I'm so pissed and I think the tren is playing with my mind but I feel like breaking you face. Would this piss you off or am I over reacting? Also I have not been very happy in the marriage for the past 5 years and she knows that but we have two kids and I can't imagine not seeing them every day.

First im sure you know you had no right to look into her inbox.

This is a tough call since all this info was taken out of context. Do you trust her ?

**hockeyguy** · 07-12-2009, 10:04 AM

I found this out about 1 month ago so we have talked and at first I played it relaxed but the more I think about I get pissed because of the disrepect level.
I'm not sure I trust her at this point maybenothing did happen but the fact that you would go and do something like that just isn't right. If it wasn't for having 2 kids her ass would be on the street.

**DSM4Life** · 07-12-2009, 10:09 AM

Originally Posted by hockeyguy

I found this out about 1 month ago so we have talked and at first I played it relaxed but the more I think about I get pissed because of the disrepect level.
I'm not sure I trust her at this point maybenothing did happen but the fact that you would go and do something like that just isn't right. If it wasn't for having 2 kids her ass would be on the street.

So why are you mad ? For the fact that she is hanging out with another guy or that she didnt tell you ?

**KatsMeow** · 07-12-2009, 10:10 AM

At the end of the day, you are going to be the one who is hurt, she broke your trust and she isn't even remorseful about it. In my opinion there shouldn't be anything to hide in a marriage, what else is there that you don't know about...

See what I'm saying? Damage has been done and she has to realize that so you guys can work on things

**hockeyguy** · 07-12-2009, 10:21 AM

DSM - I agree somewhat with not checking her inbox but we are married and lets say I hadn't what might of happened and how long would it have gone on for? Yes she can have friends but its a bit strange how she went about it. The way this all took place is a bit strange for her and not sure why it was kept a secret. I'm not the type of guy to turn my back on things like this as we do have a family but the trust thing has been broken and will take time to fix. I just wanted to see what other thought and I do appreciate the input from all. I'll see how things go over the next few month as we do have 7 year together.
Kats - Thanks for you input as it was nice to have a ladies point of few.

**Tambit24** · 07-12-2009, 10:39 AM

you shouldn't have said anything to her and hired a PI. Sucks that kids are involved. I too have two kids in an unhappy marrige. I would say try seeing a counselor for the two of you, but what is really gonna bring the trust back. It will always be in the back of your head. As for the in box, my wife has done it to me and I don't care cause I had nothing to hide. She shouldn't care either unless she is hiding stuff.

**F4iGuy** · 07-12-2009, 10:43 AM

Did she do something that made you feel you should look into her private inbox? I dunno man. Talk to her. Feel it out.

**beatango2008** · 07-12-2009, 11:06 AM

Originally Posted by DSM4Life

First im sure you know you had no right to look into her inbox.

This is a tough call since all this info was taken out of context. Do you trust her ?

Its his wife they are allowed to open up each others mail.

**Mike Dura** · 07-12-2009, 11:20 AM

you say you haven't been happy. What about her? Likely, she niether. So there's options of marraige counseling, open marraige, swinging, or seperation. have you ever cheated on her? Why not get your kicks?

***T-MOS*** · 07-12-2009, 11:31 AM

Even if she hasn't physically cheated on you with him, she IS already emotionally cheating WITH HIM !!! Whatever is wrong in the marriage, she is getting attention and her emotional needs met by interacting with this OTHER MAN !!! SHE IS CHEATING ON YOU....

so your choice is to find whats wrong and why you two are BOTH unhappy and fix it if you both want that , or part ways and let it be done !!

sorry man, been there done that.......and it sucks no matter which way it goes.....how can you trust her again if instead of going to you with what is bothering her she just takes the easy way out as SO MANY do and finds what she wants in the arms of another man????

**fit4ever** · 07-12-2009, 11:50 AM

This other man is not the problem. The problem resides underneath your own roof. She's obviously needing adventure in her life and she may not be getting it from you. That is the number 1 reason why a person would choose to pursue outside of the marriage. Your calling at this time is to fill whatever void that may exist within your marriage. Right now. You can't control this other guy, and honestly, you can't really control your wise. But what you can do is take ownership of yourself and your responsibilities and place your heart and trust into your marriage.

Good luck!

**beatango2008** · 07-12-2009, 11:50 AM

Originally Posted by T-MOS

Even if she hasn't physically cheated on you with him, she IS already emotionally cheating WITH HIM !!! Whatever is wrong in the marriage, she is getting attention and her emotional needs met by interacting with this OTHER MAN !!! SHE IS CHEATING ON YOU....

so your choice is to find whats wrong and why you two are BOTH unhappy and fix it if you both want that , or part ways and let it be done !!

sorry man, been there done that.......and it sucks no matter which way it goes.....how can you trust her again if instead of going to you with what is bothering her she just takes the easy way out as SO MANY do and finds what she wants in the arms of another man????

thats what I was thinking but couldnt put into words lol

**xavier_888888** · 07-12-2009, 11:56 AM

Sorry to hear man! I'll say be smart and protect yourself /asset now. Even if she says she did not sleep with that guy , how could you be shure that she is telling the truth if she is not honest enough to tell you about this guy in the first place.

Dont let emotions right now get in the way and be smart and pan your move to get away with this marriage. Trust me it would never be the same, even with counceling.

Good luck bro!

**fit4ever** · 07-12-2009, 11:58 AM

Originally Posted by hockeyguy

Also I have not been very happy in the marriage for the past 5 years and she knows that but we have two kids and I can't imagine not seeing them every day.

So you say that you've not been happy for a long time in your marriage? Well, I'm not a betting man but I'd be willing to bet that she'd say the very same thing. How do I know this? Because when you're unhappy, she gets neglected. And when she gets neglected, you basically become enemies which happen to live under the same roof.

Man, you're at a very pivotal point in both your life and in your marriage. You're either going to a) rebuild your marriage or b) lose your marriage. You must committ to either choice TODAY. You advertise that you "need" to keep the marriage intact so that you can see your kids. Understandable. But how often do your NEEDS prevail over your WANTS? Not too often. You have to find a WANT in your heart for your family. Because you didn't have those kids on your own and they need life representation from both you and your wife. And they need to see what a good marriage looks like because trust me, they'll remember how mommy and daddy coexisted when they get older.

**J431S** · 07-12-2009, 12:41 PM

it is time to turn the page, she obviously has don so. do it wisely though!

**WOLFCRAFT** · 07-12-2009, 01:05 PM

Kill kill kill

**xavier_888888** · 07-12-2009, 01:10 PM

OR..... Fvck her mom !! LMAO!

**Chode Logan** · 07-12-2009, 01:11 PM

OJ the shit out of her.

**Hunter** · 07-12-2009, 01:23 PM

Originally Posted by Mike Dura

you say you haven't been happy. What about her? Likely, she niether. So there's options of marraige counseling, open marraige, swinging, or seperation. have you ever cheated on her? Why not get your kicks?

Are you in highschool?

**Chode Logan** · 07-12-2009, 01:25 PM

The kids definitely complicate everything. Just have a serious talk to her and tell her it's a big deal to you.

**gsmavs15** · 07-12-2009, 02:15 PM

...........

**DSM4Life** · 07-12-2009, 02:16 PM

Originally Posted by T-MOS

Even if she hasn't physically cheated on you with him, she IS already emotionally cheating WITH HIM !!! Whatever is wrong in the marriage, she is getting attention and her emotional needs met by interacting with this OTHER MAN !!! SHE IS CHEATING ON YOU....

so your choice is to find whats wrong and why you two are BOTH unhappy and fix it if you both want that , or part ways and let it be done !!

sorry man, been there done that.......and it sucks no matter which way it goes.....how can you trust her again if instead of going to you with what is bothering her she just takes the easy way out as SO MANY do and finds what she wants in the arms of another man????

Wanna sleep over tonight ?

**gixxerboy1** · 07-12-2009, 02:22 PM

is it possible he was a big tipper at the bar and she was playing him.

**MACKATTACK** · 07-12-2009, 02:23 PM

Talk to her and have her login to facebook with you sitting there and you guys go over the messgaes TOGETHER. Ask her specific questions about each comment from her and him. What type of stuff were they talking about?? Sexual things? We need a little more info............

**alilswole** · 07-12-2009, 02:52 PM

Originally Posted by T-MOS

Even if she hasn't physically cheated on you with him, she IS already emotionally cheating WITH HIM !!! Whatever is wrong in the marriage, she is getting attention and her emotional needs met by interacting with this OTHER MAN !!! SHE IS CHEATING ON YOU....

so your choice is to find whats wrong and why you two are BOTH unhappy and fix it if you both want that , or part ways and let it be done !!

sorry man, been there done that.......and it sucks no matter which way it goes.....how can you trust her again if instead of going to you with what is bothering her she just takes the easy way out as SO MANY do and finds what she wants in the arms of another man????

x10 youve got a long road ahead

**l2elapse** · 07-12-2009, 02:57 PM

what exactly was said in the emails? is it sexual?

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