How would you feel

**gixxerboy1** · 09-04-2009, 11:01 PM

I lost my job making very good money a while ago. My wife and i we used to a certain lifestyle. I was working since but not making alot. I just started a new job making good money last week. But we are behind on some bills and haven't had much of a social life.
My wife spends alot on her girl shit (facials mani pedi and what not) Anyway she talked about working at another bar that i didnt want her to for more money. Anyway she told me tonight she went for an interview last week and tonight is her first night. I'm pissed. She wants to be able to pay for her shit and help with the bills. I pay all of them now.Then we can afford to do more things together. I understand her reasoning but am mad its behind my back.

**DOM6** · 09-04-2009, 11:14 PM

bartender? she is?

**gixxerboy1** · 09-04-2009, 11:22 PM

Originally Posted by DOM6

bartender? she is?

at this place. She waitress's at the other place that isn't paying enough. she wants to keep both jobs and work 3 days at the place I'm fine at and 1 or 2 at the other place.

**Fakey_AK** · 09-05-2009, 12:05 AM

Her intensions are good but it sucks she went behind your back. I'd be pissed too!

**fig** · 09-05-2009, 12:06 AM

Honestly, not one bit OK with it. I tend to be pretty possessive. Even if I truly think a girl won't cheat on me, I still don't like the idea of other guys hitting on her; let alone her willingly putting herself in that position. I'm sure she's trying to help out the best she can but I would hate every minute of it. I'd rather be poor.

**gixxerboy1** · 09-05-2009, 12:25 AM

Originally Posted by fig

Honestly, not one bit OK with it. I tend to be pretty possessive. Even if I truly think a girl won't cheat on me, I still don't like the idea of other guys hitting on her; let alone her willingly putting herself in that position. I'm sure she's trying to help out the best she can but I would hate every minute of it. I'd rather be poor.

my wife gets hit on all the time. There is nothing i can do about that. I'm pissed she kept it a secret. I would rather her told me she was doing it and me be mad then do it behind my back. I know her intentions are good and i trust her. but i don't like secrets.

also if it is better money i see her wanting to work there all the time. Why would she goto the other job and make half as much.

**jbm** · 09-05-2009, 12:49 AM

oh! that's a tough situation you got there...

**CHAP** · 09-05-2009, 01:09 AM

Sounds bad to me. You cannot be to controlling But you all have to work it out and come to some form of compromise.

Id start by talkin about her not telling you.

**gixxerboy1** · 09-05-2009, 01:11 AM

Originally Posted by CHAP

Sounds bad to me. You cannot be to controlling But you all have to work it out and come to some form of compromise.

Id start by talkin about her not telling you.

i agree. thats the worst part for me. I hate liars and secrets. She will be home in a few minutes and we are going to talk.

her intentions are good but thats not an excuse for me.

**CHAP** · 09-05-2009, 01:15 AM

Are you controlling? If so she may be wanting to get out of the house.

if she is walkin in from work wait til tomarrow. You get into it as soon as she walks in and you will not get any where.

Are yall having any problems?

How long have you been married?

**Flagg** · 09-05-2009, 01:39 AM

You kinda remind me of my brother in law.

Are you mad because she's gone against your wishes or simply because she is working.

See I know my brother in law loves my sister to bits but he seems to hate the thought of her working. He thinks he is more than capable and well off enough to work and for her to stay at home. Its good intentioned but I sometimes think its a tad controlling.

I dunno man, it seems pretty cool that she wants to help get you guys out your financial pickle. It's not like she's going to be doing this for the next 5 years is it?

**gixxerboy1** · 09-05-2009, 01:58 AM

Originally Posted by Flagg

You kinda remind me of my brother in law.

Are you mad because she's gone against your wishes or simply because she is working.

See I know my brother in law loves my sister to bits but he seems to hate the thought of her working. He thinks he is more than capable and well off enough to work and for her to stay at home. Its good intentioned but I sometimes think its a tad controlling.

I dunno man, it seems pretty cool that she wants to help get you guys out your financial pickle. It's not like she's going to be doing this for the next 5 years is it?

I don't mind her working. When we first got married she didn't the first couple months. But was bored sitting at home and wanted her own money for girl stuff. i have no problem with her working. She has been for almost a year. I dont want her at this place. The part that makes me really mad is she went for the interview and was going to start working there and not tell me. I don't like lies. If she would have said last week we need the money im going to this other bar even though you asked me not to, i would have been happier, at least she told me and talked to me about it.

i don't think I'm controlling. She say i am a little. But i tell her everything and keep no secrets. I talk to her for her opinion before i ever make a big decision. I expect the same. I think thats part of marriage

**XD40** · 09-05-2009, 02:04 AM

well bro my opinion is this: IF you trust her and believe she is solely doing it for the purpose of helping out then it would be kool with me. She went behind your back and didn't tell you because she was prolly scared you would force her not to go. If yall get have been gettn along and she is trustworthy dont be pissed bro, shes just tryn to help out a little it seems to me. Either way good luck bro.

**gixxerboy1** · 09-05-2009, 02:08 AM

Originally Posted by XD40

well bro my opinion is this: IF you trust her and believe she is solely doing it for the purpose of helping out then it would be kool with me. She went behind your back and didn't tell you because she was prolly scared you would force her not to go. If yall get have been gettn along and she is trustworthy dont be pissed bro, shes just tryn to help out a little it seems to me. Either way good luck bro.

i agree to a point, i've calmed down and she will be home in about 10 mins. and you are correct on why she didn't tell me but in my mind that isnt an excuse. Hopefully it will be a calm discussion. I know she isnt going to quit now, but there is going to be some things she will have to do to make me comfortable with her staying there. And if she isn't willing to compromise then apparently our marriage isnt that important.

**XD40** · 09-05-2009, 02:31 AM

ahhh bro....come on, your married not dating! you two have got to sit down and hammer a deal out. Its a simple obstacle you must over come. You tell her why your pissed (calmly) and listen to her reasoning, if it is substantial then you make a deal with her, tell her what she has to do to make it right with you. This is also where you throw in the stip that she MUST tell you when she does shit like this and "you wont be so mad @ her next time if she puts it on the table....ive been dating the same girl for 7 years bro. ive seen it all lol....just be calm and work it out together, Good luck man

**countrybhoy** · 09-05-2009, 03:36 AM

mate let the girl work . its great to see a girl want to help with the bills, most wanted looked after . my wife is the manager of a computer shop . her income makes a big difference to the way we live .

**kojak_x** · 09-05-2009, 06:06 AM

A women that doesn't want to work is nothing but lazy, and my god there are alot of them. First thing I ask when I meet a women is do you work. If so the conversation can continue.

**Charlie6** · 09-05-2009, 07:55 AM

how did the talk go bro?

This is a pickle indeed...I'm trying hard to place myself in your shoes. I can get a bit jealous sometimes too. You must trust. period.

**Cloe85** · 09-05-2009, 09:38 AM

i can understand you being upset. my husband would be pissed if i did something like that too. i can understand her wanting to make more money,... But, there has to be respect. If my husband was totally against me doing something, i wouldnt do it. but the same hold true for him as well.

and if she insists on going against your wishes, then let her know that she will have to tollerate you doing something against her wishes either now or sometime in the future. that will make her think twice.

good luck
Chloe

**Dont wanna be old** · 09-05-2009, 10:04 AM

Originally Posted by Charlie6

how did the talk go bro?

This is a pickle indeed...I'm trying hard to place myself in your shoes. I can get a bit jealous sometimes too. You must trust. period.

You can trust her for sure , YES !

Its the other jack asses you can't trust .

We are all going to end up at the same place one day .

You have to settle whatever is on your mind or it will eat you up .
You can agree to disagree , but there has to be a resolution to make a relationship last .

If she doesn't feel lucky to have you , There is someone that will .
Just keep that in mind.

Good luck , I know matters of the heart are heavy at times .

**TITANIUM** · 09-05-2009, 10:05 AM

I would be upset myself.

Talk to her and get into that regular debate thing that happens.

You kinda here how the whole conversation will sound like in your mind before it even takes place.

Let it go after that happens.

It's just a process.

Best

T

**DSM4Life** · 09-05-2009, 11:40 AM

What happened GIX ?

Sounds like you trust her but i def see your point about her going behind your back. Totally agree with you. Did you guys talk about it ?

**gixxerboy1** · 09-05-2009, 12:05 PM

We talked last night. She said she didnt tell me because how against it i was before. And she figured she try it first or see if she even got hired before we fought about it for no reason. She said she waited as long as she thought she could to see if my work picked up. We made some compromises about it. And if my new job is good enough she will quit this and just keep her old job instead of working both. I really feel her intentions are good and she agreed no more secrets even if its something I'm going to be mad at. I told her i would rather know and be mad then find out later and be mad and not trust her.

Hopefully it goes good and doesnt turn into anything.

**DSM4Life** · 09-05-2009, 12:06 PM

Originally Posted by gixxerboy1

We talked last night. She said she didnt tell me because how against it i was before. And she figured she try it first or see if she even got hired before we fought about it for no reason. She said she waited as long as she thought she could to see if my work picked up. We made some compromises about it. And if my new job is good enough she will quit this and just keep her old job instead of working both. I really feel her intentions are good and she agreed no more secrets even if its something I'm going to be mad at. I told her i would rather know and be mad then find out later and be mad and not trust her.

Hopefully it goes good and doesnt turn into anything.

Sounds like it was handled the correct way and things will be just fine.

**CHAP** · 09-05-2009, 12:24 PM

Originally Posted by DSM4Life

Sounds like it was handled the correct way and things will be just fine.

agreed . good job. Hope all works out.

**gixxerboy1** · 09-05-2009, 12:29 PM

Originally Posted by DSM4Life

Sounds like it was handled the correct way and things will be just fine.

I hope so. Because if not i'm done with women and moving in with you

**lovbyts** · 09-05-2009, 01:31 PM

Hopefully her intentions are good and she is not just money grubbing. If she is THAT consumed by money hopefully she doesn't go looking for greener pastures. It would be better if she cut back on those expensive little items.

**Immortal Soldier** · 09-05-2009, 01:37 PM

I say you tell her to be a stripper, if she is gonna work she better make some decent change no waitress, bartender bullshit. LOL

**MMArmour** · 09-05-2009, 02:30 PM

Good work man. Its easy for us men to sometimes fly off the handle when we feel disrespected and held out on by our gf/wives. Good patience.

**yannick35** · 09-05-2009, 02:50 PM

Originally Posted by gixxerboy1

I lost my job making very good money a while ago. My wife and i we used to a certain lifestyle. I was working since but not making alot. I just started a new job making good money last week. But we are behind on some bills and haven't had much of a social life.
My wife spends alot on her girl shit (facials mani pedi and what not) Anyway she talked about working at another bar that i didnt want her to for more money. Anyway she told me tonight she went for an interview last week and tonight is her first night. I'm pissed. She wants to be able to pay for her shit and help with the bills. I pay all of them now.Then we can afford to do more things together. I understand her reasoning but am mad its behind my back.

I would be pissed off to, i dont have a job right now, and back in school at 37 years old for a bit of an upgrade in networking security.

My girlfriend doesnt understand that i dont have the kind of money to go spend on stuff like i used to have when i worked, i have unemployement insurance but that will be over in January 2010.

Most of the time they don't seem to realize that and its really pissing me off too, and yes she also does things behind my back without me knowing it.

I am with you on this but i would also confront her with the situation and tell her how you feel about it.