relationship advice

**operationgetbig** · 10-23-2009, 11:06 AM

i need some honest relationship advice. i'm 24 years old goin out with a 22 year for almost 4 and half years. she's cheated on my once...maybe twice and i've cheated on her. we've tried to break up but always stay together. even at times when we we're broken up we were together. here's a comical article on maxim about the 5 stages of a relationship

http://www.maxim.com/humor/stupid-fu...tionships.html

im stuck in the last stage where im lookin up old girlfriends or girls i knew from high school on facebook tryin to get together with. i've got this one girl who's my age and is really cute who wants to go out soon. i havent lied to her about my gf...just omitted the info. what should i do. if i snuck around and met up with her it wouldnt be the first time i've done that.

**elpropiotorvic** · 10-23-2009, 11:11 AM

Go for it ... Sometimes omitting Is better... Also what are the goals... To just get some pvssy or relationship or piss the girlfriend off or what?

**calgarian** · 10-23-2009, 11:14 AM

.......I know ppl will give u a really long answer but I will keep it short and simple...get out of the relationship now..
u can always fvck around.......

**elpropiotorvic** · 10-23-2009, 11:19 AM

Cal can u send the poem? Sorry for the hijack

**higherdesire** · 10-23-2009, 11:24 AM

Very Nice comic. Oh and x2 on the get out now

**calgarian** · 10-23-2009, 11:25 AM

Originally Posted by elpropiotorvic

Cal can u send the poem? Sorry for the hijack

done bro......

**operationgetbig** · 10-23-2009, 11:30 AM

Originally Posted by elpropiotorvic

Go for it ... Sometimes omitting Is better... Also what are the goals... To just get some pvssy or relationship or piss the girlfriend off or what?

i've already pissed my gf off by cheating on her. she cheated first so as revenge i cheated on her just to see the look in her face when she found out. it was straight up boning a 19 year chick at a motel u pay for by the hour...this happened on multiple occasions.

i'm definately lookin for pvssy maybe more idk. maybe i just want my life back and have the excitement of dating someone new. i've been with the same girl since i was 20. i dont want to look back on my life and regret it. i'm still 24 so im closer to 20 then 30. i'm not good at breaking things off. plus my gf is kinda psycho and i might need a restraining order on her if i broke up with her. she has a hard time letting go.

***D7M*** · 10-23-2009, 11:31 AM

don't cheat on her. you two obviously have something unhealthy going on if you're cheating on each other and running back to each other.

just break it off for good, and go see that girl if you want to.

**MaNiCC** · 10-23-2009, 07:37 PM

ask Bojangles...... he's the man for this stuff

**Bojangles69** · 10-23-2009, 10:04 PM

Originally Posted by MaNiCC

ask Bojangles...... he's the man for this stuff

lol thanks buddy.

Anyone can read this but I wrote it for him..

**Bojangles69** · 10-23-2009, 10:05 PM

Originally Posted by operation******

i need some honest relationship advice. i'm 24 years old goin out with a 22 year for almost 4 and half years. she's cheated on my once...maybe twice and i've cheated on her. we've tried to break up but always stay together. even at times when we we're broken up we were together. here's a comical article on maxim about the 5 stages of a relationship

http://www.maxim.com/humor/stupid-fu...tionships.html

im stuck in the last stage where im lookin up old girlfriends or girls i knew from high school on facebook tryin to get together with. i've got this one girl who's my age and is really cute who wants to go out soon. i havent lied to her about my gf...just omitted the info. what should i do. if i snuck around and met up with her it wouldnt be the first time i've done that.

Its one thing to say neither of you have any self esteem its another thing to explain why.

I can come into these threads and regurgitate what other guys have said like “you need to get out of the relationship” but to me that has no meaning. Great, so you break up with her then what happens?
You wind up in a relationship just like this one asking the same question in 4 years.
And only because I’m honest, me typing a page of psychobabble is EQUALLY as meaningless.
The fact is most guys wind up right back into the situations they were already in, and just go on tolerating it.
So my posts functionally serve as nothing more then me putting a mirror in front of your face. It’s up to you to decide if the reflection you see will be enough to uproot and reinstill a new set of behaviors.

First let me describe the basic traits a person with self esteem possesses:

People with self esteem live purposefully.
They have goals, direction, and the action needed to attain those goals.

People with self esteem have integrity.
What they say is what they do, they don’t go back on their word, they don’t make exceptions, they have values that they are congruent with in their behavior, and they never settle for less.

People with self esteem are responsible.
They realize that they are the dictators of their own life. They accept the harsh truths of reality and assertively seek to use these truths as advantages. They know and understand that they can’t accomplish all they desire under their own accord, and they are willing to accept the advice of other people and use that to improve the quality of their own lives.

There is A LOT of specific traits HSE people possess, but this should outline enough to make my point.

Now onto you.
Your GF cheating on you does not = you having LSE
You forgiving her does not = you having LSE

You cheating on her DOES = you having LSE.
Why?

Because the LAST thing a person with HSE would EVER want to do, is create a propensity for MORE problems in their life when they know there are very fundamental ways to avoid those problems in the first place. You ever hear the saying “an eye for an eye leaves everyone blind”? That’s not just a saying it’s very true. You only enabled an already crippled dynamic further by doing that.

Another problem.
You CAN NOT “try” to break up. Breaking up is something you either do or don’t. And the reason you can’t try is because it takes 2 words to do, “its over”, and then you NEVER look back. If you say “its over”, and you stay with her, you never “tried” anything.

So what you’re really saying is I BROKE UP with her, but I tried to stay apart and couldn’t do it. This is not about semantics it’s about using the right words so you end up in the right places. Not being able to stay away from someone is another mark of LSE. No matter what kind of relationship, partners ALWAYS quell each others issues, the problem is with LSE people, that quelling manifests in the form of blinding them to their own insecurities.
Or in layman’s terms, when you’re apart from her you FEEL and REALIZE how low your self esteem is, and you can’t deal with that so you guys run right back to each other.

The ONLY concept you need to grasp from all of that is that you just have LSE. That’s step 1.

Step 2 is choices.

Realize, if you make the choice to stay with her it’s near impossible that your self esteem will improve. And the reason I say this is not because of you, its because she most likely has LSE too, and even if you DID become a little more confident in yourself, the relationship itself will devour that confidence whole. LSE led to this relationship and this relationship is only going to lead to more LSE.

So the choice you make first is to end the relationship.
All the choices you make after that are going to be YOUR responsibility, no man can hold your hand through this. That is WHY before you break up, you integrate resources into your life. If you think you might need to see a therapist, make the phone call now.
If you think you’re going to need to start hanging out with your buddies, call them now.
The POINT is, you need to bring EVERYTHING into your life that will help keep you broken up EXCEPT her. If the resources are strong enough you will make it. And if you need, make a list of resources, there is thousands of them.
If you go hooking up with other girls there is the chance of a rebound, you will wind up in a relationship and because you’re still LSE, the relationship you create will be one of LSE.

So no rebounds, and also no drugs & alcohol (should go w/out saying lol)
But this is a basic outline of where you need to start. You have to prepare for the break up long before it happens if you plan on making it through. (that’s not true for HSE people) When you get to the other side is when you need to start modeling the behaviors of HSE people for some while. And it can take years before your paradigm actually begins to shift into the focus of an actual HSE person. I know this sounds like a lot, and IT IS, and you’re prob thinking its not worth it. But I can’t convince you that it is, that’s not my job. You just need to look in that mirror and decide whether you want the rest of your life to look like the reflection you see now, or you can change, your choice. The fact is most people don’t change, and that gives your own life a gloomy forecast, but either way, don’t make a big deal about it. I don’t believe in “grabbing the bull by the horns”, I think a casual calculated approach is always the best way. It makes it much easier to stay on track. And if years pass, and you’re still in this relationship and hating it, don’t beat yourself up. Sometimes people do literally just wake up one day I just can’t tell you when that day will be for you. You have the option to try now you just CAN NOT get down yourself if you do fail. And the reason why is simple, that’s what LSE people do and that’s what you’re trying to avoid.

g/luck! - Bo

**CHAP** · 10-23-2009, 10:09 PM

Originally Posted by higherdesire

Very Nice comic. Oh and x2 on the get out now

I agree get the hell out and move on.

**Friend** · 10-23-2009, 10:35 PM

Your girlfriend is a whore bro

**grinchinit** · 10-23-2009, 10:59 PM

bojangles ur the man lol i really enjoyed reading that i got some problems too if you want some practice analyzng stuff lol

**operationgetbig** · 10-24-2009, 07:58 AM

thanks bojangles. me and my gf definately have low self esteem issues. im gonna take a few days to think about everything then if i choose to break up i'll do everything i can not to look back. being with someone for almost 5 years, it's tough to let go...at least for me. no matter how shitty that person is for me.

**DSM4Life** · 10-24-2009, 09:20 AM

Both cheating ? get out.

**operationgetbig** · 10-24-2009, 12:54 PM

Originally Posted by DSM4Life

Both cheating ? get out.

she hasnt in about a year and a half. the last time i did was in april this year. i believe she wont again but i dont think it even matters. it's never gonna be the same between us. i dont know i didnt break up with her on the spot when i found out she cheated...woulda been easier cause she knew she would have deserved it.

if i do it now should i just say that i thought it could work but im never gonna let go of the past and will always have trust issues. i dont wanna really waste more of her time cause she could be finding someone else. i feel like i wasted a year and a half of mine and her life cause deep down i knew it would never last.

**stpete** · 10-24-2009, 01:58 PM

Why have her around if you're talking to and thinking about going out with someone else? Just let her go.

**JK-87** · 10-24-2009, 02:24 PM

I stopped reading at the ''she cheated i cheated part'' . . .almost the beginning. Mate get rid and start over.

**operationgetbig** · 10-24-2009, 02:27 PM

Originally Posted by stpete

Why have her around if you're talking to and thinking about going out with someone else? Just let her go.

it's kinda screwed up but i think im afraid to be alone. i've always bounced from one girl to another with little time in between. basically since i was 17. i dont think i'll ever be satisfied so i doubt that i'll ever not think about being with someone else when im with someone.

**JK-87** · 10-24-2009, 02:31 PM

Get rid / get your self into a routine to take your mind of being alone / up your social life and dont think about getting with someone. If your not looking for it, it will come when you least expect it. Iv bin there mate

**Cloe85** · 10-24-2009, 03:28 PM

Originally Posted by stpete

Why have her around if you're talking to and thinking about going out with someone else? Just let her go.

^^^x2

**kittygobam** · 10-24-2009, 04:00 PM

Originally Posted by operation******

it's kinda screwed up but i think im afraid to be alone. i've always bounced from one girl to another with little time in between. basically since i was 17. i dont think i'll ever be satisfied so i doubt that i'll ever not think about being with someone else when im with someone.

You may not want to be alone, but you need to learn how. At first i can guarantee that it sucks hardcore. but with time, its wonderful.

i was serial dater for about 5 years and i met a guy that (i thought) was great and we dated for about 2 years. turns out he was a POS and slept with my 2 best friends.

after i left him i never looked back. and the first 2 months were the worst. but i forced myself to go out and meet people and after 3 months of partying....i didnt want it stop!

you have to learn to be alone, and you need to learn to depend on yourself. because ultimately, you are all you have.

dump that whore and get a hobby, keep yourself busy. meet new people, **** around, party, do whatever. but dont get back with her.

**fig** · 10-26-2009, 06:13 PM

Get out. It will end eventually, just get it out of the way now while you're young and can still meet someone easily.

**Panzerfaust** · 10-26-2009, 06:15 PM

I stopped reading at "she cheated on me once"

Dump the bitch...

/thread

**energizer bunny** · 10-27-2009, 05:10 AM

End It......no good will come of it...been there done that...once the trust is broken itl never be fixed...

**DSM4Life** · 10-27-2009, 05:12 AM

Originally Posted by operation******

she hasnt in about a year and a half. the last time i did was in april this year. i believe she wont again but i dont think it even matters. it's never gonna be the same between us. i dont know i didnt break up with her on the spot when i found out she cheated...woulda been easier cause she knew she would have deserved it.

if i do it now should i just say that i thought it could work but im never gonna let go of the past and will always have trust issues. i dont wanna really waste more of her time cause she could be finding someone else. i feel like i wasted a year and a half of mine and her life cause deep down i knew it would never last.

Listen man, guys need to get this through their heads; IF A GIRL CHEATS SHE DOESN'T LOVE YOU !

I don't know why this is so hard to understand.